55 The Whole Story
She landed in the garden of the Potter's next door neighbor. She half expected Old Bathilda to come out and yell at her for squashing her roses but the door stayed shut.
She staggered into their yard and up to the front door, which Lily no doubt, had painted a bright, cheery green. The tears were still pouring down her face.
She knocked tentatively and almost immediately regretted it. What was she doing, darkening their doorstep? She turned to go as the door swung open.
"Vienna?" Lily's voice rang out in shock. Vienna turned and found Lily's arms wrapped around her in a bone crushing hug and then quickly removed. Then a hand lashed out and slapped her across the face.
"Where have you been? I've rang, I've sent letters! Are you too good to call? You skipped out after you found out what had happened with Sirius and I understood. And then you disappear, poof! And no one's heard from you in months. We thought you were dead! We thought you'd been killed by Death Eaters!"
Vi turned to Lily, opening her mouth to speak but Lily gasped and cut her off. "Oh my god," she said covering her mouth as she saw Vienna's swollen stomach. "How long?"
"Six months," she said quietly staring at the ground.
"Is it… Sirius's?" she asked in a hushed voice? Vienna nodded, more tears leaking down her nose.
"Come inside," Lily said, putting an arm around her. Vienna followed her inside, falling into inconsolable sobs.
"Here, drink this, it'll help," Lily said, pushing a cup of slightly steaming tea in front of Vi. She nodded in thanks, still hiccupping. "What happened?" Lily asked, her concern mixed with curiosity.
Vienna took a deep breath. Something banged in the hallway and she looked up, startled.
"Don't worry about it," Lily said. "It's just a laundry spell, sometimes it knocks over the basket."
Vienna stared back down into her tea. "I don't blame you for being angry. I, I knew you would, but I had no one else to go to."
"It's ok, you're safe, that's all that matters."
Vi shook her head as if she disagreed but didn't say anything about it. "I- I guess I have to start that night, after- after the wedding. I thought Sirius and I were going to get back together, that everything was fine again, better than fine. We slept together and I woke up, and I saw this little packet of letters poking out from his trunk. I didn't think anything of it- I figured they were from James and you and Remus and Peter- until I saw my name. Every single one, they were all addressed to me. So I opened them, every single goddamn one, and I read them."
"They were from the summer between sixth and seventh year, the one I couldn't remember because of that hex, and all of them were apologizing. Apologizing for snogging some girl named Rachel in a broom closet."
"I read every single one, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Things started rushing back. Like catching them in the broom closet, seeing him take off her shirt- and I couldn't handle it. I left- I didn't even have the courage to scream at him- for cheating, for lying and hiding it from me for over a year. I just left the letters and a note and left."
"After that I went into hiding, got a little cottage in Bath, got a job as a Muggle secretary. I just couldn't handle it, being around him all the time after what he did, after all the lies, everything you lot told me. I thought I would be fine. Then I found out I was pregnant."
"I thought I could do it on my own, hide out and raise my child and forget everything else, and it worked for a while until today when I saw him, and I told him it was his and now I don't know what to do, or why I told him! I should have just let him believe that it was some one night stand, but I could see it in his eyes, and it was killing him."
Her voice shook, but she carried on as if she couldn't stop. "I- I want to forgive him, I just want to go back to the way things were, but I don't know if I can- if we can, or its broken forever, and I can't put a child into that situation, I can't have them have a father one day and then have him walk out. I want my baby to have a stable childhood, something I never had. I want them to grow up and be happy and not have to fight all the time. I'm so tired of fighting, Lily. It's exhausting, and no matter how hard I fight, I'm still in the same place."
"And I'm happy with him! That's the worst part. After all this time, after everything he did, I still love him. But I'll never be enough for him, I'll never be enough for anyone, so I've just got to stop trying, and just do what's right for my baby. That's all that matters now. That's what I keep telling myself, but I still can't believe it. I still want him, and I hate myself for it." She stopped, staring forlornly at her stomach as she gently ran a hand over it.
Lily just stared at her, lost for words. Then she got up, and wrapped her friend in a hug. They both burst into tears and neither one noticed Sirius step away from the door and out the front door.
