Chapter 44

All too soon the Denali coven was scheduled to descend upon us. I felt a little ashamed of avoiding Edward during the 24 hours or so between Alice's vision and their arrival. I had actually stooped to hiding out with Alice and Rosalie in their bedrooms whenever I could, and when I couldn't avoid going downstairs, I made sure that I stuck close to Esme and/or Carlisle.

I was afraid to find myself alone…for fear that he would corner me and coax my secrets from me.

And there was no way I was letting that happen.

Edward's too-knowing eyes alerted me to the fact that he was onto me, and I tried to stem my guilt at the sadness I saw in his amber depths. After several hours of my avoidance tactics, Edward abruptly grabbed the other males and insisted on an all-guy hunting trip.

Noting their still-golden eyes, we all knew that they didn't need to hunt, but we let them go anyway. I felt even more guilty at the thankfulness I felt as he turned away to stride down the deck steps to the wide back lawn; I tried to ignore a definite twinge in my chest as he left.

And I refused to consider what these odd feelings meant. I told myself that I was relieved to see him go, but even I had problems believing myself; Rosalie's dramatic eyeroll as she went back upstairs didn't help.

But my faux-relief was definitely short-lived. Almost the moment that the guys' backs disappeared into the trees across the river, Esme took me in hand, pulling me outside to her gorgeous flower garden.

During my stay with the Cullens, I had quickly come to realize the joy and pride that Esme took in her garden. As I stepped onto the perfectly-groomed gravel paths along the south side of the house where the weak Forks sunshine was the brightest, I couldn't help admiring the results of her efforts.

Really, the whole area was a near-perfect replica of an English country garden. When I was convalescing after my injuries, Carlisle, Emmett, or even tiny Alice often carried me here to enjoy the pale sunshine and the beauty of Esme's handiwork. Esme had proudly pointed out the types of blooms, and even though my human memories were faded and blurry, I can still recall and now identify every flower in the garden by sight and smell.

Hollyhocks reigned supreme along the fence line with the blue and violet delphiniums, larkspur, Canterbury bells, and cornflowers scattered between bursts of contrasting yellow daisies and miniature roses, orange poppies, white sweet alyssum, and other wildflowers. Queen Anne's lace and several types of lavender lined the pathways, along with rosemary, mint, thyme, and other aromatic herbs that provided the garden with a delightful scent.

In the back corner of the garden, a gazebo was surrounded by more varieties of perfectly-tended roses than I had thought possible. Old-fashioned floribundas overflowed the staid hybrid teas while formal tree roses bloomed above wilder, low-lying landscape and shrub roses, with grandifloras of mid-height scattered about, all a complete riot of pink, white, red, yellow, and even pale lavender blooms, scenting the air with their spicy sweetness.

It was here in the gazebo that I had spent hours upon hours recovering from my injuries on non-rainy afternoon, chatting quietly with Esme as she worked nearby. I would settle into the comfortable wicker furniture…sometimes the cushioned wicker rocker, other times the well-pillowed sofa, the dark evergreen and purple floral patterns of the pillows seeming right at home in the natural redwood gazebo. I had enjoyed the hanging baskets of flowers that Esme nurtured along the eaves of the little octagonal gazebo: delicate bleeding hearts, raucous petunias, green ivy with pointed leaves. The ledge that ran around seven of the eight sides of the gazebo (the eighth side without railings to provide entrance) was covered with a variety of terra cotta pots filled with delightful blooms spilling over one another in delightful profusion.

All in all, Esme's garden was my favorite place of all in the Cullens' home and environs… except for my purple-and-white bedroom. I had asked Esme not to rebuild and refurnish the bedroom in which I had spent many hours each day recovering from my injuries; despite the loveliness of the room that I still remembered dimly, I couldn't stand the thought of being in that room again after the terror I had felt that day…that last day I had been human.

Esme had decided to convert my old room into a solarium since it was located directly off the front porch, but she had not yet started the project. For now plywood protected the demolished room, keeping the incessant rain out, and Esme often spent her evenings sketching different possibilities for the solarium. So with my room gone and what was recovered of my things moved to an impersonal guest room on the third floor, the gazebo had become my favorite spot now, and it was here that Esme led me after the men had left on their unnecessary hunt.

Seating herself amongst the pillows of the white wicker sofa, Esme tugged on my hand, wordlessly requesting me to sit beside her. For several moments, we both enjoyed the beauty of the spot this fine afternoon; the buzzing of bees hovering over the nearby wildflowers and the scent of the wisteria which climbed the south side of the gazebo were pleasant, and we breathed in the peace and loveliness of the moment.

But I knew that I had been brought here for a reason, and I was not surprised when Esme squeezed my hand gently. "Bella, may I speak candidly with you?"

I sighed, then nodded. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to like what I heard, but I also knew that things with Edward couldn't go on the way they had been.

In her soft voice, Esme quietly explained how the Denali clan was a second family to the Cullens, how they had all lived together for quite a while until their numbers began to draw undue attention from the few humans in the area. She described each member of the clan: Eleazar with his quiet strength and keen insight; gentle Carmen whose bright eyes saw into one's soul and nestled there; caustic and funny Kate; the quieter and somewhat morose Irina, and emotional, flamboyant Tanya, the leader of the coven. As Esme described each member of the Denali family, I could picture them in my head. But I couldn't quite smother the faint growl I emitted when Tanya's name came up.

Esme smiled gently but sadly. "Bella sweetheart, you are so new to this life…which is easy to forget because it feels as though you've been a member of this family for such a long time. Plus, you are wonderfully controlled for being so young (she knew how I hated being called a "newborn"—I did not take a bottle nor need diapering, thankyouverymuch!) that again it's difficult to remember that becoming like us is only a very recent development for you. However, I feel the need to ask you a favor: a favor for Carlisle, for me, and for Edward."

She certainly had my attention now; my eyes were fixed on my mother-figure…my mother now. Esme reached out to push back a rogue strand of hair behind my ear, and I felt that familiar tightness in the back of my throat that was akin to tears…or the vampire equivalent of tears. I swallowed hard, touched by her absent gesture that spoke of our relationship…of mother and daughter. I knew that I was welcomed into this family completely, even by Rosalie now, and I felt more at home here with the Cullens than I have since my mother died when I was eight years old. Although those happy days of my childhood were fuzzy and indistinct in my vampiric brain, Rosalie had encouraged me to keep trying to remember them in order to impress my old memories into my new photographic brain.

I realized that Esme was speaking to me again, so I redirected my main focus to my current mother, who had taken both of my hands in both of hers. She squeezed my hands gently, and I returned the squeeze, and we smiled at each other warmly as Esme continued.

"Yes, in the past Tanya has tried to capture Edward's attention, but all she managed to do was deepen his disgust of her wanton ways. While Tanya is very knowledgeable in the art of pleasing men in general, she has never understood Edward…not the way that you do."

I felt my eyes widen in surprise at Esme's words, and she smiled at my response. "And beyond that," she continued, still smiling sweetly, "I have never seen my son as happy as he is with you, Bella. I have worried over him for decades; Edward has always been the odd man out, the one alone while being surrounded by three perfectly mated couples, especially with his talents; he has often been morose, brooding, wrapped up in his music and his books but never truly happy. Until now. Until you, Bella."

If I had still been human, I would have been blushing terribly. Despite knowing that my face could no longer flush with embarrassment, my hands still flew to my cheeks; their coolness felt very strange when I was used to such warmth in response to any sort of praise.

Esme brushed my hands aside and replaced my hands with hers, cupping my face between her palms and smiling at me with motherly pride…a look I remembered seeing in my mother's eyes, in Sarah Black's eyes. I smiled at Esme through the tightness in my throat.

"Bella," Esme said softly, "you are one of us now, and I think you know as well as I do that you and Edward are meant for one another. You two are meant to be mates. Carlisle and I could see the connection between you and Edward even when you were human, despite both of you fighting against it, you from disbelief, Edward from the need to keep you safe. You were human; he is a vampire, plus you were his singer as well. From the beginning, your relationship was volatile and dangerous.

"But you are one of us, and now no barrier exists to your mutual happiness. And nothing would make Carlisle and me happier than seeing both of you together and happy as well." Her hands still on my face, she pulled me forward to press her lips to my forehead before folding me into her arms. Slowly I wrapped my arms around her waist, and we sat there on the sofa in the gazebo, hugging each other close. I drew strength from Esme's motherly embrace, and I was surprised to find myself sobbing tearlessly against her chest, mostly from sheer relief.

I had family now…

I was family.

And I was his.

I quieted after a few moments, then pulled back, feeling embarrassed by my display of emotion.

"I'm so sorry, Esme," I said softly. "I don't know what's come over me. My emotions are here one minute and there the next, and I can't keep up with how I'm feeling." I laughed ruefully, definitely embarrassed by the bizarre emotions coursing through me.

"It's all part of being young to this life," spoke a quiet voice from the doorway of the gazebo. Esme's joyous smile confirmed Carlisle's presence; I was surprised that I hadn't heard his approach, but then I'd been a sobbing mess at that moment.

"I don't like feeling so out-of-control," I growled as Carlisle joined us on the sofa, seating himself on the other side of me.

"Really, Isabella, you are remarkably controlled for only being a few days old. I am so proud of you, my dear." Carlisle put his arm around my shoulders in a half-hug, and I leaned my head on his shoulder, enjoying the peace flowing through me in this moment.

For once I felt safe, happy, and at home. For now I was truly home. I had parents to care for me; siblings to tease me and from whom I could learn, and…

Edward.

Edward…my mate.

Just as I nestled into the thought of Edward, still feeling some uncertainty and confusion regarding him yet also feeling something amazing, warm, and joyous, the focus of my thoughts appeared, leaning against the entrance to the gazebo, his eyes soft as he looked on the family tableau: Carlisle with his arm around my shoulders, my head resting on his shoulder, Esme holding my hand while half-hugging me from the other side, all three of us awash in deep emotion.

"I hate to disturb you, but the Denalis are nearly here; I just heard their thoughts a moment ago," Edward said quietly. His eyes were now focused on me, and if I were human, I would be blushing bright scarlet at his pointed attention.

Chalk up one of the best perks of becoming a vampire: no blushing.

Carlisle nodded in response to Edward's words, and we got to our feet. Esme gave me a full hug, holding me close and whispering in my ear, "You have a family now, Bella, and you always will. We love you, sweetheart." Pressing a kiss to my cheek, she let me go, smiling warmly; if she had been human, I think she would have been teary. I know that I would have been.

I turned away and found myself in Carlisle's arms; he hugged me also for a long moment, then kissed my forehead before pulling back to look me straight in the eye. "You are our daughter, Isabella. We love you, and we're very proud of you. You are a Cullen through and through, my dear."

Esme and Carlisle hooked arms around the others' waists and led the way to the house, leaving Edward and me to follow them. But I stood there, absorbing the emotion in his light topaz eyes which overflowed with surprise, pride, and love. His gentle smile simply melted me. Again I saw the tell-tale signs in his eyes of the vampire equivalent of human tears.

I hated myself for avoiding this man, this good man, who obviously loved me, even adored me. His eyes spoke this truth even more clearly than his words could have; his soul spoke to mine, and mine responded. A new warmth rose in my chest as our gazes burned into each other's minds, hearts, and souls. His smile gradually became exultant, and he slowly opened his arms in invitation

Was I ever grateful for vampire speed as I flew into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my lips to his. Apparently in shock, Edward remained perfectly still for a split second, then with a groan he kissed me back, his lips hungrily taking mine. His tongue moved against my closed lips, and I opened to him as he deepened the kiss.

Wesley and Buttercup had nothing on this kiss.

I almost laughed to myself at my errant thought, and then I sobered immediately as I remembered watching The Princess Bride over and over with Jacob as we grew up. It had been my favorite movie, and Jacob had sneaked me out of my room while Billy was away at council meetings, and he had played the movie for me almost every week. But I pushed away the anger that accompanied the memory, forcing myself to only remember the sweet boy who was a brother to me, not the animal that he had become in recent months.

Edward shifted, pulling me more snugly against his chest, and all thoughts except those centered upon him fled my spacious mind as our lips molded together, tongues tangling, our breathing heavy even though we didn't need the air. My fingers dug deeply into the hair at the nape of his neck while his hands ran soothingly up and down my back, pressing me against his firm chest. This was no chaste kiss; this was wildfire, consuming us in a blaze of passion until I didn't know where I ended and he began.

It was sublime. It was bliss.

That is, until we heard a throat clearing not so subtly on the garden path leading to the gazebo where we were sheltered.

Neither Edward nor I broke our kiss at the sound of whoever was trying to interrupt us. We ignored a few huffs of annoyance and subsequent throat clearings as well. If anything, the rude reminders only pushed our shared passion to new heights.

"Do we need a garden hose to separate you two?" growled an unfamiliar and impatient voice.

At the female voice, Edward's head came up, breaking our kiss, but ignoring the interloper, he gazed down at me tenderly, his hands gently brushing my hair back from my face. It was as if we were alone.

But I could feel animosity rolling off the woman who had dared to interrupt us, and it was taking all my effort plus the tenderness in Edward's eyes to keep me from turning to her and clawing her eyes out.

Reading the struggle in my eyes, Edward laid his hands on my forearms and spoke quietly. "Tanya, we'd like some privacy please. We'll return to the house shortly."

Of course, from the first throat-clearing (something vampires do not have to do) I had known that the woman who tried to curb our make-out session was Tanya.

Edward's soothing words and touch calmed me greatly as the rapid click of high heels against gravel sped toward the house.

His eyes still fixed to mine, Edward tilted his head so that our foreheads were touching. "I am so proud of you, Isabella. Your control is incredible, love," he whispered. "If I wanted to tear her head off, I can only imagine what you were considering…."

I shushed his words with my lips against his as we joined in a sweet, sweet kiss that caused Edward to groan softly. I pressed myself against his body with enthusiasm, but he broke the kiss a moment later.

"We need to return to the house, love," Edward said, his voice rough. I looked at him questioningly, and his eyes burned into mine. "Not only because the Denalis are waiting for us, but also because if we don't stop now, I will be taking you on that sofa," he nodded toward the fragile wicker furniture. "I doubt Esme would be pleased if we destroyed her lovely furniture arrangement out here…or the gazebo as a whole." He smiled tightly, and I nodded reluctantly in agreement.

His arm around my shoulder, mine around his waist, we strolled back toward the house…and I didn't notice the beauty of a single flower on our way. All my attention was focused on the amazing man beside me.

The man who loves me.

Thank you for your patience in waiting for this chapter. Between getting a new laptop and having to transfer files and upload everything and my online class discussion of Jane Eyre, my favorite novel, I've been sooooo freaking busy! I worked all night Friday until 6:00 AM Saturday morning, finishing up the responses to my students' discussions of the novel, and I don't think I made it to bed before 3:00 AM over the last two weeks! It's been wild!

But that class is over, and I don't start online teaching again until October 8, and it's the MLA Research Essay, so until the final papers come in, I shouldn't be too busy. I'll still be working 20 hours/week doing other stuff for work, like putting together a grammar book, writing schedules for subscriptions, etc., but no more all-nighters. And then homeschooling our three boys (grades 7, 10, and 12) and teaching the expository writing class for high schoolers at our co-op Class Days. But I hope to have time to get you a chapter a week, at least until mid-November when I'll be teaching two online classes at once, the end of the MLA Essay and a discussion class on A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (which I also need to read this week).

I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and I apologize for not having time to respond to your wonderful reviews. I read them all, and you encourage me sooooo much! I wouldn't be writing without your lovely support, so THANK YOU!

With much love,

Cassandra

xxxooo