Alice had come to visit a few times before I was released from the hospital and when I got back to Charlie's I noticed that she had also put in quite a bit of shopping while visiting Forks. Mason's closet was now stocked with clothes that I was sure he would never get to wear because he would out grow them to fast to wear each and every outfit in the small wooden closet. I had also learned through Alice that Edward was staying in a cheap motel room just outside of town and he had not yet bought a plane ticket back yet.
I had been back at Charlie's for about a week when I found myself sitting on the front porch rocking Mason in the early hours of the morning. Even though the sun was just beginning to rise, I could tell today was going to be a beautiful day that Mason was actually going to get to see the bright blue sky and sun for the first time. I am not sure what it was about this first for Mason but it compelled me to act. So while still in my pajamas I strapped Mason into the car seat and drove to the cheap motel on the side of the highway. I had actually been planning on waiting for awhile to see if he was serious about staying until things were talked out but there was just something about today that sent a spark inside of me to act now.
I pulled up to the motel and lifted Mason's car seat from the back before going to the front desk to find out what room he was in. And then there I stood in front of room 11, with my hand raised to knock but yet unable to move to complete the action. Deep down I knew that the situation couldn't get any worse but I was more frightened by the fact that it could get better. Could I handle having Edward back in my life even if it was something as small as him sending birthday cards to Mason? Could my heart take it to see him at the Christmas dinner with his new girlfriend ten years down the road? Could I be civil for the sake of my son with the man that tore me down not once but hundreds of times before he broke my soul? Did I really have a choice? Things had to become more than just about me, and as I looked at my sleeping son I let my hand rap heavily against the cold metal door.
It seemed like forever in a second as I watched the door open a crack, just enough for the person to see outside. He looked horrible like he hadn't slept in days but I knew that this was only because of the alcohol.
"Let's talk." I said and he opened the door wider to let me and Mason pass into the depth of what seemed to be hell. I set Mason's seat down on the unmade bed and then I surveyed the room. The blinds were drawn tightly shut and the TV was on a channel that only produced a grey haze of fuzz and crackling noise. There were bottles of beer on the floor and an empty pizza box or two and as I looked around I wanted nothing more than to grab Mason and shield him from the life that was being held here.
"Sorry about the mess, I didn't know you were coming." His voice held a hint of sarcasm, which told me that he was angry towards me.
"Are you sober enough to talk or should I come back at another time?" I bit back and I saw him flinch.
"I am fine. Let's just get this over with." He went to sit in one of the chairs that was located farthest from Mason and I at the small wooden table in the corner of the room. I left Mason on the bed as I went to sit in the chair across from him, folding my arms across my chest.
"So would you like to start with the beginning or should I just ask questions until I find out what I want to know?" My voice was sharp but it was the only way that I could keep from breaking down.
"Before I tell you anything, Isabella, I need you to know that I loved you so much…so much it hurt and I still love you…"
"Just not as much and not enough to stay with me." I finished his sentence for him.
"No, the exact opposite. I love you too much to stay with you and you will understand once I tell you…but I just…I just thought if I could keep it from you then everything would be fine. Oh God I think I am going to be sick." His head sunk to his hands. The mother instincts in me had taken control for a brief moment and I reached out to touch his hand but when he flinched I drew back immediately.
"Just start from the beginning and the rest of the puzzle pieces will fall into to place." My voice was quiet but seemed to calm him and he took a quick deep breath before raising his head to look at Mason on the bed.
"Do you remember that weekend we spent at The Point in New York?"
"Of course. Edward what does that have to do with anything? It was years ago." I sighed.
"Do you remember what I said to you the night we were lying in bed after our day in the spa?" His eyes never left Mason's sleeping form.
"Honestly Edward…." I tried to wrack my brain for what had
been said that night
but the exact words couldn't be pin
pointed.
"I told you how much you meant to me and how I would do anything within my power to protect you from pain especially if it came from my own hands. And that's what I thought I was doing by distancing myself. I knew I was hurting you but I thought that this was just a minuscule compared to what I could have done to you." Edward got up for his chair and stood in front of Mason, reaching done to brush his finger tips against the soft wisps of hair that covered his head.
"What did you do Edward?" I needed to hate him again. Watching him with Mason was breaking down my resolve to be mad at him and right now I couldn't handle having to fight for my feelings to love him again.
"The night I finished my residency we went to the bar to celebrate…"
"I know that Edward, I was there if you care to remember." I was getting frustrated.
"Well you left early because you had to be at work early the next morning. I kept drinking after you left, I mean hell I worked my ass off and I finally became something. Oh God!" He turned quickly from Mason and looked like he wanted to hit something. I could hear his heaving breaths as if he was trying to hold back the tears.
"Just spit it out Edward! It can't make things any worse then they are now!" I yelled.
"Yes it can! You can keep Mason from me! You can say that you will never forgive me! Things can get worse!" Edward turned to face me and for the first time caught my eyes with his.
"Just tell me." My voice was a whisper.
"Do you remember Tanya? Well after you left and the drinks kept coming, she started hitting on me and I didn't stop her. When we left the bar we went back to her apartment and…"
"Oh God." The realization hit me.
"Please let me finish, you don't hate me enough yet." He paused for a moment before continuing to gauge whether or not I was going to stop him. "I slept with Tanya that night. And I regretted it the moment it happened and I can honestly tell you that was the only time that it happened. I ignored her and told her that it was a mistake and never should have happened and for a while I thought everything was going to be fine. That I would just tell you and we could get over it but then Tanya told me that she was pregnant."
"Oh God." I stood up quickly and went to grab Mason. I had to get out of there. The room seemed to running out of air. Edward was a father to another woman's child. Was he living in our home with her and his other family? Before I could lift Mason Edward grabbed my arm and stopped me.
"You wanted to know and now you will stay until I finish." I shook my head no as tears ran down my cheeks. But he only pushed me back into the chair and continued with his story.
"I didn't believe her, so I made sure to see the pregnancy test and then have a paternity test. He was mine. He is about three months older then Mason." Three months older? So his family must have known and they didn't tell me.
"So you have this whole other family? Tell me are you living in our house? Is she sleeping in our bed and is he sleeping in the room I imagined the nursery? God Dam it Edward!" My shout woke Mason and I saw Edward making his way to Mason to calm him but I jumped from my chair and scooped Mason up before he could touch him.
"Don't you dare touch my son! You bastard! Why don't you just go home now to your family and leave us be. Your papers will be signed and sent to lawyers tomorrow." I gathered my things and made my way to the door but before I could open it I had to the knife in a little further and finish the destruction of my heart and life. "What is his name?"
"Edward. His name is Edward." And with that I was out the door and Edward's life for what I hoped was forever.
SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE…SCHOOL WAS CRAZY AND I HAVE HAD A BREAK SINCE EXAMS. HOPE YOU ENJOY. AND AGAIN IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY STORY THEN DON'T READ IT. I DO NOT APPRECIATE PEOPLE ASKING ME TO REMOVE IT FROM THE SITE.
THANKS FOR READING--WISH
