Late August 2006
Crickets chirped in the distance and lake water gently lapped at the shore as Kaye sat on the end of the dock. Summer was coming to an end. Six months ago, she would have laughed if someone told her that her summer would go the way it did. In April, everything was easy and simple and planned. She lived with Jethro Gibbs, the man that she had come to think of as a father. She was a couple of months from finishing out the school year, and between the two sets of camp weeks, she and Gibbs were supposed to take a three-week long trip to the west coast, part of it in a boat that would be similar to the one he was building when it would be finished. He was going to take her fishing and teach her about sailing. They were going to make a few stops during their sailing trip from San Francisco to San Diego, including a few days in Disneyland. They had just written down initial plans when he had been injured.
And since then, everything had been so out of the ordinary. Some things that had happened were sucky, or sad, but some of them had been good, too. She was living with Jenny in her big, beautiful old brownstone. She was spending less time with Tony lately, and though she hadn't figured out why yet, she was beginning to wonder if Ziva had something to do with it. She was pretty sure that Abby and Tim were seeing each other secretly again. She was going to be heading back to Brockton in just over a week, too. And Claire and Ryan would be in her daycare after school!
But when it was all said and done, though she had come to love her life the way it was, there was still a big gaping Gibbs-shaped hole in it. And she didn't quite know how to fix that.
Because of her weeks at camp, and her time in day camps, and the trip to New York, and the day trips in the DC area, and because of the efforts of the team, she had managed to shove the hurt that she felt due to Gibbs leaving into a tiny little box in the back of her mind. But today was kind of a big day, even if nobody knew it. And that was why she had snuck out of her cabin just before sunrise.
It was the last day of camp. It was also Friday, August 27th. Today would mark exactly 100 days since Gibbs had gotten on that plane to Mexico.
100 days.
100 days.
He had been gone for 100 days and still didn't remember her.
When he had first left, Jenny had been optimistic. Kaye had overheard her saying to Tony that if Gibbs was still the man that she knew, he would come back. He wouldn't be able to stay away from the job forever. But how long was forever supposed to take? 100 days seemed pretty final to her.
The sky was a bright, deep hue of blue as the first rays of sun began to peek over the hills in the distance.
She had started thinking about things a lot over the last week of camp. Everyone else was talking about the end of summer and the beginning of school, about seeing their regular friends and finding out which teacher they had. And Kaye had joined in to a certain extent. But she had bigger things on her mind.
Like if she even wanted Gibbs to come back.
In the last 100 days, Kaye had been through the wringer. She had lost her father figure. She had visited her mother's grave site for the first time and was able to find some closure there. She had seen Roxy and celebrated her ninth birthday. She had moved in with Jenny and made a home for herself there. She had had movie nights with Tony and ice cream outings with Abby. She had been to museums with Ducky and children's poetry readings with Tim. She had begun taking language lessons from Ziva. In just a few months, she was beginning to be able to converse in simple ways in Spanish, and could understand a fair amount of Hebrew and was beginning to speak more than basic sentences, as well. She had gone to science exhibits with Jimmy and to New York with Jenny. She had even seen Tobias and Emily three times.
And she had done it all without Gibbs.
100 days ago she didn't know how any of them could keep going without their leader, father figure, and friend. But things were okay. She was happy. She had a home. She had a family that loved her. She had spent her summer having all sorts of fun and new experiences. She had even acquired two new best friends – something she had never quite had before.
The sky was beginning to turn shades of yellow and pink as the sun began to rise. Kaye could hear a fish jump out of the water close by, and the slam of a cabin door quietly in the distance. She knew that she didn't have much time left to be completely alone in nature. She pulled her old Polaroid camera out from behind her on the dock. She had found it in a box in Gibbs' basement back in March and asked if she could have it. He had taken her out that day and managed to find a store that sold the film for it. He bought her a huge amount and told her to take care of it and use it sparingly. Even after he left, she followed his instructions.
As she held the camera up and pointed it to take in the view of the lake, hills, and brightly colored sunrise in the distance, she came to a realization.
If Gibbs came back, a lot of things would change. She wouldn't see Jenny every morning and night. She would probably get less time with the team. She would go back to having one specific parent, rather than one kind-of-full-time-parent and a bunch of other part-time-parents.
But she would have Gibbs.
As she pushed down the button and heard the mechanical whirring and clicking of the camera working its magic, she knew one thing to be true. She loved Jenny and the team dearly.
But Gibbs was her dad.
The piece of plastic film paper rolled out of the camera and she took it, shaking it gently as she admired the view. She could hear more cabin doors opening and shutting and knew that the morning horn would blow any minute. She knew she was busted when she heard footsteps approaching her from behind on the dock.
She was pleasantly surprised to see her cabin's assigned trained counselor, Cindy, flop down on the edge of the pier beside her.
"Finally found you."
Kaye smiled softly. "I'm sorry. I know we're not supposed to go out without asking before sunrise, I just…I just needed to be alone for a few minutes."
The older woman patted Kaye on the shoulder. "Care to share?"
If it had been anyone else, Kaye would have said no and gone back to the cabin, but this was Cindy. She was trustworthy and kind and had been working with Kaye during all four weeks of camp.
Kaye stared at her turquoise Keds, which were now less turquoise and more brownish-greyish-turquoiseish, as they hung over the water.
"It's been 100 days as of today."
Cindy had already read up on Kaye's story before she even arrived at camp on the first day back in July. But she had heard the whole thing first hand from Kaye as the days and weeks had wore on.
"That's a long time."
"Yeah. I guess we all thought he would have been back by now. I mean, if he isn't going to come back in 100 days, when is he going to ever come back? And then I was thinking about how I didn't even know if I want him to."
Cindy tilted her head but remained silent, waiting for the girl to continue on her own. She always did.
"If he came back now, everything would change. I wouldn't live with Jenny, and Tony would lose his spot as the boss, and…and…just a lot of stuff."
"So did you come to any conclusions?"
Kaye lifted her head and let her eyes meet Cindy's. "Yeah. I think I did." She fidgeted with the camera.
"He gave me this. Back in March. When everything was good and easy." She paused, trying to sort out her words. "I guess, in the end, even though I'm happy and it's scary to think about things changing, in the end, he's Gibbs. He's – he's my dad. And I miss him."
Cindy rubbed the girl's back and smiled gently to herself. That was the first time that Kaye had ever referred to Gibbs as her dad out loud to her. She had said, 'like my dad' or 'father figure' or 'parent', but she had never said it quite that way before.
She knew the girl was in a complicated situation completely out of her control. But deep down, she hoped that this mysterious Agent Gibbs would regain his memory and come back to the little girl that loved him so much.
"Anyway, I don't really want to think about sad things today. It's the last day of camp. It's supposed to be fun, right?"
The older woman rose to her feet and helped Kaye up as the morning horn sounded loud and clear through the campground. "Right. You should go and wake Claire up. You know that it takes the horn and a few tries after that."
Kaye grinned. Claire was stubborn even in her sleep. She laughed and responded, "Yeah, I don't think Carrie can take one more pillow to the face."
She hurried off, glancing at her Polaroid photo once before she got to the cabin. It was probably the most beautiful picture she had ever taken.
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Jenny reclined on the fold out beach chair as she peeked over her thick novel to check on Kaye. It was the last week of August and the last free week before Kaye would return to school full time at Brockton Academy. She had been secretly planning a short getaway since the middle of June. She had hoped that Jethro would have been on the trip, as well, but things had not happened that way.
Kaye caught the Frisbee just as it soared toward the ocean off of Virginia Beach, and Jimmy picked her up and swung her around in celebration. With things going they way that they had been, Jenny had expanded her original plan of taking Kaye, Tony, and Abby with her for the four-day stay, and had included McGee, Ziva, Ducky, Palmer, and even Michelle in the invitation. Agent Lee had declined, spouting off something about babysitting her sister, but the rest had been eager to take a freely given break from work to spend a few days in the warm ocean.
"They certainly are amusing, aren't they, Jennifer?" The older doctor spoke, a smile evident in his voice.
Jenny laid down her novel and turned to her old friend, "They really are. And they're so good with her."
Within the last few minutes, Kaye had migrated from the sandy beach to Tony's shoulders in the ocean, with Abby on Tim's back. The younger man looked to be struggling the slightest bit as they moved to waist deep waters. That was when a friendly battle broke out which ended with Tim dunking Abby backwards (earning him a painful-sounding slap to the arm) and Kaye being knocked off of Tony and into the ocean. Jenny squinted, momentarily concerned until she heard Kaye's giggly screeches.
It was early on Friday afternoon, and they would be leaving to head back to DC the next afternoon. She had made sure to finish up any last minute school shopping for Kaye early in the week so that they wouldn't have to worry about it over her last few nights of summer vacation.
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"Tony! If you do this, I will KILL you!" Ziva screamed, attempting to kick the air as Tony carried her into the ocean. If she had really wanted to, she could have easily escaped and caused him major bodily harm in the process, but even through her threats, she couldn't help but laugh at him.
"I told you. If you don't get wet, I will get you wet. Ready, my ninja?"
"AHHHHH!" She screeched as he tossed her into the water. She emerged from the surface seconds later, swimming toward him at an alarming speed. He braced himself as she tackled him back into the water.
For a moment, it was like they were back in their own little world. He had been trying to be careful around her lately. Though they had not crossed the line that they both seemed to want to cross, they had pushed it as far as they could and had become very familiar in the process. It was one thing for Abby to suddenly come over and sit in his lap or grab his hand or kiss him on the cheek. Abby was like that with everyone that she was close to, and she had been that way with him for as long as he'd known her. But if the commitment-phobic, exotic, sensual, stubborn ninja assassin were to come and plant one on him in public, it would cause a stir. A stir that he was not willing to deal with at the moment.
Things had been going fairly well for him lately. He had really come into his own leading the team, what with officially being "trained" by Abby, and the invention of the "campfire". And his mission with Jenny had been catching breaks. He could now tell you anything you could want to know about Jeanne Benoit, down to being able to fairly accurately predict what she was probably doing and where at any given time of the day. And Jenny had said that if things kept going the way they were, she would have a major step up for him on the mission in the coming month or two. He wasn't going to give that up because of some over-flirtation between him and Ziva.
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Tim carried Abby on his back farther out into the ocean, away from the rest of the group, after making sure that Jimmy was playing with Kaye. Things had been weird between he and Abby for the last month. It was a good weird, not a bad weird, but it was still weird. As he dumped her off of his back and stood facing her in the neck-deep water, he studied her features yet again. As if he didn't know every inch of her. It was unusual for her to be willing to expose herself to the summer sun. Usually she stayed hidden beneath her giant black lace parasol, but not today. She had managed to find some high quality waterproof sunscreen, and had been reapplying it every fifteen minutes or so.
"You swam me all the way out here just to get me alone, didn't you? Naughty Timothy."
Tim just rolled his eyes and splashed her slightly. Abby was a paradox, always. In some areas, he always knew where he stood with her, and that was a comfort. He had come to discover, through their ups and downs, that she would always be his best friend. Whether they were fighting or upset or awkward because of stupid decisions on both of their parts or not, they were there for each other and ultimately loved each other very much. They just didn't seem to always love each other romantically. And then there was that area. In the romance department, he never quite knew where he stood with her. Like over the last month. They had been gradually getting closer since Gibbs left. Normally, he was the main man in her life in a father-figure sort of role. After that, and depending on their own comfortability with each other at any given time, came both he and Tony. Tony was kind of like her superhero. She looked up to him, not quite as a brother, but as something else. And she flirted with him, too. Tim had found himself wondering on occasion if the relationship between Tony and Abby had always been as platonic as it was now. But Tony had been busy all summer. Between leading the team, spending time with Kaye, ending up at Ziva's place countless times (though Tony always tried to downplay and hide that fact), and his growing secretive time spent with Jenny, he hadn't had much time for Abby, which was unfortunate. Losing Gibbs from the team had devastated her more than she had let on to the rest of the group. And in the end, Tim had been the only one really available to be there for her.
And so their friendship, which had just started to fully mend, had grown quite close again. The occasional late night phone call had turned into nights spent sleeping in the same bed so that she wouldn't wake up afraid after a nightmare. And the two to three night per week hang-outs had turned into not spending more than a day apart each week. Casual and awkward hugs had turned into hours of snuggling on the couch while watching a movie.
And then there was the night of the club, which had rekindled a whole other aspect of their relationship that tended to make him blush. Lately it was abnormal for them to spend a night not tangled up together reliving the old days.
But Tim had come to know Abby so much more since their first attempt at a relationship, and he knew that she was probably a bigger commitment-phobe than even Tony. He knew that this enjoyable little surprise along the road wouldn't last, and that eventually, she would get scared and shut things down again. That or circumstances would pull the two apart.
So for now, he was going to enjoy what he had, and as two slender arms snaked around his neck and long, dainty fingers played with the hairs at the base of his skull, as her body pressed against his, he tossed up a little prayer thanking whoever was out there for what he had in that moment. And with a quick peek around to make sure that the rest of the team was busy with other activities, he turned and snuck a fast but sweet peck from her lips and smiled. Yeah, right now was good.
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Kaye snuggled into Jenny's side as she watched the flames lick up the sides of the small logs that burned in a pile on the beach. They had spent nearly the entire day out on that beach, and now the sun was setting, and Jimmy and Ducky had just pulled out the hot dogs and marshmallows to roast over the fire. Kaye was a city kid, and as such, hadn't been around many outdoor fires with the exception of that summer at camp. Tony sat down with his old guitar in hand, Ziva at his side. He didn't play often in front of others, but Kaye had begged him to bring it after Jenny had told her about having a fire on the beach on their last night.
On the other side of the circle, Abby sat between Tim's legs, leaning back on him. Had it been anyone else, the entire team would have made a big deal about it, but it was Abby, and she had planted a kiss on Tony's cheek earlier in the day and had made some fairly flirtatious remarks to Jimmy around dinner time. Kaye knew their secret, though. She had been wandering around NCIS on Monday when she caught them kissing in Abby's lab. She had decided to keep the information to herself for the moment, but she knew it was dirt that she would be able to use against them in the future. Or at the very least, she could torture Abby later.
Ducky was in his little beach chair, babbling on quietly about how this reminded him of a time when he and some college friends of his skipped a day of classes to drive to the coast and spend the day at the beach. Jimmy was beside him, popping hot dogs onto sharpened wood sticks, eagerly listening to the medical examiner's story.
Tony began playing and Kaye immediately recognized the song. She had heard him play it in his apartment before. Normally, he was a jazz man, but after Kaye had declared her love for Jack Johnson earlier that year when Curious George came out, Tony had begun learning his songs just for her.
"It was just another night with a sunset,
and a moonrise not so far behind,
to give us just enough light
to lay down underneath the stars,
listen to papa's translations
of the stories across the sky,
we drew our own constellations."
Kaye sang quietly along until the song ended and he began playing something else. As she roasted the marshmallow on the stick that Jimmy had handed her, she looked around at the people that she loved the most. The summer that was ending could have been the worst in her life. Maybe it should have been. But these people, who were not even her family by blood, who had chosen to become her family and love her like a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, or maybe a niece, had made it one of the best summers that she had ever had.
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The fire was burning low and the team had been fairly quiet for some time but for Tony's quiet guitar music. It was late; the sun had vanished and the moon had begun its ascent high into the night sky. Abby was snuggled safely up in Tim's arms, beginning to fade. Ducky had nodded off several times in his chair, and Jimmy was simply laying on his stomach on a blanket staring into what remained of the flames. Even Tony and Ziva had stopped pretending to put up a wall between them, and even as he continued to play gently, her head rested on his left knee underneath the neck of the guitar.
"I think it's just about time to head in." Jenny whispered. Kaye had been fading quickly and was now laying out, a blanket draped over her and her head in Jenny's lap on the ground.
Kaye's sleepy voice piped up. "One more song?"
Jenny stroked her hand through Kaye's dark brown locks and smiled. "Okay. One more song. Tony?"
Tony nodded. He knew the perfect one. It was another Jack Johnson, but it was Kaye's absolute favorite.
He sat up and readjusted his fingers and began to play.
"When you're so lonely lying in bed
night's closed its eyes but you can't rest your head
everyone's sleeping all through the house
you wish you could dream but forgot to somehow
sing this lullaby to yourself
sing this lullaby to yourself"
Abby's eyes were heavy with sleep, but she knew this song off by heart. Tony used to play it every Friday night when it was the two of them and Kaye. It always soothed her and helped her fall asleep, and it often even worked on Abby, herself. But now this song had a whole new meaning. With those thoughts in her mind, she turned farther into Tim and clutched at him. He would understand. He always understood. Which was why, even if they couldn't be together forever, he would always be one of her favorite people in the world. She gently pressed a kiss to his jaw as his arms instinctively wrapped tighter around her. For now, he was hers.
"If you are waiting, waiting for me
know I'll be home soon darling, I guarantee
I'll be home Sunday just in one week
dry up your tears if you start to weep
sing this lullaby to yourself
sing this lullaby to yourself"
Jenny stared down at the little girl in her lap and her eyes filled with tears. She had never heard this song before, but it ripped at her heart. Why did he have to be in that room? Why was it always him? She should have made him be more careful. She shouldn't have let it all happen. He should have been sitting beside her, glaring at her for some unspoken reason. He shouldn't have been in Mexico. He shouldn't have been away from Kaye. And now it was so much more complicated. If he came back now, if he came back and took Kaye back and took this sweet little girl that she loved so dearly away from her, she didn't know what she would do. Kaye began to stir, so she quickly wiped at her eyes and tried to rein her emotions in. She was strong. Whatever was to come would happen, and she would face it when it came. She just hoped that she wouldn't lose Kaye completely.
"lullaby, I'm not nearby
sing this lullaby to yourself
don't you cry, no don't you cry
sing this lullaby to yourself"
Ziva silently watched from her place with Tony. She had known Jenny for some time and could tell that the woman was in distress, though she was hiding it well from the others. The summer had been horrible and a struggle and full of change and wonderful all at once. Deep down, she believed that they all hoped to see Gibbs again, if only for Kaye's sake. But she also knew how it was tearing at her teammates. It would kill Jenny to lose Kaye after becoming so close to the girl. And Tony, well, he was really coming into his own and starting to see the leader that he was born to be. But if Gibbs came back, so much of that could be torn away in an instant. She sent up a silent prayer in that moment for the people around her and the man so far away in Mexico. She prayed that they would all heal.
"cause when I arrive dear it won't be that long
no it won't seem like anytime
that I've been gone
it ain't the first time, it won't be the last
won't you remember these words to help the time pass?"
Kaye felt the words drift over her. She had once liked this song because it was soft and melodic and helped her to sleep at night. But now it was bittersweet. 107 days. He had been gone for 107 days and she was pretty certain that he wasn't coming back. She had a family that she loved, but she still had a Gibbs-shaped hole in her heart that she just couldn't seem to patch with anything or anyone else. So as Tony got closer to finishing the song, she tiredly mouthed the words almost like a silent prayer. Maybe he would come back one day.
"so when you're so lonely lying in bed
night's closed its eyes but you can't rest your head
everyone's sleeping all through the house
you wish you could dream but forgot to somehow"
Kaye's eyes slowly closed and she drifted off to sleep safe in Jenny's lap as Tony's musical words embraced her.
"sing this lullaby to yourself
sing this lullaby to yourself
sing this lullaby, sing this lullaby
sing this lullaby to yourself."
The next thing she remembered was being carried to her bed in the hotel by Tony.
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Gibbs sat on a beach chair by the small fire he had built in Mike's pit as he watched the sun dip below the ocean. That was a sight he didn't get to see on the east coast. He checked his watch. 8:47, which would mean it was nearing midnight in DC. He briefly wondered what his team was up to. Would Tony be out at a club or with some girl that he wouldn't remember in two weeks? Was Abby at a concert that would eventually be the cause of her early hearing loss? Was Tim playing video games or writing the novel he didn't think anyone knew much about?
It had been a day full of thoughts of the team. He had been having dreams about them more and more of late. The weirdest dreams always seemed to come during his afternoon nap. They were the ones that were the most vivid, but never made sense. Kelly playing a video game. Kelly and Shannon in the park, but Kelly had brown hair. Kate Todd holding Kelly's hand in the distance. Kelly showing him how to make Abby's stuffed hippo, Bert, how to fart. Those dreams always revolved around Kelly, but they were never quite right. They never quite fit, and he still had yet to figure out why. Not that he was planning on talking to anyone about it. Hell, who did he have to talk to anyways, Mike? Mike would just toss him a beer and tell him to stop overanalyzing.
Tomorrow he was going to head into town again. He hated to admit it, but he was beginning to get antsy sitting around on the beach all day. No, he was going to pick up some lumber and tools and was going to start really fixing up Mike's place. Maybe if he was still bored after that, he could build an addition, or a hot tub or something. He just needed to get off his ass and do something.
He poured water on the fire and dropped his empty beer bottle in the pile along with the others. He climbed the stairs to grab something to eat and he could hear Mike's crackly old radio playing some acoustic song. Swinging the door open, he heard the words clearly and his mind flashed to something.
"I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
we'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs
I don't want this feeling to go away."
A little brunette girl held hands and danced with Abby in his basement as he watched on from his place as he sanded his boat. Abby spun the girl as they sang along.
As quickly as the flash came, it was gone, and it left him disturbed. This girl was a variation of what he had been dreaming about.
"Probie! Close the damn door. You're letting all the damn bugs in!"
The thought flew from Gibbs' mind as he slammed the door shut behind him and began making a mental list of the things he would need to purchase the next day. He would dwell on his odd dreams later.
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A/N: Wow. I think that was my longest chapter yet. So now summer is over. We're going to move into September. There will be about two weeks of Kaye being in school before Shalom, and that's when we see Gibbs return and we see how that will go down in regards to Kaye and then after that, what the fallout will be. Thank you so much to those who have reviewed. I have really loved hearing from my ongoing readers, as well as the newbies who have just picked this story up recently. I'm glad you guys are liking it!
Oh! And congrats to the NCIS Cast & Crew on being renewed not just for next year, but for the next TWO seasons! Go Team!
