A Ninja's Guide to Surviving High School
By: JA_Japster
Copyright Notice: Naruto is not mine. But this story is. Sort of.
Chapter Fifty Five: Long Overdue
It took Uchiha Itachi longer to return to the rendezvous than he had expected, and it was not until evening the following day did the renegade Shinobi enter the remote cave that had served as the Akatsuki's makeshift hideout for the last several months. Normally, Itachi should have been able to make the same journey in half the time, but something was bothering the raven-haired Shinobi, something that distracted him on a subconscious level and had slowed his travel.
Itachi frowned as he entered the cave and sat down on a moss covered boulder. He worried that his listlessness was the resurgence of some lingering emotion that he had somehow failed to extinguish over the years. Was it guilt, perhaps, for what he had just done to his little brother? It was possible, but doubtful. Itachi had done far worst in the past without feeling even the slightest pang of remorse
He did not need to wait long before the rest of the Akatsuki arrived. More members entered the cave one by one shortly after Itachi's arrival, and in total, there were six robed figures huddled in the cramped cave. Itachi noticed that their leader, the shadowy head of their underground organization, had selected not to grace them with their presence once again.
"It's the eve of our finest hour and he isn't here to share it with us?" muttered Kisame darkly, observing the same thing as Itachi, with a fanged scowl of obvious disapproval.
"Fucking typical that lazy fuck," snarled a man with light blond hair. At the sound of the man's voice, Itachi felt an involuntary spasm in his jaw as his teeth clenched together in annoyance.
Uncouth, foul mouthed and obnoxious, Hidan the Immortal was yet another member of the Akatsuki that Itachi would have loved the opportunity to murder. Unfortunately, the "Immortal" part of Hidan's name was not without merit, and it was rumored that the man simply could not be killed by conventional means. It was a fact, Itachi was sad to admit, that had complicated his initial plans to stab Hidan to death in his sleep.
"He has more important matters to deal with than to baby sit you," snapped Akatsuki's only female member. She was standing stiffly in the center of the cavern, her brown hair tied up in a severe looking bun. Her hazel eyes sternly glared out at her partners in crime. "So he sent me in his place."
"With all due respect, Konan," Orochimaru said. His voice was silky and smooth as always, but there was no missing the clear irritation in his voice "I have everything under control and hardly require your supervision."
"He does not share your optimism," Konan replied, her accusing gaze falling squarely on Orochimaru. "And neither do I. Until this operation is complete, I will be monitoring every move carefully to ensure its executed exactly as planned."
Itachi had to struggle to suppress a gleeful smile as Orochimaru glowered darkly at Konan. There was nothing he enjoyed more than watching that sly, fork-tongued bastard be discredited for being the inept fool that he was.
"I don't need some little girl supervising me," hissed Orochimaru. He made a move towards Konan, his hands thrust out as if to wrap around her throat, but suddenly he found there was nothing to grab.
The moment he touched her, Konan's body transformed. As if by magic, her body fragmented and slid apart into hundreds of separate pieces of paper. They whirled around through the air, flowing gracefully with the gusts of wind that entered the cave, surrounding the other shinobi in a thick blizzard of swirling pieces of parchment. Then, as quickly as Konan's body had vanished, the papers converged and she rematerialized behind Orochimaru with a kunai pressed firmly against his throat.
"A neat trick," snarled Orochimaru, clearly not impressed by the threat of a sharp blade held against his jugular.
Itachi rolled his eyes. It seemed like every one of their little meetings ended up like this with a member of the Akatsuki quite literally at another member's throat. Never mind actually achieving their goals, it was a miracle that their group of dysfunctional and homicidal, renegade ninjas finished their briefings without bloodshed. Frankly, Itachi considered each day that they avoided killing one another a win in Akatsuki's book.
Not that he did anything to help maintain the peace, of course. When it came to secretly plotting the murder of an Akatsuki member, Itachi was one of the most guilty. But at least he did it on his own time instead of insisting on wasting everyone's time with these meaningless theatrics.
"Enough," said Itachi quietly but with a firmness that demanded compliance. "We have enough work to do before tomorrow evening as it is, and I don't think anyone feels like doing more than their share because you idiots killed one another."
Orochimaru nodded stiffly. "Of course, Itachi is correct." He turned to Konan. "I apologize." In other words, some other time, bitch.
"Likewise," Konan responded, meaning I'd gladly cut your throat out, and stowed away her weapon.
Orochimaru turned to the other Shinobi. "As planned, our troops are in position and are prepared to attack when the moment is right."
Itachi was only half listening as Orochimaru continued laying out their strategy. He knew the plan by heart already because he had been instrumental in executing it thus far. From arranging meetings with underworld criminals like the deceased Gato, to working behind the scenes in more shadowy capacities, everything that he had done this past year had been integral in getting Akatsuki to where it was today.
A rare chill of excitement coursed up Itachi's spine at the thought of what would transpire the following evening. For years Akatsuki had been working tireless towards this day, and now they were on the brink of finally seeing their dream come to fruition.
His eagerness, however, was tempered by an appropriate measure of wariness. Even with the most careful planning, however, Itachi knew nothing was guaranteed. Despite the many times they had revised their strategy and edited their scheme to be as flawless as possible, when it came to shinobi, there were far too many variables to consider for any revisable plan to be perfect. Regardless, Itachi was confident of one thing.
No matter what happened, after tomorrow evening, the world would never be the same again.
"You each have your responsibilities," Orochimaru told each of the Akatsuki members. "With any luck, the next time we meet, victory will be ours."
"Yeah, fuck you, jerk off" muttered Hidan as he plodded off with the others.
Itachi turned to join the rest of the departing Akatsuki shinobi, but Konan stopped him before he could leave.
"Itachi, stay and speak with me for a second."
He paused in mid-step. "What?" he inquired, not bothering to turn to face her.
"You're a renegade Shinobi from Konoha."
Slowly, almost lazily, his face turned and glowered at Konan. "What of it?"
Much to her credit, Konan did not cower in the wake of Itachi's menacing demeanor as a lesser ninja may have. She met his gaze with a cool, resolved confidence. If she was intimidated or frightened by him, she did an admirable job of disguising it. Nonetheless, Itachi noticed when she spoke, she was considerably less cavalier than when she had conversed with Orichimaru earlier. Her words were chosen deliberately and with care. It was respect, perhaps, for Itachi's infamous reputation.
"Our leader wants to be sure he can trust you fully to execute the plan. It would take a truly soulless, cold blooded bastard to betray his country and feel absolutely no remorse."
"And yet Orochimaru has his confidence?" Itachi remarked with no small amount of irony in his voice.
"Orochimaru is merely a tool who merits little concern," she replied dismissively. "You, on the other hand, are actually worthy of meriting concern and suspicion.."
"I'm flattered," the renegade Konoha shinobi said in a sardonic tone that clearly indicated he was anything but. "Doubt me if you wish. It makes no differences to me."
"No one doubts your loyalty to our cause," Konan reassured him. "I merely need your assurance that there are no ties with Konoha that will prevent you from doing your job."
Itachi smirked and with a swish of his cloak, turned and walked towards the mouth of the cave. "Believe me, Konan," he said. "I already killed all of my clan ten years ago. Destroying the rest of Konoha is long overdue."
It was not often that the Hokage had the opportunity to appreciate the sunset. Her office's expansive windows provided a spectacular, panoramic view of it, but seldom did she find the time to even take a few moments to lean back in her chair and bask in all its natural splendor and beauty. Such as was the case now. As much as she would have loved to walk out on her balcony and admire the sun while its fading rays casted a warm, auburn hue over her beloved village, the mountains of administrative work piled on her desk denied her this pleasure. She could not even witness the sunset from behind her chair; the dense stacks of paperwork that haphazardly crowded her desk obscured her view of the window.
Tsunade sighed wearily as she picked up another stack of papers and began leafing through them. This particular gem that was in her hands was a proposal by Konoha's Street Maintenance Department requesting additional funds to help repair the roads once spring came. She was already familiar with the proposal as she had approved the same exact one the year prior. She quickly scrawled her signature on it and tossed it on a considerably smaller pile on the ground.
Most of her work as Hokage was purely clerical. Almost all these papers were documents that had already been thoroughly reviewed by another department and merely needed her signature or seal of approval before it could go into effect. On more than one occasion, the Hokage had been sorely tempted to pick up her stamp and and begin slamming it down on whatever piece of paper happened to come up. The job would be done just as efficiently in perhaps a quarter of the time it took to carefully review each individual document before signing off on them.
But as tempting of a prospect as that may have been, Tsunade was more than aware that not all the papers on her desk were quite as trivial as the one she had just signed. Intermixed with all the clerical work were documents that genuinely required her attention. She would have loved to skim through all the papers and be done with them in an hour, but it would certainly be no good if she accidentally reallocated funds away from their schools and invested it in Konoha's red light district. It was an extreme, hypothetical circumstance, granted, but it was not an impossible one given some of the ridiculous garbage that found its way on her desk.
She stifled a yawn as she reached for another paper. Tsunade had clearly understood the significance of her job when she had accepted it. It was mundane most of the time, but it was the Hokage's duty to perform it to the best of their abilities.
A soft knocking on her office door made Tsunade pause and glare irritably at it. She glanced at her clock and her expression darkened. She still needed to finish all this work, and then she had to review the itinerary for Konoha High's Christmas dance. The dance was the day after next, and tragically, there was still much work to do. Even though the instructors and faculty were handling most of the planning, Tsunade still had her work cut out for her. She knew the kids at school looked forward to the dance all year long, but there was no time of year that stressed out the Hokage more.
"Enter," Tsunade muttered. The door opened, and Tsunade groaned when her friend, Jiraiya, came sauntering in holding a bottle of sake. His face was cherry red and his wobbly gait suggested he had just come from a bar.
"What do you want?" she demanded, annoyed.
Jiraiya smiled craftily and hefted up the sake bottle invitingly.
"I have work to do!" Tsunade protested incredulously as she gestured to the piles of paper on her desk.
"So what?" her old friend slurred drunkenly. Before Tsunade could stop him, he pushed the papers off the Hokage's desk and sent them spilling onto the floor. He beamed at her cheerfully. "There. It's all gone now."
"You idiot" Tsunade shrieked. She grabbed him by the collar of his robes and raised a fist menacingly. "Do you know how long it's going to take to organize all those papers again?"
"You can do them in the morning. They're already on the floor. You might as well just leave them there." Jiraiya replied with a shrug. He tossed Tsunade the bottle of sake.
Tsunade caught it and looked at the bottle. It was already half empty. She glanced at all the papers on her office floor and groaned. It would take hours to clean up this mess, and bending over to start was the last thing Tsunade wanted to do at this point.
"You're such an asshole," Tsunade growled as she popped the cork on the bottle and took a long swig.
"That's my girl." Jiraiya said, sitting on the corner of her desk.
Tsunade exhaled deeply. She reclined deep into her chair, perched her bare feet up on Jiraiya's lap, and took another long drink from the bottle. "We really need to stop doing this."
It was depressing how familiar of a scene this was. Jiraiya had been pulling stunts like this for years now. She remembered back in high school he had snuck into her dorm room the day before final exams and had persuaded her into spending the rest of the night doing shots with him instead of studying. They had both gotten drunk, and, completely hung over, stumbled to class a few hours later for their exams.
Tsunade had still gotten the second highest grade in their class. Jiraiya had failed miserably.
"So, planning on going to the dance?" Jiraiya inquired.
"I'll be doing work most of the time, but I'll make an appearance later in the night." She grinned. "Why? Going to try your luck and ask me to be your date again?"
Jiraiya laughed. They both remembered how well things had gone the last time Jiraiya had been foolish enough to ask Tsunade out. "If only you had the same body but your face was twenty years younger," he said with a lecherous nod in the direction of her breasts.
"Pig," Tsunade snarled. She would have kicked him out of the office with a good thump on his head for good measure, but the sake bottle was almost empty now and she was feeling pretty tipsy.
They sat there in silence for several more minutes, wordlessly passing the sake bottle back and forth until it was empty. Jiraiya tossed it in the corner somewhere where it shattered loudly. Tsunade was too tired and too drunk to yell at him.
"You know I would ask you to the dance," Jiraiya said. He began stroking her feet, gently, almost affectionately. His hands were cold and rough, but all the same Tsunade thought it felt surprisingly good. "If I didn't have to go to the border and help bolster our defenses."
Tsunade smiled. "Tough luck, lover boy. I have enough things to worry about, and I'd feel a lot better if I know you're in charge of making sure the country is safe."
With the threat of war looming so ominously on the horizon, a night like the Christmas dance would be the ideal time for the enemy to strike. Like Kakashi had told her earlier, having the dance was an enormous security hazard. It was also an unavoidable one. The council refused to allow her to cancel it, and so Tsunade merely had to do the best that she could. If the enemy decided to start war on the eve before Christmas, then, as Hokage, she had to be prepared for it.
"You know our spies indicate heavy troop movement on our border," Jiraiya commented.
"I've heard. Fortunately, most of the outlying towns and villages have been evacuated."
"Do you think they'll actually have the courage to start another war?"
Tsunade could only shrug her shoulders helplessly. Whether or not Rock and Lightening country were prepared for another Great Shinobi War was a question she had been pondering endlessly for weeks now. It had been two decades now since the end of the last war, and the world had only just begun to flourish again. It seemed foolish for anyone to want to threaten the stability and prosperity of this time and peace, but wars were not traditionally waged by the most rational of minds.
Jiraiya let out a low whistle. "Can you imagine it? Our second Great Shinobi War? Think of the stories we'll be able to tell our kids."
"You want kids?" Tsunade asked skeptically. Jiraiya with children. That was a scary thought.
"Well not right now," Jiraiya replied honestly. "But if I do, it will be great to have some amazing stories to tell them, won't it?"
"I think I'd prefer telling them about how I sat behind a desk and filed papers all day."
"You'll make a terribly boring mother."
Tsunade had no arguments there. She had always been so busy as a member of Konoha's Medical Corp during the last Great Shinobi War and then as Hokage that she had never even considered having children. Her responsibilities to the village had always come before her personal life. Maybe if she somehow survived the next ten years without destroying Konoha she would have to sit down and reevaluate things. Right now, an entire nation was all she had the time and energy to be mother for.
"Danzo is still in charge of security for the dance?" Jiraiya asked. There was a hint of disapproval in his voice, and it comforted Tsunade immensely to know that her friend distrusted the ancient war hawk as much as she did.
Tsunade nodded. Danzo had not been her choice -the council had handpicked him for the job, and Tsunade had not opposed their decision.
"He's assigned the local police to ensure the school is secure for the dance," she told him.
Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. "Why would he get civilians to do a ninja's job?"
A wordless shrug was all Tsuande could do to answer that question. She had made it a point to not question everything Danzo did no matter how foolish or inane it might have appeared to be. It wasn't because she trusted that Dazno was doing the correct thing -far from it in fact. But she had to, at the very least, entertain the pretense that she trusted the man. After all, if she could not trust a famed war veteran and head of her intelligence network to provide protection for a bunch of high school students, then who could she possibly trust?
Tsunade closed her eyes and allowed herself a rare moment to relax. It was interrupted, however, she felt something wet and slimy on her feet. She blinked in surprise, and then frowned when she saw that her old friend had fallen fast asleep and was drooling on her feet. Tsunade smiled. Their friendship had never been really founded on conversation, which in Jiraiya's case, was a good thing. Jiraiya was a loud mouthed, obnoxious, perverted oaf, but she could always rely on him to be there to cheer her up when she needed it most
She was too tired to even move her feet, never mind resume her work on all the papers that currently were littered across the ground. Maybe Jiraiya was right. At the very least, it could wait for a few more hours, couldn't it?
Before Tsunade had a chance to argue with herself, she closed her eyes again and before she knew it, had dozed off as well.
Author's Notes:
As always, thanks for the reviews! A few people noted that the story has been talking about the Winter Dance for almost a year now. Don't worry! It's coming up soon! As in two or three chapters soon! Promise!
