"Such a shame what happened to the McGregors," her mother mentioned casually over tea one day.
For a moment, she wondered almost hopefully if they'd separated though she chastised herself immediately for the unchristian, uncharitable thought.
"The war's hit our village twice now. First Robert," here her mother began to choke up. Her mother still wore black though it'd been almost a year. Her mourning was more inward but not a day went by when she didn't miss her brother too, but she had the strong urge to shake her to get the rest of the words out of her. 'What happened to Dougal?', she wanted to cry, but she couldn't show her deep interest. "That poor family. Innocent Muggles caught in the crossfires of a wizarding war."
"What happened?" she finally asked a trifle too urgently.
Her mother looked at her a few moments and took a few slow blinks almost as if she were a Legilimens, which she knew she wasn't, but it still made her unsettled. "They were on holiday, the victims of a random, anti-Muggle attack by the Deatheaters. I heard it was quick."
As if the thought of it being quick could make it any better or less painful. She didn't know how she kept it together as she said stiffly, "Excuse me. It's hot in here. I need to go outside for a moment."
She didn't stop outside the door. She found herself walking to the field where Dougal had proposed all those years ago almost as if her feet had a mind of their own.
The neeps he'd promised to plant were now many generations away from the original seeds, of course, but they were in full bloom, the fruit of his hard work and proof of his success as a farmer. It would soon rot if whoever the farm had gone to didn't pick them.
And strangely enough, it was that thought that brought on the first tears as if she cared about neeps. All the dreams and love they'd shared came rushing to the surface as if it'd all happened yesterday.
It was her fault. If she'd married him, she could have protected him and any of their children. She still saw that little boy in her mind's eye, his son, so full of life and charm. Even his wife's death was her fault as she would have married someone else and still be alive. She felt even more guilty because she'd harbored jealousy toward the poor woman, whose only crime had been to take what she had turned down.
"Lord, bring their souls rest as I know You will. Bring comfort to their family and friends and to me. And forgive me for any part I played. And bring all this to an end. Almost two thousand years ago, You changed the course of human history with a little baby boy. Intervene again, and I pray on that day You do that I'm there to see it. Amen."
It was random the killing her mother had said. Nothing personal against her but so unjust and such a terrible blow to her that it might as well have been. One thing it had done was to add fuel to the fire of her desire to see their downfall as Robert Jr's death had done. "I will live through this war to see your downfall and your followers' downfall," she said to the air, spoken like a prophesy.
sss
She carried the pain around like a burr in her chest. It clung there and festered though she believed that it didn't effect her lessons in the classroom. She must have been wrong though because her favorite students, who were now courting shot her compassionate looks as they filed out. Lily went so far as to place a hand on her arm in a show of sympathy, but the girl had always been uncommonly perceptive. Nonetheless, she couldn't bare her soul to her students.
That's why her heart leapt with joy when she saw Elphinstone come for his annual visit. Here was someone whose shoulder she could cry into, and she did.. He smelled of old tomes and spicy cologne, a strangely comforting combined scent maybe because it was so familiar. He was always there for her in spite of herself and in spite of the number of times she had turned down this sweet man.
"The love of my youth died at the hands of Deatheaters."
"You couldn't have protected him," he said to her so softly that she wasn't sure she had heard him right.
She looked up at him, shocked. Did anyone else know her so well?
"You are a powerful and gifted witch, but you are not God, and you can't expect yourself to be."
She leaned against him again and cried some more. She did that a lot during this particular holiday of his, but he never complained or tried to get away. He even asked her to tell him more about Dougal. It wasn't the only way that marked it different from the other holidays. He didn't ask her to marry him when she was feeling vulnerable enough that she may have actually said yes. And that's when she realized she might be falling in love with Elphinstone.
