Yolo people of Planet earth, the sky and beyond! I don't have much to say today except please enjoy this chapter! Now, this official chapter is slightly different from the preview I wrote for it, but it's still all according to the plan so please enjoy! And if it confuses a few, please let me know! FF wasn't being nice earlier, but now it is! Please enjoy and tell me what you think, there's pure Jhay this chapter! Next chapter will have a mixture of Kames and Jhay, so be ready! Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush or Shay Hanson! I just own the plot of the story and OCs used! Only a few days until Heffron Drive's newest single comes out, so stoked! :) Also, italics stand for flashbacks, in this case Shay's past!


James carefully led Shay to their bed, sitting the dirty blonde down. He made to step back but soon Shay had an arm tight around his waist, keeping him in place.

"S-Shay, what's wrong?" The brunette whispered gently, one hand to the back of the shorter boy's head while the other was around his shoulders.

"Jamie, remember that...I didn't tell you every single detail about how I got in the slammer?" Shay asked, yet his tone was all wrong.

It was light and very low, small as if he was expecting the other boy to shove away from him in disgust.

That tone worried James, he tightening his hold on Shay while he pressed his lips to the top of his head. "Yeah, b-but what's wrong? What does that have to do with you seeing Shane, wait did he try to hurt you?!"

The dirty blonde shook his head, feeling somewhat touched at James' reaction. When it came to his safety, the brunette could give two shits; when it came to Shay, however, James would get on the defensive even when the dirty blonde was in a more stable state of mind than him.

Well, Shay use to be. Now he wasn't so sure, he wasn't so sure he was okay in the head now.

"I need to tell you everything now, everything about my past." Shay responded after a brief, pregnant silence. James forced himself to calm down and softened his voice, lips now against Shay's messy hair.

"Y-you don't have to, it's okay really. I know you now, I-I know you're not a bad person…" James began but Shay hushed him with a soft kiss to the nose, olive green eyes darker than normal.

"No, I have to tell you everything. Straight up and front, I don't want to hide anything from you anymore…!" He protested, James looking torn at this before he sighed and stroked the slightly older boy's right, pale cheek.

"Okay, what do you want me to know?"

-Page Break-

"Stop, stop dad stop it! Ah, you're h-hurting me!" Shay screamed as he practically collapsed to the floor, choking on the immense pain flooding his body.

His father Cameron was deaf to his pleas, continuing to beat him and beat him. Blood painted the beige carpet a sickly crimson, some splattering across the white walls of the hallway.

"You piece of…! It's your fault, your fault she's dead!" Was all Cameron kept repeating in his drunken rage, one hand tight around Shay's neck while the other was balled up into a fist, crashing over and over with the boy's face, nose, eyes and teeth.

Shay spat spit and blood into his father's face and struggled to grab at the hallway table, hoping for anything to use to defend himself! He could feel himself losing consciousness, lack of oxygen and blood loss were really working him now.

He was going to die damn it if some miracle didn't happen to him soon!

"Gah! I-I said….STOP!" Shay didn't know what he had snatched from the table; he couldn't think between the black spots dancing in front of his eyes (they were swollen, probably now black-eyes from the blows his dad had nailed him with earlier) and the intense desire to survive, to live. He didn't care, at that moment, that what he had in his hand could kill his father. All he cared about was not dying, to live instead of joining his mom wherever she was.

He wasn't ready to go. He wasn't ready to die.

He swung hard as he screamed out his demand, nailing Cameron right in the stomach. Twice.

It happened all so fast.

It grew silent. Shay felt his father stop moving, instead now choking as if the air was suddenly knocked out of him; the dirty blonde forced his eyes to open wide, ignoring the throbbing come from them due to the action, only to gasp at the sight now before him.

His father's drunken face pale, eyes wide as black holes with...blood pouring from his lips.

'W-what did I…?' Shay finally saw the object in his hand: a pair of scissors, long and sharp with red now staining the steel. His gaze moved from Cameron's unreadable expression to his stomach, vomit threatening to bubble up his throat.

Two large gashes in his father's stomach. Two very large gashes, pouring blood like there was no tomorrow. The red stained Cameron's white tee, the smell of alcohol mixing with the overbearing smell of the blood. The red rivers went down his shirt and soiled the man's blue jeans, painting ghastly lines on the floor.

Cameron retched and groaned before he collapsed on his side, off Shay's trembling body. Said dirty blonde felt tears stream down his face as he scrambled into the wall, pressing himself into it as if trying to become one with it while one hand struggled to punch in the numbers away on his cell-phone.

"911, what is your emergency?" The woman's robotic voice answered on the other end.

"H-help….please, help me." Shay couldn't find the right words to convey just how severe his situation was. He was bloody and in pain. He had a split lip, a drying trail of blood running down his chin; his eyes were swollen and hurt, he had no choice but to close them again; when he lightly flexed his right wrist, a twinge of pain went up his arm, no doubt in his mind now that it was broken from when his father tried bottle toss practice at him.

He was a mess. A freaking bloody mess, he couldn't even get up. His legs felt as heavy as lead, and his chest was rising and falling rapidly from trying to force too much air down his lungs in one go.

He was mess inside and out. He wanted to tell the lady everything, but what could he say? And how would he say it?

'I...I-I just killed my own father.'

-Page Break-

James found himself silently crying as Shay trailed off, the brunette squeezing his eyes shut as if to keep the hot, burning tears in.

Even though Shay was telling him all this, even though it was just words James felt pain. He could feel Shay's pain; it was like he was reliving that moment, it was as if he was there watching everything happen and being unable to stop it, now left with nothing to do but cry.

His brain was recreating the scene for him, playing the memories from scratch. He was seeing everything Shay was saying, feeling everything Shay was no doubt feeling right now. Just because what happened with his father was now in the past, a year ago didn't mean the sensations of agony, guilt, misery and despair have died.

Shay still felt them, every day and night of his life.

"Oh...oh my G-God." James managed to choke out between his now pale, trembling lips. Shay didn't say anything back, but nodded against James' ribs.

"Oh God, y-you...I'm so sorry, Shay! Y-you didn't mean to do that, but you had no choice! If I had been in your position...God, I would have killed him with my bare hands! I-I would have lost complete control and stabbed him until he wouldn't move ever again, but you, it was an accident! It was all an accident, sweetie…! You didn't mean to! It was just in self-defense, that's a-all!" James began blabbing away as he held Shay closer to him, not minding at all that the shorter boy was gripping at his waist now with both hands.

"The jury didn't see it that way…"

"W-what, what are you saying? You mean...t-they convicted you?!"

Shay didn't have to verbally respond. His shaky nod back was answer enough.

-Page Break-

"Will the defendant please stand?" Shay did as he was told by the judge, his crappy attorney (he couldn't afford a good one so the state provided the worst for him) visibly nervous at his side.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"We have, Your Honor." A man said, standing in as the head of the jury.

"How do you find the defendant?"

"We find the defendant...guilty of all charges against him."

Shay felt as if a boulder was crashing hard into his torso. He found himself unable to breathe evenly, the blood draining from his face while his heart broke into a million pieces, cutting and stabbing him from the inside.

'Guilty, I-I'm guilty...'

-Page Break-

James was stiff like a statue as he heard all of this, expression a mix between shock and horror. Shay felt him not moving so he pulled free from the brunette's warm, loving embrace to pull off his top. He ignored his wound as much as he could as he pulled out a small first-aid kit (he and James now kept one in the bottom bedside table drawer) and messed with the bottle of disinfectant, olive green eyes not meeting James' now cold gaze.

"S-so you were cheated." James whispered, soft hazel-green eyes wide in a mixture of horror and surprise.

Everything of his surroundings were blurred out of focus. All he could really focus on was his shock, his shock and slowly but surely growing anger.

Anger, and shock. That was all he was beginning to feel at this point.

Shay couldn't look at him yet he nodded, his bare back to the brunette as he sat up on the bed they took turns sleeping in. Well that they use to, now they shared it. "I was treated like a psycho in that courtroom...I caused trouble sure, and I wasn't one with the rules and all but...but I didn't mean to kill my dad. I just didn't w-want to die, I didn't want him getting away with hurting me like that." He said, running his hands through his hair.

After the time they've spent together as kidnapper and hostage, his hair has grown back to the length he use to wear it at.

James felt tears fill his eyes again.

"B-but you're innocent, it was all in self-defense! How could they charge you when you were just fending for yourself!?" He exclaimed, feeling anger boiling in his stomach. Shay wasn't given the fair chance!

Just like James himself, he was treated as if he was the criminal instead of the victim. Both of them...were treated as bad guys by their own fathers, their own flesh and blood. Both have been pushed around by those who were suppose to love them, care about them and protect them.

'W-we're so much alike. He knows what it's like to been seen and treated as a bad guy, as the sicko.' James thought, realization washing over him.

Shay shrugged and said nothing back, flinching when he touched the open wound Shane gave him on his shoulder when he shot him with the revolver he stole from his dad. Or another revolver he had on him, the dirty blonde wasn't clear on that; Shay wouldn't put it pass Shane to get some more firepower if he felt like he needed it, though.

"W-wait, you're hurt." James finally took notice of it all, his face paling at the sight of the rich, dark red blood trail staining Shay's perfect pale skin.

"Yeah, me and Shane had a fight and...he doesn't like to play fair." Shay replied, tearing up the sheets to make some sort of bandage. His hand hurt though; he couldn't keep his grip steady.

He felt the bed jump from under him, he gasping when James got down on his knees, between the blonde's legs, and started bandaging him up for him.

"What are you doing?"

"Bandaging you up. Did you spray it with disinfectant, we don't want it to get infected." James asked, taking the ripped piece of bed sheet from the dirty blonde's hands and soon tying it up in multiple knots. He then wrapped it around Shay's lower bicep, where the wound was, and worked his fingers around the bone and muscle under the thin skin of Shay's arm.

"Y-yeah I did." Shay couldn't think of anything else to say back but that.

"Okay that's good, now I just have to focus on making this tight enough to slow the blood flow down..." James applied pressure to the wound, apologizing to Shay when the shorter boy would hiss, before he managed a final knot to the makeshift bandage. James sighed, slightly proud of his first time applying first-aid, well first time while feeling extreme rage under the skin better to say, before he met Shay's shocked facial expression.

"What?" James asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Why did you help me? I mean, I t-took you away from your friends, your family, your dead boyfriend! You should be trying to escape, not waste time saving my ass! It's not like I deserve it!" Shay didn't know why he was yelling, eyes a darker green as built-up and suppressed frustration began to break through his dam of composure.

James flinched a little at the yells, but he sighed and rose on his knees until he was at eye-level with Shay, hands on the other's knees.

"You think I hate you?" He asked. It was a simple question, but his eyes were now golden-red with hurt.

It was like the thought of Shay thinking James hated him struck a nerve in the brunette.

"Why wouldn't you? With all the shit I've put you through these last few weeks?" Shay asked, voice breaking as he soon moved his hands back to James' waist.

The two have gotten past physical discomfort. Of course Shay knew that James still loved Kendall, it was clear in how different he looked at him from the way he use to look at the other dirty blonde, but the smoldering gaze before him was making his heart race.

"I don't hate you. You may have...taken me, but you've never tried to h-hurt me. And the times S-Shane tried to himself...you made sure he wouldn't. You're not a killer, Shane lied to you. Y-you fought back, what you did against your dad was all in self-defense; I would have d-done the same if I had been in your shoes. You just had some bad luck, but that's all. Whatever people can say about you, they're wrong. I've been with you for the past month or so, and I've seen another side to you. I don't see a bad guy, a killer; I see a really nice guy who's been through Hell. You took me from my home, we crossed state borders so we wouldn't get caught. I-I miss my family, my friends, and Kendall like crazy but...b-but I've grown to care about you too, Shay. You're not a criminal, you're just misunderstood." James whispered, cupping the dirty blonde's face between his large, thin and warm hands.

Shay felt tears leave his haunted bright green eyes. He took a shuddering breath in, biting his lower lip before he buried his face into James' lower stomach, he able to feel the brunette's ribs once more through his soft, dark skin. His shoulders shook as he cried, clinging to James as if he was afraid this angel with a haunted heart would disappear and leave this Devil's son to rot away in Hell alone.

"Shh, it's okay. You're not a monster, you're not a killer. You were just played but it's okay, I'm here. Everything will be alright, Shay, I promise I'll always be here. I'm not leaving you, not now or ever and I'll find some way to prove your innocence. B-but the only way to do that is for you and me to go back to Sherwood. We need to get help, we can get the police here in L.A. to help us. We're just Shane's victims, we have nothing to worry about."

"That's not true, James. I'm a wanted convict back home, the Sherwood PD will have me in handcuffs the moment we go back." Shay began protesting as he pulled away to meet the brunette's face, yet James gently pressed two fingers to his paler-than-normal lips.

"I'm not going to let that happen, Shay. I-I won't. I'm sure I can find some way to prove your innocence, that you have the right to be free. That judge and jury fucked up big time convicting you, you were just p-protecting yourself! Your father was beating y-you, you had the right to fight to survive! I'll find a way, I won't let anything happen to you but we need to fight against Shane and go back home. There is where we belong, and I-I love you."

"Not the way I'd want you to..."

"I...I don't know anymore. I don't know if I love you the same way I loved Kendall, b-but I do love you. I love you, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Please, help me think of a way for us to escape, to stop Shane here once and for all. I want Shane to pay for everything he's done, for me to say...goodbye to Kendall at his grave properly, and for us to be okay, safe and sound together. I want us to be okay, but that can only happen if we escape so please. P-please, please..." James begged, his tears mixing with Shay's as they fell and pelted the dark carpet floor.

Shay took another shaky breath before he leaned over and kissed James at the corner of his mouth, falling backwards on the bed and pulling James along with him.

Said brunette landed almost on top of him, their eyes locked still. James' hands were on Shay's strong, thin shoulders while the shorter boy cupped the brunette's face, running his thumbs lightly, softly over James' cheeks.

"And if they split us up?" Shay asked flatly.

"They won't. I won't let them, Shay. If you go down...I'll go down with you. I-I'm not going home without you."