Fragments of Us
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Warnings: None for this chapter
Chapter 53 – Healing
"Don't go," she whispered
"Say it again," he whispered back, not quite able to believe he'd heard her properly.
Kate took a deep breath. "Don't go," she repeated. "Stay. Don't leave me. I don't want to be anywhere else but with you. I want to re-earn your trust, your forgiveness. I want to prove to you that I believe you're – we're – worth fighting for. I love you, Sirius, I truly do…"
She was interrupted by a strangled cry as Sirius finally let down his guard and reached out for her. Kate moved into his lap and was immediately encircled by his arms. For the second time in two days, their emotions overtook them and they clung to each other and wept. They didn't know how long they stayed like that. They never knew that Molly had become concerned by the cessation of their voices and peeped quietly round the doorway to make certain they were all right. Similarly, they never knew that a silencing charm was cast and the door closed to ensure their privacy when Remus and Tonks, then Kingsley, came by to see how Kate was doing. All they knew as they sat there together, in those long moments that stretched into a solid hour, was that they had survived what they knew could have easily been the definitive blow to their relationship. What they didn't know was how that survival would evolve and, truth be told, at this moment they really didn't care. For now, they just wanted to be: alone, together, wrapped in the warmth and security of this cocoon – this safe haven away from the darkness – to hold each other, to talk quietly, to sleep, to begin to reestablish themselves, whatever that ultimately came to be.
"Do you mean it?" Sirius whispered against Kate's ear, his nose nuzzling her hair.
"Do I mean what?" she asked against his shoulder.
"That you don't want to be anywhere else but with me?" He stopped, bringing himself a bit more under control. "That you still love me?"
Kate pulled back so she could see him. His face finally showed the strain of the past few days now that he'd allowed his emotions to surface; his beautiful eyes were red rimmed and swollen, his bottom lip red and puffy where his teeth had worried it. Kate still thought him the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. She brought her hand from his shoulder and gently cleared the tears from his cheeks. "Yes, Sirius. I meant everything. I don't want to be anywhere that you are not; I love you so much."
Sirius pulled her back so he could hold her close to him again. "I was so afraid that this was the end of us, Katie-girl," he whispered. "I've never seen you like that – so ready to give up. I knew I was going to have to put up the fight of my life to keep you. I was afraid that it wouldn't make any difference to you."
"How could it not have?" Kate said to him softly. "I was so certain that it was the end and that I had only myself to blame. Nothing that's come between us in the past has even come close to this and I knew that I was to blame. I could not imagine that you could possibly forgive me." She began to thread her fingers through his hair, smoothing and stroking the long, black strands. "Sirius, can you forgive me?" She sat back again, needing to see his face when he answered.
He regarded her quietly for a few moments. "For not telling me about the baby, you mean?" At her nod, he continued, "Yes, I do forgive you. Honestly, I do. As angry as I was, I know that you weren't trying to hurt me intentionally. I know that you were trying to make the best decision for everyone involved." Sirius paused, cupping her cheek in his palm. "It just can't happen again, Katie. I'm never going to be perfect and I'm far from healed. But, I'm not broken anymore, Kate. I may have a long way to go, but you've got to just let me make my own choices and have the experiences that I'm supposed to have. I'm not a child; I can make my own decisions. And if I get pissed off and rant and rave, then so be it! I'll get over it a great deal faster and we won't get hurt in the process."
Kate caught his wrist then turned her head to press her lips against his palm. "I promise you that I will never keep anything from you again. I know I've said that before and that talk is cheap, but…"
Sirius interrupted her. "I've forgiven you, just as you've forgiven me for so many things over the past few months. We'll still butt heads," he smiled softly. "We've always done that. But maybe now we won't be so afraid of what might happen afterward."
Kate nodded, running her hand gently over his arm, lost in thought.
"Hey," Sirius whispered a few moments later. "What are you thinking about?"
Kate looked at him. "I miss you," she said.
Sirius' brows drew together in confusion. "I'm right here, Katie-girl."
She shook her head. "No. I know that. I just … I feel so empty, so off kilter somehow. It's … I think it's all the time I've been away from you – this Mission. I know it sounds odd, but…"Kate took a breath but couldn't control her emotions. "I carried this piece of you with me so even if … I wasn't … with …"
Sirius pulled her into his arms again, feeling his own emotions surge. "And it's not there any longer," he whispered through a throat that was impossibly tight.
He felt Kate nod against his neck. "And … it felt like you were gone…"
They didn't speak for quite some time. Eventually, Sirius cleared his throat. "Molly said that you and I would need to grieve this child … together. You might have felt like I was gone because, of the two of us, you, alone knew of the pregnancy. You grieved for us both, perhaps?"
"Sirius, I'm so sorry for that. So sorry that I didn't tell you right away," Kate sat up and faced him again. "That was so wrong of me. Molly told me this morning that the baby was a boy. That baby – our son – was yours, as well. You deserved to know about him from the beginning. I'm just so sorry," she finished.
"Shh," Sirius stroked her hair away from her face. "You've said 'sorry' and I know that you are." He stopped, remembering something from an earlier conversation he'd had with Molly. "Molly told me that she believes that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this wasn't the time for us to have this child. Maybe our world has to finish what we're facing before we bring more lives into it. Maybe we'll have our chance later on, when Voldemort's defeated for good and all."
"I want to have children with you, Sirius," Kate said to him. "You're the only person I can ever envision loving that much."
Sirius' stared at her as he considered what she had said and then he smiled softly. "When you miscarried, Remus came to tell me. Merlin, poor Mooney looked as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Of course, he first had to tell me that you were pregnant and in those few moments before he told me the rest of what had happened, my first reaction was such joy. It was quickly followed by anger, then sadness, but I'll never forget how purely happy I was in that second after he'd told me you were pregnant. I want to feel that again. Katie, I want to have children with you. I've never wanted to be with anyone else – not since the day I met you, even through everything we've faced – it's always been you. Always. I love you so much, Kate; so much."
Kate closed her eyes and smiled, feeling genuine warmth, relief and happiness course through her. "Say it again," she whispered, echoing his words from hours before.
"I love you," he whispered back and watched her smile grow wider.
Kate opened her eyes and met his gaze. "Kiss me," she said softly, her hand on the back of his neck, gently urging him closer. He needed absolutely no such urging.
"Happily," he said and his lips found hers.
Strength, warmth, protection, love coursed through them both as they deepened the kiss – their first in so many days. When the need for air forced them apart, they embraced again and just sat where they were.
"Hey, you haven't eaten, you must be starving," Sirius said quietly, but received no response. "Kate?" he called softly, but all she did was shift in his arms, burrowing her face closer to the side of his neck. He smiled and moved her gently back to lie against her pillows. Sirius kissed her cheek softly then swung his legs over the side of the bed, pausing to allow the pins and needles to work themselves out before attempting to stand. Once that had been sorted, Sirius made his way to the sink in the corner of the room and splashed water over his face, soaking a flannel and placing the cold cloth over his eyes for several moments to ease the irritation and soreness. When he removed the cloth, Sirius looked in the mirror. He still looked like hell, but, oddly, his eyes had the most peaceful look he'd seen there for some time. His stomach growled – loudly – and, with another look at Kate, he quietly crossed to the door and exited the room.
Sirius felt the tingle of magic as he crossed the threshold and smiled to himself. Making his way to the kitchen, he was surprised to find it empty, half-expecting to see Molly there, as per usual. He looked at the clock on the wall. Merlin, was it really half three already? He quickly made some tea and was rummaging around in the refrigerator for something to quiet his stomach when the sound of a footstep behind him made him turn around.
"There you are," he said as the healer walked into the kitchen. "I missed lunch, so I thought I might scrounge something for myself."
Molly shooed him into a chair. "I'll make you a sandwich, child. Sit. You look a bit rough around the edges to me."
Sirius put his hand on her arm and Molly turned. When she did, he put his arms 'round her in a tight embrace. "Thank you," he said quietly, his voice still hoarse.
Molly smiled and hugged him in return. "Silly child," she said. "It's just a sandwich."
"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it," he admonished her. "Thank you for listening to me and for not letting me make the biggest mistake of my life in walking away from Kate. In letting my anger and pride get in the way of the rest of my life. You've done more for me in three days' time than my own mother ever did for me the entire time she was alive. 'Thank you' doesn't really begin to cover it," he finished, placing a soft kiss on the older woman's cheek.
Molly squeezed him tightly before letting him go and reaching into the pocket of her robes for a handkerchief. "Look what you've done, child," she said. "Now I'll be all red and puffy."
Sirius chuckled at her. "You won't be alone there, Molly," he said, pointing to his own face, his eyes still showing the strain of the emotions he shared with Kate.
Molly reached up and patted his cheek. "All's well now, child?" she asked him softly.
He nodded, his smile echoing hers. "It's well on its way to being well, Molly. We talked and we grieved – obviously. She thought I didn't love her any more," he shared. "I realized that there was no way I could not love her, despite everything. Kate has certainly had enough to cause her to walk away from me, but she hasn't. She still loves me," this last said with a slight bit of wonder in his voice.
Molly smiled at him. "She loves you very deeply, Sirius; very deeply. I'm so glad that you have talked it all through. Here, sit. I'll make you that sandwich."
"Molly, what about Kate?" Sirius asked as he obediently sat in the chair Molly had indicated. "She hasn't eaten since before she came here. I know you must have given her potions to take care of that while she was unconscious but, now…"
Molly patted his back as she passed him to retrieve a plate from the sideboard. "She's fine, Sirius. I gather she's asleep?" At his nod, she returned to the counter where she cut a thick roast beef and pickle sandwich in half and returned to the table where she set it in front of him. "When she awakens, we'll give her some scrambled eggs and toast and see how it settles. She should be fine. Eat, now."
There was no further conversation as Sirius tucked into the sandwich before him, savoring the first food he'd eaten since the previous night. No wonder his stomach had protested so loudly back in Kate's room. When he had finished, Molly removed the empty plate and replaced it with one bearing a very large slice of chocolate cake. At his raised eyebrow, she commented, "Remus, Tonks and that nice young man Kingsley left and I was bored. So, I baked," she shrugged then smiled as Sirius took a large mouthful of cake and closed his eyes, savoring the feel and taste of smooth, sweet, thick chocolate against his tongue. "It doesn't look like you object too much," she observed as he licked a stray streak of chocolate from the corner of his mouth.
He winked at her. "Never," he said, continuing to devour the cake until only faint streaks of chocolate remained on the plate as evidence that there had ever been anything there at all.
"Kate will be particularly jealous of this," he chuckled, as he sat back in his chair, causing the front legs to rise a bit while he balanced on the rear. Molly pushed the chair back into its normal upright posture as she walked back to the table. "You'll split your skull doing that," she said.
Sirius' eyes widened in surprise then he threw his head back and laughed. "Yes, Mum," he teased. "But, that wouldn't be such a bad thing with you here…after all, you're a Healer!"
Molly playfully slapped his arm. "Scamp. Now, what will Kate be jealous of?" she inquired.
"My chocolate cake," he replied. "She is particularly fond of chocolate cake." Sirius paused for a moment, then looked at Molly. "She's really going to be all right, isn't she?"
Molly nodded. "She's really going to be fine. And, Sirius, she can have more children, you know. The curse did not affect her in that way at all," she added, patting his hand where it rested on the table.
Sirius nodded. "Thank you," he whispered, sitting quietly and remembering the time he spent with Kate. "I'm going to shower and change and then I think I'll go back inside with Kate for awhile."
"Sounds like an excellent idea, child," Molly agreed and rose, collecting his plate and carrying it to the sink. She was surprised a moment later, to feel a hand on her shoulder, followed by the tickle of a moustache as Sirius placed another kiss on her cheek. "Thank you for lunch … and for my cake. Perhaps we can save a slice for Kate." He wiggled his eyebrows, adding, "A small one, of course. Wouldn't want her to overdo." Molly laughed and waved him out of the kitchen.
XXXXXXXX
An hour later, freshly showered, beard and moustache trimmed, hair brushed and in a fresh set of robes, Sirius went back into Kate's room. He smiled again at feeling the tingle of the Silencing Charm over his skin as he passed through Kate's door.
"Don't you look handsome?" Kate said, smiling softly as he entered.
Sirius went over and sat on the bed with her. Leaning over, he kissed her gently on the lips and replied, "Yes, actually, I believe I do." He smiled crookedly.
"Now there's the egotistical wizard I know and love." Kate replied, chuckling at him. "Where've you been keeping yourself?"
Sirius looked down at her, tears forming in his eyes and he embraced her gently. Kate rested her cheek against his for a moment before pulling back. "What is it?" she asked.
Sirius shook his head. "Welcome back, Katie-girl. It's nice to hear you laugh – even it it's at me." And, with that, he lowered his head and kissed her tenderly, loving the feel of her arms around his neck and the press of her body against his own.
"Mmm," Kate breathed when they drew apart. "I'll have to laugh at you more often, I think. I like the result."
Sirius smiled. "As often as you'd like, love; as often as you'd like!"
