Ch. 21

After Easter, Bucky seemed to really turn the corner. He enjoyed his week with Steve before he left to go back out on assignment. They both yelled their heads off at the baseball game, much to the chagrin of their friends seated with them. Bucky was surprised at how at ease he felt around Bruce, Sam, Michael, and Josh. He even offered to start volunteering at Josh's homeless shelter on Thursday evenings.

Once Steve left the following week, Bucky's life fell into a predictable pattern. He began to attend every baseball game he could with Josh, Michael, and Bruce. They spent hours arguing about the calls the umpires made, eating as many hot dogs as they could, shaking their heads when their favorite player struck out. Sam left on assignment with Steve, but Bucky still made an effort to keep in touch, texting him every few days.

Bucky's weekly routine started to fill up with more and more activities. Mondays, he still had lunch with Bruce, sometimes even venturing to a nearby cafe or diner. He grew to look forward to speaking with the gentle scientist, who was so different from his alter ego. He gave Bucky hope that he could one day come to peace with his actions as the Winter Soldier. If Bruce could somehow come to terms for all of the destruction done by the Hulk, then Bucky might be able to slowly let go of the guilt that gnawed away at him.

Tuesdays, he had his therapy appointment at the S.H.I.E.L.D. base and his doctor kept praising him on his continual improvement. He was already on his third journal, filling up the pages whenever he felt down or when he needed an outlet. He was surprised at how easy it became to talk to his therapist as the months went by, his initial mistrust and wariness slowly thawing. She had spoken to him about the possibility of reducing the dosage of his medication, but he balked, craving the dreamless sleep more than almost anything else in the world.

Wednesday mornings, he went to his group therapy meetings, opening up more and more as the weeks went by. He had met a couple of veterans there who he got along pretty well with and they started going to coffee afterwards. One guy was shaky after a particularly nasty divorce and the other just had a baby with wife, his eyes always bleary from a lack of sleep. Talking to them made Bucky realize the stress of what they were going through put an enormous strain on their relationships and made him glad he had steered clear of Monica's relentless suggestions that he try online dating. The last thing he needed to deal with was a girlfriend trying to talk him down during a flashback.

Wednesday afternoons, he went to the senior center with Monica and Stacy. He did everything everything he could think of to brighten Mr. Johnson's day. He brought in treats, music, novels, anything that the older man mentioned missing from when he lived with his wife. Whenever he brought something in for him, Mr. Johnson would squeeze his right arm, sniffing back the tears of gratitude, reminding Bucky of his own grandfather.

Thursday evenings, he met Josh at the homeless shelter. He offered help and advice to the managers who ran the shelter based on his experience living on the streets. He served dinner to the people there and he got to know many of the regulars. He would just sit and listen to them and their stories, offering no judgment, just a friendly face and a sympathetic ear. He quietly donated to the shelter, meeting need after need, trying to stay as anonymous as possible. He grew to really like Josh, realizing that any misgivings he had about the younger man were completely unfounded.

Sunday mornings, he attended church with Monica and Stacy, even helping from time to time with the set-up crew. He ate lunch out with the women and their friends after the service at a nearby sub shop. He got to know Erica and Michael better as the weeks went on, sharing in their joy when they found out that they were having a little boy.

When he had free time, he did his best to help Monica and Stacy out. He rode his motorcycle around the city, running errands, getting groceries. He even started making a few basic dinners to make things easier when they came home from work.

He had to admit that Steve was right about the motorcycle. Having the freedom to go wherever he wanted was heady. Sometimes, he'd get on the bike and just ride with no particular place to go, just wanting to feel the exhilarating rush of being outside with no destination in mind. While he still got tense in some social situations, leaving the apartment no longer bothered him. He lived for the moments when he'd take off and be gone for hours at a time.

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However, things weren't always easy for Bucky. One late Friday morning in early May, there was a rapid knock on the apartment door. He opened it and then cringed when he saw who was there.

"Hi, Bruce," Bucky said, giving his friend a warm smile. He took a deep breath. "Hi, Tony."

"JARVIS said you were in," Tony said, sweeping past him and surveying the apartment. "Nice. I like what Stacy's done with the place. You know, this is the first time I've seen it since they moved in."

Bucky tensed, knowing that he was the reason that Tony hadn't been invited over. Both Steve and Stacy knew that Bucky couldn't handle being around Tony, that it stirred up too many horrible memories. "Yeah, the place is great."

"You hungry? What am I saying? You and Steve are always hungry. I don't know how you guys can afford to feed yourselves. C'mon on. We're going to Luigi's for lunch. My treat," Tony said good-naturedly.

Bruce gave Bucky a wan smile. He knew that Bucky avoided Tony, although he had no idea why.

Bucky swallowed thickly. He couldn't think of a good excuse to say no. He was aware that he owed Tony a debt for fixing his arm and he wanted to make sure that he at least attempted to remain on good terms with him. "Yeah. Sure."

"Limo's waiting downstairs. Ever ridden in a limo before?" Tony asked.

Bucky shook his head, although it wasn't entirely true. Once, on assignment as the Winter Soldier, he had waited in the back of a limo to slit a target's throat, but he supposed it really didn't count.

"Well, you're in for a treat," Tony promised.

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The "treat" with Tony started Bucky on yet another setback. While not as severe as the first time he saw Tony, he was still plagued with nightmares and horrific flashbacks after having lunch with Tony and Bruce. He didn't leave the apartment at all for a week, save his appointment with the doc. And he would have ditched out on that if it weren't for the fact that he needed the pills so very badly. The second week, he stabilized, forcing himself to get out more and more each day. Both Monica and Stacy stood by his side, helping him in any way they could. Bucky shuddered to think what would have happened if he had been living alone by himself. Both women did their level best to support him and bring him out of it.

By late May, things had gotten back to normal. Bucky was proud of himself for pulling out of his breakdown and grateful for Stacy and Monica standing by him. Unfortunately, the fact that seeing Tony set him off so badly meant that Bucky would have to do his best to avoid him from then on.

Right before Memorial Day, Stacy came up to him one Saturday morning at breakfast, a sheepish grin on her face. "Bucky . . . um how do you feel about kids?"

"They're alright, I guess," he shrugged. He wondered if she was going to try to rope him into helping out in the church nursery. Monica had been after him for weeks to help her out on Sunday mornings, but he kept putting her off, citing his complete lack of experience with infants. It was one of the few times he refused to help her, but the thought of being stuck in a room of crying babies made him nervous.

She let out a sigh of relief. "Good. Because I talked to my sister, Amanda, and she and her husband are kind of struggling right now. It's really bad. They're overwhelmed, not getting any sleep. They've got three kids and they really, really need a break. The youngest is almost a year and a half, their girl is almost five and the oldest boy is eight. I was thinking . . . well, Steve told me he's going to be back in June. So, I was going to invite the two oldest ones, Mateo and Daniella, to come stay with us for a week once he's back and they're out of school for the summer. I'd go out there on the jet and pick them up and then fly them back here. I still need to talk to Steve about it, but I wanted to talk to you, too. The kids would be staying in the den. Do you think . . . would you be alright if they came for a week?" She gave him a tentative smile.

"It's your apartment," Bucky said simply. He wasn't quite sure why she was asking him.

"Yeah, but you live here, too."

Bucky's eyes widened, realization dawning on him. "I mean, if you're worried about me having a setback or something like that, I don't think there'll be a problem. I don't have any flashbacks dealing with children. I should be just fine," he said. "Don't worry about me."

"And you're okay? If they stay?"

"Yeah, sure." He gave her a wide smile. "It'll be fun."

She grinned. "I thought we could take them to the zoo and the beach and maybe Coney Island . . ."

"We'll have a great time," Bucky assured her.

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By the time that Daniella and Mateo showed up in mid-June, Bucky had gone a full six weeks without a nightmare or panic attack, a record for him. He slept through the night without the slightest worry, waking up refreshed and content. He thought less and less about his time as the Winter Soldier and began to make plans for the future. He promised himself that if he could make it a full three months without an episode he'd finally take the doctor's suggestion to reduce his medication. He might even start looking for some part-time work, although he wasn't quite sure what kind of job he would apply for.

The afternoon of Stacy's return, he helped Monica and Steve get the apartment ready for the kids. They cleaned up and remade the den into a makeshift bedroom for the children, blowing up air mattresses and putting clean sheets and blankets on them. Steve put his work laptop in his bedroom and locked all of the drawers to his desk to keep the kids out.

Steve had just returned the night before and Bucky could tell that the mission had been rough on him. Two months away from his wife and friends had taken a toll on Steve and he looked unsettled. Bucky tried to talk to him about it, but Steve just shook his head and said he was fine, immediately turning the question back to Bucky. Bucky had assured him that he was doing much better, feeling the most centered and focused he'd ever been since he broke free of Hydra.

Once the den was taken care of, Bucky and Monica went to the grocery store and picked up a few of the kids' favorite foods - chicken nuggets, turkey lunch meat, milk, baby carrots, fresh peaches, and cherries. Monica was excited as they walked up and down the grocery aisles to find all the right foods, telling Bucky all about Steve and Stacy's cute niece and nephew. She had known them ever since they were little, chatting with them whenever Stacy called them on Skype. Bucky smiled to see her so animated and enthusiastic.

When they got back, Steve helped them put away the groceries and before long, the apartment door opened and two dark-haired children came barreling through the door with Stacy trailing behind him. The boy, wearing a Captain America Shield T-shirt, ran straight towards Steve. "Uncle Steve!" he shouted, hugging him tightly.

The girl, wearing the same T-shirt as her brother, saw Monica and her eyes lit up. "Tía Mónica!" She raced towards Monica. Monica scooped her up in her arms, swinging the girl in a wide arc, and then settling the child on her hip.

"Hola, preciosa. I've missed you!" she said, holding the girl tightly.

The little girl flung her arms around Monica's neck, giving her a huge kiss on the check. She laid her head on Monica's shoulder and looked up at her adoringly. "I've missed you, too! Talking on Skype isn't the same. I haven't seen you in so long!"

"I know, sweetheart." Monica moved slightly so that the girl could see Bucky. "Mira, I wanted you to meet your Uncle Bucky."

Bucky's brows knit at being referred to as an uncle, but he quickly recovered. Monica lowered the little girl to the ground.

Daniella regarded him shyly. "Hello, Uncle Bucky."

He gave her a tender grin. "Hello, Daniella."

"Are you Tía Mónica's husband?"

Monica blushed. "No, sweetie. We're just friends. You know how your Aunt Stacy and I are best friends, like sisters? Well, he's Uncle Steve's best friend. They're just like brothers. They've known each other a long, long time," she explained with an indulgent smile.

"Oh! Well, then you two should just get married and then everyone's related," Daniella said brightly. "You could have a really big, pretty wedding and I could be your flower girl, just like I was at Aunt Stacy and Uncle Steve's wedding. I got to wear the most beautiful dress. That was the funnest wedding ever. I got to meet Black Widow and Hawkeye. They are so cool. Yeah, you really should get married."

Monica began to giggle. "Thanks for the advice."

Daniella stared at Bucky for a moment, head cocked to the side. "What happened to your arm?" she asked. "Why is it all silvery?"

"Daniella!" Stacy said sharply, looking over at them. She looked at Bucky, giving him a pained expression. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's alright," Bucky said, kneeling down to get at eye level and beckoning the little girl forward. He normally wore long sleeves, but as the summer grew hotter, he had started wearing T-shirts. "I was in an accident a long time ago and I lost my arm. This is a mechanical arm." He flexed it to show her.

"Cool!" Daniella exclaimed, her eyes wide as saucers as she reached over and her small fingers traced designs on his left arm. "You're like a knight in shining armor! You can be my knight and I can be your princess, okay?"

A knight in shining armor? Bucky's eyes began to water at the thought. He hadn't ever thought of himself that way. Daniella looked up at him expectantly, bouncing up and down a little on her toes. "Okay, princess," he said, ruffling her hair.

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Steve's heart sank a little bit when he saw his niece and nephew. He couldn't believe how big they had grown. It had been nearly a year since their wedding, but the children looked like completely different kids. Mateo had grown at least a head taller and his hair was buzzed short. Daniella looked like a little girl now, no longer the over-grown baby she had seemed when he first met her. It broke his heart a little when she referred to him as "Uncle Steve" instead of "Uncle 'Teve".

He had seen them regularly on Skype, but it wasn't the same. He was shocked at the change. He couldn't believe how quickly they had grown up. He felt like he had missed out on so much of their lives in just a year. He made a decision to make it a priority for him and Stacy to fly out to see them at least two or three times a year. Before he knew it, they'd be grown and he knew more than anyone that you never got that time back.

"Uncle Steve, could we take a photo? You know, like we did before of you holding us all up on the couch?" Mateo asked, his face hopeful. "I can't wait to show all my friends back home."

Steve grinned. He guessed some things didn't change. "Sure."


Author's Note-

1. Rough Spanish Translation-

Aunt

Hello, precious one

Look

Aunt

2. Over 250 followers for this story! 250! I am just overwhelmed! Thank you all so very much. Every single follow, favorite, and review is so incredibly motivating!

3. Also, just to let you know, I am planning on participating in Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month) during the month of November. Which means I may only update this story one time during the month of November, considering I will be writing 1,667 words daily to meet the goal of 50,000 words of an original novel in a month. It's a huge challenge, but one I'm excited about tackling. Let me know if any of you are participating also!