"Hey asshole long time no see", Lars greeted me with a high five, "I knew you'd come crawlin back. Women like you can't resist charms of a real man", He dug around in the pocket of his skinny jeans. "Heard about that bullshit with you and the track team, that's rough man", As he spoke he pulled out a familiar worn key and shoved it into the lock. With a flick of the wrist the backdoor to The Big Doughnut creaked open. The customary scent of old grease, chemical cleaner, and trace amounts of pot filled my nose like they had so many times before. In the sterile lights of the back room the flickering of Lars' gauges caught my attention. They were deep purple with different colored hearts that blended into each other; I couldn't help but laugh. Those things screamed Martha from miles away, "Shut up man my mom wouldn't get off my back until I wore them at least once." Pink was spreading across his face like a wildfire fueling my mirth until tears slid down my cheeks.

"Aww Laramie that's just about the cutest thing I've ever heard of", I said in a cooing baby voice. "Real talk though I like your mom, even if all that granola has kind of fried her brain. 'Sides the gauges look good on you", I shrugged on one of the disposable aprons, "They compliment your hair. So tell me Mr. "Real Man" is Sadie still unscrewing jar lids for you so you don't starve?" He lets out an indignant squawk that could rival Pearl and grips the sides of his face. "Point to me then", I say innocently adding in a few eyelash bats for good measure. "Come on these delicious pieces of heart attack fuel ain't gonna make themselves", Chuckling to myself I grabbed the night's to do list. "Dude he wants like triple the usual stuff", I read through the checklist again just to make sure my eyes were working, "What the fuck for?"

"Probably wants us to be ready for Beach-A-Palooza", Lars said with a shrug, "Last year we got swamped. Sold all of our chocolate jellies out in under an hour", His face took on a look of glee. "It was nuts man, people were about to riot, Mayor Dewy bought the last one so people flipped his van. People'll be pouring into the city from all over for the shows, it's all a bunch of bullshit if you ask me." Vaguely I remembered Steven saying something about some kind of beach event at his birthday party. I had been pretty zoned out at the party so I didn't catch most of the details. There was something about locals getting on a state to do acts, some kind of charity raffle, and fireworks. Didn't really sound like my cup of tea so I just nodded along and let the little boy talk himself out. "Not like we get to go anyways", Lars scoffed dumping grounds into one of the industrial sized coffee makers. "Well I mean it starts at like 7 so I guess we could go but it'd suck going right to work after."

"Yep", I replied with a tone that said I wasn't paying attention anymore; I started measuring out the flour. While my hands worked my mind drifted back to bitter memories about quitting track. Coach Opal had called me the day after I quit ranting about all the potential I was wasting. She expressed nothing but disgust for the parents who were protesting and scoffed that the PTA had no grounds to stop me. Pearl had also called trying to convince me to change my mind; it would have been more convincing if I hadn't heard others in the background telling me to stay gone. Perhaps my time with Steven was getting to me but I couldn't understand why they wanted me gone so badly.

My dour thoughts must have shown on my face because next thing I knew there was a hand on my shoulder. "People fucking suck", Lars says like he's a sage imparting the world's greatest secret. "One on one they're pretty cool but get 'em in a group and they'll treat everyone else like shit. Easiest thing to do is to stop giving a fuck about those assholes and find a few assholes you like. Now come on cum dumpster your coffee's ready", The hand that was on my shoulder shoved me playfully towards the machine. You know, even though he's a selfish prick Lars can give some pretty good advice when he wanted to. It's hard sometimes to remember that under all the posturing and sarcasm that he's a real person. I can see how hard he tries to fit in with the people he admires and how much he hurts when they don't notice him.

"Fuck you faggot", I said pulling him into the mother of all bear hugs, "Since when do you know how feelings work? Better cut that shit out or else I might confuse you for a person", He struggled and I clung harder. I changed my grip so I could dig my left fist into his mostly shaved head. The noogie made him screech and fight harder until I was so worn out from laughing that I let him go. Still chuckling under my breath I poured myself a long draw of the steaming caffeinated brew. All of the mixers were going full tilt making the dough so it was going to be a while before we needed to do anything. Technically I think we were supposed to use that time for cleaning, and we did. Well I mean we did if by cleaning you meant slathering the floor in dish soap while headbanging then pouring hot as fuck water all over it. Both activities involved the use of a mop, soap, and water so as far as I'm concerned they're totally the same thing.

July was over far too soon for my liking and August was set to fly by in a similar blur. Amethyst, Lapis, and I spent the 14th of August at Peridot's house celebrating her 16th birthday. Much as I hate to admit it I spent most of the night fighting off the urge to throw up. Turns out after being on brain altering meds for a while when you try to ease up or quit you basically go through withdrawals. Three days at half my normal dose had left me with a pounding headache and an inability to keep food down for long. Rose had tried to convince me to skip out on the party until I felt better but I'm nothing if not stubborn. I forced myself to power through a slice of cake because the little blonde nerd had made it herself and she was so fucking proud. When Lapis presented her with a two foot high alien plushie wearing a bowtie and top hat I thought she was going to cry. Never one to be subtle I got the nerd a wooden kit that lets you build a working miniature trebuchet. "I will use a system of counterweights to rain stony death upon my enemies myhehehe", Was her ever so articulate response.

"I'm fairly sure it's meant for marshmallows", An ever stoic Garnet helpfully replied from behind her shades. My stomach heaved at the mention of food and I tried to cover it up by exaggerating my laughter. Garnet, in typical fashion, seemed to sense that I wasn't doing well and convinced Peridot to forego her idea of a videogame tournament. She and Pearl had been keeping an eye on me since Rose dropped us off; not sure if I should be pleased or creeped out. Instead of gaming we all piled a bunch of pillows and blankets into the living room for a movie marathon. Amethyst loudly declared that we should watch all four of The Cloven movies; a splat stick gorefest about a satyr high schooler who goes on a killing spree. Supposedly they were the greatest example of practical special effects since that movie where the teddy bear bit some hobo'sleg off.

Lapis and Peridot curled up together in Peri's faded green beanbag chair leaving the rest of us to situate ourselves. By the gods those two were so fucking cute together, I couldn't bring myself to join them. Intruding on their special couple time because I was feeling sick and clingy just didn't seem right. Amethyst and Pearl were stretched across the couch with the shorter girl laying on the other's chest. Aching loneliness pulsed through me; it's not even that I wanted to be in a relationship I just didn't want to feel alone anymore. Shaking my head I found a seat near the wall a bit further back from the TV than the others were. I leaned back pulling my hood over my head to block out most of the flickering light. Cloth rustled softly on my left a second before a warm weight lightly brushed my shoulder, "Are you alright? You're very pale", Garnet's smooth voice was barely above a whisper when she addressed me. I glanced up to find her shades gone and was given my first real look at her heterochromatic eyes; one was blue the other was brown like a husky's.

"I'll be okay, just breakin in my new dosage", Even to me my voice sounded raspy. "Should've probably stayed home but I didn't wanna miss Peri's face when she saw my gift. Fuckin nerd", I chuckled weakly and took a sip of water from the little plastic cup I was holding. The world tilted itself a few degrees for a second and I swayed where I was sitting. Garnet put a steadying arm around my shoulder, holy fuck she was so fucking warm. "Hey don't get weirded out or anythin but is it cool if I like use you as a pillow? I know it's a weird thing to ask but it's freezin in here", Wordlessly she pulled me down so I was laying between her legs with my cheek on her hip. The blanket she had been carrying was draped around me like a fluffy yellow cocoon. Through the sense of comfort there is a tinge of shame that threatens to ruin the moment. Some piece of me that's still convinced that seeking comfort is a pathetic sign of weakness.

"Yes Peridot has certainly come into her own over the past year or so", Garnet's calloused palm brushed some sweat from my forehead. Her slow voice was working wonders towards lulling my sick ass into something resembling sleep. I felt really shitty; it wasn't even nine and here I was passing out at my best friend's party. She had changed her plans for me and I couldn't even be grateful enough to stay alert for her. "Relax wet one no one here thinks any less of you for getting help when you needed it. Peridot will understand", Garnet spoke like she could read every negative thought that was going through my head. I looked up at her meeting her eyes, she smiled back down at me running her fingers through my damp hair. The weird blonde boy from my gym class confronted Garnet accusing her of having the power to see the future. She never outright denied it but she did shut him down by saying, "I can see options and trajectories. Time is like a river... that splits into creeks, or pools into lakes, or careens down waterfalls. I have the map, and I steer the ship; now get the camera out of my face before I break it." Future vision wasn't a real thing, I mean come on, but sometimes it did seem like Garnet knew everything about anything that was going on.

"Okay square mom whatever you say", I mumbled through a massive yawn and shifted so I was more comfortable. Garnet was so damn comfortable even my stubborn ass couldn't hold out forever. It's weird, before that moment I have never considered physical affection between Garnet and I to be a thing. I had seen her do it with other people; a ruffle of Peridot's hair, a punch to Amethyst's shoulder, an arm around Pearl. Affection was definitely a thing she did but I was shy around her: she was damn intimidating. Looking back frown my position of using her as a giat pillow it seemed silly to ever be afraid of her. Hmmm maybe other people thought of me the same way I had thought of Garnet before getting to know her. It was something to contemplate another day though, right now staying awake was too hard.