Chapter 46
"Ok then! " Maggie began walking Lena back into the living room where her fiance waited for her only slightly worried about her after just having found out that she struggled with self harm.
"Thanks guys. The shower and spare clothes mean a lot. " Lena thanked relieved that the event was over.
"You earned yourself a beer. " Alex smiled to Lena hopping off the couch reading that Lena still wasn't completely relaxed yet.
"Oh I… I probably shouldn't. " Lena replied politely and unconvincingly.
"Oh come on, it's not everyday you get covered in pigs blood blood. Give yourself a break and a beer! " Maggie cheered jovially.
"I.. I… "Lena contested under her breath.
"Alex! Get her a beer! She needs it, and deserves it." Maggie skilled.
"Catch! " Alex called to Lena throwing one to her then another to Alex.
"uugh pregnant? " Alex smiled holding up her beer.
"Haha good point! " Maggie smiled.
"I… uugh thanks. " Lena smiled not wanting to offend her friends popping the top and taking a sip, immediately feeling it hit her. It had been a long time since she had drank. She mostly stayed away from alcohol since she met Kara afraid she would fall off the wagon again. Lena took a moment to consider when the last drink she had had was… the night she and Kara admitted they had feelings for eachother, when Kara brought wine. And whenever they went to the var she had begun to pick up Karma's classic club soda instead of her normal scotch. Hell she didn't even drink the night she proposed, just sparkling apple cider. It had been months for Lena and it trashed her tolerance as she relaxed around Alex and Maggie, sliding into more casual relaxed conversation, remembering the calming buzz she so deeply adored that it almost always turned into a roaring blackout.
"Lena? " Maggie called getting up.
"Hmm yeah whats up? " Lena replied.
"You want another? Haha you drank yours faster than I did mine! Even Alex doesn't drink that quick haha! " Maggie gave a friendly smile.
"I.. Yeah if you don't mind. It's been a while and I've needed it as of late " Lena smiled attempting to hide how much she craved just another sip.
"Aww Fuck! I'm sorry! " Maggie sighed.
"What's wrong baby? " Alex asked worried.
"We are out! " Maggie answered frustrated.
"Oh shit. Umm you two wanna go down to the bar around the corner? I didn't even open mine cause I can't drink it. haha so I can drive. " Alex offered.
"Yeah. That sounds nice. Here take my keys, my car has more room. " Lena offered.
"Sounds like a plan! " Maggie cheered happily.
"What'll you three ladies have this evening? " the bartender asked as Lena, Maggie, and Alex sat down at the bar.
Maggie looked around at Lena and Alex before speaking up. " I think two beers would do. "
"And a water! " Alex added.
"umm actually can I have a double of scotch, neat. " Lena requested without missing a beat.
"Fuck Lena, right to the hard stuff." Maggie joked a little too innocently.
"Haha it was her regular for what a year? Two? What happened Lena, it's been months since I've seen you in here. You lived here from the moment you moved to town, what happened? " the bartender asked putting down a glass and filling it with much more than a double, knowing Lena would order another before long.
"I… uugh… thanks Jim. " Lena sighed taking the glass as if it were a shot and downing it all.
"Another? " Jim anticipated correctly already pouring another for Lena.
"Hey… hows about just beer for the next couple hours? " Alex smiled pulling the glass away from Lena, picking up on how bad a relationship with Alcohol Lena must have.
"Uugh is Kara gonna become this much of a mom that quickly? " Lena groaned, glaring at Maggie then shooting thankful eyes to Jim the bartender who she was pretty sure she had become rather good friends with over the past couple years since moving to national city, but if she was honest with herself she only ever remembered the first twenty or thirty minutes of their talks before she began to black out.
"I gotcha Lena, give me a heads up when you girls need anything else. " Jim smiled politely understanding that it wouldn't be long before Lena drank the glass Alex stole and requested another.
"I just wanna keep you from slurring while we talk haha. " Alex lied trying to protect Lena.
"I understand, I will slow down." Lena mediated taking her glass back rather forcefully.
"You ok there hun? " Maggie poked her head out from behind Alex.
"I'm great, I promise small sips. " Lena lied knowingly.
"Thats all im looking for. " Alex smiled.
Lena forced a smile before taking a large sip.
The three continued talking about everything and nothing for the next couple hours until Maggie could tell that Alex's need for cuddles and the familiar environment of their home won over.
"Hey so I think it's about time for us two to head out… " Maggie mentioned with a gentle smile to the now rather slovenly drunk Lena.
"Oh. Shit? Already? You two have a good night! " Lena cheered overzealous.
"A… are you sure you don't want me to drive you home hun? " Alex offered.
"Oh? Me? No, I'm not done till Jim closes up! " Lena raised her glad towards Jim.
"Hey hey! She remembered her catchphrase! " Jim smiled.
"O… ok hun. I can't make you leave, but promise me you will call a cab or an uber or something ok? And if you need anything call me. OK? " Alex negotiated.
"Yeah sure! I promise. " Lena slurred.
"Yup, I gotcha. She ain't gonna drive anywhere like this. "Jim piped in.
"Ok, take care of yourself hun. " Alex whispered with a caring hug.
"Hope you feel better Lena. " Maggie patted a hand on her shoulder as she and Alex headed out.
"So! Jim! It's been too long. " Lena stumbled on each word.
"It has. But I'm never too upset when a usual stops coming. I tend to hope that they slowed down enough that they didn't need my services any longer. That said I'm happy to sell you another. " Jim smiled to himself.
"mhmm… I did. "Lena replied downing another.
"Doesn't look like it. " Jim chuckled looking at the pile of empty glasses turned over in a pyramid.
"Let's call today a slip? " Lena gestured for another.
"Of course ms Luthor." Jim replied pouring.
"Thanks. " Lena thanked picking up her umpteenth scotch.
"So, last time you were in here you were talking about some pretty blonde thing? " Jim smiled interested to pick up on the latest Lena gossip.
"The two I was with, my soon to be sisters in law. Me and Ms Pretty Blonde got engaged not long ago. " Lena smiled happily.
"W… wait you got somebody to go home to Now? " Jim asked pulling the glass away from Lena.
"Y… yeah, so what? " Lena scoffed reaching to take the glass back.
"So you have someone to go home to, and you are drinking yourself away in my bar at 11pm! This was fine when you were new, and I enjoyed your company, but you are cut off and no longer welcome in my bar hun. I care too much about you to let you keep doing this. " Jim answered harshly but full of concern.
"Oh Fuck you Jim. You've let me drink myself to oblivion a hundred times before. Just let me have one more. " Lena argued.
"Lena. You obviously have people who love you. Call a cab and go home. " Jim all but ordered.
"Whatever Jim! " Lena snarled turning around and pulling out her phone only to realize it was dead.
"What? " Jim questioned seeing Lena stop dead in her tracks.
"I need my keys back. " Lena sighed.
"Like hell i'm giving you your keys back! I'm not letting you drive! "
"My phone is dead, I need ot to call an uber. My charger is in my car. " Lena explained, offering her phone as proof to Jim.
"Uugh fine, but leave your wallet. " Jim offered.
"Deal. " Lena agreed giving Him her wallet and stumbling to her car.
Lena entered through the passenger door, sat down and took a breath before she opened her glove box and rooted around looking for her charger. It was dark and Lena was completely hammered when her fingers wrapped around the charger cord as she felt the razor slice into her middle finger. "Fuck! " Lena screamed in pain, yanking her finger back and the razor still in it, charger in hand. Lena quickly set up her phone to charge in the car as she stared at her bleeding finger and the razor covered in blood. Lena figured that Kara only picked up the cartridge of razors and never the spare that had fallen out once that Lena never bothered to replace. The razor captivated Lena's gaze as the blood flooded her mind taking her over, before she knew it the car was stained with her blood and she could see at least three cuts she knew would need stitches as the sheep red blood poured from her and she felt terribly light headed. "F… Fuck… " Lena realized she needed help. "A… Alex " Lena whispered to herself picking up her phone and calling her soon to be sister in law, knowing that Alex had a medical history and would probably know how to stitch her up.
"Hey Lena, what's up need a ride home? " Alex offered cheerfully.
"Alex? I… I fucked up. I… I need you to take me to the help stitch me up. And you can't tell Kara! " Lena replied weak and dizzy.
"Lena! Are you OK!? " Alex yelled into the phone running out of her apartment and around the corner towards Lena as fast as she could.
"I… c… cut… " Lena whimpered.
"Lena! Are you ok?! How can I help!" Alex relied rushing towards the bar.
"Just need to be patched up. I… I just need you to stitch me up. Can you do that without telling Kara? " Lena asked.
"I will have to see the cuts Lena. " Alex replied turning the corner seeing lights on in Lena's car.
"Please, I don't wanna have to go to the hospital. " Lena pleaded.
"i… I will have to see them, just give me a second I can see you, I'm coming up on your car. " Alex replied trying to comfort Lena without making any promises.
"O.. Ok" Lena replied as Alex approached the car and jumped into the driver's seat to see Lena's cuts.
"LENA!" Alex gasped.
"What? " Lena replied.
"These are deep. You… you have to go to the hospital!" Alex argued.
"No I don't. You know how to do stitches right?" Lena argued.
"I… I mean i do, but not like this. This is too much, I didn't finish med school! You need a hospital to insure you don't get infected."/Alex explained.
"Then what was the fucking point of calling you?! " Lena snapped.
"Uugh you needed someone to take you to get stitches! " Alex answered grabbing Lena's keys and starting the car up.
"No! You can't force me to go to the hospital! " Lena yelled.
"You have two options Lena! I can either take you to the hospital or call Kara to help. " Alex offered the ultimatum.
"No! You wouldn't!? " Lena yelled furious.
"I would! She needs to know. But of you go to the hospital I won't. " Alex offered.
"Fuck you Alex! I thought I could go to you for help! "Lena growled hurt.
"I am doing the best I can to help. I promise. " Alex replied slightly guilty.
"Whatever. Take me to the hospital then! Just don't tell her! " Lena insisted, sobering up just at the thought of stressing out her pregnant fiance.
"Y… you should talk to her about this… it might be best to sober up first… you smell like a bar.. " Alex urged knowing that Kara could probably help Lena better than she could.
"Hell no! She doesn't need to deal with this! She is pregnant! I am not putting her through this cycle of getting her hopes up then watching them cut to smithereens that I live with! Especially not now! Not while she is pregnant!" Lena snapped.
"I… I'm sorry.. I… I never knew anyone that told me about their struggles with that until today.. I'm so sorry. But Kara would want to know. I know how much she loves you. She would want to help weather or not she knows perfectly how. " Alex assured, hoping to change Lena's mind.
"No.. I.. I just can't do that to her. Not now! " Lena insisted.
"F… fine. " Alex forfeited not wanting to lose Lena's trust. "But does she know anything about this? She would probably be good at helping with this. I know she would happily be a support system for you. "
"She knows. She saw scars not too long she has done her best to help, but.. There is only so much that can be done. And.. It wasn't enough… clearly. " Lena gestured to her arm defeated and broken.
"Lena… " Alex ghasped.
"Yeah… yeah.. It's a tragedy I would do this to myself and all. I've heard it before. I don't need to hear it again. " Lena sighed looking out the passenger window frustrated.
"Lena. That's not what I was going to say. " Alex contested.
"oh what was it then, that I'm better than this? Cause I'm not! I deserve this. I've done this to myself and it's my own fault I can't quit! " Lena yelled getting angry over nothing.
"No. I was going to say I can't believe you would give up so easily. Lena luthor, CEO of L Corp. The badass that beat me in hand to hand combat… giving up like that? After a slip up while drunk? Just… doesn't seem like you. " Alex explained.
"Y.. You think this is the first time I tried to quit!? " Lena yelled furious
"I don't know, it sounded like you had only been trying for about a month from what I overhead of your and Maggie's conversation." Alex reasoned.
"No! I've tried on and off to quit since I was thirteen! This isn't the first slip! Its that thousandth! " Lena retorted.
"Well what made you try again this time, and what gave you the strength to get through it for so long this time? " Alex inquired sincere.
" Kara found out and she has been helping me with it. And when I was an omega I was trying to get pregnant. " Lena answered truthfully.
"Aww. I told you Kara would be great about it. I really don't understand exactly why you think she shouldn't know. But… I won't try to change your mind. " Alex said pulling into the hospital parking lot.
"Thanks… I got it from here " Lena thanked stepping out of the car holding her arm still bleeding.
"Like hell you have it from here! I'm sticking with you till your stitched up and home safe! " Alex yelled getting out with Lena.
"Really Alex. You don't have to. It's ok. I've been here before a dozen and a half times over. It's not that interesting and it doesn't matter. " Lena dismissed.
"umm yes it is, my friend is going to the hospital drunk! I'm not just gonna disappear on you now! " Alex argued.
"You don't have to." Lena answerer weak and distant.
"Lena…. Are… are you ok? " Alex asked picking up on how upset Lena was.
"No not really. " Lena called back raising her bleeding arm as they both headed onto the emergency room.
"Lena that's not what I meant. I ment like… are you emotionally ok. You sounded more upset there for a moment. " Alex explained.
"I.. I just haven't ever had a friend go in with me. Its different. Nice. " Lena averted her gaze insecure. " I mean. I've had my mom come with me but that was mostly to tell me how I had no right to do this to myself and that I had ruined her carpet. "
"Jesus… and I thought my relationship with my mom was bad… " Alex sighed.
"You watched me help apprehend my mother… " Lena chuckled.
"Strong point. " Alex admitted.
"Yeah. Strained relationship at best. " Lena replied sarcastically.
"I'm sorry that it's so bad. " Alex sympathized.
"Hello how may we help you today" an administrator asked as Lena and Alex turned the corner into her cubicle.
"I… i uugh incurred some lacerations. " Lena revealed her arm.
"Oh, wow. Yeah. We will need to get you in to see someone soon then. " The administrator replied. " Will you please have a seat and we will get you to see someone as soon as possible. "
"Thanks. " Alex thanked nodding as she and Lena went to take a seat in the waiting room.
"Are you ok? " Lena asked.
"I… I'm not the person who needs to be asked that right now. It's you who drank yourself stupid and then cut yourself. " Alex replied worried.
"Well. Just I know how hard this can be, especially if you aren't accustomed to people around you self harming. I… it can just be startling. " Lena sympathized.
" I. Yeah it's an adjustment. But like I said. I wanna be there for my friend. " Alex admitted.
"Thanks Alex this means a lot. " Lena thanked.
Alex and Lena ended up waiting two hours before anyone saw them. "Lena Luthor?" A nurse called from a half open door.
"Y- yeah that's me! " Lena called back standing up woozy, lightheaded and feeling a hangover starting to sink in.
"Hello! What brings you here today! " The nurse asked politely ushering them to a room slowly.
"I.. Have some lacerations. "Lena explained holding up her arm which had finally stopped bleeding.
"Now were you trying to kill yourself? "
"No. I wasn't" Lena glared.
"Are you sure?" The nurse pressed impatient as she pulled out a hospital gown for Lena.
"Yes I'm sure. " Lena replied short and irritated.
"Ok. Please put that on and we will have someone in here to stitch you up shortly. "
"Uugh do you have to wear this? " Alex questioned handing the hospital gown to Lena.
"Yes. This hospital is a bunch of assholes about it. " Lena confirmed.
"Uugh that sucks. " Alex groaned.
"Yes it does. " Lena confirmed.
"I'm sorry. " Alex turned around giving Lena privacy.
"I did it to myself. I knew what it was like here. I've been here before. " Lena dawned the hospital gown quickly and played down in the bed.
"You ok Lena?"
"I'm working on it. " Lena replied as a young nurse came in.
"Why hello today, Lena, is it? We reached out to your emergency contact, but she not only does not seem to be answering, and one of the staff happened to have a theory as to why… your emergency contact is Lillian luthor? She was recently apprehended and placed in jail. " the nurse explained.
"Haha yeah we know. Why is she still your emergency contact? " Alex turned to Lena.
"I.. I haven't had anyone else that still cared about me till Kara… " Lena admitted.
"O.. Oh I'm sorry Lena. I.. I didn't know. " Alex's expression turned somber in a moment. "It's ok. I don't think I want one anyways. Kara doesn't need calls like this bothering her. " Lena reasoned.
"Well then hand it to me " Alex ordered taking the clipboard and filling out the emergency contact page. "I am your friend, I care about you, and you need someone to be there for you if you end up in the hospital. Although I think it should be Kara. I will happily do it for you. " Alex smiled handing the clipboard to Lena for her signature.
"Thanks Alex. " Lena thanked touched as she sighed and handed the clipboard back to the nurse.
"Thank you so much " the nurse thanked heading out, almost immediately replaced by a doctor with a suture kit.
"Good evening, I see you have some lacerations? Your chart says you were drinking and self harming tonight?" the doctor asked.
"Yes. I was" Lena answered unexcited to talk about it.
"Now were you trying to kill yourself tonight? "
"No. "
"Any suicidal ideations? "
"No? "
"Then what brought you to do this? " The doctor changed his line of question ever so slightly.
"I don't remember I was drinking and it just happened. " Lena answered with a frustrated growl.
"Now if you don't remember how then how are you so sure it wasn't a suicide attempt? "
"I'm sure. " Lena insisted.
"OK, any hallucinations? " the doctor asked.
"No I'm sane, please just stitch me up! " Lena requested.
"Ok ok fine. " the doctor allowed prepping the suture kit, rinsing out Lena's cuts, applying a numbing shot, then stitching her up, repeating the process for all three cuts, giving them 5, 7, and, 5 stitches respectively.
After Lena got stitched up it was another hour before she got discharged and then she and Alex headed to Kara and Lena's apartment.
"Are you sure you don't want me to go up with you? Help you talk to Kara. " Alex offered pulling up at Lena and Kara's apartment.
"No. I think she is asleep by now. Its 5 am so.. Yeah. " Lena answered stepping out of the car, her head pounding.
"Ok. Good luck. Goodnight. " Alex replied.
"Thanks it meant alot. " Lena thanked sincere. "It's ok. Have a good night. " Alex nodded pulling out and heading home.
Lena slowly trudged up the stairs to her apartment and was unpleasantly surprised to see Kara sitting on the couch with an empty box of tissues next to her and a trashcan filled of used tissues to prove beyond a doubt that Kara had been crying.
"K.. Kara. " Lena blinked slowly trying to clear her head and fight her pounding hangover.
"Lena! " Kara rushed to her side to hug Lena missing her desperately. "W-what happened?! Where were you? I.. You.. Lena you were drinking? " Kara's super smell topped her off.
"I.. I had a long day, then Maggie, Alex and I went out to the bar, and… I went too far. " Lena admitted.
"Lena. Why do I smell blood? " Kara asked on the verge of tears already knowing the truth. "I didn't think you would be up. I'm so sorry. If I had known I would have crashed with Alex and Maggie. " Lena explained like the worst thing about it was that Kara found out.
"Lena! What happened! Why didn't you call me if you needed help?! " Kara pestered.
"Look Kara it isn't a big deal." Lena stepped forward further into the apartment as she stumbled. Trying to catch herself on Kara, only serving to show off her new series of stitches.
"LENA!" Kara screamed seeing the fresh cuts and worried Lena would drunkenly hurt herself.
"Im fine." Lena dismissed steadying herself against Kara.
"No you aren't! " Kara argued turning Lena's wrist over.
"It's not a big deal. I didn't want you to find out. You shouldn't have to worry about this. You are pregnant. " Lena inside.
"Yes it is a big deal! And yeah with your child! Or do you not remember knotting me dozens of times?! " Kara countered.
"Grrr. I remember sexy. Let's get to bed. I can show you just how ok I am! " Lena growled her inner alpha getting more control over her as her inhibitions were listened by the alcohol.
"Lena! We aren't having sex tonight! " Kara snapped irritated.
"Aww come on baby, let's see if we can go for twins? " Lena pressed up against Kara. "It will help you relaxxx! I can smell how stressed you are. And I know I could make you cum juuuust like that! " Lena snapped her fingers pressing up against Kara again.
"No Lena! I'm worried for you! And believe it or not alpha drunk off her ass with fresh cuts and stitches isn't super sexy or panty dripping!" Kara contested.
"Aww you don't have to be worried. It's not a big deal, just stop worrying about it and come to bed with me! Weather we fuck or not. " Lena suggested turning and heading off to bed.
"Lena! No! We are gonna talk about this! " Kara yelled.
"What are you gonna say Kara? " Lena turned around. "That there's no point to hurting myself, that I'm better than this, that I can defeat it, that I didn't need to do this?! Cause I got news for you Kara! There is a point! I'm not better than this! I can't defeat it! And I do need it! " Lena ranted.
"Lena… " Kara sighed unsure how to save Lena… all her powers, super strength, invulnerability, heat vision, frease breath, flight, and none of them will ever help her save Lena. None will ever change the fact that Lena has the urge to hurt herself. It destroyed Kara that she couldn't help the woman she loved so much, the mother of her child..
"Exactly. There's no helping. So just give up already Kara! " Lena yelled heading off to bed without Kara.
End of Chapter 46
Author's note: so this chapter is kinda just an example of how some days… when it rains it pours, and how that can just Fucking wear on you till you break. Idk I just wanted to capture how some days in recovery it just feels like everything falls apart. Tell me if you think I did a good/decent job of illustrating this! Thanks for reading so long haha this story is really fucking long now!
From: dlfngrl05 ( u/4205382/ )
Reply URL: . ?rwid=252632641
Glad Lois and Clark talked more, she feels horribly guilty about her father being killed.
From Jessica: I actually came up with this idea while rereading the chapter where her father died. Lex blaming her just kinda resonated with me so I made it onto a whole chapter kinda. Also Young justice fans will know I took superboy's name Conner Kent !
From: dlfngrl05 ( u/4205382/ )
Reply URL: . ?rwid=252632974
Wow, this started out really great with Alex and Lena shopping for Kara, i got a chuckle about Kara not letting Lena get dressed.
Ooh that stranger and the buckets of blood, I loved that you had Maggie be a former cutter and know exactly what to say and do to help Lena. The nail polish, excellent trick! Looking forward to your next update.
BTW, you don't need to keep apologizing for taking care of yourself. Your health is the most important, update when you can.
From Jessica: Yeah ! I wanted some light fluff with some chuckles before I jumped into the more upsetting stuff. And I think it kinda falls in with Maggie's character that she might at one time or another in her life turned to self harm, especially with everything that happened with her family. And the nail polish trick is actually a thing that I have used personally ,it works pretty well for me when I need something like that.
And thank you so much for understanding ! Idk i think I was just a little wound up as of late cause my girlfriend had a big surgery today , Thank god she is alright , and she is out safe now. And it was a huge relief to hear that she made it through her surgery ok. That and I have just had a lot of pent up anxiety and guilt for not being able to overcome my writer's block as of late. , and it has been particularly hard on me cause writing is normally how I deal with anxiety, so not having that has been crushing me slowly .
FireRebel on Supergirl omegaverse fanfiction
On a similar note as the previous comment. I love it so far. I'm definitely gonna keep reading but yes lots of typos. Not necessarily spelling errors but rather name mix ups or very close words that are still wrong. Mostly name jumbling though. Understandable but unnecessarily difficult to read. I would also recommend another read through/editing
That being said I'd like to reiterate I do enjoy the story so far. It's an interesting plot with an exciting tone.
From Jessica: Sorry I missed your comment! I will work on it ! I am currently working on my phone tho , so kinda annoying .
