As Rosana's A Fuego Lento played, Shepard limped from the shower over to her desk ... slowly and with a few moans. As the Spanish song filled the room, Shepard remembered when she had asked Manny to translate some of the songs on Rosana's Lunas Rotas release. He had pulled her close, and as Rosana sang, he began to translate soft in her ear ... with rushing, naughty caresses just for my butterfly; I'll sneak under her clothes and leave a feeling of love ... love, honey and tequila. "You are making that up!" she had pushed him away, laughing, before he had pulled her back to him ... and then to bed.

As she thought of his touches she looked at the right side of her body. It was black and blue while her breathing was done with a shallow touch to combat her bruised ribs, and walking was not as pleasant as she would have liked it to be. Then there was her right wrist … sprained. Well, at least you still have all your teeth, Shepard thought as she placed her towel on the chair. But despite all her injuries, she was grateful. She knew that she should probably be dead after the past two months and some since Eden Prime. Hell, after leaving Wetrot the Normandy had spent a few weeks following false leads and cleaning up Alliance messes ... leads and messes that had left her body in need of medical care and rest. But there was no time. No rest for the weary, she thought as she brushed through her wet hair with her hands. There was always somewhere she was needed. Or someone who needed her somewhere ... She had even received calls from an asari diplomat and an Admiral with requests to see each of them when she was back on the Citadel. Everyone wanted something from her … her body be damned. Dr. Chakwas had given her a lecture on proper care and time off ... and had she still been part of the Alliance, the doctor could have grounded her. Sorry, Doc ... you can't ground a SpecTRe. Even when Chakwas tried cutting a deal, Shepard told her that while she was hunting Saren she could not stop ... "Look, Doc, that wabbitt has my name on his tail," she had tried to lighten the mood. But the doctor was a hard audience and had just given her a look that said she was on the edge of strapping Shepard to one of the biobeds.

Never mind hunting wabbit, could you cut the power on the moon, she thought as she began to get dressed in casual wear. Okay, that was actually a nice mission. Not the mission itself, but she remembered looking up at Earth and thinking of her family while Kaidan stood next to her doing the same. If it hadn't been for Ash pulling them back to the mission at hand, who knows how long they would have stood there. As she looked at the big blue marble, she thought of how close to her family and friends ... yet she knew that no matter how much she wanted to see them, how close they were, it was not an option … Lord, please keep them safe, Shepard had silently prayed as she turned away.

After these past months, Shepard found Kaidan not only attractive but calming to be with. He was a good man, her weakness, and she had almost kissed him one evening. He had come to her room to drop off a datapad for Pressly and they had started talking about family. Soap and citrus, she had smiled as he moved close to her. His body was the kind of toy she liked. But as she looked into his dark eyes she knew that she would break his heart if she pursued him. She would hurt him as she had Manny and as she would eventually hurt Liam. Liam, she sighed. She was hoping that while she was away, he would find someone else and leave her. It must be a defect of character, Shepard thought as she looked at a picture of Liam. Life keeps handing me good men and I keep throwing them back … or pushing them away. You deserve to be alone, heartless woman, Shepard told herself. No, once Liam is gone … I am through with seeing anyone on a regular basis. Done. I won't put someone else through this.

Manny crept back in, below is my boiling point, without rushing and with some self restraint, let's start planning an uproar butterfly … together on the dancing seas. How long had it been? She looked at her empty bed and then down at her damaged body. She was glad that there was no one there who would want to touch her tonight. She could barely breath … the thought of someone putting a hand on her made her cringe. The massive bruise had been a gift just a few days prior. She had been sent flying across a room by an asari. "At least the asari wasn't trying to sleep with you," Ash had joked.

Well, that was true … she wasn't trying to sleep with me, Shepard started to laugh as she pulled out her Jameson. The laughter was cut off as her ribs complained and the laugh was replaced by a wince. Dammit, she cursed at herself. You have got to be ready in the next forty-eight … he might be there. Thanks to Wrex, Rahu had sent word that there was activity on Feros that seemed disquieting.

"Here's to you," Shepard raised and tilted the uncapped bottle towards the envisioned hanar, "You grotesque jelly fish!" With that she took a big swallow of the whiskey and prayed that it would help her sleep. Okay, maybe not the whiskey, she thought as she picked up the bottle of pain killers. Shepard had never needed a lot of sleep but she needed more than a few hours a night, especially when she was leading a team through conflicts. She had to be at her best. Thank Bacchus for adrenaline, at least. But her sleep was not robbed by nightmares. She did not dream, or at least she had no memory if she did. No. Her sleep was robbed by the Protheans and their message. The vision would tumble to the front of her mind as she tried to sleep. She knew that whatever the message had been … it was important. Her mind was struggling to make sense of it even though the picture was fragmented and the voices foreign. Of course, screams and wailing needed no translation. But there were other voices … whispers. And sometimes as her mind struggled to understand, her head pounded and her nose bled. Should I be worried? I don't know and frankly ... I don't really care, she lied to herself, and then took another drink.

As she threw two pain pills in her mouth, she looked at the sketch by Liara. No matter how many times she looked at the leaves, she was amazed. The level of detail that the asari had put in each one … it always made her shake her head and smile. With sleep dancing away from her, she would sometimes make her a cup of tea and sit and look at it. If she looked at it long enough, the leaves seemed to move as if touched by wind. She did not understand the asari but there was something about her that Shepard liked. Even Dr. T'Soni's displays of haughtiness on occasion were not as offensive as it normally would have been to Shepard. Kaidan had told Shepard that the asari air of superiority was not to be seen in a human way, "it's just part of them … their demeanor. Liara doesn't think she is better."

"No?" Shepard had stopped hitting the bag and looked at him. "Is it because she doesn't think it … she knows it!"

"Commander," Kaidan shook his head. "She is a lovely girl, if you would just give her a chance."

Uh, Kaidan was right, Shepard smiled as she washed down the pills with the whiskey. If only her mother wasn't an enemy … she might actually believe it fully if that was not part of the package. She closed her eyes as Rosana's No Sé Mañana began to play and wondered if any of the others were as beat up as her. If the good doctor's reports were accurate … she was not alone. But where she could rotate them out as needed … she knew that this was not an option for her. She had to appear strong and in the lead at all times. It was the Blitz all over again. She understood how people needed someone to look up to ... someone to look up to and believe in. And while she knew that she was not Superwoman, there was no reason to share that truth with the others. That did not mean that Shepard was reckless in the field, but she did at times push her body and take calculated risks. Sometimes out of necessity and sometimes just to inspire. Okay, maybe sometimes she did act instinctually instead of logically … but she knew that hesitation and self-doubt were poison.

"Poison," Shepard frowned and then began pouring the whiskey into a tumbler to feel a little more civilized. As she lifted the glass, Joker interrupted her music and thoughts, "Uh, Commander?"

"Joker?" Shepard knew that this was Lt. Felawa's shift. "Are you on the bridge?"

"Uh … I … Robbie is under the weather," he explained. "You think that the cold could be cured by now. But noooooooo."

"A cold?" Shepard thought of her injuries. "You think he'd share it?"

"Commander?"

"Nothing," Shepard sighed. "What do you need?"

"We've got a transmission coming in from the Citadel," he explained. "Top priority clearance."

"Citadel?" Shepard put the bottle of whiskey back in its hideaway. "Is it the ambassador?"

"It's not his signature," she heard him respond. "I think it's from the Council."

"Okay," Shepard frowned. "Have Pressly meet me in the comm. room."

"Aye, aye. I'll patch it through and notify Pressly."

"Oh, Joker?" Shepard called out.

"Commander?"

"You aren't filling in on his whole shift are you?" she didn't want Joker tired when they reached Feros.

"No, Commander. Talitha is taking six and I'm taking six."

"Fair enough," Shepard said. "I just want to make sure that you are at peak performance for the landing."

"Don't worry about me, Commander. I could land this baby in my sleep."


Please let this be about Saren, Shepard thought as her door opened.

"Oh, Commander," Ashley had just been about to knock and was caught off-guard.

"Chief," Shepard stood a little straighter, focused on hiding her pain.

"I was hoping to get a minute of your time," Ashley said.

"Well, you know I have an open-door policy," Shepard smiled. "But can you give me a few? I have a call to take."

"Of course," Ashley answered. "I can come back tomorrow if you would prefer."

"No," Shepard told her. "But if you could, can you have Henry prepare a coffee tray with some of those cinnamon sugar cookies he makes?"

"Yes, ma'am." Ashley smiled.

"Thanks! I'll be back in ... say, half an hour?" Shepard guessed. "Hopefully it won't take that long."

"I'll have the tray delivered in thirty," Ashley nodded.

"You can wait inside if you like," Shepard motioned to her stateroom. "Just leave my liquor alone."

"All right, I'll bring my own," Ashley answered.

"What?" Shepard feigned shock, "Last I checked, the Alliance Navy was dry."

"But you know, a still is the first thing the engineers install after engines." Ashley answered.

"True," Shepard grinned. "I hear that the latest batch was pretty sweet and with a sneaky kick."

"I'll get you a sample," Ashley offered.

"You better not, it probably tastes better and is drunk more cautiously if the crew thinks that I am completely unaware of the Adams Distillery below."

"Good point," Ashley said. "I'll be here when you return, ma'am."

"Okay, Chief."


Shepard arrived at the comm. room just as Pressly did and she apologized for dragging him back from his downtime. "That's okay, Commander. I was just drafting a letter to the Mrs."

"How is Esther?"

"Good," he grinned. "She still talks about having you over for dinner. Brags really."

"Brags?" Shepard gave a small laugh and then regretted it as she fought from wincing in front of Pressly.

"Yes," he answered. "It also didn't help that you requested her recipe for her baked ham."

"Mmmm," Shepard's mouth watered at the memory. "How on Earth can you leave a woman who cooks like that?"

"Henry's meatloaf is not so bad," Pressly winked.

"What?" Shepard approached the holo station. "There is nothing onboard the Normandy that matches the dinner Mrs. Pressly made for us."

"No argument there, Commander."

"Tell her that I said hello," Shepard smiled as she opened the receiver.

"This is Commander Elizabeth Shepard," she said as the holo popped up and to her surprise there was Dr. Liara T'Soni.

"Commander?" Liara looked slightly vulnerable as her image became clear.

"Dr. T'Soni," Shepard looked at Pressly and back at Liara. "How are you?"

"I am well, thank you," she answered, still a little hesitant. "I was … hoping to speak with you privately."

Shepard looked at Pressly and motioned for him to leave, "Of course, Pressly is just now leaving." As the conference door closed behind him, Shepard leaned against the table, "How can I help you?"

"I have been thinking of you," she started.

"Liara," Shepard raised up, her side reminding her that to move quickly was ill-advised.

"Oh, Commander," Liara stumbled. "I did not mean … Oh. It was wrong of me to … I never should have told you of my feelings. I am afraid that in so doing I have put you in a terrible position. I am sorry."

"No," Shepard leaned back, carefully, against the table. "Never apologize for being honest about how you feel." Even though Shepard questioned the sincerity of Liara, believing that the asari was just trying to get closer to her for the sake of the Matriarch, she erred on the side of honesty. She may not trust the asari but it would do her no harm to be kind unless her suspicions were confirmed as truth. And if she was wrong, that the asari was being truthful … well, Shepard was not cruel. She did not wish to hurt her.

"No, Commander," Liara said. "I … perhaps it is for the best. Your partner is one of your own kind."

"Yes," Shepard smiled. "But all I remember of our last talk is that we parted as friends. I do not remember anything else."

"You are too kind," Liara smiled and seemed to relax. "But that is not why I asked the Councilor to let me talk to you."

"No?" Shepard could feel the pills starting to ease her pain. "Did you discover something about the conduit?"

"The conduit?" Liara shook her head. "No … but I am researching."

Shepard gave a quiet laugh, "I wouldn't expect anything less, doctor."

Liara could see that Shepard was leaning slightly to the right, "Let us talk about you … Are you okay?"

"Me?" How long had it been since someone asked her how she was … really was?

"You do not look as if you are sleeping," Liara carefully explained. "In my research, my mind would not let me stop thinking about you. About what you experienced on Eden Prime. The visions must keep you up at night, Commander."

"The visions," Shepard whispered with an almost reverent tone. "They do tend to clash with sleep."

"You need to be at your best, Commander," Liara went on. "The crew relies on you for leadership. I understand that it can be a heavy burden on you … even though you do not share it … or allow it to show."

"Liara," Shepard could not show that she was right. "I'm fine. Really."

"Of course," Liara smiled. But then she began telling Shepard about a piece that the composer Akdhat had written for her oldest daughter called UttVoc. The infant struggled with sleep, so the composer had written a piece that would lull her to a place of slumber. "It is a hidden gem of hers that has rarely been performed and … I'm afraid that the only recordings that I could find are quite unacceptable. So I … well … I recorded me playing it on the onai here in Ciara's … I mean, Councilor Tevos' … residence."

"The onai?" Shepard had heard of the asari instrument and smiled. "You play the onai?"

"Of course," Liara frowned. "Do you not think that I was raised properly?"

"What?" Shepard, with the aid of the painkillers, laughed. "I'm sorry, if I've caused offense. I don't know how, but … I apologize."

"No," Liara realized that she had expected the human to know what type of training and education was required of someone in the Corallium Circle. "I have expected too much of you. Please forgive me."

Expected too much of me? Shepard thought. What the hell does that mean? But she curbed her tongue, deciding that it was just another case of asari meets human and nothing more … "So this piece …"

"UttVoc," Liara said, and then went on to explain that it was a very soothing piece and used in meditations … Shepard began to feel undeserving of both Liara's time and energy. She placed her hand over her eyes as she fought back her emotions and Liara explained how the piece really needed more than an onai … "I am almost embarrassed now to have sent it to you."

"You've sent it to me?" Shepard asked, not removing her hand as she felt tears fighting to escape.

"Yes," Liara answered. "You should have it there within the next few hours … according to the Councilor."

"And all I have to do is listen to it?" Shepard struggled to keep her voice steady. "Listen and then sleep will follow?"

"You should have the lights dimmed, the room quiet and calm," Liara instructed. "I hope that you find stillness within it and there … sleep."

"Stillness," Shepard quickly wiped her eyes, hoping that the asari did not notice the redness that was probably in her eyes. "Thank you, Liara. I appreciate it."

"I wish you well, Commander," Liara smiled. "Well, I must leave now as I have class to attend to."

"Class?"

"Yes," Liara smiled. "I am assisting in a bioengineering class at the Dilinaga University."

"You're teaching?"

"Teaching?" Liara shook her head, "No. I am doing research and filling in as needed."

"You're a substitute teacher?" Shepard playfully asked.

"Professor, if you must know," Liara corrected.

"That's sexy," Shepard continued on, "You better watch out for students crushing on you."

"What?" Liara had been thrown by Shepard's use of the word sexy.

"Just teasing, doctor," Shepard smiled. "I'm surprised though. I would have thought that with your research into the conduit …"

"The University gives me access to the University of Serrice database," Liara explained. "I could have gained access here, to be honest …"

"You don't sit still well," Shepard smiled as she finished the sentence. "Or in one place for too long?"

"I am afraid not," Liara smiled back at her. "Mother … the Matriarch always said that one must keep busy or the mind would decay."

"Hmm, idle hands," Shepard said as she thought how pretty Liara was and then shook her head. Alcohol and painkillers do not mix, she told herself. Or maybe it was the kind gesture? No. You are just tired … a little high … and … lonely. Between her body, lack of sleep and loneliness her emotions were on edge and while she was not known for crying ... this evening had almost seen her dam break. Hopefully her talk with Ash would not be so emotional. Especially now that the pills were kicking it.

"I won't keep you any longer," Liara broke through her thoughts. "Be careful, Commander."

"You too," Shepard answered. "I hear that students are more dangerous than geth."

Liara laughed and then was gone.