Will & Sam: Love, Pride & Mutual Respect
Hotel – General's Room
Sam put down his fork and then wiped his mouth. Adela's pot roast had hit the spot. Despite the topic of conversation that was forthcoming he grinned slightly as he looked at the cherry cobbler that Ed had included in the meal with a note. The note read 'A little reward for being sensible and taking your pain pills'. He was too full to eat it now. But he would save it for later and maybe share it with Jules.
William sipped his coffee and watched Samuel. They had a quiet dinner, not really talking about much of anything; both taking a small respite in the normalcy of a shared meal knowing that what they had to talk about after dinner would be difficult. He was very glad Samuel had taken his pain medication. William saw that the furrows on Samuel's brow had eased somewhat.
Sam took a sip of coffee, leaned back in his chair and then asked "So, how screwed am I?"
Putting his coffee down William met Samuel's gaze across the small table and spoke earnestly "I will not lie to you son. It's not good. We have a fight on our hands but one I'm confident we can win if we work together."
An expression Sam had never seen before showed on his Dad's face as William declared "But I will tell you Samuel that I will not allow you to spend even one night of your life in prison. You are more important to me than my morals and I would willingly secret you out of this country and set you up in a secure location before I let you go to prison."
A small snort came from Sam "Dad you know I would not go for that. I appreciate the thought but, no, I could never let you do a thing like that and I would never do it."
"Well, I might just sedate you and do it anyways if it comes to pass" William stated with a smile. He knew Samuel would never willingly participate but William also knew he would do anything for his boy.
Sam shook his head and changed the subject. Neither was quite ready to delve into the things he had said on the roof and pick them apart to determine a defense strategy.
He said "Before we get into it. I've changed my mind. Dad, how did Matt come to be there and what happened to Dave? How did you find out so quickly? I only called you the night before. You must have left within hours of my call to arrive when you did."
Looking at the jammer on the table that secured the room William nodded then began to explain "When Dave was found in his tent by Hammer everyone was in shock. Suicide did not fit his personality. According to his unit mates Dave had not been despondent or shown any signs that would make anyone think he was headed in that direction. But everything else in the initial investigation pointed to suicide."
"However, after everything that came to light in the investigation of your service, I requested Colonel Sutton reopen the investigation. Quietly of course because I had no proof but something felt off."
"I have always been exceedingly grateful that Dave was a member of Hammer's unit on the mission when Matt died. If Dave had not been right there with you, I would have lost you. Dave kept you alive until Jim arrived after you found Matt and your heart stopped. I felt I owed him to find the truth, even if the truth was suicide. "
Sam was surprised said "So there was already an investigation going on."
William nodded "Yes but it was stalled. Nothing new came to light. But after your call I called Sutton and we reviewed the investigation notes again. That's when we discovered that Dave's personal effects had never been picked up by his family. They have been sitting in storage since they were shipped home."
"Dave's fiancée thought his parents had collected them. And his parents thought that his fiancée had collected them. All were so distraught at the suddenness of his death and the fact it was suicide thoughts of his personal effect was the last thing on their minds."
"With permission from Dave's family his effects were thoroughly searched. They found a small notebook with hastily written entries. All of them were written in a rudimentary code that one of analysts quickly broke" William stated.
Sam listened with interest "What did he write?"
His eyes showing sadness William shared what was written "There were a few prior entries where Dave wondered about the mission that killed Matt. He noted it was odd for Plouffe to go on a mission and assume command and he had wondered why. Dave also noted that Murphy always seem antagonistic towards you."
"But it was Dave's last entry, the one he wrote on the day he was murdered that proved what we suspected. Dave wrote that his unit had just returned from a mission and he was cleaning his gun behind Major Plouffe's tent. He overheard Plouffe and Murphy talking. He was drawn by their laughter. His note said the laughter made his skin crawl because he was listening to cold blooded killers with no remorse. He wrote down what he heard."
"Dave indicated that he intended pass the information to Hammer as soon as Hammer and the rest of his unit returned to camp after getting Remo and Tower to the hospital. He also noted he wanted to get it written down to be used as evidence in case anything happened to him. He was the only one from his unit in camp and when Murphy left the Major's tent Murphy came around back and saw him cleaning his gun. Dave said the look that Murphy gave him chilled him to the bone."
William scrubbed his face with his hands then said "It is too bad Hammer and his unit were not in camp that afternoon. Dave might still be alive."
Both sat a moment to ponder that thought. So many people had been hurt as a result of one man's obsession and desire to for revenge for imagined slights.
Sam thought that Plouffe and Nealy must be cut from the same cloth. However there were differences. Plouffe never did regret his actions and took pleasure in making people suffer. Sam thought that Nealy just might regret his actions because he was lowering the knife.
William inhaled deeply and released it then continued "Dave wrote down that Plouffe said that he almost succeeded in killing his toy soldier because you collapsed and your heart stopped when you found Matt. He noted that Murphy told Plouffe that his idea was pure geniuses to send Matt into the live fire zone. And that he wished you had died. But since you did not that he would love to finish you off. Plouffe then said that would not be necessary because you would be weak and blow your own brains out."
He stopped and looked at his son. William saw the pain.
Sam looked at his dad with sad eyes "Plouffe almost won. I was in a very dark place for a very long time. Team One pulled me back into the light. Logically I know it was not my fault, now. That Plouffe set it in motion but emotionally it is still hard."
He turned his head towards the window unable to look at his dad as he confessed "I will never be able to release the guilt. I'm the one that pulled the trigger. I should have known it was Matt. Our bond was so strong I should have known he was in trouble and that I was sighting him. On some level I did know as soon as my finger squeezed the trigger. But I could not recall the bullet."
William sighed "I understand guilt like that Samuel. You are my son and I should have known you were in trouble. That Plouffe was using you to get to me. Maybe if I had cared less about worrying that people would see it as favoritism I could have saved you from so much pain. Maybe I could have saved Matt too. If only I had put family before duty."
Sam's shocked eyes turned to his father "You did nothing wrong. Nothing. The crap with Plouffe was not your fault. I had just as many opportunities to talk with you about it. But I didn't. It is my fault for not talking to you about what was going on. Hell all I had to do was talk to Sutton if I couldn't talk to you. But I didn't."
William slammed his fist on the table and bellowed "THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. NEVER WAS AND NEVER WILL BE. I know you hate the word in reference to you Samuel but you were the victim here. You were used. You were harmed. You followed orders."
A painful, humorless laugh emitted from William as he teared up and choked out "God damned orders. I taught you to follow orders too damned well. It nearly killed you many, many, times. You have no idea how much I regret that. Or how often I wished that you were a rebellious, impertinent, teen that would have told me to stick my orders where the sun doesn't shine and gone off to do your own thing."
Stunned again Sam was silent a moment. Then he laughed. The laugh shocked him and his father. Sam could not stop the laughing for several minutes.
William just stared at his son. Had the stress finally got too much for his son? Had Samuel finally snapped? Did his son's mind just break with reality?
"Sam?" William said tentatively.
Bringing himself under control Sam looked at his father and said seriously "Shit, I'm a chip off the old block. We are so much alike it isn't funny, but it is. And for your information I told you many, many times to stick your orders where the sun don't shine. At least in my head. And as for doing my own thing. You will recall I joined the police force first before joining the Army. Both were my choice."
Sam reached across the table with his good hand and grasped his dad's hand "And as far as orders go. Well they saved my ass many times too. It was part of the reason I did not commit suicide after I was rescued. You ordered me not too."
A smile crossed his lips then as Sam said "However, I'm reneging on my rebellious vow I made back then."
William could not help but smile at Samuel's words and smile "What vow is that?"
Sam grinned, "Oh, I had decided that since I was ordered not to commit suicide that I would kill out this line of Braddocks by not having any kids. I'm gonna break that one. I really want to have children with Jules."
William burst out laughing. It was several minutes before he got a hold of himself and then admitted "I cannot wait to be a grandfather. You and Jules are sure to have wonderful children."
He sobered a bit more and said "We both carry burdens of guilt for actions taken, not taken, for decisions and assumptions. We both know rationally it is not our faults but that does not necessarily lessen our guilty feelings. Emotions are harder to control. They are what they are regardless of logic. But I think it will help both of us to talk through some things. To understand what each other was feeling and thinking. It might be painful for us but in the end we might be able to help each other let some things go."
Sam nodded "It might. Let's start with the things I said on the roof that are JTF2 based. After that we can determine if it helps."
William put his hand over Samuel's hand that was still grasping his other hand and squeezed "Okay."
They released hands and both took a sip of coffee.
Sam started "So I talked about Plouffe and how he targeted you with the help of others. I never named him but I did refer to his rank. I think the most damming things I said was that he sold me to terrorists and that I was in the field for six straight years with no breaks. I don't think I violated anything by saying I was a POW."
William nodded "No your time as POW was not classified, only the part about being sold to them by Plouffe. It is a good thing you did not name him. That would have sealed your fate for sure."
"What the Committee will take issue with is your statements that let it be known to the public that Special Forces were compromised in such a manner and it went undetected for six years. It could cause a loss of faith in the military and call into question every mission in that time-frame. In some of their minds they may question if the missions were personal vendettas or legitimate actions necessary for the safety of this country."
Sam nodded "It could also undermine your authority and the respect you have when dealing with other nations."
William shook his head "I'm not worried about that element Samuel. I'll simply resign if that is the case."
Then William said "We may be able to mitigate this one by appealing to their sense of compassion. If you will allow it Samuel, I'd like your defense team to submit the list of your injuries and the photos that were taken when you were rescued. We may be able to claim emotional distress."
"They took pictures?" Sam asked dumbfounded.
"You did not know that?" William blurted out without thinking. The instant the words were out he realized the stupidity of it. Samuel was not conscious for two weeks and then he was in no condition to even be aware of it.
"No Sir I did not" Sam answered feeling a bit queasy and was glad he hadn't eaten the cobbler.
Blowing out a breath William said "I'm sorry I should have realized you did not know. They are in your official jacket which is sealed."
Sam swallowed hard then quietly said "If you think it will help they can be submitted. But I do not want to see them. Not at all. Not even a glimpse of them. I have worked too damned hard to put that behind me and to lay those ghosts to rest."
"I understand. If they view them you will not be subjected to the photos" William promised.
Sam gave his dad a curt nod then said "I also talked about units leaving me. I gave details such as distances, another unit attacking me and local help."
William's heart wrench and his stomach churned. He was glad he had not eaten the chocolate silk pie Yvonne sent for him. But he responded "You gave no real specifics. You did not name Nichols, which was wise. You did not give the name of the local woman either so she will not be compromised. You also did not indicate whether the local was man or woman. I think those statements might be over looked."
Sam shook his head "Probably not. They paint a bad picture of SF command structure that something like that was allowed for happen. If that information was out there terrorist might search harder for weak links that could be coerced."
"Perhaps. But that ties in with the Plouffe thing. They will probably view it as one issue" William stated.
"Two things that I know will come back to bite me are talking about a suicide mission and the impaling" Sam said with a pensive look.
William's head dropped down as those words washed through him. Guilt. He felt such guilt for making the decision to leave Samuel pinned to that wall so that information could be obtained. He looked up "I'm … I wish …"
Sam stopped his dad "We already talked about this one Dad. You made the right decision. I do not blame you. At the time it hurt but my mind was screwed up. I made it personal when it was simply a decision that was part of the job. Risks we both understand come with that job."
Sad guilt filled eyes met with resolute eyes as Sam asked "Did the intel you obtained from Haajid save lives?"
William was surprised by the question but answered "Yes, Haajid provided the last bit of information that allowed us to locate and defuse a dirty bomb that was set to explode in Toronto. We barely got to it in time."
Sam smiled.
"What makes you smile?" William asked a bit disconcerted.
Sam opened the cherry cobbler and took a forkful. He chewed slowly as his smile grew. Then Sam looked at his dad when he swallowed and said "We saved them; all of them. Your decision to leave me saved the very people I love as family before I even met them. You saved the love of my life. You saved Jules. Thank you for making that decision Dad."
William let those words settle around him and into his heart. He felt the weight of guilt for that decision shift and fall from his shoulders. William opened the chocolate silk pie and took a bite. He could see that talking through all the hurt and pain could help both of them.
Over the next several hours they talked through everything Sam said. They dissected his words and analyzed every implication they could have. They developed a plan of action. William shared who had been contacted on the Committee and how he had asked for their help.
Sam was not too surprised to learn that Mike's father was a Baron. He had known for years that Mike was hiding something big. He knew enough from his first mission after being rescued to know Mike had connections and had lived a very different life before joining the Army. Sam promised his father that Mike's familial connection would remain a secret.
William could see that Samuel was getting tired so he wrapped it up saying "You will have three days to stay with Jules. After that I will return to escort you to Ottawa. I will be leaving Mason here as technically a guard but between you and me I think you could use his support right now. We will have time to talk again before you have to face the Committee."
He got up and went around the table and offered to help Samuel rise. Sam took his dad's hand and stood up slowly. All his muscles had stiffened up sitting here for so long. Sam ached badly despite the pain meds he took earlier. He gladly accepted the help from his dad.
Sam looked to his dad when he rose completely. He wrapped his arm around his dad and hugged him as he said "Thank you for everything Dad. A son could not wish for a better father. I'm proud to be your son."
William's eyes misted with love "A father could not wish for a better son. I'm proud to be your dad."
They pulled back and locked eyes. Silent acknowledgement that although painful tonight's talk had helped both to them release some of the guilt they felt.
"Come on son, I'll walk with you to your room. I'd like to see how Jules is doing too" William said.
Sam leaned on his dad for support as they slowly walked out the door.
Mike saw the General and Sam head for the elevator and fell in step behind them. It did his heart good to see Sam accepting the help of his father. It also did his heart good to see the look of pain that had clouded the General's eyes from the moment they saw Sam flying off the building was gone.
Hotel – Sam & Jules Room
Mike knocked lightly on the room door since Sam had left without his room key. He saw Sam leaning more heavily on his father. Sam looked completely wiped out.
Spike opened the door and whispered to the three of them "Jules is sleeping. Has been asleep for the last two hours."
Mike said "I'll just wait out here for you Sir." He did not want to intrude.
Sam turned and looked at Mike and said "I hate to ask Mike but I forgot my meds in my parent's room …"
Mike grinned "I'll be right back with them Sam." He turned and jogged for the stairs. He was a bit restless standing around all night and a short jog up several flights of stairs would feel good.
As Sam and the General came into the room Spike said "I got Jules to laugh a bit tonight and the Boss got her to talk a bit too. He said to let you know that Jules had a nightmare, a pretty bad one that left her shaken. She is due for pain meds in two hours if she needs them. Jules took some just before she nodded off. No nightmares since she nodded off near the end of the movie."
As Sam sat down with his dad's assistance into the chair Spike looked on worried. Sam was really hurting. Spike asked "Can I get you into bed?"
Sam grinned "Oh the smart assed responses I could come up with."
William chuckled as Spike blushed hearing his words not as intended but as could be construed. He sputtered "You know what I meant."
"Yeah I know. I can do it on my own" Sam replied.
Spike nodded and then asked "Anything you need before I head out?"
"No. Thanks for watching over Jules for me tonight" Sam stated.
Spike grinned "Anytime. She's special." Then he grabbed the DVD and headed for the door "Call me if you need anything."
Sam gave Spike a thumbs up instead of speaking loudly not wanting to wake Jules.
As Spike opened the door he found Mike just coming up outside. Mike showed him the little medicine bottle and Spike nodded.
Popping in the room as Spike left Mike said quietly "Here's your pills Sam." He placed them on the table and then said "You want me to wait for you outside Sir?"
William shook his head "No. Thanks Mike. You're off duty now. Go relax."
Mike nodded "I'll be in the gym if you need anything Sir." Then he left the room.
William went to the mini-fridge and pulled out a water bottle and opened Samuel's meds. He held out two pills and said "Take these and I'll help you change for bed. You are in pain and I know if I leave you will plop onto the bed fully dressed. That will not be comfortable for sleeping."
Sam took the meds and then allowed his dad to help him change into a soft pair of sweats and a clean t-shirt. His dad was right that he was now more comfortable. He sat at the table finishing the water.
William had allowed Samuel to focus on only the JTF2 stuff in the room. It was important to get through. But the things Samuel said about Sara were weighing heavy on his mind.
He said quietly "Samuel I'm concerned about something else you said on that rooftop."
Sam knew this was coming. He sucked in a breath "I know. Sara."
William's hand raked through his hair "Yes. Sara. I know, you know we do not blame you. But I never knew you were still in such pain over her loss. How can I help?"
Sam sighed and said softly "I made a promise to Jeff in the hospital. He asked if he could be with me on my next birthday. He asked me to try not to drink and find a different way to deal with the pain but if I needed to drink he would be there to make sure I stayed safe. I'll try this year."
Pride in his family grew in William. Jeff had already taken steps to try and help. "I'm glad to hear that son. If I can help in any way you just let me know."
Feeling the effects of the meds Sam found his eyes getting a little heavy. But he said "When Jules was nearly run down and we lay on the ground, I could swear I saw Sara. I saw her beautiful, emerald green eyes smiling at me. I'm not sure how but she was there but I felt her presence. I heard her joyful giggles and her saying I love you Sammy."
William nodded "How did that make you feel?"
Sam bowed his head a moment then looked up with tears welling "Would you believe me if I said it made me feel good. Like the forgiveness I could not grant myself for not saving her came and the guilt diminished. It's like I can remember her without the deep lancing pain."
Fighting not to tear up William's voice betrayed the emotion he felt "Yes I believe you and I am so very happy to hear that. Sara would be so proud of you Samuel. So very proud. Sara always looked up to you and you always took such good care of her. She would want you to be happy."
Sam nodded "For once I finally believe that. Maybe our next birthday won't be so hard."
Then Sam put his head down into his palm as his elbow rested on the table. He was so tired. But there was one more thing that needed saying tonight. His father looked so exhausted. Sam had never seen him in this state before and it worried him.
Sam heard his dad's chair scoot out and he lifted his head "Dad, there is something I wanted to talk to you about too."
William sat back down. He was bone weary and tired but he would stay to talk to Samuel because Samuel was important to him. "What do you want to talk about?"
Sam took in the colorful jaw of his dad and the dark circles under his eyes. Sam said "I'm worried about your health. You're exhausted, worn out and I can see it. We need you to take better care of yourself. I need you. Nat needs you. Those future grandchildren we talked about need you. Most of all, Mom needs you. You have been taking care of everyone but yourself."
A small lopsided grin played on William's face "Like father, like son. I will take a page from you. I see that you are attempting to take care of yourself for once. So I will promise you that I will sleep in tomorrow and get the rest I need."
"Sleeping in means nine or ten am, not six am" Sam clarified with a knowing look.
Chuckling lightly and quietly William conceded "Okay I promise to stay in bed until 0900 hours. But if I stay later than that your mother will think I'm sick and put a call into Dr. Parker."
Sam nodded "Maybe that is not such a bad thing. You are not as young as you used to be."
Mock indignantly Willian replied "Are you calling me old?"
Sam snorted "No Sir. Must be the pain meds making me a bit loopy. I would never call you old. Even if you were using a walker."
William stood up and snickered "Let's get you to bed before you say more loopy stuff you might regret Sammy."
Once Sam was positioned on the bed with extra pillows tucked around him to support his injured shoulder William stood back. "Sweet dreams son. I'll see you tomorrow at dinner. I will be meeting with the Town Council in the afternoon again. They want some recommendations on how to improve their police force."
"See you at dinner then. Remember not out of bed until nine am" Sam stated firmly.
William quipped "Is that an order?"
Sam answered without skipping a beat "Yes Sir. One I expect you to follow. If you don't I'll seek out a higher power, I'll tell Mom."
William chuckled "Well if you put it that way my head will not lift from the pillow until 0900." He tousled Sam's hair then strode to the door, turned out the light and exited the room.
Sam reached out to Jules. She shifted in her sleep without waking and snuggled closer to him.
He mulled over tonight and realized that he and his dad were building a relationship that was strong and on equal terms. It was based on love and mutual respect as well as understanding of how their mind's worked. They would be able to help each other.
With that thought firmly in his mind Sam let sleep take him.
