Charles gripped the armrests of his wheelchair tightly, his breaths coming in harsh pants. Erik was there. His sister was there. The last two people he ever wanted to see were standing on his front porch, threatening his students.
The fight had been in full swing when he'd finally made it down, and he hadn't been able to restrain any of his anger when he told them to stop. In all honesty, he didn't want to.
He hadn't cared who had started it when he opened the doors. All he cared about was the fact that there was a brawl going on in his front yard, visible from his window, from any window really. They were lucky that most of the students were in the dining room on the other side of the Institute.
Concealment was only the tip of the iceberg though. The Brotherhood and the X-men were not supposed to fight on the front lawn. This was supposed to be a haven. His students were in danger in the one place that they were supposed to be safe.
A small noise from his left made him turn his head slightly. His heart sank. He hadn't seen Rahne from the window. He imagined that the older students had been blocking her from view. Sean had his hands on her shoulders, and Rahne was making a small keening noise, her eyes wide with fright.
It was like a knife stabbing him in the heart.
"She called me 'mama' tonight Charles," Moira said.
Rahne's eyes met his, and the knife twisted.
"She was only half awake," Moira said, "But as soon as she called me that...I realized just how much I wanted to call her my daughter."
Charles smiled. He reached out and touched her cheek.
"You'd make a wonderful mother," he said.
Her eyes met his.
"Charles...I'd like you to help me with this," she said, "But I'd also like you to...support me."
"Support you?" he asked, confused.
The pain became more intense, waves of guilt crashing down around him. He hadn't thought, had been far too miserable to see past what was in front of his own eyes. Of course Rahne was suffering, and of course it was his responsibility to make things better for her.
A nasty thought appeared, one that had been on the edge of his mind ever since Levine had first suggested taking responsibility for her. It told him that, just maybe, she'd be better off without someone like him. Just like her mother.
He turned back to the Brotherhood, pain and anger rising inside of him. A great deal of it was at himself, but there was plenty left over for the people in front of him. He pushed himself to the forefront of the porch, past his students, down the ramp, so that he was standing right in front of the Brotherhood.
"What do you think you're doing?" Charles said.
Erik straightened himself.
"I was here to deliver some information that it appears you already knew," he said.
"And the fact that you nearly throttled one of my students?" Charles said.
Erik's face hardened.
"I would advise you to tell that student to watch his tongue," he said.
So the Brotherhood had started it. The care about just who had started things came flooding back as Alex took a step forward. Charles held out a hand. He was going to handle this.
It was about time that he handled something.
"And there are many things that I would advise you to do," Charles said, "But unfortunately it's too late."
Erik clenched and unclenched his fists.
"Charles, it was not deliberate-"
"If that's all you can say Erik, then I'm afraid that it's not good enough," Charles said.
He grabbed the armrests of his wheelchair again.
"I love you Charles."
"I love you too Moira."
"We were going to get married in a few months," Charles said.
Erik turned his head away.
"I didn't know. I'm sorry," he said.
"So am I," Charles said, "But again, that's not good enough."
Erik turned back to him, but Charles wasn't going to let him speak.
"I know you know what it feels like to have your future stolen from you," he said, "I would have thought that you would have known that the word 'mercy' is not an empty one. I would have thought that when one of my students begs you to call a truce to save a life, you would've said yes. I would have thought-"
Charles stopped himself, struggling to conceal his emotions.
"No matter," he said, "Because it appears that I was wrong."
"I told you once that your faith in people would let you down," Erik said.
His voice lacked the edge that Charles had expected. It sounded almost sad. However, it didn't make it better.
"Perhaps," Charles said.
He looked past Erik and stared at Raven. She was unable to meet his eyes.
"What happened to you?" he asked.
Her eyes did meet his then.
"I'm not some little girl Charles," she said.
"And killing people makes you grown up?" he asked.
His voice came out flat. He thought of the million memories and felt his anger growing.
"Losing people you care about changes you," Raven snapped.
Her eyes briefly flickered to Alex. For a moment Charles stared at her before sighing in understanding. He remembered what Alex had said about Mystique accusing him of Azazel's murder. Now he understood just why she'd done so. To her, even though it had been on the battlefield, it had been murder.
Pity flared up, but it was squashed by something else.
"Yes," Charles said, "But you knew."
He lowered his voice.
"I saw what happened through Moira's thoughts, an event she tried to hide so as not to hurt me," he said, "But you saw the ring. I saw you look at it, saw the understanding in your eyes, saw how you pulled the knife out anyway. You knew what she was to me. You willingly took her from me. What did she do to you to warrant your actions? What did..."
He forced the next few words past his lips, all but a plea to understand.
"What did I do to you to deserve this?" he asked, "I am never going to lose the knowledge that my sister stabbed the woman I loved. What did I do?"
Raven didn't answer. Charles looked between her and Erik.
"I didn't hold it against you when you left. Either of you. It was what you felt to be right," Charles said, "And I still don't. This, however..."
He shook his head.
"Never come back here. Not as the Brotherhood, I don't care what's happening," he said.
He gestured to Rahne.
"And if you come close to any of my children again-" he said.
"We didn't harm her-" Erik began irritably.
"Did you strike first?" he snapped, "In the fight, did you strike first?"
Erik fell silent.
"Then you could have," Charles said, "If you ever come near them, if you harm even a hair on the heads of any of my students-"
Charles narrowed his eyes.
"I might not be able to stop you with my powers Erik," he said, "But I will stop everyone else. And I won't tell the X-men to hold back. Are we clear?"
Erik gave him a cold look, but nodded.
"Good," Charles said, "Now get out."
He turned his chair around and motioned to Alex. His student's eyes were hard as he began heading towards the doors to the school, the rest of the X-men following him. Levine gave Charles a wondering look as he went inside, and Charles briefly thought he saw Rahne look at him.
"You've changed Charles."
Charles didn't even look back at Erik.
"So have you," he said.
He wheeled the rest of the way into the Institute, slamming the door behind him. For a minute he just stared at the door, wondering what on earth he'd done. He felt exhausted, as though he'd just ripped a large chunk of his heart out of his chest.
Charles swallowed, feeling the darkness threatening to consume him again. He curled his fingers inwards, letting his now too-long fingernails dig into his palms and break the skin. He needed something to ground him. If anything, the past few minutes proved that he'd done enough wallowing.
He turned around, his fingernails still buried in his palm. The X-men were staring at him, and Levine was giving him a look that smacked of admiration. There was only one person that Charles wanted to talk to though.
"Rahne," Charles said, his voice gentle, "I need to have a word with you."
He gestured to the study and Rahne walked in, her head bowed. Levine gave him a meaningful look. Charles nodded in recognition, and then looked over at Alex.
For the first time he really saw his student. Alex looked exhausted. Charles's heart clenched. He'd taken on the burdens that Charles should have carried. It made him feel even more pathetic. He would need to talk to him about that, but Rahne had to come first.
Still, he had to let him know that he wasn't forgotten.
"I'll talk to you in a little bit Alex," Charles said.
"They really did start it," Alex said.
"I'm not doubting you," Charles said, feeling the ghost of a smile on his lips, "But we need to talk about other things. We all do, I think."
Alex gave him a brief nod. Steeling his nerves, Charles wheeled into the study and closed the door behind him. Rahne was curled up on one of the chairs, her knees tucked up to her chin. She buried her face when he came in.
"Those people murdered my mom, didn't they?" she asked.
Charles closed his eyes briefly.
"Yes," he said.
The temptation to keep his eyes closed stole over him. Memories began to resurface, memories of a bloodied form and Hank's frenzied work. He'd been in her mind, frantically trying to keep her with them. It hadn't made any difference, and he'd been in her mind the moment she'd died.
It hadn't been like it had been with Shaw: that had been short and painful. This had been long, more like a hand slipping from his grasp. If he concentrated very hard, he could almost feel her last, whispered thoughts.
He fought to open his eyes again. Charles wheeled next to Rahne.
"I've been talking to Levine," he said.
"Mom's friend," Rahne said.
"Yes," Charles said, "He thought it might be good for you to leave the Institute for a while."
Rahne slumped in on her shoulders even more.
"What do you think?" she asked.
Her voice was muffled, but he could also hear that it was flat, devoid of emotion. It was so unlike the vibrant child he'd come to know. Charles looked down. This was going to be difficult.
"I want to know if you want to go," he said.
Rahne turned and looked at him, her face blank.
"Do you think I should go?" she asked.
Again, there was not even a speck of emotion in her tone. It would have made this easier if there had been, but if he'd deserved for things to be easy, then they wouldn't be having this conversation.
"As I said, you'll make a wonderful mother," Charles said, "And I want to see that, more than anything."
"Over the past few days, I've failed in many ways," Charles said, "But they all pale in comparison in the way that I've failed you. I might not...I might not have been able to marry your mother as I wished."
He sighed.
"But I said my vows in my heart to her a long time ago," he said, "So what I think..."
Charles swallowed.
"I think that I'm sorry for leaving you alone and not being the person you needed me to be," Charles said, "But I think that I want you to stay right here."
Her head tiled up. Tears coursed down Rahne's cheeks. She launched herself out of her chair and into his arms. Charles felt shock: surely forgiveness couldn't be given so easily? However, this was Moira's daughter, slow to trust, but there was strength and love there that he'd never be able to fathom. The fact that they didn't share blood was immaterial.
He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.
"I miss her," Rahne wept.
"I miss her too," Charles said.
