Negan's eyes flickered open and for a second he had to contemplate where he was. The events of the night before suddenly rushed back to him as he took in his surroundings. The good night's sleep didn't leave him feeling as refreshed as he'd imagined, and as he sat up in bed he almost groaned as he reached for his neck that felt stiff and achy.
The room was empty and he glanced at the open spot in the bed next to him wondering where Marilyn was. Negan laid down flat again and rubbed his eyes. For a moment he just laid there taking in the silence and appreciating the comfort of the bed, a luxury he now knew he had taken advantage of after spending his nights in the concrete cell.
A pleasant scent he couldn't pinpoint circulated in the air around him and he assumed it was whatever Nina had used to wash the sheets and pillow cases. The logical and determined part of him wanted to get up and examine their surroundings. The reality was that Negan had no idea how safe they were, if they were even safe at all. Still, he had some promise in the fact that Simon and Nina had lasted as long as they had without being attacked - or so he thought. The exhausted part of him didn't want to move from where he laid. His body hurt, his neck was stiff and despite the unbroken sleep his eyes still felt heavy.
Negan ran both hands over his face and let out a sigh.
"Hey." Marilyn's voice broke the silence and he turned his head slowly as she entered the room.
"Hi." The word dragged out groggily and Negan cleared his throat.
"I didn't want to wake you up." She sat down on the edge of the bed and gave him a small smile.
"What time is it?"
"Twelve-thirty."
Negan's eyebrows pressed together and noted the stream of sun that filtered in through a pair of windows at the far end of the room. "I'd ask if it was twelve-thirty in the afternoon but that would be the dumbest fucking question I can think of. Holy shit." He rubbed eyes again with one hand and sat up half way. "I don't think I've ever slept that late in my life."
"Well I'd say you have good reason to," Marilyn told him. She ran a hand through his hair. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired as shit." Negan cleared his throat again, "And hungry."
She stood up abruptly. "Let me get you something to eat."
Negan reached for her arm and pulled her back toward him. "Thank you Marilyn. I..." He shook his head in search for the proper words.
Marilyn smiled and leaned in and touched her lips to his. "You don't have to say anything."
"Yes I do. And when I think of the right way to say it to properly fucking thank you then I will." He paused. "I love you."
"I love you too." Marilyn kissed him again. "I'll be right back with some food."
He winked and laid back down flat. The reality was he felt like he had been in a time warp - like the escape from the Hilltop, hot wiring the car and landing on the doorstep at some cabin out in God's country had all happened months ago. Negan hated the uncertain feeling that loomed over him. It wasn't a feeling he was used to - the lack of control. The only other times he felt that way were when his wife Lucille had been diagnosed with cancer and then again when the apocalyptic nature of the world began to unfold. Simultaneously, he felt lucky - lucky to be alive, lucky to have someone like Marilyn who loved him so much that she quite literally risked it all to save him.
Negan looked around the room again and then felt a wave of emotion wash over him. It was the same feeling that rushed through him when he saw Marilyn down in the cell for the first time. He didn't quite know how to handle it and hated the vulnerability that went hand in hand with such a deep emotion.
"It's such a weird collection of food," Marilyn said as she reentered the room with a plate. "Chips, four granola bars, dry cereal. I'll get a fire going in the fireplace and cook you some soup... or boil water for spaghetti."
The second Negan saw her face and the plate of food in her hands he shielded his eyes with one hand. As bad as he fought it he felt tears come in short sobs.
Marilyn's eyes widened and she set the plate down on a nightstand by the bed. "Hey..." She sat down beside him again and guided him against her body, cradling his head against her chest.
Negan wanted to stop but he couldn't. He continued to cover his face with one hand and wrapped the other arm around her.
"Marilyn if anything ever fuckin' happens to me..." He shook his head against her and continued to cry, unable to get the rest of the sentence out.
She closed her eyes when his grip tightened around her and he sobbed some more. Marilyn had witnessed many sides to Negan and thought she had seen everything he had to offer. The one or two tears he shed when she met him in the cell she assumed was all he was capable of. Now that he was letting it all it was almost too much for her to take in.
"I'm sorry." Marilyn rubbed his back and tried to fight back tears of her own.
"If anything happens I hope you know that I love you."
"Nothing is going to happen." She looked down at him and Negan still had a hand over his eyes. He'd never moved from the way he laid against her.
"I fucked up. I fucked shit up."
"No you didn't."
"And now you're fuckin' stuck here."
Marilyn brushed her fingers through his hair. "I can't even accurately tell you how happy I am to be here Negan."
"I should have made the barter deal sooner," he went on. "With Rick. Shit could be fuckin' different."
"We will make this work. The four of us are starting over."
"I fucked up," he said quietly.
Marilyn shook her head but didn't say anything. She hated seeing Negan so low. It made her heart ache for him, particularly knowing she could do nothing to make him feel differently about the situation. She wished there was something she could say. "I love you."
"You fuckin' came for me." He swallowed hard and took a breath.
"I knew you would do the same for me." Marilyn rested the side of her face down on the top of his head.
"Oh honey..." Negan took another decompressing breath and spoke quietly. "I love you. I need you to fuckin' know that shit."
"I do." She ran her hand up and down his back again. Marilyn sighed. "You should eat something."
Negan finally drew his hand away from his face and Marilyn felt the same hurt in her chest from before. His eyes were red and swollen and he looked up to her with a vulnerability that she had never seen him show to anyone else.
"I'm sorry all of this happened to you," she whispered. Tears fell from her eyes. "But I'm going to do whatever I can to help you rebuild what you lost."
"What we lost." He sat more upright and took in a longer breath, drawing the back of his hand across his eyes. "Fuck."
"Negan." Marilyn sniffed in once and turned her body to sit facing him. When he looked back at her she continued. "We're going to be okay."
Negan read her expression and could see she wanted nothing more than for him to agree. He knew it was the least he could do for all she had sacrificed for him. "I know doll." He managed a barely-there smile, tipping up the very corner of his mouth. Negan put a hand on the side of her face and gently pulled her to him and gave her a long kiss followed be a series of shorter ones.
Marilyn pulled him against her and hugged him hard. She closed her eyes and lightly gripped the back of his head when he relaxed against her. For several seconds neither of them said anything and then he pulled back and kissed her again.
She smiled and took his face in both of her hands. "Can I cook you something?"
Negan let out a sigh through his nose and then nodded.
"Okay." Marilyn kissed him again. She ran a hand through his hair again and he closed his eyes.
"I'm going to lay here for a few more minutes," he told her.
Marilyn reached for one of the granola bars and undid the package. She broke off a piece and slipped it into his mouth.
Negan smiled. "You're good at this motherly shit." He chewed the piece and then pulled her back to him to kiss her again. "Feel like spending the next couple hours here with me? I need my Marilyn fix."
She laughed. "I can do that." Marilyn brushed his hair back and kissed his forehead. "I'll be right back with your soup."
Negan kept an arm partially around her midsection, not wanting to let her go. Marilyn smiled again and he grinned. "Hurry back."
