A/N: I do not own Harry Potter and would not particularly care to. I would like a rental agreement with option to buy for Hermione Granger. A short-term contract with Nymphadora Tonks would not be turned down. A Long-term agreement with Luna Lovegood would probably be a whole lot of fun. Any time Padma Patil wants to open negotiations, call me and oh for a weekend with Fleur. Oddly Lavender and Padma's sister (despite being her twin) Parvati do nothing for me…
Harry's little Pony
"Centaurs," Hagrid said pointing to the rough drawing stuck to the wall of his hut, " are a race o' creatures tha' originated in the mountains an' forests o' Thessaly. They are described as leadin' a rude an' savage life, occasionally carryin' off the women o' their neighbors, as covered with hair an' rangin' over their mountains like animals."
The half giant waited as several of the girls finished whispering and giggling over the idea of being 'carried off' by a centaur. " O' course, we all know the Centaur are a talented an' handsome race. They are natural hunters, handy with a bow an' masters o' astrology an' other divinin' arts."
Hermione Granger's hand shot up. "Divination is an awfully wooly subject," she noted once called upon. "Are their predictions accurate?"
"Well," Hagrid sighed, "I don' know myself, but they certainly believe in their seein', an' Headmaster Dumbledore had been known to seek out their counsel on important events. Great man, Dumbledore was."
"Over the last 2000 years, the Centaur herds have spread throughout the world. They live on every continent except Antarctica, and are recognized as an independent people by most of the world's nations."
"But not Britain?" Parvati Patil asked.
"No, not Britain", Hagrid sighed, "at least not yet."
"Why," Draco Malfoy asked, his tone as dismissive as ever, "would anyone care about those savages?"
Daphne Greengrass deftly cuffed the blond's ear. "What have we been saying about keeping a civil tongue in your head?"
Pansy Parkinson delivered a dope slap to the back of Malfoy's head. "Daddy and his money isn't around to protect you anymore. Please continue Professor."
"Err… Right," Hagrid said shaking his head. He still was not used to the new reality that had exerted itself in the wake of Harry Potter defeating the Dark Lord so spectacularly in the middle of Diagon Alley. Best get back to the lesson. "Centaur culture is based upon the herd. There is always an alpha male, the Herdmaster, whose word is law fer the herd. Think o' him as the herd's Minister."
Hagrid paused, giving time for his students to make their notes. He specifically looked to Hermione Granger, half expecting her to protest he sexual inequity among the Centaurs, but beyond an angry hardness in her eyes, she offered no protest. Another change there. Both sides had taken steps to silence the more strident among them. Where the Slytherins had taken great pains to try to teach the Malfoy and Nott boys to watch their mouths, Hagrid knew that Harry himself had taken his two best friends aside and asked that they both keep their more vocal prejudices to themselves. Hagrid had overheard Harry's discussion with Hermione.
"Hermione," the man who won had said, "you can believe anything you want, just like Malfoy can. What you can't do is tell our classmates how backward their culture is. Advocate for change, certainly, but don't try and nag them into a version of the Muggle world with wands. It just won't work."
Albus Dumbledore had been a great man. Young Harry was shaping up to be one as well.
Back to class. "The Centaur family unit is a family not unlike what most o' yeh know from yer homes, a stallion an' a mare pledge their lives to each other before the Herdmaster an' with time an' luck they brin' their yehng into the world. The average centaur family produces a pair o' foals, though larger families aren' rare. Both the adults will aid in the feedin' o' their family by huntin' an' gatherin', though the stallions usually do their huntin' in groups o' four or more."
"Centaur foals are cute little things, they love to play and laugh. As they get older and start learning the stars and their patterns, they become more… adult. Quiet, reserved, on occasion you may meet a centaur who smiles, but you'll never meet an adult to laughs."
The whispering rushed through his class again. In the distance at the edge of the forest, Hagrid spotted movement. Just in time. Every year before covering centaurs Hagrid went into the forest to speak with Magorian to request a representative of the herd for his class. Usually Ronan or Firenze was the volunteer, occasionally one of the higher ranking mares of the herd, but this year the representative was Bane.
Hagrid suspected that Bane had somehow annoyed the Herdmaster and that this was his punishment. Usually the representative of the herd would approach the class and answer questions, but Bane, he made it clear that he was only to be observed from a distance.
"And our representative from the Herd is here," Hagrid said gesturing toward the forest. " Normally, this is where I offer an O fer the year to the student who could make the centaur laugh, but seein' as the centaur is Bane …"
"Make him laugh for an O?" Harry Potter said rising from his seat. "I'll take that bet,"
"Harry," Hagrid said cautiously, "that's Bane lad."
"No worries Hagrid," Harry said sticking his wand in the back pocket of his trousers and starting to roll up the sleeves of his shirt. "Bane and I are old friends."
The class watched silently as the Man who won made his way from Hagrid's makeshift outdoor classroom to the edge of the forest. As Harry approached the centaur, Bane nocked an arrow and drew it fully obviously threatening Harry Potter.
"I don't believe it," Malfoy said wondrously. "Scarhead survives the Dark Lord and ends up getting killed by a centaur."
Hagrid kept his attention focused on Harry, and ignored the sound of the double dope slap delivered to the former prince of Slytherin house by the two young women that had taken it upon themselves to teach him to control his mouth.
Harry stood before the angry centaur with his hands raised to show he held no wand. The distance was too great for anyone to hear the conversation between the wizard and the centaur, but slowly, Bane lowered his bow, and restored the arrow to his quiver. As Harry continued to speak, Bane slowly tilted his head to one side, and then suddenly, the centaur began to smile. After a few more moments, Bane's shoulders began to shake, and then the centaur pitched forward onto the knees of his from legs as laughter echoed from the forest to Hagrid's hut. The entire class looked on as the centaur began slapping the ground in his mirth. Once Bane rolled over onto his left side, wrapping his arms around his stomach as he continued to laugh uncontrollably, Harry bowed slightly to the laughing centaur and made his way back to the class.
"Well," Harry said as he took his seat. "I guess I just passed Care."
"That," Hagrid said in amazement, "has never happened before."
-oooOOOooo-
"I don't see why I have to come to class," Harry protested as Hermione Granger marched him to Hagrid's class. "I got an O for the year, remember?"
"You still have to pass your N. E. W. T.s Harry," Hermione huffed.
As the class gathered, they could all still see the centaur Bane at the forest edge, along with a pair of others that the class didn't recognize.
"Harry!" Hagrid called as he spotted his favorite student approaching. "Bane so enjoyed your joke, he wants you to tell it to some of his friends."
"I don't know Hagrid," Harry said with a frown. "I wouldn't want to milk the joke. Besides, I've already passed the course, what's in it for me?"
"To make the centaurs laugh?" Hagrid smiled. "No, I wouldn't give you anything for that, but if you can make them cry… I'll pass the whole class with O's."
Harry looked about the class and found some rather hopeful looks from his classmates. "Alright, fine. Three crying centaur, coming up."
Parvati and Hermione exchanged looks as Harry made his way to the waiting centaur. "Did he tell you what he did to get Bane to laugh?"
"No," Hermione admitted. "I couldn't get it out of him."
"You don't really think he can make the centaurs to cry do you?" Pansy asked.
"I can't imagine how," Daphne said shaking her head, but I won't turn down an O for the year."
"Scarhead will probably just tell them his sad life story," Malfoy snarked, before yelping at the receipt of the dope slap.
Hagrid watched as Harry reached the trio of centaur, as the day before they were too far away to be heard, but the three centaur were laughing almost immediately. Harry stood for a few moments and began to speak again. Hagrid couldn't make out what the boy was doing, but a shocked look filled Bane's face, with the other two following in short order. Then the Centaur's faces shifted to looks of horror and perhaps… envy? Then the tears began to flow from the three forest dwellers, as the three clutched at each other sobbing inconsolably.
After a few moments, Harry left the crying centaur to return to his class.
-oooOOOooo-
Hagrid was true to his word. He didn't know how Harry had managed to make the centaurs laugh and cry, but he awarded the class with their uniform grades of O.
Harry just smiled whenever someone asked him how he had performed his trick. No one could get a hint of what he had done.
So it wasn't really surprising when his yearmates cornered him in a quiet hallway of the castle.
"Alright Potter, spill," Sue Bones demanded. "What did you do?"
"Does it matter?" Harry laughed. "Everyone in N. E. W. T. Care has an O for the year. Why would it matter how I did it?"
"It matters," Su Li said. "We need to know. The ability to make a Centaur laugh may be important someday."
"Hermione?" Harry asked.
"Don't look to me to save you Harry," his bushy haired friend said. "I want to know too."
"Fine," Harry huffed. "You're all a bunch of pushy spoil sports."
"Just shut up and tell us Potter," Daphne growled.
"Ooh, that's sexy," Potter snarked. "Growl for me again."
"Do you want me to hurt you Potter?" She growled again.
"Yes, please," Harry said with a shiver.
"Harry!" Hermione said threateningly.
"Alright, alright. To make Bane laugh, I told him my John Thomas was bigger than his."
The crowd went silent for a moment.
"Yeah, that would do it," Justin Finch-Fletchly said with a nod and a wide grin.
"Good one Scarhead," Malfory laughed. "Yeah, that would make the centaur laugh."
As a group the girls all rolled their eyes at the immaturity of males that evidently crossed species.
"Fine, you told him a stupid penis joke to make him laugh," Pansy sighed. "How did you make the three centaur cry?"
"Hmm?" Harry asked. "Oh, I showed them I was telling the truth."
Harry walked away from the group, never noticing that the girls were following him, or that the boys all started to cry.
-oooOOOooo-
A/N: If you didn't see that coming, you are obviously too cultured and refined to be reading my crap.
