If I could quit my job and become a full time writer, I would. But I would be poor and living on the streets. (Or back with my parents and the mental dog... I love them all dearly, but...)
I hope this chapter makes up for my absence. Thanks once more to everyone still reading.
53
The next morning was bright and cold. A sharp breeze blew through the camp, making Ella's face hurt as she made her way over to the tents where some of the villagers had spent the night. Most of them had gone back to their homes, now the threat of the Scanrans had been dealt with, but a few had stayed with Third Company – newly made widows and orphans mainly. Some would find homes with people in the village. Some would travel back to Corus with the soldiers.
Heart thumping, Ella looked at a group of women huddled dejectedly around a small fire, until her eyes lit upon the person she was looking for.
A small cough and a gesture was enough to pull the woman away from the group. Ella walked off, away from any other people, until she came to a fallen tree that could act as a seat.
She wasn't even sure she had been followed all the way, until a shadow crossed her vision as Lorette sat next to her.
There was quiet for a moment. Ella's nerves were jumping – nothing unusual when she was in the presence of her mother, but the sensation was different from how it had been in the past. There was nothing now Lorette could do to hurt Ella, to make her give up her dream of knighthood. No, the nerves this time came from simply not having any idea how to act, or what to say.
It was Lorette who broke the silence with a soft, "Thank you."
Ella blinked. It was the first time she could ever remember her mother thanking her for anything in earnest. "What for?"
"For yesterday." Lorette frowned, looking at Ella full on. "You…that looks…painful."
Fingertips rising to brush the swollen side of her face, Ella shrugged. "Only a little," she lied. In truth it was like fire every time she spoke or moved. "I think I got off quite lightly, considering." The memory of Aldren's headless body swam in front of her once again. Nausea rose in her throat and she swallowed hastily.
It seemed her mother was having the same thought, for she had turned even paler than before. Ella studied Lorette anew, wondering once more at the changes that had taken place in just over a year. The once perfectly coifed hair lay lank over her shoulders; the flawless creamy skin was haggard and dry. Her ragged dress hung loosely off once perfect curves and her hands were chapped; the nails bitten and dirty.
Guilt flooded through Ella. Although she had originally been the victim of her mother and uncle's scheming, she was inadvertently the reason they had ended up in the situation she had found them in. "I'm…I'm sorry…" Ella stammered.
It was testament to how much Lorette had changed that, instead of berating her daughter for being the architect of her downfall, she merely bowed her head with a strange half-smile. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Ellabelle. I am merely reaping what I sowed." She raised her face again, the fading bruise on her cheekbone showing clearly in the weak winter sun. "My brother is dead; the remainder of my family have disowned me; I am in disgrace with the King… I feel no self-pity. I have no one to blame but myself. I had everything once. But it was never enough. And now I have nothing."
Ella stared back at Lorette. She had no idea what to say.
"I never understood you, Ellabelle," Lorette continued. "I never understood why you would give up a life of comfort, of privilege, to put yourself through…through all of this." She waved a hand at Ella's battered face.
Opening her mouth automatically to come back with a retort, as she had countless times in the past, Ella was stopped by a gentle touch on the back of her hand. Startled, she looked down to see Lorette's hand resting on her own.
Raising her eyes once more to meet the similar blue ones of her mother, Ella felt so many different emotions leap within her that she was horrified to find tears forming in the corner of her eyes.
"I still don't fully understand," Lorette continued. "I suppose it's beyond me. Men fight. Women don't. That's the way I was raised, despite evidence to the contrary around me. I've always accepted it. When my child, my only child, wanted to go against that, wanted to put herself in danger and throw away everything I believed in…It horrified me. It still does, to an extent. But when I saw you, yesterday…" Lorette's voice caught. "When I saw you standing there, bloodied and bruised, sword in hand, standing tall when all else seemed lost, protecting me even though it could cost you your life…a part of me did understand why you had made the choice. And in that moment…I was proud of you."
They didn't hug each other. They weren't quite ready for that. But they sat there for a long time, not saying anything, while the tears ran down their faces.
xxx
Balancing the wooden writing board on her knees, Kel was just putting the finishing touches to her report to Lord Raoul, when a shadow passed over her.
She squinted up at the person looming over her. "You're blocking my light."
Dom sat next to her. He looked tired, bruises and cuts on his face adding to his fatigued expression. But there was something else, something Kel couldn't read in his eyes.
"What's the matter?" she asked. Thinking back to the day before, her heart sank and she rested a hand on his shoulder. "You lost good men yesterday. It happens, Dom. There's nothing you could have done differently."
He gave her a crooked smile. "You always know the best things to say Kel, don't you?"
She shrugged. "It's the truth."
Dom's smile widened, but the strange look remained in his eyes. He reached over and took the writing board off her lap, pulling the quill from her fingers. Taking her hands, he rose to his feet pulling her with him.
"Dom, what are you doing?"
"It's not how I imagined it. Of all the scenarios in my head, I didn't think it would be here – you've still got ash and mud on your face, for Mithros' sake, and I feel like I've been beaten by ogres. But it feels right to do it now and to do it at least half properly, you need to be standing."
Kel's confusion was growing by the second. "Dom, what in the Goddess' name are you – " Her eyes widened as he, stiffly and with a groan, got down on one knee. "Dom. Dom, what are you doing? Dom? What?"
"Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan, Protector of the Small and all round wondrous person, since you do always know the best things to say I wonder if you would do me the honour of saying the best thing in the world now. Would you agree to marry me?"
It took a moment for Kel to realise the distant thunder in the clear blue sky was actually the sound of her own heart in her ears. Everything around her became fuzzy and distorted except Dom, who was looking up at her with an increasingly pained expression.
"Kel? Not to pressure you, but my knees are really starting to hurt."
"Yes."
The word – the simple, short word – dropped from her lips before she realised she was going to speak at all. Shocked at herself, Kel opened her mouth to explain to Dom why this whole thing was completely inappropriate and to suggest they sit down to draw up a list of pros and cons before rushing into anything, when it happened again. "Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes." A third time. It was like her voice had taken on a life of its own. "Yes." A fourth.
Dom was now looking a little concerned. "Kel? Are you ok?"
"Yes." She winced. "I mean. Yes I am ok. And…and yes."
Getting slightly unsteadily to his feet, Dom took her by the shoulders and looked directly into her eyes. "Do you really mean it Kel? I mean…I know it's a bit out of the blue and what I was talking about the other night…I don't even have a ring and I don't have much to offer…I'll be effectively unemployed after all, once we go through with this…if you do actually want to go through with this, because – "
"Dom," she interrupted him by putting a finger to his lips. The biggest smile Kel thought she had ever smiled threatened to crack her dry mouth. "Yes."
And she leant forward and kissed him, while all around them the men of Third Company whooped and cheered.
xxx
It wasn't until later that evening that Kel found a moment to talk to her squire alone. She discovered Ella sitting by herself under a broad oak tree.
Kel was worried. She hadn't seen the girl since breakfast. Ro had told her that, after completing her chores, Ella had gone off to speak to her mother. Since then, Lorette had returned to the main camp, but Ella had not. Kel was not unduly concerned, until it started to get dark.
Sitting on the leaf litter next to Ella, Kel drew her coat closer around her against the chill winter air. "You'll catch something sitting out here, not to mention it could be dangerous. Come back to camp and the fire."
Ella seemed to shake herself back to the present and gave a half smile. "Sorry. I will do. I just…I just needed some time alone for a bit."
Kel scrutinised her squire in the little light the moon allowed them. Ella needed a bath – but then they all did – and the bruising was working its way out on her face, her eye and lower lip still very swollen. But it was the girl's pensive air that concerned Kel the most.
"Did you speak to your mother?"
"I did…" Ella trailed off, sounding confused. "I said she could travel back to Corus with us – if it was alright with you that is. I said that I would speak to the King on her behalf and…and see if he'll let her stay at the Palace or find her somewhere else to stay…"
Kel was a little surprised at this. "That's quite a big turnaround from never wanting to see her again."
"I know," replied Ella, still sounding very bewildered. "I don't want her back in my life. That's too…too complicated and until now I hadn't realised just how free I'd been feeling lately. But she does seem different…not different like she did before, when she tricked me. There was always a part of me that knew she wasn't being honest. But now…she seems genuinely sorry. And she has nothing. And my uncle… And I feel like…I should help…" Ella looked at Kel directly for the first time. "What do you think?"
A warmth spread through Kel's heart. She put her arm around the girl. "I think it's the right thing to do. It's certainly something that many in your situation would not. Once more you have made me the proudest Knight Mistress in Tortall, Squire Ella."
They sat there for a moment, both of them pretending not to hear the hastily choked back tears from the other.
Finally Ella rubbed her hands over her face, gave a little squeak of pain, and took a deep breath. "Thank you My Lady. I knew you'd understand."
Kel smiled. "Ella, before we go back to camp…there's something I need to tell you."
xxx
As they walked back into the light of the campfire, the men of the Own applauded. Ella blinked for a moment, before realising it wasn't for her. She glanced up at Lady Kel, who's cheeks were scarlet – Ella was sure that wasn't a result of the cold.
Captain Domitan made his way over to them, giving Ella a wink, before grabbing Lady Kel around the waist and scooping her off her feet. To whoops and cheers from the men, he spun her around before kissing her soundly.
Grinning, Ella left them to it, walking over to join Ro, Wyl and the knights. Sir Nealan had the oddest expression on his face as he watched his best friend and cousin.
"Where have you been?" asked Ro, as Ella sat down next to her, wincing as various muscles complained.
"It's a long story," replied Ella, looking over at Lady Kel and the Captain once again. They seemed locked in their own private world and she felt a pang of jealousy for a moment.
"It's jolly isn't it?" said Wyl, passing Ella a cup of hot cider. "The Lady Knight and the Captain of the Own. What a fab story it's going to make!"
"One that'll be all over Corus in the next few days, if I had to bet," murmured Sir Owen into his own drink. Sir Nealan made an indifferent noise.
Ella sipped her cider and found her eyes roving over to the other small campfire, set to one side from that of the Own's. The widows and children of the village gathered there, some of them looking with interest at the antics of the soldiers who had rescued them. Scanning the group, Ella's eyes locked with those of Lorette. Her mother gave her the tiniest of smiles, before turning back to help prepare dinner.
Ro followed her gaze. "Did you speak to her?"
Nodding, Ella found she didn't want to explain herself again at that precise moment, not even to her best friend. "I'll tell you about it in the morning…I'm still trying to get my own head around it at the moment."
Squeezing her shoulder in understanding, Ro changed the subject. "So, my godsmother is finally going to tie the knot to her sweetheart after all these years. That's something I didn't expect to come out of this mission."
"I don't think any of us did," muttered Ella. "I wonder what it'll mean for me."
"What do you mean?"
"When Lady Kel told me, she said it won't change anything. She's not giving up her knighthood and I'm still her squire. But…do you think it'll be that simple?"
"You mean do you think you'll actually spend the next few years advising them on bridesmaid dresses and helping them choose tapestries for the nursery, rather than learning new ways to disarm someone in a sword fight?" smirked Ro.
Ella shrugged. It was a thought that had crossed her mind, amongst others.
"If you truly think that, Squire, than you don't know our Lady Knight very well at all," cut in Sir Nealan. "If Kel has told you it won't change anything, then it won't. She is a woman of her word. Besides, she fought for years for the position she's in now. She's not going to throw all that away over a marriage. Not yet, at any rate. I wouldn't worry yourself over it."
He's right, stop being so selfish and just be pleased for her. Ella looked up and smiled as Lady Kel and Captain Domitan came over to their little gathering, arms around each other. The Lady Knight had a new glow about her; it was the glow of happiness.
The goddess knows, she deserves it, thought Ella. A wish for the new year – I wonder if they'll have a spring wedding?
She found her gaze wandering again to the other campfire. Ella wondered if her mother would ever be happy. She also wondered about the next three years of her life, as a squire, whether all of them would be as tumultuous as the one just past.
She wondered, as always, about the fate that awaited her at the end of those three years. In the Chamber.
