Chapter 55 – I've Made My Choice
Tonight hadn't been so bad with Naruto, Gaara decided. It could have been a hell of a lot worse since their personalities weren't all that alike, but he couldn't deny that it had been rather fun once they got over the awkward small talk and then the discussion on Sakura's attacker.
No, Naruto wasn't as bad as Gaara had once thought. Sure he was a little loud and annoying, but he could see why Sakura thought of him as one of her closest, most precious, friends. He was genuine, caring and quite easy to get along with if you haven't pissed him off. Gaara had seen Naruto fighting a few times before and knew that the blond was not somebody to screw around with unless you wanted to be torn apart. Naruto was loyal and protective of his friends, especially of Sakura. It was because of that that Gaara wouldn't particularly mind being friends with him. He would never allow harm to come to Sakura and would fight hard to protect her. There was only one downside to the blond and that was that he was a bit of a party animal who enjoyed getting drunk with his friends. But at one point during the evening, he had told Gaara that he was glad Sakura no longer got drunk (because apparently she was rather violent) and that he would gladly give up alcohol and partying to spend time with her. Who could ask for a better friend?
The moment he entered his living room after returning from his night out with Naruto, his eyes seemed to train onto the envelope that was sitting on the fireplace and the moment he saw it, Gaara's eyes narrowed dangerously. Despite it being propped up against one of the photo frames, proving that it would be helpless without the support, Gaara felt like it was glaring at him just as much as he was glaring at it.
He knew that he had put off reading his father's letter for far too long, as both his siblings had already read theirs. They often gave him a strange look, one he couldn't understand fully. It confused him. The expression was a mixture of pain and regret. But why were they looking at him like that?
Sighing, he walked over to the fireplace and picked up the letter that had been sitting there since his birthday. It hadn't been touched or moved once, just simply left there and ignored – until now.
It felt as though it weighed so much more than it should have and Gaara felt angry with himself for feeling uneasy and perhaps even a little bit scared for what he was about to do.
He stepped away from the fireplace and sat down on one of the sofas, taking deep breaths as he slowly opened the envelope, unfolding the letter carefully and once it was opened, he hesitantly looked down at the contents of the letter, only to feel like he had suddenly been punched right through his chest.
Gaara,
If you are reading this, then that means I am not around to tell you these things myself. I am sure that you can understand what that means.
There are many things that I never got the chance to tell you due to my own selfishness. I was never cut out to be a father, at least not without your mother by my side, to help and to guide me. I will also admit to being too reliant on alcohol and being a terrible father to you all, but to you especially. Your mother's death was never your fault and if I could take everything I said and did back then, I would, but telling you such things isn't going to make what I did better and I know that.
You turned thirteen the other week and despite my terrible parenting, you're growing well. I received your exam results via email, like I always have and like I expected, you passed every single one with flying colours. I am proud of you. You're a genius and I hope that, one day, you will take over the Sabaku Corporation, that you will make it even greater than what it is today.
I also hope that, one day, you can make friends and start living the life that I always wanted you to live, the life that you deserve. Find yourself a nice woman who will fuss over you, one who makes you smile even on your worst day and makes you feel loved the way your mother made me feel and do not, no matter what happens, let her go. Treat her like she is a queen, like she is your life, because I can tell you now, you will only find love like that once in a lifetime. After I met your mother, I could no longer see other women. Their faces were blurred to me, they were not important. Karura was the only woman who could get passed my stubborn, cold exterior.
There is something else that I need to tell you and I know that this will not be easy for you to hear (or read). I know what your uncle, Yashamaru, told you, but it was all lies, Gaara. Your mother truly loved you with all her heart. I'm sorry that you never got to meet her because she was a wonderful mother. I am so sorry that I stole your childhood from you, that I forced you to grow up much sooner than you should have and I do not expect your forgiveness. I understand if you hate me because I hate myself for everything I have done to you and your siblings.
There are so many things that I should be apologising for, but as you probably already guessed, my letter isn't only about the wrongs I have done. There is another reason as to why I wrote it. Gaara, since you are going to take over one day, this is mostly to you, but please warn Temari and Kankuro, especially your sister! I did business with a man, not realising until it was too late that this kind of business is illegal and downright disgusting. I threatened to out him, to report him to Uchiha Fugaku, the chief of police and leader of the Uchiha Company, but before I could, Fugaku and his wife, Mikoto, were killed in a car accident and their eldest son, Uchiha Itachi, is much too young for a burden such as this and I do not want him to make the same mistake I did in trusting this snake. Know that I had no idea what his true intentions were and if I had, I would have never gotten involved with him.
Beware of him, Gaara. His name is Orochimaru and if he tries to do business with you, report him immediately. Do not attack him. Do not try to take him on. Orochimaru is a lot more powerful than he seems and he has a dangerous amount of contacts.
I underestimated him, which is the reason behind my leaving. I could not put any of my children in danger and had to leave in order to protect you all. The reason why I wished for you three to wait and read my letters is because I plan to contact you all on your eighteenth birthday, January 19th. However, if I do not show, I have asked Chiyo to pass along my letters. She, along with Baki, will be guiding Temari until you are ready to takeover. They will also be your carers until Temari is of age and can become both yours and Kankuro's legal guardian. They will make sure she does not continue business with Orochimaru, though I believe Temari is a better judge of character than I am and will know not to trust him.
I hope that you never receive this letter, so that I can tell you all of these things in person, but if not, then just know that I never hated you. You are my son.
Keep safe and take my advice to heart.
Your father.
Gaara's hands were shaking as he stared down at the letter in his hands and when something wet began to drip onto the paper, he placed it down onto the table so that it wouldn't be ruined, though his tear filled eyes never left the words for a second. There was no doubt that it was a genuine letter as it was his father's handwriting, had his father's signature at the end of it.
Oh God…
What was he supposed to think about that? His father… He never hated him… He apologized for everything he had done. Not only that, but his mother never hated him, either. Gaara closed his eyes and bit his lip harshly as he tried to calm himself, as he tried to stop his tears from falling, but there was no stopping them. If anything, the harder he tried to stop them, the harder he cried.
His mother had loved him. All this time Gaara had believed his entire family despised him and blamed him for her death, but they hadn't… Had he been living a lie?
"Who am I?"
"You're Gaara." a voice spoke from the doorway, but Gaara didn't raise his head as his siblings entered the living room, sitting down on each side of him on the sofa. "You're our baby brother, always have and always will be."
"You also have one hell of a right hook."
Temari shot Kankuro a dark look when Gaara lowered his eyes to the ground. Now that his brother and sister were there, he could feel himself calming down and for the first time in a long time, he didn't mind them seeing him in such a way, acting so weak. They only wanted to help him. That was all they had ever wanted, yet he had kept shutting them out.
"Do you want to talk about her?" At Temari's soft question, Gaara looked up at her with curious, unsure eyes. He had a good enough idea as to who the blonde was talking about, but just in case, he decided to stay silent, not trusting his voice. Realising that this was Gaara's way of saying yes, Temari reached behind her back, surprising him when she pulled out a photo album. He had never seen it before, but from the designs, he would say it was Temari's. "It was our mother's." Okay, so maybe not Temari's, but still a woman's. "I found it one day when I was going through our father's things."
Slowly, she placed it into Gaara's hands and the way he held it, like it was the most delicate possession he had ever gotten his hands on, made her heart warm. "Our mother's?"
Kankuro nodded once, reaching out and flipping it around so that they could see the back. Pointing at a small mark in the bottom corner, he told him, "She always marked her letters with this."
"We think she wanted you to see this, Gaara." Temari added, her voice quiet as she watched him run his finger over the sign. "We think it may be her own letter to you." Looking down at her hands, she had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying. "Chiyo–baa told me that our mother knew she wouldn't survive her pregnancy, that she wouldn't be strong enough to." She didn't look up as both Gaara and Kankuro's heads snapped up, obviously hearing the shake in her voice. "But… Our mother… She said that she would happily die so that you could live your life. Gaara, she loved you so, so much. Don't ever forget that."
He didn't want to ask why they had never told him that before, why they had never brought him this photo album, because Gaara already had a good enough idea as to why. Their father had bullied them just as much as he had bullied him and not only their father, but also their uncle, too. Not only that, but there had been no telling how he would react to being given such a thing. Before today, before reading his father's letter, he would have never considered himself worthy to be able to hold something of his mother's. Letting out a shaky sigh, Gaara turned back to the photo album, turning it back around so that he could open it and see the first picture.
"There are three albums altogether." Temari stated, watching Gaara's expression as he stared down at the sight of his scan. "One for each pregnancy."
Gaara was silent as he flipped the page, a small smile gracing his lips at the sight of his mother's smile. She was beautiful! It seemed Temari had taken after her, too, as they had the same eyes and when Temari's smile wasn't so fierce or wild, they smiled the same, too.
In the picture he was looking at, his mother seemed to be telling Kankuro and Temari the news of her pregnancy, as Temari's eyes were wide with a large grin on her face, though Kankuro was much too young to understand what was so special. Their mother also had a smile on her face as she sat with Kankuro on her lap whilst Temari was at her side. Gaara was a little jealous that they got to spend time with her, but at the same time, he felt sorry for his brother and sister. They got to know their mother and had had her ripped away from them, whereas he never had her to hold him and do things mothers usually did.
The photo album was filled with pictures, showing the three how Karura had gone on with her pregnancy and it genuinely surprised Gaara to see a picture of his father smiling. The stern, harsh look was gone and the softer look on his face made him look so much more like Kankuro. As it progressed, it was obvious that the pregnancy was causing her pain. Her eyes had dark circles around them, her skin was paler and she was becoming much thinner, but no matter how ill their mother looked, she kept the smile on her face and not on a single picture did it look forced.
The final picture almost caused his heart to stop.
His mother… She was holding him! Gaara had always known that he had been premature and it was the reason why his growth spurt had started so late, but actually seeing how small he had been… It was a miracle he was even alive! He actually fit into her hands. Well, only if she cupped them together, but still! There was a breathtaking smile on her face and even though she was sweaty, even though she was pale and looking so dangerously ill, Gaara still thought that she was beautiful.
However one thought continued to run through his mind as he stared down at the picture. She was holding him. His mother was holding him with a look of absolute adoration and love in her eyes.
It was true. She loved him.
And just like that, he was crying again.
Only this time, his siblings were there to comfort him, to hold him.
A/N - Sakura tells Gaara that she chose him next chapter, but will she tell him about sleeping with Sasuke? ;-)
A small rant here, but not about anybody who has reviewed. This is about a message I got from my friend's ex. According to her, because he likes my pictures on Facebook and we talk every now and again, we're sleeping together. How the fuck does that work out? She started saying me all this shit about how I've been flirting with him and meeting him whilst they were together and whatnot. First of all, when they were together, I wasn't even in the same town as them (we moved). Second of all, I'd never go after somebody else's boyfriend. I know how much shit like that hurts! Ugh! So pissed off because of that. It's like you can't even have guy friends anymore. So retarded.
Anyways, I'm going to go and read the new Naruto manga chapter.
HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! :-)
