well i hope you enjoy this and don't get too mad at me. i think the fluff will be back in the next one.
( oh yeah the only thing i could think of for this was waiting for the bus eh-heh so i asked a friend who said waiting for things to change...i think i did a decent job of joining them )
Theme 55: Waiting
Rating: T
I'm Waiting & I'm Sorry
" Lily…it's cold out here what are you doing? Come back inside." James' breath clouded in the frosty air, as he tucked his hands into his underarms and stamped his feet. Lily sat on the curb and didn't look up. She sniffled hard and let out her own condensed breath.
" I'm waiting," she said, her voice lodged with emotion. Her hands were a startling white colour, on her raised knees. She had her wand tucked under her right palm and James wasn't going to risk approaching her further, when she was so obviously unhappy with him.
They'd just had a spectacular row in their new cottage and she'd left in a huff, stomping the entire way and slamming the door behind her. He knew he was acting a bit immature, but surely Lily could see they were both still teenagers, he needed his privacy sometimes, his own space.
" Waiting for what?" he asked looking around to see if anyone was peeking out of their windows at them. It wouldn't do to have the ministry swooping in on a muggle witnessing Lily hexing him. She rubbed her hand roughly against her cheeks and under her nose.
" It's private," she hissed, mocking his words he'd just spoken to her. Gritting his teeth he took a calming breath. Here he was, trying to work things out and she was just bristling defensively at his olive branch. He barely noticed her fingers tightening on her wand's handle.
" Hark, now who's being immature," he sighed shuffling into the vacant curb beside her. He heard her annoyed sigh, as she twisted her face away from his viewing. Rubbing his hands together and ignoring the new cold seeping through the seat of his pants, he tried again.
" Don't-don't be like this," he said sorrowfully, looking at the clogged sewer drain across the street. He felt like one of those orange-brown leaves, stuck in frozen mud, vainly twisting in the wind to get free.
" I can be like this if I want!" her voice reached a crescendo before she took a new breath, " I'm tired of it James, I'm tired of waiting," the finality in her voice chilled James more than the weather. He opened his mouth to once again ask what she was waiting for, but she supplied the answer before he could speak.
" I can't wait for you forever. I know that sounds absolutely – bollocks for lack of a better word but, I can't. I can't wait like you can James." She sniffled again and shook her hair out of her face. James drew his own legs up and copied her position.
" Wait? I- I'm - I don't know what that means," he said softly, his brows knitting together in thought. Lily gave a high-pitched sigh, as her shoulders slumped.
" I know," her voice was just as high and she shook her head again, " you've no idea what I'm talking about, that's part of the problem! I don't blame you really, you're…just a boy." She slumped her cheek into her fist.
" Boy? Lily-" James bristled himself. He was a man; obviously Lily meant business.
" Yes James, a boy. A boy who likes to play jokes, and keep secrets and buy cottages to shag and not take responsibility for." She said for the first time turning to him with meaning in her eyes. His breath caught in his throat, was she really as right as she sounded?
She turned away with another sigh and looked to the end of the road again. " I'm tired of waiting for you to take some initiative, to grow up. We aren't in Hogwarts anymore, there's no one to copy your homework from, there isn't always someplace to go to, and practical jokes will not earn you popularity." She chided him as his own fingers traced the seams of his denim trousers. Up and down, back and forth, the rhythm soothed him.
" I know," he whispered. Lily shifted minutely, just enough to let him know she was still listening, " I know we aren't in Hogwarts anymore. People are getting killed every day, I meet murderers, and I lock them up." He whispered more to himself now, " I just don't want to think about it anymore, I don't want to be serious when what I do all day is console broken families. People like you and me, normal, good, healthy people attacked for virtually no reason…I just can't…deal with it all the time," he bit out, his words becoming more and more forced.
" So I'm sorry Lily, for being too immature for you. I'm sorry for not taking initiative, and I know what that means really. You want to get married, and no matter how you hint and bribe I'm just too thick to get it. I'm too much of a 'boy' to be considering the fact that starting a family could mean the potential death of both of us and others. I'm sorry for keeping secrets, I didn't want you to join the Order of The Phoenix because it's dangerous. And, what if we did get married, where would we be then?" He voiced all of this lightheartedly, never taking his gaze away from the struggling and matted leaves in the drain. " A target?" he whispered.
Lily's hand rested heavily on his arm and he just blinked his dry eyes in the cold air. Stinging warmth flooded tears into his eyes, he didn't dare look at Lily now. " I'm sorry for thinking that maybe you'd understand, that maybe I didn't have to say everything. For assuming you knew." He finished in a low voice.
" James," she whispered, but he raised his wand. A loud bang signaled the purple arrival of the Knight Bus. They both stood to get out of the way. Lily faced James in confusion. He backed away from her slowly.
Finally, as she was about to call his name again, he leveled his gaze with hers once more.
" And I'm sorry to have kept you waiting,"
His words were low, and she barely caught them over the puttering engine beside her. Sensing she was now unwelcome she stepped on to the bus.
