Chapter Forty Four: Torment
The first thing Vincent was aware of was the cold. It surrounded him, chilling him to the bone, and he could hardly feel his right hand and feet. Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinking the snow from his dark lashes and squinting against the painfully bright sky. It was morning... The long night was finally over.
With a groan of exhaustion, Vincent forced himself to sit up, quickly realizing that he had collapsed in the snow some distance from Mr. Holzoff's cabin. But how had he gotten there? Why had he been sleeping in the snow, without even his cloak or boots?
Vincent's head pounded so badly that he almost laid back down, but he was too cold to brave the snow beneath him any longer. He slowly pulled himself to his knees, his vision spinning as his stomach heaved with a bought of nausea. He remained perfectly still for a moment, forcing himself to take deep breaths. There was a deep ache in every cell of his body, as if he'd been beaten by hundreds of clenched fists. When he managed to lift his head again and look around, he suddenly knew exactly what had happened.
Lying to his right, partially buried in the snow, was the mauled corpse of a large animal, its abdomen ripped open with the organs exposed. The snow all around it was stained red with blood, and the creature's eyes and mouth were wide open in a silent scream. A rush of nausea overtook him, and Vincent quickly turned away to vomit. He had done that to the creature... He had failed to contain Chaos and come out into the night to kill.
When he had control of himself again, Vincent staggered to his feet, fighting not to look back at what he'd done. The blood stained his hands and clothing, and when he lifted a hand to his face, he found dried blood there as well. Trembling, he remembered the nightmare he had the night before, a dream that was more of a tortured memory... When he had awakened in the cabin, Chaos was already in the process of emerging. Knowing that he would most likely attack the first thing he saw, and unwilling to let the others see him in such a state, he had fled… He hoped the disemboweled animal lying at his feet was his only victim.
Still feeling sick to his stomach and exhausted to the core of his being, Vincent turned and began to trudge back in the direction where he hoped he'd find the cabin, his entire body numb with cold and the horror of what he'd done.
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That Vincent was missing was apparent from the moment Cloud awakened, performing his usual head count as he emerged from his sleeping bag. He panicked at first, assuming it was Sephiroth who was gone, until he recounted and found him still asleep against the wall.
"Vincent..." he mumbled to himself, running a hand back through his wild hair. "Dammit."
"What about him?" asked a sleepy voice, punctuated by a yawn. Cloud turned toward the fireplace and saw Yuffie watching him, blinking sandmen from her eyes.
"He's gone," Cloud said quietly, trying not to disturb the others.
"Oh..." Yuffie said with a look of guilt, lowering her head as if suddenly unable to face him. "Shit…"
"Is something wrong?" Cloud asked her, immediately suspicious.
"I... just... last night, I couldn't sleep," she said quietly. "And... I saw him get up all of a sudden and leave. He seemed to be in a real hurry. Then a few minutes later… I heard..." She paused, looking frightened… something she rarely allowed herself to show.
"Heard what?" Cloud pressed, suddenly wide awake as he got to his feet.
"A... a... roar."
"Oh no..." Cloud groaned, instantly picturing what must have happened. Could Vincent have turned into that creature again? Or had he simply gone out for a bit of fresh air and been attacked by a monster or wild animal? Cloud wasn't sure which was most likely, or what Vincent might be capable of. He hardly knew a thing about the man despite the several weeks he'd spent with the team. Cloud didn't trust him, especially after learning that he could transform into a demon and hadn't seen fit to inform them. There was something dark about him, almost sinister, that lurked just beneath the surface... and the way he constantly defended Sephiroth didn't help his image.
"I... I think it was him making the noise..." Yuffie stammered, as if reading Cloud's mind. "He looked upset, and he didn't even stop to put on his cloak or shoes."
Cloud frowned, approaching his equipment and digging out his boots and jacket. "Well, now we're going to have to go look for him. Come on, Yuffie, before the others-"
The door to the cabin silently opened, the chill instantly rushing inside to drown out the warmth of the fire. As silently as a ghost, Vincent slipped inside and closed it behind him. When he turned, he was visibly startled to find Cloud and Yuffie across the room, openly gaping at him.
"What?" he asked quietly, when they continued to watch him. His tone was more than a little defensive.
"Where were you?" Cloud asked, carefully looking him over. He was wearing only a thin shirt and pants, and had nothing on his feet aside from a pair of socks despite the freezing temperatures. If he had not been seen coming in from outside, Vincent looked as if he had just rolled out of bed... until Cloud noticed the blood. There were large, dark red stains on his hands and arms, and even a bit on his face, especially around his mouth. Cloud's blue eyes widened, and he could hear Yuffie gasp behind him.
"Out," Vincent answered, walking soundlessly across the room and bending down by his belongings, his back to the individuals who continued to stare.
"Out where, and why?" Cloud forced himself to press.
"Out... for a walk..."
"All night, with no coat and shoes? Yuffie saw you leave."
Vincent only shrugged. "I like the cold."
"Are you injured? There's blood-"
"I am fine," Vincent said flatly, standing and brushing past Cloud with a bundle of clothing in his arms, heading for the small washroom. Cloud heard the door click shut and lock behind him, sighing heavily and glancing down at Yuffie, who was practically cowering inside her sleeping bag.
"Well... at least we found him."
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Aeris shivered as she stood at the edge of a deep, seemingly endless crater. She wrapped her arms around herself against the whipping winds, the cold hand of fear gripping her heart. She looked down, her green eyes wide with mixed awe and terror. Beside her, Zack grinned cruelly, pleased by her discomfort and at having reached his goal.
"Finally," he said, mostly to himself, staring down into the depths with eyes full of insane purpose. "We have arrived!"
"Please, Zack," Aeris begged through chattering teeth, forcing herself to look up at his once familiar features. "You have to stop... You can still turn back! You don't have to go through with this!"
Zack laughed, shaking his head as he pushing her forward. Aeris stumbled and fell, dropping to her hands and knees. She winced as the jagged rocks tore into her skin, tears filling her eyes at the helplessness she felt more than the pain.
"Get up. We must go inside," he said coldly, his Mako eyes still on the crater.
"You don't need me any more! You're here, and I can't stop you... Just let me go!" Aeris begged as he yanked her back to her feet by one arm, dragging her after him.
"You are an important part of this, and you will stay! You will help me to call Meteor, and witness my power as it crashes down to the Planet! And then, Ancient, I will rule this world with my Mother by my side!"
"Zack, you don't know what you're doing! Jenova isn't your mother! She's evil, and she's controlling you!"
"You are mistaken. I know exactly what I'm doing..."
Aeris shrieked as he gave her arm another firm tug, helpless to get away as they began to descend the sloping ground into the Northern Crater. The Black Materia remained tucked deep within Zack's pocket, out of reach even if she had a chance to escape him. Aeris let the tears fall from her eyes as she stumbled after him, her heart pounding with terror. All she could do was pray that Sephiroth heard her in his dreams, and that he and the others would arrive in time to save them all.
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Once everyone had awakened at Mr. Holzoff's cabin to a small breakfast and a rare warm shower, Cloud led his team back out into the snow. He'd been sure to thank the generous man profusely, insisting on leaving him a large amount of gil despite his protests. It wasn't long before they reached the Gaea Cliffs and began to climb upward, in much the same fashion as they had the day before. Cloud, Tifa, and Barret were tied together as one team while Red, Yuffie and Cid made up the second. Sephiroth and Vincent were paired together at the rear, the odd ones out as usual.
The strong winds that assaulted the cliffs made everyone even colder, and the group had to stop at each ledge to warm up in the shelter it provided before heading onward. The very last member in the climbing order, Sephiroth did his best to concentrate on progressing upward, but found he simply could not get the dream he'd had out of his mind. Had Aeris really been using an ability she possessed to speak to him while he slept? He'd never had a dream like it before... and it felt far too real and made too much sense to be a creation of his subconscious. She'd told him that she loved him and wanted to be with him forever. He could hardly believe it to be true… but even if it wasn't, he knew he had to save her. He had promised to protect her... and for the first time in his life, he loved another person. To fail her now would not only cause her death, but destroy him as well.
Sephiroth knew that he ought to tell the others about what Aeris had communicated to him in the dream, about her location and Zack's plans, but found that he could not bring himself to share the experience. They were already headed in the right direction anyway. The team would either think he was completely insane again and having hallucinations, or they would laugh at him and dismiss it as nothing more than a simple dream. He did not want the others to know of his feelings for Aeris or hers for him, afraid that revealing them would somehow steal them away. It would only make them angry and suspicious of him if they knew, and he needed their help to save her whether he wanted to admit it or not.
So he chose to remain silent as he climbed upward behind Vincent, keeping his dream and thoughts to himself. He noticed that Vincent seemed more tense than usual, and he moved as if every inch he climbed caused him great pain. Sephiroth frowned, wondering what was wrong with him, while at the same time questioning why he cared. So what if his mother had loved him over thirty years ago... What did that matter to him now? It was not as if Vincent had ever done anything for him. The man was a stranger, someone who may have meant something to his mother, but who had no connection to Sephiroth himself. But, a part of his mind nagged at him, Vincent was also the last link he had back to his mother's life... He was the only person alive aside from Hojo who might be able to tell him more about his mother, and since he would kill Hojo on sight and doubted that the man would care to sit and reminisce about his dead wife with the son he had long denied, Vincent was all he had. Perhaps someday, he would ask him...
When they stopped on the next ledge, Sephiroth watched as Vincent nearly limped over to a boulder partially hidden in the shade and sat down heavily, appearing out of breath and exhausted. He held his head between his hands, his hair falling over them and completely masking his face. Sephiroth had never seen him show any signs of tiring before and he frowned, wondering what was going on. As Cloud and a few of the others looked upward and discussed the remainder of the climb, Sephiroth quietly made his way over to Vincent.
"Are you all right?" he asked, looking down at him with a concerned frown. Vincent, unusually startled, jumped a bit at the sound of his voice, but he quickly caught himself and neutralized his expression.
"Yes."
Sephiroth narrowed his eyes, not believing him. "Then why do you appear to be so tired? We are only halfway up the cliff, and even Yuffie is having no problems."
Vincent frowned at the slight insult, but said nothing in response. Sephiroth was quickly becoming annoyed and folded his arms across his chest. He stared down at the other man with accusation in his eyes, making it clear that he expected an honest answer. Vincent was always asking him questions about how he felt, after all, and now when Sephiroth returned the favor, he was being ignored. Vincent looked away and stared down at his boots, unwilling to say anything more. The anger and hurt rose up inside of him, and Sephiroth grit his teeth in frustration.
"Fine then! Forget I bothered to ask."
Sephiroth turned on his heel and started to walk off in a huff, but heard Vincent sigh wearily behind him. "Wait..." he said softly, and Sephiroth paused, slowly turning to face him again. "Come here," he said, beckoning to him with his normal hand.
Sephiroth eyed him suspiciously, then slowly made his way back until he stood towering over Vincent, who remained seated as if he didn't have the strength to stand.
"I trust you not to speak of this to the others, since I did not speak of the incident yesterday..."
Sephiroth nodded his agreement, still puzzled over that event, but realizing that Vincent had indeed done him a favor, deserved or not.
"Very well. Last night, I... transformed."
Sephiroth's brow furrowed in confusion. "Transformed...?" he asked, not understanding what the man meant. Was Vincent losing his mind?
"Oh... that is right. The last time it happened, in the Temple of the Ancients, you were unconscious..." He shook his head, as if he regretted ever bringing it up. "As you can see, I am not a normal man... I was at one time, but Hojo experimented on me as revenge for my involvement with your mother... " He paused again, as if unsure he should continue. "And also because I... tried to kidnap you, I suppose they would call it."
"What?" Sephiroth asked, his eyes widening despite himself. He felt his heart begin to race in his chest, his throat tightening at Vincent's unexpected words.
"I suppose I should have told you before, but I was unsure of how you would react. You have had to digest so much lately... Before you were born, I promised your mother I would take care of you if for any reason she could not. In retrospect, she... seemed to know what was going to happen…" He paused, taking a deep breath to maintain control of himself before continuing on. He almost appeared to be trembling.
"When I learned she was dead, and that Hojo was keeping you in the laboratory, I attempted to take you and flee that night... I do not know what I would have done after that, but I knew I had to get you away from him. I broke into the lab, and you... looked up at me, so innocent and trusting. But Hojo suspected I would attempt such a thing, and he caught me. He shot me in the chest, and I passed out... I woke a time later strapped to a table in the lab. It was then that he... altered me."
Vincent held up his clawed hand, staring at it a bit dully as the memory of its amputation flashed unwanted through his mind. "Aside from this, I now have stronger senses and strange instincts, and... I sometimes transform into a demon. I believe that, at some point, I died... but he managed to bring me back by doing this to me. That is what happened last night... I woke and was unable to control the transformation in time to attempt to stop it, so I left the cabin. I found myself lying in the snow this morning, far away. I cannot remember what happened past when I began to change... and it leaves me quite sore and exhausted."
Sephiroth studied him intently, realizing to his surprise that the man was speaking the truth, as strange and unbelievable as it might have been. He got the sense that Vincent was leaving out certain details, but what he'd revealed was no lie. He had actually attempted to take him from Hojo... simply because he had loved his mother. It was almost impossible for Sephiroth to comprehend, and it struck him far more than the fact that Vincent could become another being without warning.
"I see..." was all he managed to say in response, feeling awkward and unsettled, inexperienced at handling such intense emotions. "That is... unfortunate." He could find no other words that would be appropriate and stood there feeling foolish for a moment before he abruptly turned and walked away, leaving Vincent to watch him with sorrow in his eyes. He shook his head as Sephiroth marched away with even more troubling and confusing thoughts than before.
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An hour later, Avalanche stood at the very summit of the cliffs, staring down many hundreds of feet at the Northern Crater. It certainly lived up to its name, Vincent thought absently. The crater was indeed a huge, gaping hole in the Planet's surface, much larger than he had pictured. It was longer and wider than several practice fields laid out one after the other, and the blackness went farther down into the Planet than even he could hope to see. It was quite a foreboding sight, and the winds picked up as if to emphasis the danger.
At Vincent's side, Sephiroth was staring down into the crater as well, an uneasy look on his face. This was the place, he knew instinctively, the one Jenova had showed him many times inside his mind. He felt nearly drawn to it, and he did not know if he would be able to keep from going inside to look around even if he had wanted to. It was an important place, after all, his goal... No! It was not his goal any longer, Sephiroth quickly corrected himself, his head spinning at the conflicting thoughts which still remained. He felt as if he did not know what he wanted, or which part of his insanity or Jenova or someone else was tainting his thoughts. It made his head pound, and he lifted a hand to briefly massage one temple, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to steady himself.
It was so hard to remember that he was no longer under Jenova's control at times, as if she were a drug to which his weakened mind became addicted when he had nothing else to cling to. Sometimes, he thought that he could still hear her soft, overly sweet voice giving him direction when he felt as if he had none, lost in a world that was lonely and unfamiliar. That was why it was so important to keep focused on finding Aeris, he knew, opening his eyes and strengthening his resolve. The moment he let his concentration slip and faltered from his purpose, Jenova might be able to slip back into control... and then, he did not know what he might do.
Shivering, both at the sight of the crater and his troubled thoughts, he shook his head, trying to calm his mind. It would do no good to panic now, and he would not allow the others to see how much the sight of the crater to was affecting him. If they knew how vulnerable he felt to Jenova's control, how weak and battered his mind still was, they would have been justified in killing him where he stood. It chilled him to the bone, but he did his best to hide his weakness.
Only a few feet away, Cloud was looking down into the crater with a very similar expression, a deep frown on his face. This was it... The place Sephiroth had intended to go before he had joined them, and the place Zack had now taken Aeris to do something terrible... Why, then, did he feel such a connection to the crater, almost as if he was being pulled toward it? Somehow, he had a memory of the place, as if he had been there before. Were they his memories, Sephiroth's, Jenova's... or a combination of all three? Cloud ground his teeth, cursing the holes in his memory and the day he had ever heard Sephiroth's name. If he hadn't snapped in Nibelheim and allowed Jenova to control him, Cloud firmly believed that his own mind would have remained untouched. He might have been happy, living somewhere with a family in a peaceful town... but no, that wouldn't have made him happy. Being with Tifa made him happy. And if that meant traveling about on dangerous missions for the rest of his life, so be it.
"We're here," he said to break the haunting silence, turning and looking over his team. All eyes were on the crater far below, filled with everything from awe to fear.
"You think?" Cid asked, grinning crookedly. "They don't call this thing a crater for nothing, eh?"
"Looks like something really big fell really hard," Yuffie said, leaning forward for a better look.
"That would be quite correct," Red replied, nodding and peering below with open curiosity. "It will be interesting to see what lies inside."
"We'll be lucky if we can get down there without anyone breaking something," Tifa added, her foul mood remaining.
"Dere's a pleasant thought..." Barret said, eyeing the cliff warily. Climbing had been a huge struggle for him because of his gun arm and bulky build, and he appeared to be dreading the descent.
Cloud sighed, then stepped forward and slowly began to descend the opposite side of the cliffs they'd just climbed to reach their position. One by one, the others followed, each filled with their own set of and worries.
