"No." Cas said sternly, taking the bottle out of Dean's hand. "Plane or not, you need to stop drinking this stuff. It's horrible for your liver, honey."
"So?" Dean snorted, reaching for the bottle.
"No. Vodka." Cas stated. "Go get in bed or stay on the couch if you want and go to sleep. You're exhausted. I'll even come lay down with you if you want."
"Fine. But you have to come too." Dean sighed, grabbing Cas's hand and leading him back.
"Gladly." Cas smiled, over-eager to have more time with Dean before it was back to the daily grind of being blown off and ignored, Dean choosing an auto shop over him.
Dean hastily stripped down to boxers and fell back on the bed.
"I'm proud of you." Cas smirked. "Finally a plane flight without alcohol."
"I better not die." Dean muttered, waiting for Cas to disrobe himself.
"You won't." Cas replied, getting into the bed and kissing Dean's forehead. "Now go the fuck to sleep."
"You're so kind." Dean laughed, placing a gentle kiss onto Cas's lips.
Cas smiled and kissed him back, Dean placing his hands on Cas's chest and then moving them around to his back.
"You need to sleep baby. That's the only reason I got in this bed with you." Cas said, stroking Dean's cheek with the back of his hand. "Go the fuck to sleep."
"Fine." Dean yawned.
"See, you're exhausted. Even with all that caffeine flowing through those veins of yours. I wonder if you'd come cappuccino?" Cas mused.
"Want to find out?" Dean snickered.
"No. Go to sleep." Cas laughed. "We'll find out another time."
"Promise?" Dean asked.
"Promise, you pervert." Cas smiled, slinking down further into the covers and rolling Dean over onto his side.
"Good." Dean grinned, looking over his shoulder as Cas pulled the two of them closer and twined their fingers together.
Dean sighed and adjusted himself so he was comfortable. Within moments, he was fast asleep and it was in that moment that Cas realized something: He'd forged a marriage certificate and sent a man to the hospital. Dean was upset - fuming. Yet, you couldn't tell. He was still trying his hardest to make things seem okay and to make Cas feel loved, even if he didn't. And in that moment, Cas thought to himself, "Maybe he still cares. Maybe he does."
OoO
Dean and Cas woke up at roughly the same time as the plane was preparing to descend. Dean had slept the whole flight through and Cas just snuggled beneath the blankets against Dean and fell asleep at some point, but got a nice 10 hours sleep. Dean was the first to wake up though. It made him warm and fluttery inside to see Cas curled up against him, relaxed and content to be lost in Dean - just like they used to do every night. But not anymore though. Dean would head to bed early because of work and then Cas would just join him eventually, but Dean would normally be closed off into himself and Cas would end up feeling more like he was sleeping alone than with someone he loved. And instantly, Dean realized how much he missed this. He missed feeling his boyfriend tangled around him, his warm breath against his chest and his arm slung over Dean's waist. He missed lazy mornings with Cas, laughing and kissing and screwing around with him. He missed the nights they had alone together, where it felt like they were the only people in the world, moving against each other, moaning into the other's neck. Most of all, he just missed knowing Cas, being involved in his life, watching his face light up as he talked about something passionate, helping him as he asked for assistance in some weird task - feeding the kittens, dressing up the kittens -, or just being a sounding board for Cas to rant about how the latest plot twist on his TV show was utter bullshit. And the only thought that was crossing Dean's mind was, "To hell with all of this. I want my Cas back."
At that point the 'stewardess' came back and quietly told Dean he needed to wake Cas up and get buckled in so they could land.
"Cas baby." He said softly, shaking his shoulder. "Time to wake up."
Cas groaned quietly and opened his eyes, smiling up at Dean.
"Sleep well?" Dean smiled.
"Mhm." Cas sighed, nodding and snuggling deeper into Dean's embrace.
"Gotta get up. We're landing."
"Okay." Cas replied, shutting his eyes again for a moment and sighing.
"You're so beautiful, Cas." Dean breathed, kissing the top of Cas's forehead.
"Thanks." Cas laughed. "You're slightly attractive, too."
"I think I'm a little more than slightly."
"You're an 11." Cas stated.
"You're cute." Dean laughed, tussling Cas's hair and sitting up, dragging Cas with him. Cas just rested against Dean, face nuzzled into the side of Dean's neck. "Come on. Gotta get up. Captain's orders."
"I fly often, Dean. I know the captain's orders." Cas chuckled, forcing himself to let go of Dean and wake up.
The plane landed safely and the whole car ride home, Dean and Cas smothered each other in desperate affections, gently kissing and stroking and caressing each other.
"Honey, I'm home!" Dean called, closing the door behind him.
"You two! Up here! Now!" Sam ordered.
"Oh boy." Dean muttered, Cas standing there hugging his side.
"Now." Sam repeated.
Dean sighed loudly and wrapped his arm around Cas's side. "Fine."
Dean and Cas dragged each other to the top of the stairs where Sam was waiting.
"Sit." He ordered, pointing to a table he had placed in Dean and Cas's room with two chairs on one side and one on the other.
Dean and Cas gave each other a wary look as they sat down side by side, Sam sitting across from them.
"Cas, first things first give me the marriage papers." Sam said.
"I don't have them." Cas replied.
"They're somewhere in my suitcase." Dean stated.
"Why?" Cas asked.
"Because until you two aren't a complete hot mess, you aren't getting them back." Sam answered. "Besides, it's not like they're real anyways."
"Fair." Cas sighed.
"Now, Dean."
"Oh boy." Dean muttered.
"I know that everyone has been telling you to tell Cas something for a while. And I've given you your ultimatum here. So now it's time to pay up. You tell him right now or I will." Sam ordered.
"Well that's convenient considering I was planning to tonight." Dean chuckled bitterly.
"Really?" Sam raised his eyebrows at him.
"Really." Dean said.
"Well then get on with it." Cas frowned. "It's not like I haven't known you were hiding something."
"You gotta- Just promise you won't get mad, okay?" Dean asked.
"I could promise that, but then if you were having orgies with my brothers then that's promising that I'm not allowed to be mad." Cas mused.
"Okay then. I'm not having orgies with your brothers." Dean laughed.
"I don't know that for a fact." Cas stated.
"Cas, he's not having orgies with your brothers. And Dean, would you stop being a pissbaby and tell him?" Sam groaned.
"I'm not being a pissbaby." Dean argued.
"Then grow a pair and prove it." Sam replied.
Cas turned back to Dean expectantly and Dean looked back in return and took a deep breath.
"Okay so you know how when I was in high school, I got those two girls pregnant?"
Cas nodded. "Lisa and Cassie right?"
"Right." Dean sighed and began speaking slow with hesitations. "Well, while you were away, I got back together with Lisa and we started seeing each other and then she got pregnant again."
Cas nodded once more.
"We had a little girl together - precious thing she is. And then…we got married." Dean hissed.
"Married?" Cas asked quietly.
"And then divorced." Dean added.
"Married?" Cas repeated.
"Divorced." Dean smiled warily.
"You jump down my ass about me having fake marriage documents, when you were completely hiding the fact that you had real ones. That's a little hypocritical, don't you think?" Cas scowled.
"Yeah." Dean grimaced.
"And what kind of person doesn't tell their significant other about getting married?"
"And…you're mad." Dean winced.
"Mad? Yes. I'm really fucking mad, Dean. If you'd just told me from the start, I wouldn't care. Because this isn't about the part where you got married. This is about the fact that you didn't tell me! That you didn't trust me! That you didn't want me to know!"
"It's not like that." Dean said.
"Well then tell me, what's it like Dean?" Cas growled. "Because to me it looks like you didn't want me to know that you weren't the perfect little boyfriend."
"No, Cas. I made a mistake. A big one. And I don't want that to be any part of my life anymore. I wish I'd never married her in the first place!" Dean yelled.
"Yes but it doesn't change that it's a large part of who you are now! And that means that you were just closing off a giant piece of yourself because you didn't like it! And I can promise you right now that if I wanted a perfect boyfriend, I could have one, but instead I'm here with you with your brother stepping in as a relationship counselor!"
"Cas, I'm sorry." Dean choked. "I only didn't want to tell you because I knew it would hurt you."
"No, Dean. I would've give a shit. You fucked up. You made a mistake. But you moved past it. And I wasn't even there. Who could blame you for doing something out of the fear that you're going to be alone because you don't know if I'm ever coming back? That's not something I can hold against you, and I would've never held that against you had you told me about it. But you didn't tell me. And that's the problem."
"I'm sorry." Dean repeated.
"I don't care how sorry you are. You can take your sorry and shove it up your ass." Cas snarled.
"But I didn't leave her, Cas. She left me." Dean whimpered, trying not to cry.
"So you still love her." Cas scoffed.
"No. I never loved her. But I didn't want our relationship to end." Dean replied. "She was a constant, she was there for me, she provided support, but I would have left her the second I knew you were coming back. And I only married her so I couldn't lose her."
"So you married her for the same reason I forged incomplete marriage papers?" Cas looked at him.
Dean nodded, bottom lip trembling. "I just needed someone, Cas. It's no different than you having all that meaningless sex. You were lonely. You needed someone."
"That was meaningless sex." Cas deadpanned.
"This was a meaningless marriage." Dean said.
"Obviously not if you still want to be in a relationship with her." Cas sighed.
"But I don't. I don't need anyone anymore. I have you now. And you are all I need. You, Cas!" Dean cried, his words sounding more like pleas.
"So I take it this is where you've been every time you said you were at work?" Cas asked.
"No I've actually been at work." Dean replied. "Because I actually do need the money."
"Why? If you're coughing up the full truth right now, I want it all." Cas stated.
"Child support."
"Did it go up or something? Are you really behind? What's with this increase in work hours, Dean?" Cas demanded.
"No. Lisa ordered a paternity test for her first son and of course it was mine so now I have to pay two loads of child support and I can't afford that. But I love my kids and I'm trying to pay as much of that as I can."
"Oh." Cas breathed, a small bit of anger leaving his face.
"Alright, Cas." Sam said. "Dean tell you everything you want to know?"
"Yeah." Cas muttered.
"Well I'm sensing a bit of tension here so why don't you two hug it out?" Sam suggested.
Cas glared daggers at Sam and was about to scoff in protest, but before he could do anything, Dean had his arms wrapped around him and began sobbing into his neck a slur of "I'm sorry, Cas." over and over again. Cas sat still and Sam frowned disappointedly at him. Cas sighed dramatically and tentatively hugged Dean back.
"There." Cas huffed, prying Dean off him and violently standing up. "I'm through here." He hurried out the room and then took off running down the hallway until he reached the room at the end. He pushed open the doors to the outside and leaned off the balcony, breathing heavy. He forced tears back as he hung his head, bent over the balcony fence.
Dean turned in early that night like usual, but he didn't have work tomorrow. He just wanted to avoid the guilt he'd get when Cas crawled in next to him - if Cas even was going to anytime soon. And Cas did, but Dean was long since asleep. Sometime in the night, they'd wound up snuggled into each other, legs tangle together and faces resting side by side. Cas woke up in the middle of the night needing to use the bathroom, but forgot about it when he noticed that he and Dean were embracing each other in their sleep. He instantly broke down crying, all of his anger and heartbreak and confusion finally coming out. He instantly woke Dean and Dean wasn't even sure what to do. He tried to console Cas but the second he began to stroke his arm, Cas shoved him abruptly away.
"Cas-" He began.
"Leave me alone!" Cas shouted, pulling the blankets over his head and sobbing.
"Cas…" Dean sighed, sliding under the covers towards his boyfriend.
"Get away from me!" Cas yelled, swatting his hands in Dean's direction.
Dean cried out as one of Cas's palms smashed into his nose.
"Sorry." Cas muttered, curling in on himself.
Dean softly put his hand on Cas's shoulder, but Cas immediately flew away from him so far he tumbled the floor.
"I said leave me alone!" He sobbed, burying his face in his hands.
"What's wrong?" Dean asked, that guilt he'd wanted to avoid before hitting him hard.
"What's wrong?" Cas laughed sarcastically. "What isn't?"
"This is about me, isn't it?" Dean sighed.
"Damn right it's about you! Everything's about you! All you think about is yourself, Dean! You just do whatever you want without thinking how it'll hurt others!" Cas choked. "How can you be such a mindless, selfish dick about everything?"
"Cas, I said-"
"I don't give a fuck what you said, Dean!" Cas scowled. "Because right now, the saying actions speak louder than words is more than accurate."
"And if I knew not telling you would have pissed you off this much, then I would have told you as soon as I had the chance." Dean replied.
"Pissed. Is that what you think I am?" Cas scoffed. "I'm pissed at you all the time! What I am now, is hurt beyond belief! Because I don't understand how the man I love can hide something this big from me. Because I don't understand how my best friend could help him! Because I don't get all of this and all I want is for you and I to be happy, Dean!"
"Cas I never meant to hurt you." Dean breathed.
"Well you did!" Cas argued, standing up off the ground. "A lot. So fuck you."
"Where are you going?" Dean asked as Cas headed to the door.
"To go sleep with Sam." Cas said dryly.
"Right." Dean grumbled, Cas slamming the bedroom door.
The next morning, Dean was getting ready to leave for work. He had all his things together and walked down the hallway towards the stairs. Sam's bedroom door was open - which was unusual for him. Dean glanced in and saw Sam practically spooning Cas and Jess was hugging Cas as well.
"Well I'll be damned." Dean sighed. "Fucker wasn't kidding."
Dean tried to be annoyed, but he couldn't. He couldn't will himself to be annoyed, irritated, or upset. Because he had no right at all to be.
A/N: Sorry I've still been horribly shitty about publishing near anything. My head problems are getting worse and hopefully I'll be seeing a neuro-psych guy soon who can help make some headway on my memory loss. But until then I'm gonna continue to have the hardest time ever remembering what I even wrote in my own stories and where I was going with certain parts and blech. Anyways, I didn't think I'd get this up tonight, but I did. I have a con tomorrow and this weekend so I don't know when I'll be able to get the next update up, but hopefully soon.
