All TMNT characters are copyrighted by Mirage studios and were created by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. In the Shadows and Guilty by The Rasmus and Interscope Records, I've seen it all by Björk and Elektra / Wea, Dangerous Game by Leslie Bricusse, Wildhorn and Atlantic / Wea. Some concepts borrowed from GUNM Last Order by Yukito Kishiro.


Won't stop
Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel like going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted

"Thirty years?! And this is all you have? Truly pathetic" The oddly aged Utrom, almost disappointed said.

INSIDE THE MAELSTRÖM

Had I been walking straight to a trap? Leo wondered, remembering the Utrom's words on their supposedly forgotten meeting but all considered, the truth apparently was that he was being manipulated too. Could she trust her Rylian unapologetic former life to help her? Could she trust herself or whatever she became afterward? Shell! She had not that much confidence in herself already. Nothing is free, everything had a price, she knew that. That creature had had ulterior motives, hadn't she? And she was not precisely apologetic or sorry for this, it was clear as water. But then, had she had another choice but to be what she had been? Whatever it had been, it was history now, yet it seemed as though the whole universe had conspired to bring her to this. If Ch'rell had to be stopped, then why was the Null Time Order now helping him? Renet and her Time Mistress schemes! Would heeding with Ch'rell's wishes stop the Shredder? She was so tired of this, she did not even care what that would imply, as disturbing as the courtship thing sounded, though actually in that aspect the other turtles seemed more threatening. Or would she find herself thrown back into this unending spiral again in a future life? Was there a way to stop this? Don's tale had chilled her and had made her push away her doubts regarding her father's far-fetched suicidal plan back then. Where were the Tribunal, the Justice League members and the Null Time Order in that reality? Even if it had sounded as the world the "original Shredder" had been trying to create, senseless destruction was not really part of Ch'rell's personality. He was still much of an Utrom to indulge in such things and, not that he had ever been a model of propriety, but it was definitely of the Shredder apparently. He too had gotten more than he bargained for after all, when he got the heart of Tengu mystics included another thing the Tribunal had not told them a thing about, despite her inquiries, the only topic he had refused to address that left a myriad of unanswered questions: had he maybe taken it from the Tribunal? How? Since they were… Well the Tribunal. Had the Tribunal given it to him? Why? Knowing them and their schemes… Anything could be possible… Great! She thought. She now knew him well enough to know that, she had always had an inkling that the Utrom had not been fighting seriously: despite his overly dramatic gestures, he had not enslaved Japan when he had the chance with his mighty Tengu katana after all. And, to tell the truth, she had always dreaded the change that had fortunately never come. Don's tale had confirmed it for her. Why had the timeline changed so dramatically? she wondered, because more than alternative universe, it sounded more like a time travel. Just because of Don's disappearance…? A singularity? Their multiple time travels, particularly one outside the Null time intervention… "Had I not seen you that day in the evolved form you have now, I would have never noticed, I would say you made me overreact, …" It could have had something to do with that? But, what had he meant by that? How much did Ch'rell know? It was difficult to tell. Yes, he was shinobi as well and a very proficient one. Unfortunately, Don had been too traumatized about how their great plan to take down that Ch'rell ruled world was going to work to force him to go into details, like why the Shredder would look any different "aged" in mere 20 or 30 years which for Utrom would be a blink of an eye, but she could not risk causing Don a nervous breakdown. She had sounded a bit pathetic in that tale now that she thought about it, so maybe in that world she had not caught the Utrom's attention. And the words that had chilled Don… He toyed with us till the end. And the guilt he had for that intromission because it had gotten all or most of them killed still weighted on Don's conscience. Yes, the most logical solution would not go well with Don and, well, Raph's accusations stung. "You know what that did to Mikey? To Don? To Father? Do you even have the slightest idea?" Well at least they would not become evil overlords would they?

But still, sudden disappearance would not be really… the Null time order tactics. In the real world, there were no such things as the happy endings that plagued the story tales for kids where the good always prevailed, for as hard as it was to recognize, there usually was no real black or white, just shades of grey, she had known that since childhood. She had accepted her place in the clan as a tool, without a doubt and had tried her best to reach Master Splinter's expectations, living for their sake as the perfect shield and sword from the untold enemy she could feel they were being prepared to battle. But in the end, she had failed. "I did not want your training to be tainted by the poison of hatred." Maybe that is where I failed, she self-admonished. She always had been ready to die and to kill for it, for her life belonged to the clan the moment Splinter had chosen to take them under his wing, just as Karai's belonged to the Shredder. How blind she had been. She had no right to judge her despite that loyalty to a wrong cause is considered a perversion of honor: a shinobi was only a mere tool in service of the clan, right? There should be no greater honor than that? If that granted the others a chance of a somehow happy life, the better, she will give it all. That was why their "final suicidal attack" on the Foot HQ clashed with all she had been trained to do, for it confronted her conflicting duties: how would getting the whole clan killed in her master's plan solve anything? She had obeyed. Shell! She had even dragged along April, Casey, Honeycutt, and LH! It only proved that their lives were less valuable than those of the human master Yoshi and the Utroms, in her master's point of view, because shouldn't Utroms be the ones responsible to solve their mess for they had the means and, all things considered, the responsibility. And it also showed how conceited master Splinter had become out of their very narrow previous wins and how he had decided to take master's Yoshi's mantle as a guardian, though none had asked him that, probably for, if she had a dream like that… Well, she would have blamed it on Mikey's pizza probably, though it had been her idea to blow the thing, probably from her emergent Slayer dark side, most likely not wanting to give the Shredder a second chance to persuade her after how he had basically kicked their shells in both exosuits, and, particularly with the Rylian terminator like type. Well… to tell the truth, it had disconcerted her just as much as her first time in the battle Nexus Honor Hall with a huge déjà vu feeling. Something inside her, probably the Tao Te, I ching Philosopher in disguise brat had sort of hoped they would talk her out of it, it was too radical and too similar to the attitude the Shredder had taken regarding his former comrades. I don't care if I die if I can take you with me and that he had been shown to survive those sorts of things before, more than once. As long as they remained alive they could have come with something else though. Yeah, the blood loss and the breathing difficulty had not been helping her judgment much as they failed to realize, they trusted her too much, she was a great actress. After all, she was barely holding herself conscious out of sheer willpower. "A powerful empath able to sway others wills, untrained but talented."… "Would it have revived Yoshi or Tang Shen?" The Ancient One had asked when confronted after he told the whole trio story to her as her mind refused to move past the point of failure. "Yoshi, that reckless child, that Splinta only remembers what he wishes, that not precisely model to follow." The Ancient One had laughed ironically: master Splinter had never mentioned Mashimi to them before, nor the Ancient one, nor Hamato Yoshi's disobedience to his master and clan. She wondered why. Probably master Splinter's memory was a bit faulty too. Well, considering he was a pet rat… Well, it was surprising how much he did remember of his former life. She had no recollection of the days in the pet-shop and her childhood memories were a bit off. "Count blessin' Kumquat, you still all one piece." Yes, but had she lost one of them for that… vendetta? because there was no other way to describe it and survived: Mikey, Donnie, Raph. The very ones she had been made to protect all her life. Yes, seppuku was the path appointed by Bushido as the only way to atone for her failure as she had let her master know when she awoke in the Utrom spaceship. Only to receive a hard slap from her distressed master's paw. The second time he had ever hit her. Apparently, she had almost died that day, she had awakened just in time for the trial and was a still weak, still the most injured one, the one with a visible scar actually. Had it not been for the prompt response from the Utrom medical team... Well… On the bright side, I would not be in this hassle, right?

Raph tended to mark her as an idealist, mocking on how little the standards of bushido meant in the real world. They had been safe grounds, of sorts, a guide in this hectic reality, another façade; she knew what the real world was like, more than Raph probably imagined. She watched the news; she read a lot of history books and anything she got her hands on. Certainly, some of those things had not even been age appropriate for her actually, for she had always considered herself the mature one. To know the world was quite different from the Comic books Mikey liked, where things were mostly clear and the good guys always, against all odds, won. Well, they sort of have been living in a comic book story until now, that had made them all a bit cocky. She never had that relief, She had felt the darkness and despair of the lost ones, she had been walking on a narrow line to maintain her control and sanity all her life, She controlled herself a lot for she knew that, unlike Raph, who was content with bashing some skulls, that, as had happened, if she gave in to anger completely, even once, well the term 'bloody rain' would apply. She sort of had chosen to be a sword. "Sometimes the sword kills, sometimes the sword gives life." It seems easy but in reality… Well: "Warrior? Well, still an unfitting name as isn't it just a nice word for a killer." Swords, like guns, weren't toys. Unlike the other weapons, turning them into less lethal devices was a true prowess, for even in inexperienced hands, a sharp blade could be deathly. She was extremely conscious of this in all her group sparring, even a boken could cause a lot of harm. This was why control and guidance were vital to pull some restraint on her acts. She had seen how cruel and uncaring the humans could be despite the admiration master Splinter had for them, how harsh nature was, but should she give up as Ch'rell had? He who had declared himself above them and… Well… Everything else? Rejecting the universe in favor of being trapped on his own vision of how things should be.

I've seen it all
I've seen the dark
I've seen the brightness
In one little spark
I've seen what I chose
And I've seen what I need
And that is enough
To want more would be greed
I've seen what I was
And I know what I'll be
I've seen it all
There is no more to see

But did rejecting reality achieve anything except bring misery to those around? Well, not that she could admonish anyone. "Meditating problem away won't make them disappear. We just small sand grains in eternal dessert that cannot even imagine the greater landscape…" The queen of delusion and escapism… Yes, the Ancient One always knew what to say, and, with just a glance had seen behind her façade and pretenses. And he just saw the unworthy little-confused hatchling she had always been, just as Ch'rell did. The difference was that the latter found it somehow intriguing. Too bad she had not been able to finish her training that first time, it would have helped. It had been the first time in her life she had been able to breathe since she could remember, she had felt some sort of peace and freedom she… It took her a long time to find out why. "Your mind is completely untrained in that aspect, warrior, a wonder you have lasted this long. Only another empath would have understood…Sshe...had a lot of troubles with that too. " She shook the thought away and the second… well. "Ya think yourself better than yer brothers, ya think as good as Splinta." Yes, she was indeed conceited. Splinter, her father, and master… an enigma too in her eyes, she knew there was more to him that he had let them know. Her upbringing by Master Splinter's may not have been perfect, she admitted, but whose was? And he cared about them and, considering what she had seen in the streets, she everyday thanked the heavens for having such a loving father. She hated doing this to him… to them, Couldn't she be the reincarnation, or whatever, of something less flashy and treacherous? A cactus maybe, some common whatever… Completely unrelated to the clan's most dangerous… "You were the ones who would not leave me and my organization alone, remember?"

They were not interesting enough after all, in the Utrom's grand view. Actually, she had sort of wondered back then and been guiltily flattered of, why he had been so interested in her: Raph was much stronger, Mikey was more athletic and would he focus enough, he would be a superb ninja. And Donnie… Well, he was Don. She was just her, the one always struggling to catch up with the others' talents. "Maybe because I have plenty of those..." Maybe this whole thing was in her mind. Yeah, denial sounded just fine too! She had read somewhere that most of the cases that alleged reincarnations in the Asylums would claim to be reincarnations of important or famous former kings, queens or conquerors, to feed their ego probably. Yeah… Why settle for your average Bob the milkman, if you could pretend to be Julius Caesar? ... Megalomaniac tendencies, they both had them. Well, am I, or any of us, supposed to be here at all? She wondered, as it seemed the whole universe was in a major conspiracy to wipe them out with their turtle luck, as Raph described it. Her existence as a sentient being was the result of the Utroms, who were on Earth because of a suicidal Ch'rell, they were in NY because he had made them flee from Japan and were playing with substances with mutagenic properties for: "undisclosed reasons? How is that different from my ill-fated human enhancement program? At least, I actually used locals to help me. I have no answer for that, make your own conclusion, warrior."As the Utrom had said. They had not even taken responsibility for LH, irresponsibly leaving him behind in an about-to-explode building, Even Mikey, with his short memory span, had at least taken the time to take Klunk with him. They had not taken responsibility for their mutation either: they could have used their help while they grew up, but well… "Do you honestly think they did not know you existed?" She had never needed a real reason for their existence. They just did, and that had been enough for her: it's what you did, not where you came from that mattered in the long run. But for Donnie… By chance, an accident? A… How did Mikey call it? You lowly mortals might be bugs! But I… The mighty Nexus champion, am a humongous glitch! What she would give for that sort of self-confidence. Donatello had never really taken it well, he always had thought there was a higher plan, or something particularly, for she could see it in his eyes how he lusted the chance to remain with the Utroms to learn about the wonders of the Universe that was never even offered. Shell! Master Splinter knew it in his beware of what you wish. That proved how little he knew her and how well he knew the others, the one were Donnie ended as the brain behind the annoying Serling, after an ill-fortuned accident in his Star trek like dream cruise, must have stung and had touched a sensible fiber in her, for she would have missed him, because Donnie would have loved to stay behind, she had seen it in his eyes that always look beyond, but if it made him happy… Yeah, their life's on Earth were so fulfilled and full of prospects for someone like Don… He would have been abandoning their sweet home sewer, fixing their stuff and making wonders out of the broken pieces they found, which they actually had to, due to the disgruntled and headless Foot that had taken their "unprovoked" attack just fine, particularly as Karai and Chaplain had been basically released, since the Utrom human relations were not that clear. Therefore, apparently, there had not been any real crime to prosecute by the very corrupt local authorities. Yes, cruising the galaxy instead of dealing with a maniac Alien and mutant hater with legal and military capabilities who had enlisted a maniac scientist, who had more lives than a cat and an obscene interest in seeing them in a dissection table…

She sighed. What did the Utroms really think about them? She would not entrust Don to them. Utroms, like the Tribunal, did not like surprises, or things that defied their overly ordered world, which was why Rylians were their natural enemies, a reminder of who they were, their ids running free, their former partners in crime, or rather chain mates… "Too much information for master Splinter, no doubt." To tell the truth, they had been sneakier than Ch'rell but she could not blame them though: they just had acted on their own species' interests' behalf, just as the humans acted in reality. Did they have any right to interfere? Since it seemed they owned their whole existence to Ch'rell's temper tantrums... Don had suggested it before being sharply cut by Raph. "Way too much information," would have said Mikey. Yeah! She had way too many information about their adversary now. Way too much. She probably knew him better than he knew himself now. Shell! She even sympathized with him. As the immortal Lincoln had said: "I don't like that… man? I must get to know him better." Not in all, of course! She had been in the trial after all, but his reasoning was quite logical or used to be at least, and facing the real reason why she had been sent out that second time … compared to some of the things she had seen in her time around the world… "When there is no enemy within, the enemies on the outside cannot hurt you." How true that was: The Shredder was by far not the worst of all. She was aware of the darkness that lurked around, but being confronted with it so directly, without the sheltering presence of her family…: the kids in the boat, the merciless killing of whales and wildlife, the miserable preying on the miserable…Well… For, with the same measure you measure, it will be measured back to you; could a Slayer like her really pass judgment?

"The only completely consistent people are the deceased." But had he changed that much to throw away his life? He had been ready to die in the spaceship a thousand years ago, that was his slight miscalculation: against all odds, he had survived and on the building? How many times had he escaped now? There seemed to be major conspiracies to keep him alive and free. Well. Defending their own lives was an inherent right to all life forms, so… Was there a perfect solution? To whom did her loyalties belong?

She wondered in the twilight realm she was now. She felt as if she was floating. Being guided, hearing some distant calls, answering back automatically. Great! She was now pondering on the meaning of life… But then, shouldn't sacrificing herself involve a real sacrifice? She thought as she saw Don falling and she said out loud: "Not that one!" And then she felt pain and then all white, maybe the universe will correct the glitch by itself after all… It was fine, wasn't it? as she felt herself go, and then feeling something foolishly holding her back with all its might. "DON'T LEAVE ME!"

There was apparently another great conspiracy on her, she thought amused.

The true path to victory is to find your opponent's weakness and make him suffer for it. To take his strength and use it against him until he finally fails or quits. There are no accidents and knowledge is power and life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely. She recited as she let the whole memory spiral engulf her. But maybe she was not as ready as she felt the multiple thoughts, confusion, pain… Too much. She felt as if she was fading, pulled in all directions.

Will the ghosts go away? -
Will, she will them to stay? -
Either way, there's no way to win!

But she found once again strength in that presence that had to pull her back for a reason she could not put in words. It feel like something primal ingrained in her hard to resist so, for now, she felt like being selfish, letting that comforting energy she had near her, embrace her. Yes, letting herself be selfish for now sounded just fine. She let herself go completely in the emotion until it stopped and she felt something cold that pushed her away. "Guilt, confusion, pain… why?" she thought, sadly letting that comforting energy go and then, she heard another voice calling her from the distance, as in a whisper that made her shiver with thrill and dread and she replied sadly and, no doubt, too tired and confused to put any fight. "You came for me?"

All I know is' I'm lost -
And I'm counting the cost -
My emotions are in a spin!
I don't know who to blame...
It's a crime and a shame!
But it's true all the same
It's a dangerous game!


"No, it is just… Wait. I mean…" The overly distressed time Mistress said, trying to persuade the Utrom. This definitely had not been in the manual.

"I am done waiting! I have waited for enough and I see no point in this… whatever the outcome, I want that creature by my side that is all. Simple. I don't see the point of depriving myself of the things I want, that would be unreasonable!"

"But… You understand that… Well, this is a minor setback." The doubtful Time Mistress said. Nothing had gone according to any present plan, until now.

"This time is different: I have lost contact!" The Utrom yelled. "Completely. It was not a temporary thing as you said. Even a pathetic, half-baked Time Mistress would understand that cannot be good."

You've been so thoughtless
I can see right through you
you used to be there for me
don't you leave, say goodbye
cause' you have changed but so have I

guilty, guilty I feel so
empty, empty you know how to make me feel


"What's this thing got? Some sort of mind control device in it? Because you are losing it, Leo!" Raphael said snatching the sword.

"Hey! Give that back Raph!"

Donnie remembered that fight as they rushed back to LH lair, having summoned the other 2 turtles, never before had it stung so deeply in his mind, the communication with LH had been cut short. "You did not see her immediately after that meeting, father. She was so different! I had never seen her like that before until…." He said trying to get hold of LH again.


"You lie!" Yoshi hissed in a low voice. "He who lives without honor will end without honor," he said losing consciousness.

The Utrom sighed annoyed. "This is a waste of time, finish him"…

"Denial?... I will finish you myself"


Author's notes

Hi, It's me again! this has turned into a sort of monthly thing, the larger the story the harder to wrap and piece not pulling something from my sleeve and finish it, not counting that 1.0 keeps getting in the way of writing.

Thanks again to Lady-Kassy for her continuous beta of this story.

Thanks to Nala162024, Leo's Katanas, deathoftoast, lady kae and dozer for their reviews they encourage me to continue. The last chapters have been basically from Don's memory POV trying to understand what had happened, and also a glance of things that were happening elsewhere action pack description sequences are troublesome for me so I recurred to memory glimpses instead to show what had happened; that is why it does not follow a strictly chronological order this is mainly from Leo's POV.

The quotes are modifications from here an there

"Warrior is just a nice word for... killer!" Comes from Yukito Kishiro GUNM Last Order vol 4 used by a certain colonel Payne passerby incidental soul less filth cynical villain at his best who appeared alive for 4 pages at most and who chose to remain in the main character's psyche as a nuisance.

"The true path to victory is to find your opponent's weakness and make him suffer for it. To take his strength and use it against him until he finally fails or quits." I got it from Kung Fu Panda but I am sure that comes from somewhere else in the Tao Te Ching or a martial arts philosophy probably as the core for judo and some martial arts is to use the opponent's weight and momentum against him.

"Life is changing. Growth is optional. Choose wisely." Anon

Leo seems a bit doubtful in this but is not completely OOC I read somewhere in mirage canon something akin to "I am ready to die for him but I am not ready to give him my life" regarding continuing the vengeance against the Foot after the human Saki's demise and considering Yoshi was supposedly part of the Foot I guess it makes sense, and in Exodus Leo does question the infiltration for is really dangerous for them all something like "him leaving isn't...good?" of course he goes back to I support anything Splinter says but he is shown to have doubts about it.

My arguments this chapter is heavily dependent on SAINW the must-see 2003 series episode so If you haven't go watch it, The Daimyo's sore loser son mixed with sore loser Drako come for revenge on Leonardo and Splinter and end up sending the turtles across creation and time. Raph ends in a race somewhere in a far place of the federation controlled galaxy, Mikey to an alternative superhero universe were Splinter is the Sliver the ultimate bad guy, Leo ironically is sent to Usagi's dimension (who said two minds work better than one) To Leo that was a vacation now sending him to were Don was sent that would have been different, Splinter did get imprisoned though. By the way Leonardo is shown doing some intriguing feats through the series that were never explained I mean handling the Tengu katana, that impressed the Shredder as an impossible feat, opening a portal after hearing his master chant once, the Daimyo's staff and someone else's soul weapon so how trained is Leonardo exactly for those things and why since the others seem sort of clueless, he did better than Splinter actually save for Drako being on his way. Mikey and Raph held the time scepter but they had no control whatsoever (something that powerful just conveniently arrived in the hands of other villain this just shows how oblivious Renet is shown to be and that Lord Simultaneous is quite negligent too) . Well back to SAINW they cramped a series worth of story in one episode it was cool though a bit fragmented as in must watch, someone made a cool vid in youtube with danzai no hana song for that one, Don gets sent to a sort of future were the Shredder basically is the undisputed ruler of the world, no signs of justice Force members, the Tribunal (They were probably very busy guarding the original so screw the Earth) or any other opposing force, not even Bishop, one thing that intrigued me was that they mentioned to Don that he was an alien meaning the building incident never took place, and they probably never contacted the guardians either so I am pushing it to that the hunt for Leonardo's never happened either and Bishop just probably captured Don probably disposed of him and afterward the Shredder decided to crush the thorns on his side that had cross him enough times following a cold logic tough 30 years to leave Earth? when the Utroms already had a functional transmat by the time of Secret Origins? was he enjoying the view or what? A second thing is that why would the Utrom looked aged and why did his purple eye mark disappear, editing goof probably, on the others both human though Karai looked great for being on her 50ties and turtles I agree though they seemed to have aged differently than in the BTTS they were all the same height so yeah Leo got a growth spur afterward, but for the Utrom after a millennia he suddenly deteriorated through a Rip van Winkle or Urashima Taro thing or what? it does not make sense to age him, it would be like aging a vampire. Another thing to consider is How does the heart of Tengu fit in the canon along with the mystics? is not really shown. I still can't let go how easily Leonardo was fooled that first time or how angry he must have been with Splinter's secrecy, OK lets phrased it like this: paranoid Leo willingly goes to a meeting with an suspicious force (yeah nothing beats an arrow to your head to improve the trust) without backup or letting Splinter or anyone know and breaks every ninja stealth rule showing himself undisguised and confirming that is was not a costume and later after a brief talk was advocating for said force to his brothers; so brainwash does come to mind.

A third thing is Ch'rell is drawn differently from the rest of the Utroms his color is different from others and has a crest-like structure no other Utrom is shown to have, so although it was a probably a design thing for the series it does fit with the story as him not being completely Utrom doesn't it?

Well Thanks for keep reading and reviewing.