Holding On

Chapter 51

"Are you ready to go Buddy?" Sarah asked as she handed Jason his backpack. He took it while also clinging to Optimus Prime, he didn't want to go anywhere near horses without him by his side.

Sarah was used to the anxious feeling in her stomach that appeared every time Jason was about to embark on something new, but he was still worried about how much he could take on. And animals were right up there with having to make new friends and moving. She just hoped the Kim was right.

Connor texted her another picture of Owen. He, Henry and Claire had gone straight back up to the hospital that morning.

Sarah couldn't wait to get back to the hospital that evening to see the baby again.

"...Yeah…" Jason replied as Sarah put her phone away.

"We'll only do as much as you want." She told him, to calm him and herself.

"Nonsense, it'll be fun." Their Mom said, grabbing the keys. "Sarah, we have to let him out of his comfort zone more, he'll be fine."

But that didn't stop her from worrying.

Sarah showed Jason the pictures of Owen to keep him distracted on the drive.

"But she's your friend." He stated. "And she's your age."

"She is." Sarah nodded as their Mom turned into a long driveway, encased by trees.

"And she had a baby."

"Yep."

"So...are you and Connor having a baby too? Can I name it?"

Sarah let out a hysterical nervous laugh while her Mom stayed dead silent in the front seat. "No we're not. Owen was a surprise for Natalie."

"Oh. Well tell me when the baby is coming okay. I don't like surprises."

"I know Jason." She told him, itching to wrap him up in a hug and never let him go.

They got to the ranch and Kim was there to welcome them and so was David, her father's friend who happened to be a retired psychologist who had put his horse ranch to good use, he of course knew how to handle Jason well and the boy seemed to respond to him too.

"Do you want to go and meet the horses buddy?" Sarah asked, Jason seemed too nervous about the new experience, yet, David knew just what to say to help him. "You two know Connor, don't you?"

"Connor and Sarah kiss sometimes, but they are not having a baby soon, that's just their friend Natalie, she had a surprise baby."

Sarah saw her Mom tense up instantly but David simply smiled. "Oh, I see and Kim tells me you are friends with Connor too, right Jason?"

"Yeah, he's my friend even though he's bigger." The boy said.

"Then you are going to be glad Connor used to ride with us too when he was a boy." Sarah looked over at him. "Do you want to go meet Optimus?"

Jason imitated his sister and looked over."That's Connor's horse since he was about your age Jason." Kim explained. "He asked us to save him for you specially."

Sarah's heart began to beat faster as they walked over to the stables, her brother's stance was unsure, the horse was beautiful and seemed gentle but also looked big and scary, to Jason at least. "Connor got Optimus as a gift as a little kid, the two of them sort of grew up together but it's been a while since he's got someone as special to ride him." David explained to the Reese's. "Do you want to get a little closer Jason?"

"When is Connor coming?" Jason asked his sister, still behind her and away from the horse. "He said he'd come."

Sarah smiled. Thank goodness they had planned it and had a back up plan, even if Jason hadn't had a meltdown yet. "He'll be here soon." Kim said reassuringly.

"Then I want to wait for Connor, it's his horse so he has to ride him first."

"Are you sure?" Sarah asked. Susan looked as if she was about to protest but she too had other plans for coming to the ranch and she got a call from James in that moment who was coming too.

After all, this was a big deal for Jason.

James got there before Connor, even petting the horse and brushing him right in front of the boy to show him it was safe but the little boy was still adamant.

"Maybe it's a little too much." James commented and Sarah heard him.

"Let's just give him a little time." David insisted. "I understand this might be frustrating but it's how Jason deals with situations that take him out of his comfort zone."

"He shouldn't have to rely so much on Sarah's boyfriend, what if they break up? This is not just about them." James said.

"For now, Connor is someone Jason can trust and we must use that to our advantage, slowly, therapy will be useful for Jason not to have to rely on Sarah or Connor or anyone he seems to need to feel secure with, the main thing here is to give him confidence and have him be responsible for himself and others." Susan and James looked at each other and Sarah glanced at her phone and then at her brother who was sitting with Kim sipping on some juice. Her mind drifted to James's words. She had always been so grateful to Connor for being there for Jason, but the truth was that, she just didn't know what would happen between them once school was over and beyond.

It was turning out to be that maybe Connor was her security too and she wasn't sure how she'd cope if they were to eventually break up.

Yet, all her thoughts drifted back to Jason as he called for Connor, Sarah was sure she couldn't keep her stare away as he was wearing a turned over cap and t-shirt and jeans.

He'd never wore such laid back things but today he looked even younger, specially when he greeted Jason and led him over to the horse, explaining a little about Optimus.

He didn't ride him that day of course, they all knew it would take time but at least he got close to the horse and brushed him like Connor had taught him.

"Before we go Jason, there is something Mom and I have been talking about…" James said eyeing his son.

"What about?" Jason asked after they had said goodbye to the horses and made their way to the car.

"Well, we were wondering how you would feel about getting a puppy?"

Jason stopped walking as did Sarah, this was the first she was hearing about it too.

"A dog?" Jason asked.

"Yep."

"Will it stay here with the horses?"

"No," James shook his head, "We thought it could stay with you. How would you feel about that?"

Sarah nearly argued back, was horse riding not enough for Jason by itself? She bit her lip, worrying that it would be too much. Connor reached for her hand though.

"Would it be my dog? Like Danny's?"

"Yeah and you could name it too."

"And you would have to help us take care of it." Susan cut in, gauging her son's reaction.

"Does Sarah get a dog?"

"Well, you two could share." Their Mom explained.

That seemed to help things along, because Jason turned to beam up at Sarah. "Did you hear that Sarah? We can take care of it together."

She couldn't resist the smile on his face, "That sounds great Buddy."

"But I get to pick the name right?"

"We'll have to see about that." She joked but he was already nodding and climbing into the car, probably running through a list of names in his head.

"How's Natalie and Owen today?" Sarah asked Connor before she got into the car.

"Tired." Connor said. "I'm actually going to go over there now to see them, if you want to come with?" He gave her one of his winning smiles, which didn't help.

"Jason? Would you mind if I go and see Natalie now?"

"But you'll miss lunch." He blinked.

"I'll make sure she gets something to eat Jason." Connor smiled.

"So I don't get lunch with you two?"

Connor faltered, "Eh no, but Sarah will be home later?"

Jason looked betrayed. Usually Sarah would warn him in advance of any times she would be going with Connor or her friends.

Sarah bit her lip, and wondered if it was bad she was now hoping not to be accepted into Baylor for the summer.

"How about we go to Molly's for lunch, just the three of us?" James asked, picking up on the tension but Jason wasn't responding, just staring out the window, his arms wrapped tight around himself.

"Bye Jason, I'll see you later okay?" Sarah called but her brother wouldn't look her way.

She made a decision to help him out more over the summer.


"So today was good for him huh?" Connor asked as he drove her to the hospital.

"Yeah, I guess. I just worry about him."

"I know. But he's a great kid, He'll be fine." Connor rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.

"Yeah but..." She sighed, leaning her head back against the seat, "I'm just relieved today went okay for him. I think I was more worried than he was." She turned her head towards her boyfriend, "Imagine what Natalie has to go through now, she's like in charge of Owen's life."

Connor whistled softly, "I know. It's scary. But she has us."

Sarah suddenly wanted to withdraw her hand from his. Because yesterday had brought a lot of things into perspective. What if they did break up?

How would that affect her relationships with Natalie, and Henry and Claire and everyone else?

Luckily they arrived at the hospital in time to cut off her train of thought.

Claire was sipping coffee in the waiting room when they arrived, looking worse than Sarah had ever seen her. And she was pretty sure the older girl was wearing Henry's suit jacket.

"I never knew babies would wake up so much." Claire said in way of greeting. "Natalie's parents went home to get some rest and Jeff and his parents have gone for lunch, Henry is in there now."

"You look like you need a rest, go home Claire, we've got this from here." Connor said, still not having let go of Sarah's hand.

"Have I mentioned that you're my favourite little brother?" Claire grinned.

Sarah followed Connor into the room where Natalie was napping and Henry was rocking a sleeping Owen.

They whispered their hellos and took a seat. Natalie stirred at the slight noise, "Is Owen okay?" She panicked, looking around.

"He's fine, just chilling with his favourite Uncle."

"Don't make decisions for him, we all know I'll be the favourite." Connor laughed as Henry handed him the baby.

"Thanks for being here you guys." Natalie smiled softly, sitting up.

Henry was in the middle of asking Sarah how Jason had done with the horses when Natalie stopped playing with the threads in her blanket and abruptly asked if anyone had seen Will around.

"I need to ask him something." She announced.

"Haven't seen him since Owen was born." Henry said gently, "Do you want me to call him?"

"No. I need to ask him in person." She explained. "I want him to be Owen's Godfather."

Connor blinked, looking up from cooing over Owen, "What?"

Sarah put her hand on his arm because his question had come out a little sharp.

"Yeah." Natalie beckoned for him to hand her Owen as she leaned back against her pillows. "He was really great to me during the labour you know. And he's a great friend. And he's just great."

Connor gave Henry a panicked look.

He was about to be displaced by Halstead as Owen's godfather?

"I'll call him later if you want so he can come over?" Henry offered, still eyeing Connor.

"I don't mean anything by it guys, you know I love you both right? But Will was, well he's been pretty great and he was last night and…"

"Oh and we weren't?" Connor didn't mean to say that outloud but he had and now he couldn't take it back.

"Connor…" Sarah took his hand in hers. "You'll be as important for Owen…"

Natalie nodded. "Honestly? I just feel like I owe it to Will, he was here through it all." Connor bit his lip but didn't reply. "Don't be mad at me please?"

"I'm not." Connor's tone softened. "Listen, uh, I sort of feel bad about Jason, maybe we should try and make it to Molly's?" He told Sarah.

Henry and Natalie looked at each other as Sarah replied."If you want, sure."

"We'll be back, and I'll bring you a milkshake?" Connor offered, he really didn't want to be mad over Natalie's decision, he was hurt yeah but ultimately it was her decision.

"Okay sure. April is coming later anyway and Jeff should be back from the cafeteria any minute."

"Good. Come on." He told Sarah, squeezing a hand Natalie had reached out to as he went. Henry took a minute to speak.

"Maybe a little warning would have been nice? I mean I know you and Will have like this connection thing but, well…"

"Are you mad too?" Natalie sounded, sad, frustrated.

"No, and neither is Connor, it was just sudden." Henry admitted with a small smile sitting beside her on the bed and brushing Owen's head softly.

"Henry sweetheart." Carol Manning had come back behind them, returning all of the sudden. "You should go home, sleep, you've been here all night. I thought Sarah and Connor were here?"

"They were, but, uh Jason had a pretty big day today and Sarah didn't want to leave him alone." Henry said to Carol.

"Go home now, your father is bringing everyone to meet little Owen later and Henry should get going." She told Natalie.

"Okay, I'll see you in a few hours then?" Henry said with a smile.

"Yeah, thanks Henry." Natalie looked down at Owen. "Would you check on Connor for me? I just don't want him to be upset?"

"Of course." Henry smiled, kissing Nat's forehead softly. "He'll be okay, don't worry."


When they got to Molly's, her parents and Jason were on dessert so they decided to sit with them and order something, Sarah realized it was probably the first time since she had started dating him that she had had a civilized meal with them and Connor. Jason seemed pleased Sarah was there and then Connor tried to shift the conversation to the horse. "My house doesn't have a proper place for Optimus to live Jason so David said I could go visit him there."

"Oh, my dog is going to live at our house. Mom and Dad's, I'll have to get both of everything." Jason commented.

"We're going to get everything together, sounds good, doesn't it?" Susan put in, looking at James.

"Yes, of course and as soon as David lets us know, we'll go get the dog, okay?"

Jason nodded and got back to his dessert.

Connor excused himself to go get Nat's milkshake, he had been running his reaction in his head all day and was surprised she and Henry were still talking to him. He shouldn't have had come so hard on Nat, it was her child, she had every right to pick out who his godfather would be.

"Hey kiddo." Chris was there cleaning the counter as he waited for Nat's order. "Everything okay? Henry said you two would be spending the day with Natalie and the baby."

"Yeah, it's fine." Connor said. "I just wanted to spend time with Jason, he had a pretty big day."

"I see and you not knowing if Sarah's going doesn't have anything to do with it?" He smirked softly.

"No…" Connor put in. "I'm not saying anything even if she goes, she deserves it Hermann and if I say something, she'll get all these ideas in her head and not go."

"Very mature, I've got to say Connor." The teenager cringed, he hadn't been very mature regarding Natalie though. "Good man. Hey Sarah." He winked at Reese who now stood beside Connor. "You still up for that spot? I could use some help tomorrow with most kids on holiday."

"Sure." Sarah smiled, looking back at Susan, James and Jason. "I'll be here."


Connor left Molly's alone. Sarah had gone on with her parents.

He had been thinking about calling Natalie and apologizing, but instead he thought of going to Will directly and getting him to Nat and that's how he found himself driving to Canaryville on Saturday afternoon.

"Connor?" Jay opened the door. "Hey man, what's up?"

"Is Will around?" Connor asked, brushing the back of his neck.

"Yeah, you want to come in?" Jay moved aside, Will was coming down from the stairs when he saw him.

"Connor? Is Nat okay?" Connor had to smile at the instant reaction. "The baby?"

"They're fine, uh, I actually wanted to talk to you."

"Oh, okay, I have to leave for the hospital soon though." Will told him.

"I can drive you if you want?" Connor offered. Jay stared between the two of them.

And so Connor found himself driving over with Will, Owen had been born the day before but Rhodes knew for a fact the redhead hadn't called or texted Nat.

"I didn't get to thank you for making sure Nat was okay, that you got her to the hospital." Connor began.

"It wasn't really me, her Mom was there too."

"Still, you made sure she was okay, you should have stayed and met Owen." Will's eyes registered hearing the baby's name for the first time.

"Oh, yeah it was just a little too crowded, I didn't think she needed me anymore." Will admitted. Connor kept driving.

"She's always going to need you Will." Connor said. "I didn't think I'd ever understand what you two meant to each other, but I got it last night, I mean, you had just broken up with your girlfriend and you still went to make sure Nat was okay. I know how much she means to you Halstead."

Will didn't answer him.

Connor was beginning to wonder how he could manage to put his foot in his mouth with both Natalie and Will in such a short time.

But he was worried about his best friend, she was ridiculously vulnerable right now.

And okay, just maybe, he was worried about Will a little bit too.


"Where are you going Halstead?" Connor asked as he headed for the elevator up to Nat's floor and Will kept walking down the hallway.

"I'm here to make up some of my volunteering hours Rhodes." Will beckoned towards the hallway.

"You're telling me I drove you here and you won't go and see Nat?" Connor couldn't help his temper flaring again. The guy was in consideration for Owen's Godfather and he hadn't even met the little boy yet. And now he didn't care how Will felt about now, because Connor felt like the guy was messing his friend around.

"I never said I was going to." Will said in a firm tone.

"Well you're here now, go see her." Connor demanded.

"Just stay out of my business Rhodes." Will snapped.

"Your businesses is my business when it involves Natalie."

"You know I'm doing this for Natalie." Will told him slowly and turned around, continuing his walk to go to work.

Connor sighed, running his hand through his hair. If he was confused, he didn't know what Natalie was going to be.

Ignoring Will's snubbing of his prospective Godson, Connor made his way up to Natalie's room. He ended up hanging in the doorway, what with the room overflowing with Mannings and Jeff was in there somewhere.

Eventually the room emptied, the Mannings wrangled their kids out the door and for home, Jeff had gone to get something to eat and Natalie was left with a sleeping Owen.

"Hey." He said tentatively, sitting down.

"Hi." She said, not meeting his eyes.

"I'm sorry about before Nat. I shouldn't have been so short with you. Your choice just surprised me, is all. Everything seems to be a surprise lately." He sighed.

"Tell me about it." She smiled weakly, turing to take a look at the quiet baby.

"You're still sure you want Halstead as his Godfather?" Connor couldn't help himself, not when the guy in question was acting stupid.

"Yeah…" Natalie said but she didn't quite sound as sure as she watched the door.

Then it seemed to click. Connor suddenly wondered if she was doing this because she liked Halstead. Being Owen's Godfather would be a way to make sure he stuck around.

"Nat...about Will…"

"It's not about me choosing him over you or Henry Connor. You know everything isn't always about you." She shot, tears welling in her eyes.

Connor breathed in at the insult, and nodded, trying to be understanding, "Okay, but come on, me and Henry are like family. And you know we'd take care of Owen."

"I know that. But Will…" Her voice shook, "He was there for me from the start with Jeff, always trying to protect me, I should have listened to him from the beginning. And when I was in labour, he was there again and…"

"We were there too." Connor commented, then his gaze softened when Natalie seemed took even more vulnerable. "It's okay if you like him you know…"

Natalie glared at him, "I've just had a baby with my ex boyfriend. It's not like I can afford to have crushes Connor."

"Okay." He held his hands up in surrender, "But it's okay if you did. Have feelings for him. But I don't think…"

"That it's a good reason to choose him as a Godfather? Yeah I know that Connor." She was close to crying and Connor didn't know how to make things better. "I'm kind of tired. I'm going to get some sleep. You can leave Connor." She said, lying back.

"No it's okay, I'll stay. I'm not leaving that easily Manning." He grinned, touching the bracelet on her wrist.

"Everything feels like a mess Connor." She admitted.

Connor shook his head, "Everything will be fine, I promise." He kissed her forehead. "Here, this might help a little, you rest and I'll take the little guy." Connor gave Nat her milkshake and sat with Owen on the sofa in the room, looking at the baby sleeping in his arms.

He just wished he could believe his own words. Everything was changing and he didn't know if things would be ever be alright.


Drama is still brewing for Manstead and yay Jason is getting a puppy! What did you guys think?