A Dying Man's Last Words

"Here to see Raivis?"

"...yes."

Toris did not seem too thrilled with the prospect, though he had come anyway. Eduard felt a twinge of concern that maybe Toris did not like Raivis that much. Raivis had appeared thrilled with Toris, for whatever reason. If Eduard had been another person, he might have been jealous. The situation was so weird however, so he could not manage it even if he had wanted to. Eduard thought about it a moment.

"It will just be you two then. Sadiq showed up, so I want to speak with him. And you just missed Peter, he just left."

Eduard's guess was correct; as soon as he mentioned Peter was gone Toris seemed to relax slightly. How exactly did that boy manage to alienate himself with everyone? "Okay then."

Eduard covered a smile. "He is in the dining room."

"Thanks Eduard."

"No problem," Eduard responded, letting Toris in. Watching as Toris walked toward the dining room, Eduard picked up the cup of coffee he had put down and headed to the guest room Sadiq was staying in. He had no idea how Sadiq dealt with hangovers, but Eduard was nursing his own headache. They had drunk a bit more than Eduard thought either of them should have.

Knocking on the door, he waited for a positive response before he let himself in. It looked like Sadiq had just gotten dressed, the bed was not yet made. He handed over the coffee and Sadiq downed about half of it in one swallow.

"Feeling all right?"

"Compared ta wha'?" Sadiq harrumphed, yanking his hat further down on his face. "I guess I do. You?"

"...fine." Eduard glanced around the room quickly before pretending he was just going to open the curtains. Sadiq still sounded half asleep, words slurred together. "What are your plans for the day?"

Sadiq cleared his throat. "Haven't made 'em... yet. What about ya?"

"You said you were going to teach me..." Eduard let his sentence trail off. Business matters did not seem to be as important right now, no matter how much Eduard had been looking forward to it. It was not his business. Sadiq looked like he had been in a train wreck and he could not make himself ask what was really wrong, as Sadiq was not telling him outright. "I have a project Alfred asked of me, identifying some strange object. I might spend the afternoon researching for it."

The Turk nodded, sipping at the rest of his coffee. "I thinka– I... I think I might go... 'n see Gupta."

Eduard nearly threw the blinds open, knowing he grabbed Sadiq's attention with that. He tried to calm himself. Sadiq sounded like he was forcing himself to speak audibly. Eduard found himself panicking. Was there something wrong? Something really wrong? He–

"Eduard? When'd you get 'ere?"

"What?" Eduard spun around to face him. "Sadiq! We were talking!"

Sadiq hesitated. "Were we?"

"Yes! Are you still sleeping?" Eduard knew better. Sadiq was not asleep, half asleep, anything like that. He knew that was not the case. Sadiq sighed.

"Guess so. Sorry 'bout that." He stared down into his mug. "It really takes a long time for caffeine to kick in, doesn't it?"

Eduard bit his tongue. "Are you going to go see Gupta?" he asked sharply.

"Eh." Setting down his mug, Sadiq shrugged. "Heracles'll probably be there, I'd best not."

Eduard blinked. "Heracles is in Hearth?" Natalia said she had seen his ghost. Eduard thought she had lost it, which was why she thought that. But if he was actually here? No, that did not make any sense. Did Natalia see him and think he was a ghost? But why would she do that?

"Since last week, I think." Suddenly, Sadiq eyed him suspiciously. "Why're you surprised?"

"Oh... I just had not heard of it," Eduard admitted quickly. He should tell Katyusha that it was not as random as they had originally assumed it was. Natalia was at Gupta's house (at least, that was what he had managed to understand from Natalia), if Heracles was there maybe the problem was not as bad as they had thought before. Eduard still could not see why she would think he was a ghost.

Slowly, Sadiq nodded. He did not respond. Eduard ground his teeth, mind suddenly brought back to the issue at hand.

"What is wrong with you?"

The question escaped him before he could stop himself. "What's that supposed ta mean?" Sadiq asked irritably.

"I'm asking what is wrong?" Eduard repeated, voice taut. "I can tell something is wrong. We may be acquaintances, but you are my business partner now. I would like to think I know you well enough to see that how you are acting now is strange." Sadiq sighed, taking off his hat and throwing it on the bed. Eduard was struck by the fact it was the first time he had ever seen the man's eyes.

"I'm dying."

Eduard opened his mouth to respond, but ended up choking on air. "What?" he asked when he could finally speak.

"I'm dying," he repeated venomously. "My brain's dyin'. I've weeks or months. I dunno. There, now y'know. Happy?"

It did not take too long before Sadiq must have realized Eduard could not comprehend what he had just been told. The information was too jarring and Eduard could not accept it. But now that it was out, Sadiq just kept talking, no longer angrily, but as calm as if nothing was truly wrong.

"My friends've known me so long we can't tell if something has really changed anymore. I can't tell the person whom means most ta me how much he means or why. I don't want everythin' I've learnt ta vanish. I want someone to appreciate what I was capable of an' embrace it. And I'm scared."

Sadiq paused, taking in a deep breath. He stared at the wall with a blank gaze.

"I'm terrified to die. It's been so long since I've believed in anything. I don't wanna... just not exist. I was tryin' to prepare myself for death, but not like this. I'm not going to loose myself first. I can't loose myself first. That's not how I want to go. I just wanted to come here fer... I thought... I was happy here once. But I guess I'll go home. Where I was born. To die. It's been so long, I guess I owe it ta myself. I guess."

Finally, Sadiq looked back at him. His eyes were empty and Eduard had nothing in his mind to compare the sight with. There was so much to say, so much he wanted to say. But what? What could he say?

The words that he uttered seemed entirely inadequate. "I'm sorry."

"Of course you are." Sadiq almost looked like he was going to smile, but he did not. "This partnership was promisin' ta be something fantastic, wasn't it?"

It was. "There's nothing...?" ...to do? This can't just be it.

"No cure, no idea, nothing," Sadiq responded. "I'm gonna become a nightmare. No idea how long it'll be. Can I tell ya what I remember before it's gone?"

Eduard did not think it was fair that he was fighting back tears while Sadiq was just accepting this. "Of course," he choked out. He had only really known him for a few months. This was a terrible thing to happen, but that was it. It was happening to someone else. Eduard should not have been denying that there was no other possibilities. It should not matter so much to him.

It was not fair.


Notes:

CJD. Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease.