A/N: Sorry for the delay guys. Getting some end of summer vacationing in and what not. A challenge! And a songfic at that. Song is Thinking About You by Emily Osment. Appropriate, no? Miley and Jake, and Lilly and Oliver being together never happened here. (Or ever, in my mind…)
Thinking
By Melissa
"I've found out why people laugh. They laugh because it hurts so much... because it's the only thing that'll make it stop hurting." - Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein
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In the back of your car
In the pourin' rain
You told me somethin'
You never told anyone
It was raining really hard, and we had stopped the car to wait it out. Rather than run the risk of an accident, my brunette best friend found the closest parking lot. It was late at night, and most stores were closed.
We crawled into the backseat of Miley's car, listening to the drops hit the roof and run down the windows. Luckily it was the beginning of fall and we didn't have to worry about dying of heat in the enclosed car.
I smiled and drummed my fingers on my thigh, in defiance of the beat of the rain. That is how great our friendship was, we didn't have to do anything and still be perfectly content.
"Hey Lils?"
Her voice sounded slightly strange in this enclosed space, as if it had grown impossibly soft and there was a nervous tremor to it.
"Hmmmm?"
I can be so verbose sometimes.
"Can I tell you something?"
I can feel my eyebrows crinkle in amusement.
"Since when do you have to ask?" It's cute when she regresses to that shy, small town Tennessee girl.
She chuckles a bit at that.
"Well, what I have to say I've never told anyone before."
I sit up from my slouching position to give her my full attention. She seems to be looking anywhere but at me.
"What's up, Miles?" I touch her hand and she finally drags her eyes to mine, unblinking.
"I love you."
The words hung heavily in the air, as there was no doubt in my mind that she did not mean she felt that way as just friends.
Saw the look on your face
When I turned away
I wanted so bad
For everything to stay the same
I never meant to push you away
And I'm tryin' to put the pieces back together now
Okay, I hadn't been expecting that. Sure, she could have told me about he latest crush. I didn't think I would be it.
That, and crushes are usually fleeting things. Not hard core like being in love. Or so I can only imagine, never having been in love myself.
Damn.
I turned away to collect my thoughts, but I already saw.
I saw what the action had done to you. The pain is etched all over her lovely face.
"Miles…I…"
Her eyes were shining with tears, and I felt like I deserved to drown in them for what I was about to do.
"I'm sorry…I don't feel that way about you. You're my best friend, but…that's all."
If words could wound, the back seat would have been a horrible crime scene.
It kind of was, in a way.
She nodded, ever so slightly. She tried to smile and said it was no big deal. We were both liars then. Her to lie and me to believe her.
The rain had let up a bit and she crawled back to the front seat, starting the car.
I stayed in the back, feeling the invisible pieces of our broken friendship crowd around me.
I'm thinking about you
Thinkin about me
Thinkin about everything you wanted this to be
And all the tears I cried
Don't help the pain inside
Now you're gone
And its all I can do
Just think about you
Frick, frick, frick, frick, frick.
She's still not answering her phone, not that I really expect her to. I flip mine shut and slam it down none too nicely against the nearest flat surface.
How had I not seen it? Had she always thought about me this way? Or had it been gradual over time?
Does it even matter?
I heard once that tears were the safety valve for the heart when too much pressure had been put upon it. This is a lie, I find, because I've cried a lot since that night and my heart aches no less. I want my best friend back.
But that look in her eyes…
I'll never forget it.
I'll never forget that I caused it.
And the thing that we had
Didn't have a name
But it is somewhere between a friendship and a flame
And I tried to forget
Tried to play it cool
I'm stayin busy
I'm trying not to dream of you
I didn't know you felt this way
And I'm tryin to find a way to make us
Better now
Girls being close to one another never used to be thought of as unusual. Miles and I were close. We would hold hands, or link arms while walking. Hugs were obvious, and there was even the occasional kiss on the cheek.
Now I replay those actions in my mind, trying to figure out when it turned into much more for her.
I'd rather just forget if I had a choice in the matter.
I tried to play it cool for a while, thinking maybe, just maybe, things would go back to the way they were before.
But the elephant was always in the room. We couldn't ignore it, no matter how much either of us tried.
That is, if we even stayed in the presence of one another for more than a few seconds now.
They say that the first thing you dream about is that last thing you think about before you fall asleep. You can probably imagine what I've been thinking, and therefore dreaming, about.
I try to keep busy during my waking hours, as short as they are. But everything I do brings her to the forefront of my mind. At the beach, where I would surf and she would sunbathe. At Rico's, where we laugh and joke about Ollie's attempts to pick up girls. School was a no brainer. She had conveniently switched out of all the classes that we shared.
I'm thinking about you
Thinkin about me
Thinkin about everything you wanted this to be
And all the tears I cried
Don't help the pain inside
Now you're gone
And its all I can do
Just think about you
Think about you
I'm sorry, Miley. I really am.
She'll never know how much though.
I scroll through my, slightly cracked, cell phone. I saved every message she ever sent me. I had to buy a memory card, but it was worth it. It's all I have left of her now.
I wonder if she still thinks about me now. Or if she's stricken me from the record of her life.
I broke her heart, and I didn't even mean to. I guess I deserve it.
In the back of your car
In the pourin' rain
You told me something
You never told anyone
Every time it rains…I remember.
Every time it rains, my tears mimic the water that streams down the shut windows.
Think about you
