The bell rang, and still there was no sign of Mahiru. The break was officially over, and no one had come to look for him after all.
Kuro curled up closer, trying to shove down the disappointment in his gut. This didn't mean anything, he tried to tell himself. Maybe Mahiru had just not found him, or maybe he had been busy. And yet those thoughts rang hollow. That wasn't it, the voices in his head whispered. Mahiru hadn't bothered with him at all. Who would? Who would actually go through the trouble of looking for someone as helpless and troublesome as him?
That wasn't true. That wasn't true. He tried to tell himself it wasn't true. But... the anxious knot inside him grew. The voices grew louder. Fear crept up on him from below, slowly enveloping him in its grasp, cold and dark and chilly despite the warm summer sun.
He couldn't go on like this.
He couldn't continue this way, always causing Mahiru trouble, always needing help and support and never able to give anything back the way he should. He couldn't keep on being a burden. He needed to stop this. One way... or another.
He shuddered. No, that way wasn't something he could just do. Not right now. He still needed to help Mahiru, at least until Tsubaki was taken care of and the student council had left them alone, however long that was. He needed to teach him how to fight and protect others, and until then he needed to protect him by whatever means he could. Even if someone else could technically do the job. He wanted to at least try to repay him, and once he had paid back his debt for everything, he could always think about what to do. He'd just need to hold out until then. Hold out and not break apart and shatter into pieces, somehow.
He needed to get a grip of himself again, as soon as he could. He needed to stay strong and not suffer any more breakdowns in the middle of a school day. He needed to go back to class and not skip anything anymore, and he needed to continue training Mahiru for possible fights. Even if Tsurugi can do that too, a voice said in his head. Tsurugi can do it a thosand times better.
Didn't matter. He needed to try. Mahiru had asked him to help; until he called back that request, he should at least try to live up to his expectations. And maybe if he did well enough, Mahiru would actually choose him over Tsurugi.
Or at least he wouldn't leave him, he thought.
So what was he sitting around here doing nothing for? He needed to go back to class. And then he needed to think of a good way to teach Mahiru, and maybe also a strategy to keep him away from Tsurugi. He had a task now. Some reason to take up air and space instead of just wasting it. And somehow that alone made him feel a tiny bit better.
"Kuro!"
He stopped in his tracks. That voice...
"Kuro!" Mahiru called again, and Kuro stood up, turning around to gaze at him with wide, incredulous eyes. This couldn't be. How on earth... no... why...?
He should be in class! What was he doing here?
"Mahiru," he stammered out, gaping at him as he tried to sort out the words in his head. Was this an illusion? Had he perhaps fallen asleep? He wasn't dreaming, was he?
Before he could follow any of those thoughts any further he found himself grabbed, and the hands shaking his shoulders felt very much real, just like the ensuing dizziness and the loud voice in his ears. "Kuro!" Mahiru shouted, his brown eyes wide and worried as they searched for Kuro's gaze until they met and held it. "At long last I found you! I've been looking for you everywhere! Just what have you been doing?"
Something inside Kuro relaxed. The grip on his shoulders felt pleasantly real, solid, pushing aside some of the voices in his head and lightening the worries in his chest. Yet at the same time he felt ashamed. Mahiru was here, he wasn't in class, all because he had been searching for him. He had messed up and made Mahiru worry. His own best friend! What kind of friend did that?
"Sorry," he mumbled, lowering his head and avoiding Mahiru's eyes. "I dunno."
Mahiru gave another huff, then his voice grew more gentle, one hand letting go of Kuro's shoulder to reach into his hair and pull out a few twigs and leaves. "Don't worry about it," he said, brushing strands of hair out of Kuro's forehead and letting his hand linger on his temple, warm and reassuringly real. "Is everything okay? Do you need anything? If there's any way I can help you..."
"I know." Kuro sighed and closed his eyes, trying to focus on the touch. "I don't really need anything though. But... thanks."
Mahiru hesitated, then he smiled, playfully ruffling Kuro's hair and leaning against the trunk of the tree next to him. "Still, I'm glad I found you," he said. "I was really worried... and if I'm honest, I missed you."
Kuro choked on air. "You... You did?"
"Of course!" Mahiru smiled. "It's not the same without you sitting next to me. The classroom feels so empty."
Kuro honestly didn't know what to reply to that. Lies, part of his brain whispered. He's lying. And even if he isn't, his feelings will change soon. Like everyone else's.
The rest of him, however, didn't want to care. The rest of him ignored the shadow lingering on his mind, simply relishing in Mahiru's presence and the sole fact that he wasn't alone anymore. Just having his friend nearby felt like comfort. And right now he was stable enough to be around him, stable enough to not need to put up a full mask for fear of breaking down in front of him.
"Besides," Mahiru continued after some time, his smile fading into a look of torn exhaustion, "there's something else I need to talk to you about. Because I don't know what to think and thinking simply, you're the best one at calming me down."
Kuro didn't know what to reply to that either. He just shifted uncomfortably, trying not to think of anything too hard. "What's up?"
"Well... Mikuni-san told me about C3."
Kuro blinked. For a second he wondered if he could have misheard, but Mahiru's voice had been loud and clear. "Did you just say... C3...?"
Not the student council, but C3. The organization that had infiltrated it with some of its strongest members, staying on the heels of the former Servamps and observing them from the shadows. Mahiru knew about its existence now. Mikuni had told him.
How much else had Mikuni told him? How much else... did he know?
"I know a lot more now," Mahiru said, and Kuro froze solid on the spot. "I understand why you don't trust them... Mikuni-san explained it all. He told me how they used to work when he was still with them, and he told me they made the Servamps split up too."
Kuro flinched.
"How much?" he burst out before he knew what he was saying. "How much did he tell you?"
"Just cryptic hints." Mahiru sighed, and Kuro's insides collapsed as a wave of relief washed over him. "I don't know how they did it or any details. All he told me was that they did."
Releasing the breath that had been trapped in his lungs, Kuro slumped against the tree, closing his eyes. "Typical," he muttered, surprised by the sudden return of his sense of humor. "Always mysterious and shady. But this time he did the right thing."
"Don't worry." Kuro didn't open his eyes to look at Mahiru, but he could hear the smile in his tone. "I wouldn't have let him tell me anything you wouldn't want me to hear, you know."
Kuro sincerely hoped that was true. The dark, persistent part of his mind tried to whisper that it wasn't, and if Mikuni hadn't kept his mouth shut Mahiru would definitely know the whole story now. He shot it down. Mahiru wasn't that kind of person. At least, he really, really, really hoped he truly wasn't, and his attitude up until now hadn't just been a very good lie.
"But that's not what I need to talk about," Mahiru continued, and Kuro opened his eyes again. "It's something else. I'm worried, and I really don't know what to do or who to trust." Dark, worried eyes met Kuro's own. "Will you hear me out?"
Without a second's hesitation Kuro nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets and glancing off to the side. "Sure," he muttered. "It's not like I'd get around it anyway, if it's so important the great Mahiru-sama skipped class for this."
Mahiru's cheeks flushed pink as he huffed and gave him a playful smack on the arm, and Kuro felt... odd. Normal. Like there was nothing wrong with him at all.
"Don't get off topic," Mahiru said as he let his gaze stray into nowhere, his eyes dark and clouded with worry. "So, Mikuni-san told me about C3. How they work, what they did in the past and everything. And I believe what he says, but..." He sighed. "He also said they're still after us now. That even though they say they want to team up, they're actually just using us and still see us as enemies because some of you guys used to be in a gang." His eyes flitted back to Kuro. "You think that too, right?"
Kuro didn't know what to say except, "Well... yup."
"Yeah, Mikuni-san said the same. But... I don't know." Mahiru sighed again, but it came out as more of a frustrated groan this time. "He left that group years ago. And you haven't had much to do with them since the Servamps split up either. It's just, they might've changed, you know? Maybe they've gone the wrong way about this before, but they really, really seem to want to team up, and Tsurugi-san even apologized. I mean..." He made a pleading gesture. "Are they really so bad we shouldn't even give them a chance? Even if we don't like each other, we can really use some allies, and thinking simply, missing out on that would be a bit... It feels wrong to me, you know?"
I think he's right. That sentence lingered on Kuro's tongue, and yet he couldn't speak it out anymore. He still agreed with it. He felt it with every fiber of his being. But listening to Mahiru had made him hesitate.
From his own perspective, Mahiru had a point. Someone who had never witnessed the deeds of C3 firsthand, never seen what they were capable of, never fallen victim to their two-faced manipulation was bound to think like this, bound to feel like they deserved another chance. Mahiru couldn't know. He couldn't know that, back in middle school, Kuro had thought the same. That he, too, had heard of their misdeeds and given them the benefit of the doubt. That he, too, had wanted to believe they were the good guys after all, only trying to help him, and it had been the worst mistake of his life.
Should he tell Mahiru after all? Should he reveal the whole truth to him, no matter what came of it?
Never. Never. Never. Mahiru would hate him. Mahiru would leave him. If he found out what he had done, he would never, ever forgive him.
"But then there's something else," Mahiru continued, and now he looked more confused than ever. "Earlier I was looking for you, and I ran into Jun-san and he tried to take me to you. But then we bumped into Tsurugi-san, and he said he'd seen you behind the gym just before. I went and checked, but... I mean, you weren't there, obviously." He frowned. "And the guys there told me you hadn't been there all break. So... unless there's a pretty big mistake here, Tsurugi-san sent me to the wrong place on purpose."
Kuro gulped. So that was why Mahiru hadn't found him in the break. He had been misled.
"I only found you because Jun-san wanted to lead me here," Mahiru said. "He told me the right place. But... I don't understand." He stared at the grass in front of his feet. "Why would Tsurugi-san send me to the wrong place? What does he get out of me not finding you?"
A chill crept down Kuro's spine. He understood. He knew exactly why Tsurugi would mislead Mahiru like this.
"I think," he said slowly, "he's trying to get to me."
Mahiru glanced up in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"Ah, just..." Kuro played with his hair. His eyes were looking anywhere but at Mahiru's face. "I think he's trying to use you to get through to my weakness."
"What weakness?"
You.
A simple word, an honest answer, shooting through Kuro's head faster than he could grasp it. You're my weakness, he thought. My weakest point is how much I've come to need you.
Not that he would ever say that out loud. It wasn't something he was used to saying to people. He wasn't used to outright telling people he cared, or worse, telling people how important they were to him. It was like admitting a weakness he didn't like having. It meant making himself vulnerable, exposing to others how much of his happiness they held in his hands and how quickly they could crush it if they wanted to.
Not that Mahiru would use that knowledge against him, Kuro knew. He wasn't that kind of person. He wouldn't hurt him on purpose. Mahiru wasn't the kind of person who ignored a responsibility, and he treated everyone and everything entrusted to him with care. But Kuro still didn't want to tell him. Not right now. He wasn't ready.
So he simply said what he always said when he didn't know what to answer. Stuffing his hands even deeper into his pockets, he turned his head away and muttered, "Can't deal."
Mahiru didn't answer at once. Maybe he sensed the truth, or maybe he didn't know what to reply after Kuro's awkward non-answer. Kuro didn't want to know which it was. Maybe both.
"I won't ask for details," Mahiru said at last, his tone neither confused nor annoyed or disappointed or anything else he could have been after Kuro's vague response. "But if they're after you, that's one more reason to do something about all this. What should we do?"
Kuro gave a soft sigh. "You know my answer."
"Cut them off and keep doing our own thing?"
Kuro nodded.
"I know." Somehow Mahiru didn't look or sound completely satisfied. "It's probably for the best. But... I don't know. Shouldn't we at least act like we're going along with this alliance thing, even if we don't trust them?" He frowned. "Otherwise we'll have to fight against two groups instead of one, right?"
He had a point there, Kuro realized.
They weren't that many people. And they didn't know how many Tsubaki had. It wasn't clear if they could stand their own against that one gang as things were, but they definitely wouldn't be able to face two. If they started fighting against C3, who would otherwise be their ally, on top of Tsubaki's gang, they wouldn't last a single day.
Just from a strategic point of view, teaming up with C3 seemed inevitable. Unless they simply stepped down and left the fight to them entirely.
He glanced at Mahiru. Yeah, no, wasn't happening. Leaving a task like this to other people after all this time was something Mahiru would never agree to, no matter how much he probably should.
So that only left two options.
"Well, we can team up," Kuro said, counting them on his fingers, "and hope they don't stab us in the back or use us for whatever nasty thing they're up to..." Flashbacks shot through his mind, and he pushed them down as the weight on his chest grew once more. "Or we can do our own thing and hope they don't screw us over till we do what they want. Pick your poison, or something."
Mahiru cracked a lopsided smile. "If you put it that way..."
Kuro shrugged. "It's true."
"I believe you." Mahiru's smile faded a little, his eyes turning serious as he gazed straight ahead, deep in thought. "Well, in that case... it's probably better to stay with them, right? We can pretend and second-guess everything they tell us, and if something's shady we can think about what to do." He glanced up at Kuro. "You'll help me when I have trouble doubting people, right?"
That was a no-brainer. "Sure," Kuro said without hesitation. "Can't deal."
Mahiru smiled, and this time it wasn't lopsided or awkward anymore, just grateful and relieved.
"Okay," he said. "Then we'll do that. Work with them for now, but if they try to pull us into anything shady we're pulling the brakes. And we can watch over them, just in case." He met Kuro's eye again, questioning this time. "Do you think that's okay? Thinking simply it looks like the only good choice, but..."
He still didn't want to do this.
Every fiber of his being was recoiling, hissing at him to stop. C3 was not to be trusted. They had fooled him before, him and all the others, and they could all too easily do it again. He still hated them. He still feared them, and the thought of working with them again, even just on the surface, seemed so sick and wrong he could barely wrap his mind around it.
And yet, for some reason, this feeling was different from before. Not as frightening, as mind-numbingly terrifying but... bearable, somehow, almost okay. No, not okay. He would never be okay with the thought of working with C3, not after everything that happened, but it didn't feel like he was acutely losing Mahiru to their grip anymore. They were in the same boat now. Mahiru knew better than to trust Tsurugi and his group too much, and he was counting on Kuro to warn him in time. And he had talked things out with Kuro. He hadn't made a decision behind his back without thinking; instead he had come to him instead of attending class and talked to him, and they had found this solution together.
Mahiru wasn't choosing Tsurugi over him. At least, not for the moment. And he wasn't deciding things over his head anymore. He had been true to his word, his apologies.
He still felt heavy and drained and somehow on edge, but... at least for the moment, a few of the voices in his head had shut up.
"It's a good choice," he said. "Well, not good. More like the least bad choice. They all kinda suck."
Mahiru laughed. "Tell me about it."
"But..." Kuro threw a glance at his face, basking in that smile to try and calm down the tension still lingering in the back of his mind. "I guess it's the best choice you can make."
"You're right." Mahiru relaxed against the tree trunk. "Let's hope the others will see it that way too."
Ryuusei and Koyuki had grown used to the empty seat next to Mahiru by now, but what they weren't used to was Mahiru's seat being empty.
They hadn't been surprised when their friend hadn't accompanied them to lunch, excusing himself and disappearing on them instead. Kuro still hadn't returned after all, and it had been clear as day that Mahiru was worried, too worried to even think about food until Kuro was back safe and sound where he belonged. They had assumed he would join them soon and gone ahead to the cafeteria, sitting in the same place as they always did.
Except Mahiru hadn't returned. He hadn't joined them at lunch, and what was even stranger was that he hadn't returned to class either. And Mahiru always came to class. Excluding that one time during sports festival preparations when they had convinced him to skip, a time that didn't fully count because they had technically still been excused, Mahiru had a perfect, spotless attendance record.
So if he wasn't showing up... something had to be wrong.
At first they had thought he might just be late. Bringing Kuro back might have taken longer than expected, they thought; it had happened before, albeit only in the mornings when he refused to get out of bed. Still, going by the way he had acted earlier, he might easily not want to go back, and knowing Mahiru he wouldn't give up until he managed to bring him along.
But class ticked on, and there was no sign of Mahiru. Five minutes passed. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty. Still nothing.
Was he okay? Had something happened to Mahiru on the way? Students had disappeared before, right? Or maybe something was wrong with Kuro. If he had been sick earlier, maybe it was something more serious? Had he needed emergency care? An ambulance?
Was everyone safe and sound?
"You two," the teacher addressed them both, and Ryuusei and Koyuki straightened up in their seats. "You're friends with Shirota, right? Do you know where he's disappeared to?"
Ryuusei and Koyuki exchanged a glance. Neither of them knew what to say.
"Well..." Koyuki began.
"We know what he's probably doing," Ryuusei helped him out. "But not where he is."
"And what is he doing?" At least the teacher didn't sound annoyed, they thought. Just worried. It wasn't every day that Mahiru just went and disappeared, after all.
Ryuusei and Koyuki hesitated again, and this time it was Koyuki who spoke, awkwardly twiddling his fingers. "It's Kuro," he said. "He wasn't feeling well this morning, and during first period he excused himself to go to the nurse's office and hasn't come back since."
"So Mahiru went looking for him," Ryuusei completed.
The teacher glanced from one to the other, then at the two empty seats. "And hasn't come back since, huh?"
They shrugged and nodded.
"I see." His face was unreadable as he turned around on his heel, walking back to the board. "I think I understand what happened now. Thanks, you two."
Ryuusei and Koyuki exchanged a glance. Neither of them understood a thing. What had their teacher figured out that they hadn't? Was something wrong after all? He didn't happen to know anything they didn't, did he?
What in the world was being played here, and why were they locked out of the loop?
The bell rang, and Mahiru gave a startled jump, glancing down at his watch and paling.
"Crap," he burst out, scrambling to his feet where he had been sitting on the ground next to Kuro, simply enjoying each other's presence and talking about everything except the reason why he had disappeared earlier. "Have we seriously been here for a whole period?"
Kuro shrugged. "Looks like it."
"Crap, we skipped a whole class!" Stumbling, Mahiru started to sprint towards the school building before finding that Kuro didn't follow and skidding to a halt, turning back around on his heel. "Kuro, what's wrong? Hurry, we need to go back to class!"
"You gotta." Kuro shrugged again, but this time his eyes were shadowed. "I don't."
Mahiru stared at him in disbelief. Was he serious...?
"What are you talking about?" he shouted, running right back to him and grabbing his wrist, but he didn't budge. "You need to go to class too, right? Or..." A thought crossed his mind, and worry shot through him. "Don't feel ready again yet? After what happened this morning? We can get you to the nurse's or back to the dorm and–"
"No."
Mahiru frowned. Maybe it was just his imagination, but Kuro looked a little worse again, the shadow that had hung over him since yesterday darkening once more. "Then what?" he asked, tightening his grip. "Are you just planning to stay here till the school day's over?"
Kuro made a noncommittal gesture. "It's not so bad."
"You can't stay here all alone forever."
"Why not?"
"Kuro!" Desperation bubbled up in Mahiru's chest, mixing with frustration. "Come on, I can't leave you here like this! You understand that, right?" Kuro didn't answer, and suddenly Mahiru's throat felt tight. "If you don't feel ready to go to class you should at least stay somewhere else and not here under a tree in the stupid school yard, okay? I can tell the teachers you're sick and went home. It's no big deal, so what's wrong?"
"I'm not sick."
"Yes, you are!" Letting go of Kuro's wrist, Mahiru grabbed his face and squeezed it between his hands, forcing Kuro to look at him. "You're tired. You're out of it. You seem really down, and you get stressed out by really small things. You don't even have the energy to go to class for a couple more hours! And yet you try! Why do you try?" He gave a frustrated sigh, but the lump in his throat wouldn't disappear. "The you I know would jump at the chance to stay in bed and play video games! Something's wrong, stop acting like it isn't!"
Kuro didn't say anything for a long, long moment. His eyes were fixed on Mahiru, horror-struck and wide, then he dropped his gaze and pulled himself free from his grip so abruptly that Mahiru stumbled back, turning away to face the tree.
"You're wrong," he said, but his voice wasn't convincing. "I'm fine. Just a little down for no reason. I'm gonna pull myself together again, don't worry."
Mahiru hesitated. Part of him wanted to yell at him again, but he didn't. Kuro's reaction was making him feel like he had made a big enough mistake already.
"Even if you're down for no reason," he ventured at last, "if it's this bad–"
"Stop it."
Mahiru flinched back. Something about Kuro's tone sent a chill creeping over his skin, making every single one of his instincts scream that something was wrong, abnormally, terribly wrong.
"It's not bad," Kuro said, but his voice rang hollow, soulless, as if he was repeating a line he had learned by heart and practiced so many times he couldn't say it with feeling anymore. "I don't need special treatment. I'm not messed up in the head."
Horror shot through Mahiru, horror and anger. "Nobody ever said you were–"
"I'm not sick," Kuro whispered, and this time his voice was frantic, a desperate call for help and validation. "I'm not screwed up. I'm not like those people... there's nothing wrong with my head. I'm normal." He took a shaky breath. "Don't treat me like I'm screwed up. Please... please..."
There's so obviously something wrong with you, Mahiru thought. Everything's wrong. But there's no shame in that, Kuro. Why are you protesting so hard?
"I'm not treating you like you're... screwed up," he said out loud, carefully picking each one of his words, fearing that each and every one might be a landmine that would only make this situation worse. "Friends just look after friends when they're not doing well. It's normal, you know? Thinking simply, you'd do the same for me."
"Because..." Kuro trailed off, muttering something Mahiru didn't catch.
"...Huh?"
"'Cause you're different." Somehow he sounded like this wasn't what he had muttered right now, but Mahiru didn't want to pressure him and ask. "You don't gotta do this. Not like I'm staying here 'cause I don't feel good, anyway."
Mahiru felt like he was trying to change the subject, but he didn't press the issue. Not right now, when Kuro seemed so unstable in the first place. "Then why don't you wanna go back to class?" he asked. "Don't feel like it?"
"Class is a pain." Suddenly Kuro sounded a little more like his usual self again, but his voice was still strained. "Everyone's gonna ask me where I've been all day and I don't wanna explain. Can't deal."
He sounded so much like himself that if their conversation before hadn't happened, Mahiru would have laughed out loud.
"That is your problem?" he asked instead, feeling a small weight fall of his chest. "You're worried about the questions?"
Kuro turned around, his face lacking the mischief Mahiru had hoped to see, but at least it wasn't as strained as it had been before. "Yup," he said. "Nosy questions are a pain."
Mahiru couldn't help it; this time he really did laugh. "Oh, come on," he said. "I can always answer for you, you know? You don't have to explain!"
Kuro frowned. From the look on his face it seemed like he was genuinely pondering the suggestion.
"But what are you gonna say?" he asked at last. "You gotta tell them something."
"Oh... uh... the truth... is not an option, right?" Mahiru hurried to say as the look on Kuro's face darkened. "Then, uh... Oh yeah! Maybe you haven't been sleeping well the past nights, because, uh, because... I-I'll think of something!" He didn't need a mirror to know he was going red with embarrassment. "I'll find an excuse, all right?"
Kuro sighed, but for the first time today there was a genuine twinkle in his eyes. "Can't deal."
Mahiru smiled. "So you're coming?"
"...I guess."
Mahiru beamed.
"Hey, don't smile so brightly," Kuro muttered, stepping away from the tree and averting his eyes. "I'm gonna go blind... No need to blind your poor classmate just 'cause he's going back to class. Can't deal."
"Sorry, sorry." Mahiru laughed, barely resisting the urge to tackle Kuro and hug him right there on the spot. "I'm just happy, you know? You've been out of it all day and now you're finally back to normal, so I'm glad!"
For a second he wondered if he shouldn't have said that, but something cut him short. Coming over from the school building was the sound of the bell signaling the beginning of the next period.
"Oh crap!" Mahiru gave a jolt, scratching everything and starting to run. "We're running late again! Quick, Kuro, let's hurry!"
He didn't try to pull Kuro this time. He simply ran towards the building. And after a short moment of hesitation, a second that felt like a lifetime, Kuro gave a sigh and followed behind.
They stumbled into the classroom mere seconds after the teacher had entered.
Mahiru skidded to a halt, narrowly avoiding a collision with the nearest desk as he stopped and stumbled towards his seat, catching his breath. Kuro followed in his footsteps. His knees felt wobbly for a reason that had nothing to do with running. His heart was pounding in his ears. He could feel the stares resting on him, dozens and dozens of eyes, staring at him as if he was an inhuman creature who had just entered through the door.
Part of him regretted coming here already. Part of him wanted to turn on his heel and run back outside. Then he looked at Mahiru and swallowed. He couldn't do that. His best friend had gone through the trouble of bringing him back, he had skipped a class just to look for him, and even before that he had skipped lunch all for his sake. He already didn't deserve that. How much more unworthy of these troubles, this unfairly kind human being would he be if he ran out and made it all be for nothing?
So he set his jaw, ignoring the creeping tension all throughout his body, the slinking, shadowing, lingering feeling that something was about to go horribly wrong. Trying not to look at anyone but Mahiru, he walked to his seat, sitting down and taking out his textbook and notes as if nothing had happened.
"Where did you two come from?" the teacher asked in surprise.
Mahiru glanced at Kuro, then back at the teacher. "Kuro left for the nurse's office earlier because he wasn't doing well," he said hesitantly, his eyes flitting back over to Kuro as if searching for affirmation that he wasn't saying too much. "He wasn't coming back, so I went looking for him."
The teacher raised an eyebrow. "For a full period?"
Mahiru blinked, looking caught. "Y-You knew?"
"Of course I knew." She raised an eyebrow. "I already heard everything. And now I'd like to know, what have you two really been doing?"
Mahiru straightened up in surprise. Kuro didn't move. Something cold and hostile fell down through his chest and settled in his gut, panic and dread knotting into his insides and gnawing at him from within.
"Really?" Mahiru repeated, looking happily oblivious to the true meaning of the situation, a blissful cluelessness Kuro would give his life to share. "Exactly what I just said... I needed to make sure Kuro was okay and convince him to come back, so it took a little longer." He bowed his head. "I'm sorry for that."
She'll never believe it. The thought buzzed and pounded through Kuro's head like a glitch, deleting all other thoughts from his mind. She'll never believe it. She'll never, ever believe it.
His chest was tight... his breath was flat. Was he shaking?
The teacher narrowed her eyes, staring at Mahiru, then at Kuro. Kuro tightened every muscle in his body, trying to look calm. If he started panicking now, she would only see that as an affirmation. That was the last thing they'd need. He could already read every one of her thoughts from her face, and the worst part was that he couldn't even blame her.
Anyone would think the same thing. Even Kuro himself wouldn't think any differently in her stead. As a teacher, what reason did she have to believe Mahiru's words? They weren't believable. Especially not to someone who had never known Kuro as anything but a delinquent and neverending source of trouble every time he appeared at school.
Why should she buy his words? Why should she believe that anyone would care about someone like Kuro so much that they went this far? Why should anyone believe that Mahiru had done this out of loyalty and worry when all Kuro had ever been was a monster, fearsome and unlikable even to the ones he considered his friends?
He should say something. Anything to cover for Mahiru, to help him. He didn't know what. But he needed to. Something... anything. What would sound believable? He felt like he should know. And yet he hadn't managed to sound believable since yesterday.
His mind was blank. He couldn't come up with anything. He couldn't help. He had pulled Mahiru into this, and now he couldn't help him.
Please don't get him in trouble because of me. Please don't get him in trouble. Please don't get him in trouble. This isn't his fault. It's all mine.
"Well, Shirota-kun, I suppose I'll have to write you down for skipping."
Kuro opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Nothing. His tongue was lead. His mind was empty except for one single sentence, repeating itself over and over and over again until he couldn't tell if what he heard was an echo or a repetition of the same words.
This is wrong. This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong.
"Okay," Mahiru said, perfectly upright and perfectly calm, as if he hadn't just gotten in trouble for the first time in his academic career. "That's fair. It was worth it."
This is wrong! the sentence repeated in Kuro's head. This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong!
And suddenly, in the middle of all the echoes...
This is all my fault.
It was all because of Kuro. If Kuro hadn't left the classroom, Mahiru would never have gone looking for him. If Kuro had returned in time, he would never have had to spend all of lunch break searching for him. If Kuro hadn't disappeared and hidden himself, if he had simply made his way back during or after lunch break, Mahiru would never have skipped class and spent the whole period with him instead. If Kuro had told him more about C3 in the first place, if he hadn't simply withdrawn and acted all secretive and made Mahiru hear about it from Mikuni and talk things out with him for such a long time, at such an unfitting moment... if Kuro had acted any different... no... if he hadn't been there...
If Kuro had simply managed to get it together in time, Mahiru would never have ended up in trouble.
His shaking intensified. It was hard to breathe. The urge to jump up and run from the classroom again was getting almost insurmountable. His fault. It was his fault. He already owed Mahiru so much, and all he ever did for him was cause him more and more trouble.
Why am I still here? Mahiru... why are you okay with this?
"Okay with it?" the teacher repeated in disbelief, as if she, too, was shocked and appalled at this injustice. "Shirota Mahiru, do you realize what you're saying?"
Kuro shook his head so slightly it was barely noticeable. Say no, he wanted to tell him. It's not okay. You don't have to pretend it is.
But Mahiru only smiled. "I do," he said. "I feel like I've done the right thing, Sensei. Getting in trouble for skipping is a small price to pay for that."
The teacher stared at him. Then she sighed, and her face grew clouded with genuine fear and concern.
"In all honesty," she said, "Shirota-kun, you should probably reconsider who you spend your time with. You don't want to ruin your future being influenced by a..." She threw a fearful glance at Kuro. "A delinquent, do you?"
"Just about now," Tsurugi muttered, glancing at the clock. "Around this time... the trap should probably snap close." He smiled. "Are you really sure you can handle a friend of this caliber, Shirota Mahiru-kun?"
