Note: This chapter references events from the fic, Better.
Lyrics: "Let Love Move Me," by Donna The Buffalo, from Rockin' In the Weary Land.
Chapter Fifty-Four
Let love rise between us,
Let love make the difference.
Meanwhile...
Once the door to her old quarters closed, Kali leaned against it with a sigh. It'd taken the better part of the afternoon, but she'd managed to say goodbye to all of the Temple Jedi she'd known – or at least was on friendly terms with. Save one.
Knowing Ben, he'd come to her. Eventually.
A brush with the Force informed her that Stonewall was still in the Guard barracks, so she busied herself with gathering the few items she'd left behind: old robes, some from her Padawan days, most tattered beyond repair; a collection of holobooks pilfered from the Temple Archives and forgotten once she'd finished reading them; endless musical recordings spread across holodisks and vids; an extra set of rather nice boots she'd forgotten about, which she set aside to take. The holobooks and music she stacked in the kitchenette, thinking to return them to Jocasta and hoping the Chief Archivist wouldn't hold a grudge. The old robes she considered keeping, but in the end shoved them down the incinerator chute.
She was trying to stabilize a wobbling stack of datapads when the chime to her quarters rang. Hands full, Kali called, "Come in," without glancing up.
And then Ben was there, at her side, grabbing the few 'pads that slipped from her hands, and together they placed them upon the kitchenette's counter. As he did, he glanced her way. "Always making a mess."
"Maybe, but I always clean them up."
Obi-Wan lifted a brow. "I was talking about me."
Kali chuckled and began to sift through the stack of 'pads; she selected one full of romance-holos she remembered reading as a girl. How long ago, it seemed now.
But some things were constant. She set the 'pad aside and reached for another. "Thank you for your help."
"You didn't need it," he said, selecting a few 'pads as well. "You were marvelous in there. Full of heresy," he added wryly, "but marvelous, nonetheless."
Kali wanted to smile, or at least feel gratified by the praise, but emotion caught thick in her throat and she shook her head. "I don't just mean today. You've always been a good friend to me."
"Ah." Blue eyes lifted, crinkling at the edges as he regarded her fondly. "You mean to encompass a lifetime of good deeds in a single sentence. How bold."
She rolled her eyes. "Don't be a di'kut."
He flashed her a teasing smile, though it faded when he took a deep breath and looked at the datapad in his grip. "You're really doing it, aren't you?"
"Ben–"
"I never thought I'd truly lose you." His forehead creased as it did when he was puzzled. "Not really. Even though we're not...romantically linked any longer, I always thought you'd be..."
He trailed off and shook his head, then nodded to her knee. "Your limp is gone."
Kali regarded him a moment before she set down the 'pads, pulled off her boot and rolled up her pants to show him the new scar on her knee. "I finally got a prosthetic. Honi put me under with morichro, so there was minimal danger to the baby. It's mostly healed now."
He knelt and examined the raised, pink skin. "Morichro? I wasn't aware it could be used for such a thing. Did it hurt?"
"A little. But the pain of dealing with it for twenty years was much worse than the week or so of pain following the surgery."
"A fair trade." He straightened and leaned against the kitchenette, abandoning all pretense of helping her organize the 'pads. "Why now?"
The answer was so simple. "It was time to be whole."
He nodded slowly, then shot her a lifted brow. "Your sparring skills have improved, I take it?"
Kali grinned and patted the twin sabers at her belt. "I can hold my own. Would you like to give it a go?"
"Another time," he said, chuckling. "For now, I'll take your word for it. Though," he added thoughtfully, "two sabers is quite a step up from where you were."
She'd long since accepted her less-than-stellar combat skills, so this was not a slight. But sorrow tugged at her heart and she turned her attention back to the stack of 'pads. "It's only temporary. I'm hoping Stonewall will accept one of them, though..."
The sorrow swelled to full-on grief and a sob caught in her chest. She dropped the 'pad and braced her arms against the kitchenette counter, trying to collect herself. A warm hand rested on her upper back, joined by a soothing brush of Force-energy that was as familiar as its bearer.
Sniffing, Kali swiped at her eyes. "These kriffing hormones," she said by way of an apology. "They've gotten more unpredictable lately. Poor Stone had no idea what he was coming back to..."
"You said he found you?"
It was a clear attempt to change the subject, and she welcomed it. After a deep, steadying breath she launched into the story. How she'd sensed her husband through the Force, though his energy was dark and his mind was a stranger to her. How they'd faced one another in true combat for the first time since they'd met two years ago. How she'd been so afraid to do the right thing.
"You dropped your weapon?" Shock rippled from Obi-Wan's careful control, and his eyes were round. "You surrendered?"
"There was no other way. He was a stranger to me in that moment, but beneath all of it – the anger and the fear – he was still Stonewall. He was still the man I loved. I couldn't fight him."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "He would have killed you – and your child. You had to act in self-defense." He sighed heavily. "It is a necessary evil, sometimes."
He was a Jedi Master, and the finest negotiator the Order had known in a millennium, but Kali knew she was right – about this, at least. "Fighting each other only made things worse. I had to break him out of his trance. I had to get him to open his eyes and see me."
Silence stretched between them for several, too-long moments, until he sighed again. "Well, I'm glad you were right."
"You and me both." The chime at her door sounded; Kali had been so immersed in her conversation with Obi-Wan that she'd not noticed the familiar presence. She sent a pulse of Force-energy and the door slid open, and smiled at her former Padawan. "I was going to find you and Zara before I left."
Honi glanced between her and Obi-Wan, and frowned. "I'm interrupting."
"Not in the least," Obi-Wan assured her. "Please, come in."
Still, Honi hesitated, but Kali urged her inside the room with a wave of her hand. "It's fine, Honi. Besides, even if you were interrupting, you're always welcome where I am. You know that."
The copper-haired woman entered, but slowly, and her Force-presence shivered with apprehension. Honi took a deep breath and met Kali's eyes. "I wanted to say goodbye."
Kali did her best to keep a straight face. "Why?"
"Because..." Honi's brows drew together and she scowled, suddenly a teenager again. "You're teasing me again, aren't you?"
"I would never do such a thing," Kali said primly. "I'm shocked you'd even suggest it."
Honi rolled her eyes and looked at Obi-Wan, who smoothed out his growing beard. "Some things never change," she said dryly.
He chuckled. "For the better."
"Honi, I'm serious," Kali said, leaning against the kitchenette counter. "Why do you want to say goodbye?"
"Because you're leaving! Because Force knows when we'll see each other again. Because..." Honi trailed off and ducked her head, toying with the sleeves of her tunic. "Because I'll miss you."
Of all the people Kali had met in her life, Honi Tallis was perhaps the only one who could so perfectly encapsulate both an uncertain teenager and the ideal Jedi Knight. Even though she was a woman grown, a part of Honi, at least in Kali's eyes, would always be that scrawny, terrified-but-refusing-to-show-it fifteen-year-old girl.
But she wasn't. She was a full-fledged Knight, and a fantastic one, and Kali's heart swelled with pride when she met Honi's gaze again. So she rested her hands on Honi's slender shoulders. "I'll miss you too, but this isn't goodbye."
"Isn't it?"
Kali shook her head. "We will meet again, probably much sooner than you'd like. Consider this a...'see you later.'"
Honi frowned. "It sounds a bit ominous when you say it like that."
"After all," Kali continued as if she'd not heard, "I'm planning on keeping you in the loop with the whole pregnancy-thing. And," she could not resist adding, "I'm sure Weave will want to correspond with you during his work with the nanogene droids."
Color flushed through Honi's cheeks and she looked away. "Er...I suppose that would be acceptable..."
Amusement flickered from Obi-Wan's direction, though there was also a trace of sadness; it was so faint it might have been Kali's imagination, and it faded almost as quickly as it had come.
After a moment, Honi seemed to collect herself, and met Kali's eyes; all traces of uncertainty and embarrassment had fallen away. "Please take care of yourself."
"I intend to." Kali squeezed her shoulders, then embraced her. "Thank you for forcing yourself on this insane mission. Thank you for looking out for me."
To her credit, Honi didn't tense beneath Kali's touch as she used to. Instead, she lifted one hand and patted Kali's back. "Thank you as well."
"For what?" Kali asked as she released her former student.
Honi had a brilliant smile – when she chose to use it. She did so, now. "For putting up with me."
"It's no hardship," Kali assured her, smiling back. "You're quite lovable, in your own way. Just...remember this feeling the next time you get angry with Zara."
Honi's smile softened, but it was no less dazzling. "I should get back to her. We both have a great deal of work to catch up on. You'll comm me later? Or shall I comm you?"
"I'll let you know once we get back to Aruna."
"Thank you." Honi smoothed out her tunic and gave a perfect, formal bow. "May the Force be with you, Kali."
"You too, Honi. Stay out of trouble. Tell Zara I said 'see you later.'"
Honi rolled her eyes even as she bowed again. "May the Force be with you, Master Kenobi."
"You as well, Honi," he replied quietly.
Nodding, Honi cast one last look at Kali before slipping out of the room. A strange silence filled the space between herself and Obi-Wan, though Kali could not put her finger on what it was, exactly. Obi-Wan's gaze had followed Honi out the door; now, his expression was distant, thoughtful, though of course his Force-presence was seaglass-smooth.
At last he blinked and gave her a tight smile. "She's a credit to your training."
"I tried," Kali said, turning back to the datapads. "Speaking of former Padawans, how is Anakin? I can't remember if I asked you, before."
"He's well."
"Ahsoka's leaving must be difficult for him," Kali said gently.
A quick, indrawn breath was his only response at first, until, "Yes. Well, you know how he is."
Obi-Wan didn't elaborate as he stacked the final few 'pads, and the clipped words were a clear signal he didn't wish to discuss the matter any longer. Perhaps she should have questioned him further, but it'd been a long day and the sun was only just starting to set. Pregnancy made her more tired than usual, or so she told herself.
So she nodded and changed the subject, busying herself with gathering the belongings she intended on taking. "How was the Council after Stone and I left?"
"They're not happy. But there isn't much that can be done. You've made your choice."
His voice was calm, of course, but she thought she detected another hint of disquiet. "I have. But I meant what I said. I am sorry for putting them in the position I did. It's just..."
Kriff, why was it so hard to explain, sometimes? Had she acted selfishly? Of course, she had at first, on Coraux, but after... She'd tried to set things right. And they were – to a degree. But still, she felt unfinished. Maybe, with time, that would change. Maybe, she thought wryly, the dust just has to settle.
He placed his palm over her hand, covering it, warming it, and met her eyes. "You thought you had no other option."
"Even if I'd not gotten pregnant, even if Stonewall and I hadn't gotten married, even if he'd not been sent away...I would still love him." She stared at their hands without really seeing either. "The Council would still not think I was a proper Jedi."
"They would be wrong." His voice was uncommonly soft.
Heat pricked at her eyes and she shook her head to keep the tears at bay. "You haven't lost me, Ben. You never will, not if I have anything to say about it."
He gave her a faint smile that did not reach his eyes. "So it's to be 'see you later' for us, too?"
"Is that such a bad thing?"
"No." He sighed and ran a hand through his neat hair. "Just different."
Kali managed to slant him a teasing grin. "What's that old saying of Qui-Gon's? 'The only constant is change.'"
The mention of his old Master made Obi-Wan smile fondly. "I know. And I wish you nothing but good things."
"You as well, Ben."
He hesitated then gave a deliberate look at her belly. "May I?"
In response, she lifted her shirt to expose bare skin and the faint swell that grew more prominent each day; he placed a warm hand upon her and reached out with the Force. It was obvious the moment he touched her son's presence, for his breath caught and both his and the baby's Force-presences shimmered brightly in meeting. Obi-Wan seemed to marvel, remaining still for a few moments, before he withdrew his hand and regarded her with wide eyes.
"He's beautiful."
"I know," she said proudly. "He's strong, too. Like his dad."
"And his mother."
She could not help her own flush, and turned her attention to pulling the remaining few items together. Once she was ready to go, he took her hand in his and squeezed once. "May the Force be with you, Kalinda."
"And you." She tugged his tunic to get him to bend down, and kissed his cheek. "I'll see you later, Ben."
Meanwhile...
It was a long journey to the spaceport.
Fives was a heavy fellow – damn ARCs always threw their weight around – and Stonewall was reluctant to call Crest or Milo for help after Rex had been so frightened of something happening to Fives. No telling who'd be listening in on any comm frequencies. Stonewall also wasn't feeling up to par after his recent rehabilitation, but he managed to lug the ARC across the city. Luckily the Eastport Docking Facility was easily accessible via public transport, which Stonewall used without hesitation. The Force kept him and Fives shielded the entire time, too.
Which was a good thing, because the poor guy was a wreck. Once Stonewall managed to get them aboard an airbus, Fives had come out of his haze and started calling for Rex; only through a timely intervention of calming Force-energy did Stonewall avoid unwanted attention, Force-shield or no. Even so, there were a few too many curious glances in his and Fives' direction, so they disembarked at the next stop and hoofed it the rest of the way to the EDF.
Of course, keeping Fives calm, bolstering the additional weight and keeping both of them shielded drained Stonewall's energy, such that he was ready to collapse by the time they were within sight of the Sahbr'a. His legs, back and head ached fiercely, and his hand shook as he comm'd the ship. Hopefully Mi or Crest had returned; he was too exhausted to try and sense either man.
His heart lifted when Crest answered. "Hey, vod. What's up? Please tell me we're ready to bang out."
"I need to board, undetected." Stonewall and Fives stood in the shelter of the ship's landing struts; the hangar was bustling, but no one could see either clone. "We have cover now, but I'll need your help the second we're in."
Crest's voice belied his curiosity. "'We?' Is Kali with you?"
"No. I've got a new patient for the RC."
There was a crackle of static as Crest replied. "Copy that, vod. Hatch is unlocked. Me and Mi will be standing by."
The transmission ended and Stonewall exhaled at the audible clang from the ship's hatch. He hefted Fives, ensuring the ARC's hand was around his shoulders. "Come on, vod," he murmured as he guided them both up the ramp. "We're almost there. You're almost safe."
In response, Fives groaned, and said a name Stonewall did not recognize. Or at least, he thought it was a name. Coming from a clone, the word "echo" was probably the name of a brother.
The moment he and Fives were inside, his brothers were waiting. Stonewall released the Force-shield, Milo hit the hatch control panel and Crest sidled under Fives' other shoulder. Thank the Force; only when his brother helped take the weight did Stonewall's knees buckle, though he caught himself on the bulkhead and did not drop Fives.
"Cabin," Stonewall gasped, jerking his chin in the direction of the ship's single, small room. Crest nodded and they began to stumble toward the door, though Fives' face contorted as renewed fear prickled around him.
"Here, let me help," Milo said, and Stonewall was gently urged out of the way as Mi took his place. Unlike Crest and Stonewall, Milo only wore his fatigues, which would have made Stonewall curious had he not been dead on his feet.
Kriff, it was a relief to be free of that weight, but Stonewall was unwilling to rest yet. He helped his brothers maneuver the ARC onto one of the bunks. The cabin was sparsely furnished, with only two small bunks and a single window, though there was an odd bundle of fabric on the second bunk.
Once Fives was prone, he seemed a little more coherent. His eyes, still a bit glazed, darted between the three clones and landed on Stonewall. "Where's...Rex?"
"Back at the base. He wanted me to get you off Corrie as soon as possible."
Fives regarded Stonewall a moment, brows drawn. "Where are you taking me?"
"Aruna," Milo replied brightly.
The ARC's gaze flickered to Milo, but returned to Stonewall. The fear he'd emanated back at the barracks swelled, nearly stinging Stonewall's eyes with the intensity as Fives struggled to an upright position. "Need...to comm Rex. Too much..."
"No, vod," Stonewall said, placing a hand on Fives' forearm. "Not right now. Transmissions aren't safe on Coruscant. Rex asked me to take you with us."
Fives jerked his arm away. "That's not true."
"You're right." Stonewall rested his hands on the bunk's edge, and pitched his voice to be calm. "Rex didn't ask. He outright coerced me into it, after threatening to order me and calling you a di'kut."
A slow smile broke across Fives' face. "Now, that sounds like Rex." He sighed and leaned back into the pillow, his eyes drifting shut "Okay. I'll behave. But I want to comm him as soon as I can."
"Copy that," Stonewall said. "But rest, for now. You're safe here. You're with brothers." Fives nodded once, and was asleep within moments.
Stonewall, Milo and Crest heaved a collective sigh, and slipped to the door, though none of them stepped out of the cabin. "What's the deal with our new passenger?" Crest asked softly.
"He's an ARC trooper from the 501st. One of Rex's men." Stonewall watched the steady rise and fall of Fives' chest; the poor guy was out cold, heedless of the other clones' hushed conversation. "Apparently his life is in danger on Corrie. I don't have any more details," he added when Crest opened his mouth again. "Just that he needed help."
Crest nodded. "Well, he's landed in the right place. As soon as Kali's back, we'll bang out."
A soft squeak emanated from the spare bunk, and Stonewall frowned. He'd not sensed another presence aboard the vessel; maybe he was more tired than he realized. "What's that?"
Crest and Milo exchanged looks, and Crest thumbed the direction of the cockpit. "I'll just go prep the engines..."
The bald clone bolted out of the room, leaving Stonewall and Milo, who shuffled his feet beneath Stonewall's look. "He's just a baby," the younger clone said by way of explanation. "And his mother was dead. I couldn't leave him to die, too."
Kriffing hell, he found a kid, somewhere. Stonewall's gut twisted but he tried to keep his voice calm. "Who's just a baby?"
In response, Milo knelt beside the spare bunk and drew back what Stonewall now realized was a spare set of fatigues, revealing...
"He's an anooba," Milo said as he rubbed the pup's tufted ears. "Only about six weeks old, from what I could tell on the HoloNet."
It was a tiny creature, smaller than a clone's forearm in length and much too skinny – or so it seemed, anyway. Stonewall had no clue how anooba pups were supposed to look; but this one's ribs were visible through his fur, and his eyes were squeezed shut as he buried his nose in Milo's arm. Milo shifted the pup into his lap and looked at Stonewall. "He didn't like my armor; I thought it probably wasn't too comfy to lay on, either. Can I keep him?"
"It's not really up to me, Mi," Stonewall said with a shrug. "But as long as you can take care of him, I don't see why not."
A smile broke across Milo's face and he beamed down at the tiny pup. "Hear that, buddy? Welcome to Shadow Squad."
It'd been a long effing day, but this moment made it a little less unbearable. Stonewall chuckled. "What's his name?"
"He doesn't have one yet," Milo said absently, stroking the pup's ears. "Hey, do you know anything about Antarian Rangers?"
"I don't, but Kali's worked with them in the past. Why?"
"I met one when I found him." Milo was quiet a moment, then glanced at Fives. "I guess this is the day for helping out folks in trouble."
"I guess so." Stonewall stood by Fives' bunk once more, assessing the other man with the Force. Currents of nervous energy swirled around him, occasionally sharpening into fear, and he frowned even in his sleep.
Rex was right. I hurt him. I hurt other clones. And for what?
Because he was foolish. Because he had been blind. Because he'd not been able to control his abilities, to prevent them from being found out by someone, he'd been turned into a monster. And even if he never touched a weapon again, Stonewall knew he'd still be a killer. Shame coursed through him at the thought; his abilities had brought nothing but hurt and suffering, even to those on the periphery of his existence.
He was broken out of his self-flagellation by Milo's voice. "Did you use the Force to get here without anyone seeing you?"
"Yeah."
The younger clone had withdrawn a cleaning wipe from somewhere and gently rubbed the anooba pup's fur. "That can't have been easy. He's lucky you could help him."
Stonewall's entire body was heavy, and he thought he was going to fall asleep where he stood. He wanted to reach out to Kali, but he was too tired to manage anything more than a light brush against her awareness. She seemed closer, which was good. It meant they could leave this blasted world soon.
The pup squirmed in Milo's grip, clearly less-than-thrilled with the impromptu bath, but Milo held him firm. Still, though, there was a distant expression in his eyes, and after a moment he looked at Stonewall. "I can't imagine what it's like to really have the Force. I got a taste of it before, on Kamino, when you called me, but I have a feeling that's not the same thing."
"It's...complicated." Stonewall rubbed his forehead. "I'm used to it, I guess, but it's still..."
"Weird?"
There was no censure in Milo's voice. Only warmth and a bit of curiosity. Stonewall leaned against the top of Fives' bunk and sighed. "Yeah. Weird. Very much so, at times."
Milo nodded, then looked back at the pup. "Did Kali tell you that I used the Force to call her? I don't remember it, but apparently I did. Called our vode, too, though I don't remember that, either."
This, he'd not heard. Some of Stonewall's exhaustion fell away, replaced by incredulity. "What do you mean, 'called?'"
Milo didn't reply right away, only murmured to the pup in Mando'a as he ran the wipe along its underside. At last he frowned and shrugged. "I dunno. Like I said, I don't even remember doing it. But according to Kali I managed to reach her through the Force, like you can." His brows knit and he looked up at Stonewall. "Do you reckon you...passed that ability on to me, when you shared your memories?"
Speech was a long time in coming. Stonewall stared at his younger brother, trying to wrap his mind around what he'd just learned. Milo had used the Force to call Kali. "I...don't know," he managed at last. "I had no idea that would happen..."
"Me either. And I guess it was only that one time? I'm not Force-sensitive." By now, the wipe was covered in dirt. Milo set it to one side and withdrew another from a packet by his hip. This one he skimmed around the pup's ears and muzzle, carefully cleaning away any dirt near its nostrils. By now, the pup had stopped squeaking in protest and relaxed in Milo's arms. "Well, whatever I did, I'm glad it worked when we needed it to. Are they all back?"
Stonewall blinked at him. "What?"
"Your memories."
"Oh." A few deep breaths allowed Stonewall to peer past the veil of exhaustion and consider the blank spots in his mind. "Mostly. I hope the rest will trickle back as time passes."
Milo shuddered. The pup peered up at him through one eye and gave a quiet whine, so Milo smiled fondly at the creature and stroked its nose. "Sorry about that, boy. Didn't mean to bother you."
Kriff, he was still so young sometimes, but Mi had most definitely outgrown any semblance of "shiny." This was more apparent when he glanced back up at Stonewall and said, "I'd do it again, if it meant helping you. And not just you. If any of our brothers needed my help, in any way, I'd do it. And even if you'd killed me," he added casually, looking back at the pup, "it would've been worth it, if it meant your kid would get to have a dad, eventually."
Stonewall had no response. There was none.
A faint clank sounded from the direction of the ship's midsection, and the anooba pup's ears lifted as it growled softly. Stonewall extended his senses and found the warm, bright presence of his wife. Moments after the hatch closed again, he and Milo met her in the corridor outside the cabin. A rucksack was slung over one shoulder and she carried a rather nice pair of boots.
"We're all here, so I asked Crest to get us into atmo," she said by way of greeting. Her eyes darted between the cabin door and the pup in Milo's arms. "Unless...we have more passengers on the way?"
"No more," Stonewall told her. "Mi, will you make sure Crest gets us to hyperspace okay?"
"Sure." Pup tucked under one arm, Milo glanced at Kali. "I haven't come up with a name yet," he said, nodding to the pup. "But Stonewall said I could keep him if I take care of him."
"Um..." She bit back a chuckle and nodded solemnly. "That sounds good to me, Mi."
He flashed her a grin. "Good." He made for the cockpit, but paused. "Oh! Remind me to ask you about Antarian Rangers."
"Will do," she said as he slipped off. When he'd gone, she looked at Stonewall again. "Was that an anooba?"
"Yeah. Force knows where he found it."
Kali laughed softly. "I think it's sweet. He's always wanted a pet."
The ship's engines began to hum, vibrating the bulkhead and floor, and Stonewall relaxed a fraction. They were almost done with this world. Thank the Force, because he wasn't sure how much longer he could handle this mission. Kali, having sensed the new presence, indicated the cabin curiously, so they entered on silent steps. Stonewall sat heavily at the edge of the spare bunk and leaned his elbows on his knees, watching Fives.
Kali set her bag down and slid next to him, rubbing his back as she, too, considered the ARC trooper. "Friend of yours?" After Stonewall explained the situation, she nodded slowly, forehead creased in thought. "Poor guy. I can sense how afraid he is. You said Rex was afraid, too?"
"More so, maybe."
"It's hard to imagine. He always seemed so...stoic." Kali considered Fives a bit longer then snapped her fingers. "I have met him. Remember that mission with Chopper? The MagnaDroids?"
"MagnaGuards," Stonewall corrected absently. "And yes. You met Fives on the Resolute?"
She nodded. "He was a friend of Chopper's, I believe. Him and a fellow named Echo. Did Rex mention anyone named Echo?"
"No." Stonewall rubbed his forehead. Her touch was warm and welcoming, but fatigue had turned his bones to lead, and he wanted nothing more than to curl up with her and sleep the rest of the way back to Aruna.
But Fives shifted and murmured something Stonewall couldn't catch, and he was reminded of his duty.
"Can you help me keep him calm?" he asked his wife, glancing over. "He was in a bad way back at the Guard barracks, and I'm worried he'll get that way again."
Kali studied the ARC trooper a moment, then shook her head. "He's fine. Still a bit scared, but resting well." Her hand drifted up to Stonewall's cheek, where it smoothed across his skin. "It will be alright."
"But, if I go to sleep, he might..." He couldn't finish the thought; the words got stuck in his throat.
"Might what?" Her voice was gentle.
He shook his head rapidly. "Might hurt himself. Fall out of his bunk or something."
"I'm sure he's had worse. He is an ARC trooper."
Her voice was wry, but Stonewall was not in the mood for jokes. He sat up and rubbed his eyes again, hoping to force the exhaustion back. "That's not the point. He was put into my care, and I have to help him. I have to keep him safe."
"You are," she said, wrapping his hand in both of hers. "Stonewall, you're doing everything you can for him. But right now, you need to rest, too."
"But–"
"Remember when I asked you to allow yourself to come back, all the way?"
He frowned. "How is that relevant now?"
Kali sat up and placed her hands in her lap, suddenly very much the picture of an ideal Jedi. "You're punishing yourself. Don't deny it," she added when he opened his mouth. "You're punishing yourself for what you did while you were gone. You must let go of the past and focus on the present."
"I hurt him. I fekked up one of Rex's ops." Stonewall looked back at the ARC trooper and shook his head. "Rex was right. I owe both of them."
"Maybe you did hurt him. Maybe you do owe them something. But you still have to live with the person you've become. Will punishing yourself truly accomplish that end? Or will you just get mired in guilt and shame until you can't see a way out, and not be able to help anyone?"
His eyes burned by the time she finished her speech, and he swiped at them, trying not to look anywhere. "I'm sorry," he managed. "I know you want me to be strong. I'm trying..."
A soft hand on his cheek urged his gaze to hers. "No, you're doing. You always do your best, even when it hurts. Even when you think you'll fail." She smiled. "It's one of the many reasons I love you."
An accompanying brush of her Force-energy to his helped him relax a little more, and he nodded. "I love you, too."
She brushed her thumb against his lips before kissing him gently. "Get some rest, Stone. He'll be fine."
As she spoke, she eased him down on the bunk, rubbing his shoulders and chest until he was lying prone. There was no point in fighting her, nor did he want to. Stonewall allowed her warmth to flood his body and mind, and gradually, his spirit. He closed his eyes and sank into the bunk's pillow, though a thought occurred to him in the last moment before sleep.
"Are you sure?"
Kali still sat beside him. The last thing he saw before sleep took him was her smile. "Positive. Everything's going to be alright."
Earlier...
And just like that, she was gone. No, Obi-Wan told himself as the door slid shut behind her. Not gone. Just...on another path.
The words felt hollow. Likely that was the result of his own emotional investment in the dark-haired woman. Logically, he knew the outcome of the situation was for the best – for everyone – and he should not cling to the emotional ties between himself and his friend. Better to release them into the Force. Sorrow would pass in time. It always did.
He glanced around the empty quarters. They were larger than his own room; before Kali had taken up with Shadow Squad, she'd been a permanent Temple resident, and so had been allotted a larger living space than those Jedi like himself or Anakin who were constantly on the move.
Anakin. Obi-Wan sighed and rubbed his forehead. There was another...situation that needed dealing with, but he was at a loss. The young man had his own emotional ties, and, as with everything about him, they were volatile. And he was still reeling from Ahsoka's absence...
Obi-Wan's legs moved before his brain registered the action. Within moments he'd stepped out of Kali's quarters and headed to the nearest turbolift. Only when he entered the code that would take him to Anakin's floor did he understand what he was doing, though it did not sit entirely comfortably upon his consciousness. This intention was rather like putting on a new pair of boots; a little stiff, but with time – he hoped – it'd feel right.
Even before he reached Anakin's room, the younger man's distress was apparent. The Force sang out hurt and grief and anger, a clarion call that should have made Master Kenobi swoop in and call for discipline, for orderly thoughts. There is no emotion; there is peace.
That was a lie. But perhaps, Obi-Wan thought as he activated the door-chime, the two can be reconciled.
The door slid open. Save for the last shafts of daylight slipping through the blinds, Anakin's room was dark. He was illuminated, though barely, and his eyes glittered like shards of broken glass. "What?"
"I'd like to speak with you," Obi-Wan said, folding his hands before him.
To Anakin's credit, his expression did not reveal his irritation. "Now's not a great time."
"It will just take a moment." Without waiting for an answer, Obi-Wan slipped inside. The small room was as he remembered: cluttered with posters and models of ships. It was as if no time had passed since Anakin had been that young boy, wide-eyed, fresh from Tatooine. Perhaps a part of him would always remain that way.
Anakin exhaled and shut the door behind his former Master, but did not approach. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. "If any conversation with you ever 'just takes a moment,' then I'll hand in my lightsaber."
A prickle of annoyance tugged at Obi-Wan, but he set it aside and faced his former Padawan. "I thought you'd want to know that Kali has joined the Altisian Jedi."
Anakin's eyes widened and his arms fell to his sides. "Are you serious?" When Obi-Wan nodded, he ran a hand through his unkempt hair. "Wow. I didn't think about them, but I guess it makes sense."
"They are a viable option for someone in her...position," Obi-Wan agreed. "Though Master Yoda feels differently."
Anakin rolled his eyes, but his expression turned thoughtful almost immediately. "Kali should be happy with the Altisians. I wonder if..."
He did not finish the thought. Ahsoka's absence was a physical thing, too large to be seen all at once, and Obi-Wan still did not quite know what to say. Or, rather, how to say it. So he continued on his previous trajectory. "I'm glad for Kali. She's been unhappy in the Order for a long time, though I'm afraid I never quite understood why until recently."
"What do you mean?"
Obi-Wan moved to the slotted window and watched the twinkling lights of the city-planet. "She has always struggled with attachments. Starting with her father, who was her first Master and died when she was a girl, and, most recently," he paused, and said deliberately, "her husband."
The room's silence thickened, so intense it roared in Obi-Wan's ears. He knew Anakin's breath had caught, though the younger man said nothing. Obi-Wan continued. "I didn't understand, let alone approve of, any of this when she first told me – months ago. My experience has been so different than hers; I loved Qui-Gon, but when he died, I was able to move on. But her father's death clung to her every day for over two decades.
"From what I can tell, it took losing her husband to truly make her understand that she'd been holding onto that old grief and letting it shape who she was. But now," he smiled fondly, though the sorrow had not yet faded, "I think she's finally healing."
Anakin's voice slunk low and rough from the darkness. "What makes you think that?"
"You should have seen her before the Council. I have never seen her act..." He sighed. "So much like a Jedi. Though she was pregnant and married, she was still a Jedi. And I think," he met Anakin's eyes at last, "I think I may have judged her too harshly, in the past."
The Force swirled around Anakin like a cloak caught in the wind, alternately clinging to and rippling outward with each flurry of emotion. "Her husband...?"
"Captain Stonewall."
"He's dead?"
"No." Obi-Wan frowned. "Well, not any more. There was some debate about that, apparently."
Anakin's brows knitted and he hooked his thumbs in his belt, glancing around the room in the manner he did when he was actually choosing his words. Obi-Wan stood by and allowed him time to collect his thoughts. At last, the younger Jedi looked up. "She's married, and still in the Order? They didn't kick her out?"
"They did not have the opportunity." Obi-Wan sighed. "Though, the mention of Altis did not work in Kali's favor. Yoda is not fond of Djinn–"
"But they would have kicked her out," Anakin broke in, scowling. "They're so kriffing quick to toss us aside."
"Not all of them," Obi-Wan said gently. "The Council is comprised of multiple members for a reason. True fairness can only come when many points of view are considered."
Anakin's scowl deepened and he turned away to pace the uncluttered space beside his bunk. "You don't think they would have kicked her out? After everything she did?"
"I wouldn't have let them." Obi-Wan placed a hand on Anakin's shoulder, halting him, and ensured their eyes met. "She is my dear friend, and a fine Jedi, and she deserves nothing less than everything I can give.
"There are Jedi like Krell, who let themselves be ruled by passion, which turns to hatred in their hearts and draws them into the darkness. Then there are Jedi like Kali," and like you, he added silently, "who are guided by passion, but do not let themselves be ruled by it."
"What happens to them?" Anakin asked quietly. "What does passion turn into, for them?"
"Love."
Anakin looked out the window. "How?"
"From what I can tell, it is a choice." Neither man spoke for a moment, until Obi-Wan squeezed Anakin's shoulder. "I never understood any of that, before. I regret that now. I regret many things, but I hope to set them right."
He released Anakin's shoulder and stepped toward the door. When he looked back, Anakin's body was painted in shafts of light and shadow. "And I'm glad for Kali," he said in parting. "For she does not have to live a lie, any longer. It is what I would wish for anyone that I love."
