As always, I own nothing.
The soles of my sneakers made slapping sounds as my feet pounded the pavement, pushing myself home. My run took me ten miles through town and my thighs were grateful I was nearly home. They were burning with the effort, making me realize how lax I'd become about exercising. I was going to have to step it up again if I was going to keep myself in the fighting form I thought was best to maintain.
I waved to the Were stationed at the end of my drive, even though I couldn't see him. He'd taken position behind the bramble and bushes, but I knew he was there. I wasn't happy about still having guards, but I wasn't stupid, either. Until the situation with Appius was resolved, I might need all the help I could get. I didn't know if Godric had tracked him down, but I assumed since the vampires hadn't called off the wolves, there was still danger afoot.
My hangover had dissipated to the point I was starting to feel hungry, even though my appetite still wasn't huge. I was just finishing my tuna sandwich when the doorbell rang, startling me. I opened my mind fully and listened for the brain outside. Claudine. I would recognize her brain anywhere, even though I couldn't really read her thoughts. It seemed fairy minds were shielded naturally. I could only hear Claudine if she wanted me to.
"Hello, Sookie," she greeted me with a warm smile.
"Hi Claudine," I replied happily as I stepped back to give her room to enter. I was happy to see her, today of all days. Her presence was naturally soothing. She'd explained it was Fae nature to take comfort and strength from other fairies. "Come on in."
I got us both a diet Coke before moving to the comfort of the living room.
"What's up?" I asked after we were settled. "It's good to see you."
"I wanted to check on you. I also need to apologize for not being here before this. I popped back to my parent's home in the realm. I wanted to retrieve some books to study, but I was out of touch until now." Her green eyes filled with sympathy as she looked at me. "How are you doing?"
"You know what happened?" I'm still really unclear how Claudine's 'watching over me' occurred. To be honest, I really didn't want to know.
"Enough," she replied vaguely. "I felt your pain."
"I'm sorry," I offered. I really needed to learn more about this fairy godmother stuff. Were her words literal, or metaphorical?
"Don't be, please," she looked upon me kindly. "It is not how you think. I am happy to see you are doing a bit better."
"Day by day, right?" I laughed shakily. "Some new information came to light yesterday and it's helped me put some things into better perspective." I took a deep breath and carried on. "Pam came to see me and explained Eric's memories didn't all come back as expected. He remembers nothing of me, Claudine. He can't even feel our bond anymore."
Claudine raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow in surprise. "Are you sure?"
"As sure as I can be." I knew guys came up with some whopping lies to cover up cheating, but this would be a doozy on any scale.
"Have you spoken with him?"
"Not yet." My stomach flipped, giving me an uncomfortable reminder of the sandwich I'd eaten. "I'm thinking of going to see him tonight."
"What happened between you? I only know you are no longer together." Her lips tightened as she looked at me. She seemed to be taking the news kind of hard.
"I went to meet him at Fangtasia the evening after the curse was broken. I walked in on him with a fangbanger." Tears threatened as they always did when I thought of that moment, but I resolutely blinked them away. "I left town the next evening and I haven't seen him since. Up until last night, I thought I would never see him again. He told Pam he doesn't want to remember me, Claudine."
"Oh, Sookie," she moved to sit next to me on the couch. Her arms wrapped around me and held me tight. "I would take away your pain if I could."
I hugged her back for a moment. "I know you would, but don't worry too much about me. I'll be alright."
"I hope so," Claudine's eyes appeared troubled as she looked at me. "With the bond between you, it would be difficult to live apart."
"I went to Puerto Rico, Claudine. I felt nothing strange."
"Not to be corny, Sookie, but the bond works in mysterious ways. It could have felt you needed the separation, or it could have been influencing you the entire time. You might have missed the signs." She looked me directly in the eye. "Don't underestimate its power, Sookie. I should have some more information for you shortly. The texts I brought back from the Realm will hopefully shed more light on this situation you find yourself in."
I nodded my appreciation. I wanted to know what I was facing if Eric and I never reconciled.
"How did they break the spell on the vampire?" Claudine asked.
"Octavia found her spellbook and located the spell fairly easily. Once she determined it was safe, it was reversed."
"What was the point of it?" she asked curiously.
"We still don't know why Hallow cursed him – or I don't, anyway – but she worded the spell so he would be near his heart's desire and not know it. We assumed that was me, but now I don't know."
Claudine looked at me with a contemplative look. "Perhaps the reversal triggered the true spell. The first spell may have been a smokescreen."
I gave her a look. "What do you mean?"
"You still don't know why he was cursed, so you can make two assumptions about the memory loss. Which one was intended, and which one was a side effect? It seems to me you and Eric reunited quickly when he lost his memories. Despite the curse, he was still with his heart's desire."
I nodded slowly. I was pretty sure I saw what she meant.
"I find it a strange coincidence that he should be left without only his memories of you, considering the wording of the spell. It makes me wonder if he isn't still cursed." Claudine's brows drew together as she spoke. "It's perhaps a more likely scenario. The first curse could have been to throw you off – Eric is 'cured' so all is well. The true curse could just be working now, considering how he can't remember you – his heart's desire – anymore, even though he has been 'near' you."
The idea she floated was one I never would have considered. I'd bet good money the vamps hadn't thought of it either. I couldn't deny it made sense, even if I couldn't figure why anyone would be so diabolical.
"Supposing you're right," I spoke slowly, allowing my words to form before I spoke them, "It seems like a hell of a lot of trouble to go through to separate Eric from me. Who would benefit?"
"I don't know, Sookie. I'm just thinking out loud. It may be nothing, but I would mention it to your vampire, if I were you."
I shook my head doubtfully. "Maybe Pam, but I'm not even mentioning it to Eric. He's already made it clear he doesn't want to regain his memories."
"Please remember it could still be the spell talking. Until you know for sure, don't rule anything out." There was an urgency to her tone that made the hairs at the back of my neck stand up. "When it comes to your protection, Sookie, no one can protect you like the Northman. Unbelievable forces have brought you together. It shouldn't be squandered lightly."
"Hey! I'm not the one doing the squandering," I replied with a flurry of indignation.
"I know, but it seems like you are the only one with full possession of your faculties," she retorted sharply. "I'm sorry it all falls to you, Sookie, but until he regains his memories, it will be up to you to make things right."
"Why is it so important to make it right? What if I want to walk away?" I was being dramatic, but her attitude puzzled me.
She leveled a calm gaze on me. "No one will stop you, if that is truly your desire. But I think it would be best for everyone if you and our Viking were happy again. I can't help but feel the pair of you have a higher purpose, cousin. Too many stars have aligned so you could be together."
I mulled over her words for a few minutes. I couldn't deny she had a point, but it didn't mean I had to like it. As for a higher purpose, I wouldn't have a clue, and quite frankly, I didn't care. If I put myself out there to win Eric back, it would be because I loved him, not because we might have some undefined purpose.
"I'm going to see him tonight, but I doubt he will change his mind about me – about us – that quickly." My nerves were starting to jangle at the thought of seeing him again. "I don't even know what to say to him."
"I wish I had some great advice to give you, but the best I can offer is be yourself. He fell in love with you twice already, Sookie. The third time's the charm," she finished with a wink.
The thought warmed me a little. It was true, or I hoped it was true, that both Eric's had fallen in love with me, with and without memories. According to Pam, this Eric was like he was before he met me, so it shouldn't be that difficult, right?
"I was really going to walk away, you know," I offered almost as a casual aside. "Before I knew his about his memory loss, I was done with Eric Northman. Despite how much I loved him, I wasn't going to allow myself to be treated like that."
"I think it's worth the effort, Sookie. I wouldn't encourage you if I didn't."
"I know. I'm just saying." I paused for a moment. "I'm glad you came to see me."
"Me, too." My fairy godmother smiled warmly. "Maybe it's a good thing I didn't get here until now. Who knows what I would have advised you to do had we not known about his memory loss!"
We both laughed for a minute. "I sort of threatened to blow him into a million pieces," I laughed, before sobering slightly, "although now I know he didn't have a clue who I was, or that I could blow him into a million pieces, it sort of loses its impact, I suppose."
"Perhaps, but it's intent that matters, my sweet child," Claudine's tinkling laughter rang through the room.
"I wouldn't have been able to do it, I don't think." Even as angry as I was, I didn't think I had it in me to explode another person.
"I don't think the bond would have allowed you to hurt him," Claudine replied.
A thought occurred to me and I looked at Claudine with a small frown. "Do you happen to know a fairy by the name of Preston Pardloe?"
Claudine frowned back. "I know of a couple of Pardloe families, but I can't place a Preston. Why do you ask?"
"I met him in San Juan. He was staying at the same hotel as me. He was pushy, in a weird way."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, he came up to me on the beach and starting asking me questions. I declined every invitation he put out there and got out of there fast. What was creepy is that he found out my room number somehow and came to my door." There was something about him that set my nerves on edge. "I had to say no multiple times before he finally left."
"No, but I will ask Niall right away. It might be nothing but a weird coincidence, but we must be careful. There are enemies of Niall who might become interested in you."
"I gave him a fake name. He didn't seem suspicious of it."
"That's good, but we'll still find out who he is. Better safe than sorry, I think."
I agreed. I was learning to trust my instincts, or at least I hoped I was. My instincts told me he was bad news.
We talked for another hour or more, mostly about my progress training. She was amazed when I told her I teleported and assured me that even if I didn't have a clue how I did it, I would indeed be able to do it again. We went outside and I demonstrated a few tricks, while Claudine gave me some pointers on trying to teleport. She felt it was safest for me to practice outdoors and only try to teleport to a point I could see with my eyes. Only when I was comfortable doing that should I attempt to pop to a point I visualized in my head. It made sense to me. I didn't want to end up stuck in a wall somehow. Claudine confirmed it was a very real possibility, although a rare occurrence.
She thoughtfully left at about sunset, giving me plenty of time to get ready for my visit with Eric.
I wasn't time I worried about. It was my heart I feared for.
"Did you not tell me to deal with her myself?" I asked with an icy look. The conversation was becoming tiresome.
"Yes, I did." Pam looked at me through narrowed eyes. "But I want you to tell me why she's coming here."
"You can't have it both ways, child," I replied mildly.
"Jesus!" Her exasperation showed in her stance. "I don't want her hurt, Eric. You might not want to hear this, but if I let you hurt her, you would never forgive me if your memories come back."
Her words rankled me, but not for obvious reasons. I wasn't concerned about a hypothetical future. It was the unsettling notion I might hurt her, even if it was not my intention. I don't know why it mattered to me. I really didn't care about this girl the way they expected me to.
Even after giving the matter some serious second thought, I still had come to the same conclusion. Involving myself with her, and her dangerous curves, was detrimental to my survival and well-being. No matter how good the sex, or how tasty the blood, survival was my number one concern. I was still mildly concerned about the deception we'd staged for the Queen. While I wasn't necessarily worried about Sophie-Ann, it was still bad form to blatantly deceive her. It might still come back to bite me in the ass. It was more evidence the girl was simply too much trouble.
That is not to say, of course, that I wasn't hopeful she might still be amenable to a physical relationship. I didn't need to remember the sex to know it must have been good, and there hadn't been a woman yet – except Pam - who'd said no to more. I knew Pam, and even Godric, were disapproving of my intentions towards her, but I didn't care. It is my life and I will do with it as I see fit.
It was for that reason more than any other that I decided to finally make contact with her. I wasn't sure if she was screening her calls, or if she was truly out for the whole night, but she didn't answer the multiple calls I placed to her phone. I wondered if she'd found another lover, an idea I found I didn't care for. She had been on my mind more often than I care to think of, but for wholly unexpected reasons. Even though I'd switched to brunettes and avoided anyone with a body type like hers, I found, much to my discomfort and chagrin, the release I sought came only with her image fixed in my brain.
I wondered if that would change once I'd had her before wondering if it could possibly make it worse. Suffice it to say, my feelings towards Ms. Stackhouse were ambivalent, at best. I was looking forward to seeing her, however, if only to find out what made her special enough to have vampires concerned for her well-being. Pam caring about someone's feelings was a one-off event. She'd never given a flying fuck about anyone before. I was naturally curious.
My maker was an entirely different story. I'd seen him care for others before, even humans. His actions often baffled me, but I had seen him show compassion and empathy. Even so, his reaction to the situation with the Stackhouse girl was unusual. He was very attached to her, especially considering their short acquaintance.
He'd talked to me for hours and hours about my past, and her involvement in it. Or, at the very least, her doppelganger's appearance in my life. He painstakingly outlined each time my life had been interrupted, telling me stories of my own life. It was frustrating not to remember, but I couldn't help but be relieved not to remember the wretched entanglement I'd had with her.
I got the distinct impression he was disappointed in me, even though he didn't say it, or give any outward sign. I also got the distinct impression there was something he wasn't telling me. Again, it was only an impression, with no concrete evidence to suggest he was prevaricating. He answered every one of my questions without evasion, but I wondered if there were perhaps questions I didn't think to ask; questions which might have netted me answers to my doubts.
"Your objection is duly noted," I tell Pam dryly. "You have my oath I will not hold you responsible for my actions. Does that make you feel any better?"
"Not really," my progeny replied. Complete disbelief was written on her face. When she didn't clarify her position, I prompted, "Speak."
She eyed me doubtfully for a long moment. "Eric," she began, "if you fuck this up – as I know you are more than capable of doing – it won't matter if you don't blame me. If you lose her, if you lose her before you remember her, it will destroy both of you. Assigning guilt won't matter by that point."
Her eyes were so troubled; I found it difficult to maintain nonchalant eye contact, but I managed. She was sincere. It was obvious, as was her deep-rooted concern for me. Again, I wondered what made this girl so special.
"I'll be at the front door if you need me," she spoke stiffly before walking out. The door closed softly behind her, but my eyes remained trained on it as I once more considered the problem at hand. Every instinct told me I was in as deep as I needed to be, but the constant pressure to remember her - to love her, for fuck's sake - was wearing on me.
I turned my attention to the paperwork piled on my desk. I realized I should have at the very least fed before the girl everyone was in love with showed up. Fucking some of the tension from my system wouldn't have been a bad idea, either, but I didn't risk it. She could show up anytime, and I didn't want to offend her immediately. I'd be better prepared to deal with her if I looked after my needs, but I also knew I'd likely be fucking her out of my system when she left.
Either way, I'd be fucked. I smiled grimly as I realized it was an apt metaphor for my life right now. If I carried on as I wanted to, I was fucked with Pam and Godric – even Thalia, the vicious vampire warrior that she was, actually fucking inquired about the girl. If I caved to the pressure they were exerting and tried to re-create whatever magical fucking love they thought they saw, then I was fucking myself out of one more level of security. I would be putting my life on the line to be with her.
I'd be truly fucked before I do that.
Thanks for reading! I'd love to know how you think it's going.
