Oh my god, I swear, I have the wittiest and funniest reviewers ever. You guys are all so awesome! :D Thank you for 300 reviews :) xx
**I've tried to briefly explain how to play Cluedo for this chapter, but if you're still confused, you can find simplified instructions online. Hopefully you'll still understand the chapter, though! :)
This is the last update for a couple of weeks, as I'll be doing my stupid exams. Yay. So, I've made this chapter a long one. :D
Valkyrie's 17
Valkyrie put the Cluedo box on the table, and stood back, waiting for the reactions of the Dead Men, who were sitting around her dining table in the mansion. So bored were they that they were having a games night, as suggested by Valkyrie. And first, it seemed, would be Cluedo. All eyes looked first at the box, then at her. She grinned.
"Let's play!" she insisted eagerly. The others hesitantly nodded.
"Just one question," Skulduggery said. "How do you play... Cloo-edo?"
Valkyrie couldn't help it, she just had to laugh at Skulduggery's pathetic pronunciation of the game's name.
"Firstly," she giggled, "it's Cloo-do, not Cloo-edo. Secondly, it is so easy even Erskine will get the hang of it."
"Yup, even me," Erskine said, then, "wait, was that an insult or a compliment?"
Valkyrie opened the box and laid out the game board. She took six small playing pieces, each a different colour.
"So, each of you choose a colour, and that will represent you as you move around the board. There are only six, so two of you will have to double up..."
"I don't mind," said Anton.
"You can work with me, then," Ghastly offered, knowing that Anton would probably rather hang himself than work in a pair with Saracen, Dexter or Erskine. And Valkyrie and Skulduggery were notoriously competitive- no one wanted to get in the way of that.
"Thanks," Anton said. "What colour should we be?"
"Green?" suggested Ghastly. "My favourite colour," he added. Valkyrie handed him the green piece.
"Your character's name is Reverend Green," she told them. "I'll be Miss Scarlett, the red one." She picked up the red piece, and held it in her hand.
"I'll be blue," Erskine said. "What's my character's name?"
"Mrs Peacock," Valkyrie told him. Erskine pulled a face. "Mrs? You mean I'm a woman?"
She nodded, grinning. "Who wants white?"
"Me," said Dexter, taking the white piece. "You're Mrs White," Valkyrie said.
Saracen laughed. "You know what white means, Dex? Surrender! You're a weakling!"
Dexter rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Rue. Who are you?"
"The purple one," Saracen said, taking the purple piece. "What's this one called, Val? Is it as stupid as Dexter's white flag of surrender?"
"That one's Professor Plum," Valkyrie said. Saracen's face fell, and Dexter laughed at him.
"Haha! That was meant for you, Saracen! You look like a plum, too!"
Saracen stuck his hand out with the plum piece in it. "Trade," he demanded. Dexter shook his head. Skulduggery snatched up the final piece before Saracen could swap it.
"What's this one called?" asked Skulduggery, holding up a yellow piece.
"Skulduggery Pleasant, you are Colonel Mustard," Valkyrie proclaimed. Dexter and Saracen looked at each other. "Okay, he has the most ridiculous one," said Saracen, and Dexter nodded his agreement.
"Now," Valkyrie said, "put your pieces on the correct starting space on the board- the space that's the same colour as your piece."
There was a small scuffle as everyone reached over the board to find their correct starting places, and moved into a suitable place so they didn't have to keep reaching over everyone else.
Valkyrie quickly explained the rules to them, then sorted out the cards. She placed three random ones face down in the middle (one suspect, one weapon and one room) and shuffled the rest, giving each of them an equal amount of three cards each. She also gave them a pen and paper. "Use this to make notes."
She put two dice on the table. "Usually you use one die, but to speed things along, we'll use two," she explained. "I'll start."
She rolled the dice. A one and a three, making four. She moved four spaces. "I can't ask a question yet, because I'm not in a room. Your go, Skulduggery."
Skulduggery rolled the dice. Four and six, making ten. He moved ten spaces, entering the Dining Room. "You can ask a question now, Skul," Valkyrie told him. "Remember, it has to be about the room you're in, and remember that you're trying to work out which three cards are in the middle."
Skulduggery studied his list for a moment, then looked up, his skeletal gaze moving across the board. "But I've already got the dining room! I don't want to ask about it!" he complained. The others hastily ticked 'Dining Room' off on their lists.
Ghastly shook his head. "You've just revealed one of your cards. Now we know that it's not the murder room, dimwit."
Skulduggery crossed his arms. "Please stop interfering in my turn. And stop cheating- you didn't have to cross Dining Room off on your lists!"
"Skulduggery, please just ask something," Anton said wearily.
Skulduggery stared at Dexter for a moment. Then, all of a sudden, he drew his gun and pointed it at Dexter. "Was it Mrs Peacock, with the revolver, in the dining room, Dexter?"
"SKULDUGGERY!" shouted the others.
Skulduggery looked at them. "What?"
"Put your gun away!" Valkyrie exclaimed.
Skulduggery tilted his head. "But it's in the rules..."
"Oh my god, you don't use a real gun to accuse someone, you just do it verbally," Valkyrie said, rubbing her temples.
Skulduggery huffed. "I haven't broken any of the rules," he said indignantly. "I mentioned a suspect, a weapon and a place, and I only asked about the room that I was in. I even took the care to ask the idiot on my left, so that it went in a clockwise order. I don't know what you want from me!"
He threw his paper, pen and cards down, and the slight change of the air currents caused the cards in the middle to fly off the table, revealing very clearly to everyone what the answer was.
"Let's start again, guys," Valkyrie sighed.
"Is everyone clear on the rules?" asked Valkyrie, looking pointedly at Skulduggery.
"Yes, yes, no real weapons allowed," he said hastily. Valkyrie smiled.
"Right, everyone look at your cards and tick them off your list, and when you're all ready, we'll start. Again."
She waited until receiving nods from everyone, and then went to roll the dice. Erskine stopped her.
"Can I start?" he asked.
"Well, traditionally it's always Miss Scarlett who starts, but if it speeds things up, then yeah, I guess so." She handed Erskine the dice.
He rolled. A one, and a two. He frowned. "This dice is biased," he complained, grudgingly moving three spaces along.
"Actually," said Skulduggery, always eager to prove people wrong, "the probabilities are all very fair and equal; one out of six per number per die, so-"
"Okay, Skulduggery," Erskine grumbled. He passed the dice to Saracen. "Plum, your go."
Saracen took the dice. Up till that point, he had been sitting in his seat looking extremely pleased with himself. He rolled the dice. Six and six. Grinning, he moved into the Study.
"Ah, perfect room," he said, and cleared his throat. "I would like to make a prediction," he exclaimed grandly. All eyes turned to him.
"Are you sure?" asked Valkyrie. "We're only two turns in, how could you possibly know the answer?"
Saracen shrugged. "Might as well give it a go. I predict that it was Colonel Mustard with the candlestick in the study."
He took the three cards that were face down in the middle, and looked at them. He smirked, and threw the cards down onto the table. He was correct.
Suddenly, it all clicked in Valkyrie's head. "Saracen Rue, you little cheater," she growled. "You used your magic to work out what the cards were, didn't you?"
Saracen chuckled weakly, then stopped. "Yes," he admitted.
Valkyrie sighed. "Alright guys, let's start again."
"Okay, who wants to start this time?" Valkyrie asked. She was getting a bit annoyed now. This was the third round they were playing, because certain people couldn't play a simple board game. However, this time, Saracen had been banned from the game, and he had gone off into the living room in a strop.
"I want to start again," said Erskine. Valkyrie handed him the dice. He rolled a five and a four.
He moved his blue piece into the Billiard Room. He looked at his cards, then at the board. "Ummmm..." He thought for a minute, then started pointing at various positions on his notebook, chanting as he did, "As I was walking down the lake, I met a little rattlesnake. I gave him so much chocolate cake, it made his little belly ache. One, two, three!" Erskine scribbled something down, then started pointing at some more, chanting once again, "One, two, sky blue, all out except you!"
Everyone frowned at him; even Skulduggery's skull seemed to have a confused expression. Erskine spoke, "Okay, I've chosen now. Was it- wait who am I asking?"
"You're asking me, 'cause I'm on your left," said Valkyrie.
"Okay. Was it Mrs White with the rope in the Billiard Room?" he asked. Valkyrie checked her cards, and shook her head, as she had none of them.
The question was passed on down the line. Skulduggery also shook his head, and Ghastly and Anton didn't have it, either. It was just Dexter left.
Dexter reluctantly shook his head as well. Anton raised an eyebrow.
"Erskine, you have got to be kidding me. Please tell me you haven't just won after choosing three things at random..."
Erskine grinned and took the three cards from the middle and looked at them. "WHOOOPPPEEEEEEEEE!" he screeched. "WHO DA MAN? OH YEAH, I'M DA MAN!"
He threw the cards in the air, and as they landed on the table, Valkyrie saw that they were the ones that Erskine had predicted them to be.
She shook her head in disbelief. Erskine had won in just one turn! Bloody hell!
"That doesn't count, Erskine," Skulduggery decided. Erskine stopped his victory dance and looked at Skulduggery.
"Huh?"
"You didn't use logic or deduction- you just chose something randomly. It's not fair!"
Erskine threw his pen and paper onto the table. "I won, so accept it," he said, and stormed out of the room.
"Okay, guys, let's start again," Valkyrie said wearily.
"Dexter, you start," Valkyrie said, and handed the dice to him. Dexter took them, and rolled. A two and another two.
"Oh my God, how am I meant to get into a room with three?" he whined.
"Uh, actually it's four," Ghastly pointed out.
Dexter just frowned even more. "This game is too hard!" he moaned, and got up and left the room, throwing his cards down on the table, not only showing them to the others, but also disturbing the air around the three cards in the middle, causing them to flip over and become visible as well.
Valkyrie slammed her head against the table repeatedly. "Let's-" slam "start-" slam "again."
Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Anton and Ghastly sat around the table, the only remaining players. So far, Anton and Ghastly hadn't even touched the dice yet, let alone had a single turn.
"Can we start this time?" asked Anton. Valkyrie nodded, and handed them the dice.
"Why can't I start?" asked Skulduggery.
"Because they haven't had a turn yet," she explained impatiently.
"So?"
"You have had a turn. I have also had a turn. They have not had a single turn yet, believe it or not. It is only fair."
"But it's not fair!"
"Yes, it is," Valkyrie sighed.
"You're just jealous," Skulduggery said smugly.
Valkyrie turned to him. "Excuse me?"
"You're just jealous that I'm a better detective than you," he said.
"Firstly, how the hell does me letting Anton and Ghastly start prove that? And secondly, I am the better detective."
"Guys-" tried Ghastly, but he was ignored.
"How on earth did you work that one out?" asked Skulduggery. "See, that just proves that you're a worse detective than me."
"Skulduggery, even when I was twelve, I was a better detective than you were."
"What? Preposterous!"
"Oh yeah? Remember when Mr Bliss betrayed us when we had the broach, on that cliff? I noticed that something was wrong, but you didn't!"
"Well who was it that worked out your secret relationship with Caelan? Oh yes, moi."
"That was low, Pleasant," Valkyrie growled. She lunged, and swiped Skulduggery's hat from the top of his head, and ran out of the room.
Skulduggery, stunned for a moment, felt his now bare skull with his hand. He snarled and leapt up, and raced out of the room after Valkyrie.
Ghastly, still holding the dice, looked at Anton. "I take it we won, then?"
"I guess so. Do you want to play again?" Anton asked.
"Sure," Ghastly shrugged, and they began to set up the board. Again.
