The Fourth Holiday Special: Yippee ki-yay.

"So, wait. Explain to me why we are doing this again?" asked Drax, hand on the back of Quill's pilot's chair as he leaned over an peered out of the cockpit blister at the approaching cityscape of downtown Tenshinomachi. Quill sighed, and face palmed.

"Seriously, Drax? Seriously? We've been over this, like, nine times. Come on man, were you even paying attention."

"No." said Drax, continuing to look past Quill out the window. "I was thinking about my Life Day shopping." He noticed the appalled look Quill as giving him. "It is a pleasant and wholesome holiday now ruined by over commercialisation." He said, Squinting out the window. " I didn't get you anything." He added.

Rocket, tossing his favourite containment sphere up and down like a ball on the co-pilots seat, shorted laughter, Groot and Gamora leaning on the back of his chair. "Hah! I did one better, Drax: I stole his present from Gamora. Oww!" he yelped, clutching the back of his head where Gamora had smacked him.

"Hey, what gives? I didn't steal his present for you… mean, I thought about it, but I can't eat chocolate or I'll die, so…"

"Stop stealing our stuff! Seriously, what got into you?" asked Gamora.

"About a pint of hooch. Nasty hooch: Seriously, gammy, I've drunk better stuff in prison, what possessed you to buy Quill such nasty-ass flavoured whiskey? It tasted like cologne!"

"It was cologne. Whiskey doesn't come in boxes with woody, many scent written on the side."

"Oh. Right. I did wonder about that." said Rocket, suppressing a belch. "Ugg, my breath stinks of perfume now."

"Still an improvement." Said Quill. "Rocket, seeing as you've clearly got so much free time, you want to brief Drax? And stop destroying all our presents?"

"Seriously, if you wrap it in shiny paper you've got to expect someone to shred it with their claws, am I right Groot?"

"I am Groot!"

"Rocket!" said Gamora.

Rocket sighed, in a long suffering, much put upon manner, but he did brief Drax.

"Nova prime suspects this big wig executive has been dealing under table, embezzling funds from one of Nova's black-op accounts. But, all the evidence will be stuck in the private vault of the guy's employer's company, and they can't get a warrant, so we gotta rob them. " said Rocket, gesturing out the window at the skyscraper looking above the city, just below the swirling vortex in the sky above it.

Drax looked at it, then turned back to Rocket. "Okay, this I understand, but why do we need to do it now, during their annual party?"

"Because it's got to look like a Hostage taking." Said Quill.

Drax paused. "Why? This seems needlessly stupid."

Rocket snorted. "The vault has seven state of the art failsafe's. Six I can get thought no problem." He said, handing each guardian a small data disk, and a communications jammer, keeping a spare one for himself. "The seventh is an electromagnetic lock that can only be tripped remotely."

"So?"

"When a hostage taking is announced, local law enforcement will cut the buildings power." Said Quill, tucking the disk inside his coat. "Letting us into the vault."

Drax considered this.

"Couldn't we just cut the power ourselves?"

Quill and Rocket stared straight ahead for a moment.

"Shit. That would have been way easier." Said Rocket. "We should totally have gone for that." Gamora facepalmed.

"This is why I can't let you two boys plan heists."

Quill sighed. "Look, we also need to make sure no-one can work out the motives for the heist. This company has annoyed eco-terrorists the galaxy over, and pissed off the locals by building that." he said, nodding to the vortex in the sky above the city. "Hyperspace highway, artificial wormhole for fast, cheap inter-stellar travel. Pity it bathes half the city in radiation, and if you hit the event horizon an even a slightly incorrect angle, you either end up in sakkakr or catapulted into one a a bijillion random parallel universes, but guess it beats cross-town traffic."

"The guy's pissed off half the galaxy." Agreed Gamora. "Given the hundreds of possible suspects, A fake hostage taking should cover our true motives nicely."

"In, out, scare the yuppies shitless, easy money. Plus, we've been ordered to rob the vault too, muddy the waters, really hide what it was we were looking for." Said Rocket, eyes gleaming evilly. "Bearer bonds, untraceable. Easy money." He said.

Quill nodded. "trust me Drax, I know it sucks working over the holidays, but trust me: by the time they figure out what went wrong we'll all be sitting on the beach, earning 20% and…." Quill paused, "And… huh?"

"What?" asked Gamora.

"Tower block, Christmas party, hostage taking as cover for a robbery… Does any of this seem a little familiar to anyone?"

There was a pause.

"No." said Drax.

"No." Gamora.

"I am Groot."

"I'm drunk on perfume." Said Rocket, belching.

"it's just…. Never mind." Said Quill, shuddering. "This seems really, really like a film I saw once, is all."

"You watch too much tv." Said Rocket.

Quill shrugged. "Too right, Ranger Rick. Bring her in: let's get this over with."


Quill stepped down to the lover airlock as they approached the landing-bay in front of the Tower, as Gamora checked the dummy blasters: they wanted their heist to be convincing, but they didn't want to shoot the place up with all the civilians there, so a set of realistic fake blasters to brandish seemed a good idea. They even shot realistic low-powered lazer beams, which was cool.

"Once we're done with the heist, I want one as my Life day present. Least that way I don't miss all the fun." Said Rocket, enviously. Given that neither he or Groot could blend into a crowd, and that this needed to be a deniable op, he was guarding the ship while the other three went in, and we was real salty about it.

"What, and after all the money I spent on your present?" asked Quill, half jokingly. Behind Rocket, looming over the pilot's chair, was a gigantic stuffed toy. A teddy-bear fully twice the size he was with a vaguely manic cast to its button features. Rocket had instantly hated it, and that made it worth every penny in Quill's opinion

"I'm gonna push that out the airlock first chance I get." Muttered Rocket. "Gut it. Stab its eyes out. Cut it open and make a nest out of its carcass. Last time I saw something like that, I was in a POW camp on Halfworld. Panda mother-fucker tried to fuck me in the showers, had to stab him to death with his own baculum. That thing looks at me again, it dies." Growled the racoon, glaring sideways at the toy. It was currently wearing an awful rent a cop uniform, that Quill bought for Rocket in the hope of using him to divert the real cops, before Gamora pointed out that the local law enforcement my ask awkward questions about why the first officer on the scene as a talking Racoon.

"And a very merry Christmas to you too!" said Quill, checking he had the dummy blaster in his left holster and the real one in his right to avoid any sort of unfortunate mix up. "You sober? Friends don't let friends fly spaceships into a holding pattern in an artificial wormhole. I don't want the last time I ever see you or my ship is drunkenly flying into some sort of glowing skygina. If nothing else, filing out the accident report would be too embarrassing."

"I'll say: I've seen your spelling." Said Gamora, walking past, and slipping a decoy blaster into a shoulder-holster, before handing Quill a ski-mask. "Just keep the ship nearby and on call, Roc. Oh, and don't murder, assault, kidnap, rob, harass, abuse, set fire to, shoot or shave any of the locals when we're in there."

"Hey! That last one was a one off!" Protested Rocket. "it was a really boring day!"

"Just, just sit on your hands, okay?" said Quill. "If you're good, I'll bring you back an ear."

"Quill!" protested Gamora.

"Joking! But no seriously, I'll try to get you a fancy watch or something." Whispered Quill, as Gamora kicked open the airlock.

"I they have canapés, can you grab some? I need to get the taste of your present out of my mouth!" Yelled Rocket, as the ship hovered and Quill, Gamora and Drax spilled out. Groot waved, and Rocket made a Rude gesture that might pass as festive in poor light, before taking off. In the swirling grit, Quill was suddenly grateful for his ski-mask keeping the dirt out of his eyes. Gamora and Drax put theirs on too, and nodded to him.

Quill checked the positioning of his fake blaster, and then nodded to them as he drew it dramatically.

"Okay: lets Rock!"


The first stage of the mission went better than planned.

They got in, installed Rockets security program, and locked down the building, sealing the doors and giving them control of the hyper-lifts. The next step was to cut off the coms, which was easier said than done. Back in the day, cutting the phone lines and blocking the cell network would have done the job, but in an age of social media, it wasn't that simple. They didn't want the cops turning up until they were thought the first six locks of the safe and ready for them, and a sudden media black out could alert the authorities, so Rocket had cooked up an algorithm that would analyse the posts of people at the party, and keep them posting generic "I'm at a party" updates and photos of canapés and cocktails for an hour or so. Hopefully this should by them some time.

It was, however, a bit of a bastard to install.

"So, why are we doing this again?" asked Drax, as they all clustered around the data-lectern in the lobby watching the loading bar while the lobby guard wiggled and tried to escape his bound hands and gagged mouth.

"If we don't set up the fake party posts, and make sure not to cut off anyone mid-call , it could tip someone off." Said Gamora, running through the tower schematics and taking control of the elevator shafts one at a time, taking a moment to kick the guard away when he tried to push himself upright against his leg.

"Why would that tip anyone off?" asked Drax. "Given the radiation from the wormhole communication outages must be relatively common."

"Look, it's just a precaution." Said Quill. "We don't want anyone to notice the coms being blocked and get jumpy. It'll look super, super suspicious if someone just cuts the outgoing broadband." He said, tapping the heavy bindle of fibre optic behind the front desk.

Drax nodded, sagely. "You mean like that?" he said, pointing.

Quill and Gamora looked down.

The Lobby Guard had, rather inventively, kicked the protective shield off the cable and was enthusiastically tugging the cables out, having looped both ankles around the bundle of fibre optics. The guy was clearly employee of the month material.

Gamora and Quill dived in, and tried to pull him off. Quill drew his blaster, set it to stun, and fired into his face.

Or at least tried to. All that he got when he pulled the trigger was a pretty lights display.

Quill swore, and the man kicked the fake blaster out of his hand he tried to draw the other one, but that went the same way. Gamora sat on the lobby guards legs, and started punching. Quill joined in, and Drax finally got involved and kicked the man unconscious.

Standing up, Quill looked over his shoulder at the data terminal. At least three video calls had been suddenly cut off, and Rocket's program hadn't installed before it did.

"Oh. Well that's just great." Said Quill, thrusting his blasters back into his holsters.


Ping!

The door of the elevator opened, and Quill, still pissed off with the surprisingly dedicated lobby guard, and fired into the air to get the crowds attention. The screams and panic were somewhat gratifying.

"Okay, everyone. Ho ho ho, it was the night before life day and all thought the house not a creature was stirring, not even a psyke surprise hostage taking!" said Quill, striding thought the crown, gun raised.

"Seriously?" asked Gamora, from under her Ski mask. Quill had the good grace to look at least a little ashamed. He coughed nervously.

"Right, right… just got a little carried away. Nerves and all… Okay, people. This is a targeted Hostage taking! We've taken over the elevators, put force fields over the stairwells, and ACME boobytraped the doors! No way in or out, folks. So, no one try to run, no one try to fight, and no one panic. We're not here to harm anyone, were only interested in one person. Mister, err…."Quill checked the name written on the back of his hand. It had smudged.

"Mr… tang? Tom? Tim? Trig? Trik? Erm… anyone."

Gamora rolled her eyes. "Mr Takagi." She said, grabbing an executive by the shoulder having recognised him from the mission briefing materials.

Quill turned, cocking his head. "Seriously? Mr Takagi? And none of this seems worryingly film-like to you?" he asked. "None of this ringing a Bell?"

Everyone just stared at him. He sighed.

"Well, okay. Get him in the elevator, the vault is on the top floor. Lets go." He said, getting in as Gamora poked Takagi in with her fake blaster. Drax got in after them, and the door closed.

Drax looked Takagi up and down. "Nice suit."

Quill filched, and flailed his arms. "Whoa! Every year, every damn year we get sucked into something festive, every year! So, I'm asking you guys, dose none of this seem just a little familiar to you guys? A little too festive?"

They stared. "No." said Drax slowly, like someone speaking to a child. "And also, in what sort of horrifying, horrifyingly morally bankrupt culture could an armed hostage taking be a festive story?"

"Christmas stores are supposed to be horrifying: that's the point. Well, at least there are no gremlins involved. No one got Rocket wet or fed him after midnight, did they?" he asked, nervously, as the lift pinged and they got out in the executive suite.

Gamora walked over to the vault in the corner, regarded it blankly, and then inserted Rocket's data drive into the port and let it get to work. Quill gestured to Drax, who then shoved Takagi into a chair. Gamora an Quill then sloughed over, trying to look menacing as Drax glowered at him aggressively, holding a knife to his throat. "Villain! We are going to open your safe, one way or another! If you save us time and open it for us, this will go far easier on you!" growled Drax, pressing the knife just hard enough to draw blood.

Quill flinched: he didn't want this to get too rough, so he pulled Drax to one side. "hey, big guy, word in your ear? Drax dude…" he whispered. "Let's put the knives away, shall we, here, take the fake blaster." Quill said, handing him the gun from his right holster. "Threaten him with that, it'll be just as scary but you won't bleed thepoor guy, okay?"

Drax looked down, frowned, then nodded, taking the blaster. "Villain!" he repeated, jamming the gun under the man's chin "We are going to open your safe, one way or another! If you save us time and open it for us, this will-"

"I'll open it!" yelled Takagi, hands raised. "Ancestors! No need to get so aggressive! I'll open it up, just put the guns away! Yeash!"

Drax, Quill and Gamora glanced at each other. "Oh." Said Quill. "Thank you." He said, raising a finger to the com bead in his ear. "Hey Rocket, bring the ship in: Takagi has folded and he's opening up the vault, were done here."

"Sweet, bringing her in…. hey, wait? Takagi? Seriously?!" said the racoon, bringing the ship swooping in towards the windows.

"I know, right?" said Quill, grinning. "Glad someone else got the reference. For a second I thought I was going mad. Okay, boss." He said, gesturing to Takagi "Let's get hat safe unlocked. Nice work, Drax. See, isn't this less threatening without the knives?" said Quill, patting Drax on the shoulder.

Drax, focused on Takagi and unaware of where Quill was, flinched and reflexively tightened his finger on the trigger.

The blaster went off, vaporising the lower part of mr Takagi's face and blowing his brains out before the bolt passed out the window, glancing of the approaching Milano, hitting a control surface and sending it spinning off into the wormhole and a bad angle, the sort that would randomize it's re-materialisation.

No sooner than the bolt had smashed the window, that a heavily muscled cyborg in a vest popped out from under a table in the corner, and started shooting at Drax. Quill instinctively pushed his fired under cover, drew his blaster, lined up a head shot, and fired, resulting in nothing more dangerous than a zap of holographic light hitting the man before he vanished thought a doorway, Gamora in hot pursuit.

Quill gawped at the gun in his hands, and swore, taking off after Gamora. "Damn lobby guard, must have got the guns mixed up when he kicked them out my hands!"

"And you didn't check before handing me one?" yelled Drax, following with a grace surprising for suck a large man.

"My bad! Where did that guy in the vest come from?" he asked, following Gamora round the corner, to where she was staring down the vertical shaft on an industrial air vent.

"Novo Jorvik, City on the other side of the planet." She said, not looking up from the vent, as she tossed him a police warrant card. "He dropped his badge when it caught on the rim of the vent."

Quill and Drax walked to the vent, and peered down. "Shit." Said Quill. "He got away from you? The last thing we need is an armed guy running round: this is make to be a bloodless fake hostage taking: if he tries to fight back for real, this could get messy."

"More so." Said Drax, handing Quill back his blaster, still covered with quite a lot of gooey Takagi chunks.

"Don't worry, he won't get far." Muttered Gamora. "I got a good look at him when he was running: we must have interrupted him changing for the party; he's not wearing any shoes so… Quill?"

She said, with concern, moving to catch Starlord as she slumped to his knees. At first she was frightened that he was having some sort of seizure, before she realised he was laughing uncontrollably. "Peter? What's wrong?"

Starlord Punched the air, hooting with laughter.

"Finally! Bwahahahaha! We're finally doing Die Hard! Ahahahaha… this is awesome!" he yelled.

+++To be continued. +++