I do not own American Horror Story: Freakshow.
I doubt Ryan Murphy would even recognize it now.
Wherever You Are
Surreality
So they were doing this. They were really doing this.
Moving.
Again.
All the way home to . . .
". . . Wednesday, we can get there by Friday."
. . . Florida.
Ma-da and Ma-Ba had insisted they come on when they were ready.
Take Annabel's old room back . . .
". . . as you want, darling."
. . . until they found their own place.
". . . -re, even. Jimmy said he was all for it."
Work in the store while they looked for employment.
"Thanks. I appreciate that."
"Of course, Annabel. That's what we're here for."
And just in general . . .
". . . clothes for you!"
"Yeah, sure. That sounds nice."
. . . support them for the time being.
"Wonderful, darling!"
Which was nice.
It really was.
It just wasn't . . .
". . . -ing on the fifteenth."
"We'll be here!"
. . . what she had intended her life to be.
The apartment belonged to someone else.
The furniture.
And the heating and air.
The clothes were theirs.
The toiletries.
The sheets on the bed and the towels on the hooks.
The records and the books and the lava lamp.
The dog.
Themselves.
And of course, the damn unseen baby that was causing all this.
So, long and short of it, packing was easy.
The Moving, on the other hand, . . .
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
"You're crying."
"This place is dusty. We never cleaned."
Pause, only the slighted bit tinged with muted muffled miff.
"We cleaned."
. . . was hard.
She had already said goodbye to Jenny.
"Hey, I'm sorry about your moms, they just kinda freaked me out."
Really? Didn't notice.
"Yeah, I know."
Big hug. Cheek kiss.
"Write me, okay?"
About what? Florida?
"You got it. Bye."
"Bye."
Bye to the few people she actually cared to notify.
"-, Ray."
"Stay real, Bowie Babe."
Her landlord.
". . . keys under the mat. And thanks for everything."
"No problem, Annabel. Here's your deposit back."
"Thanks."
And, of course, Dave the RadioMan.
Two weeks previous.
". . . Florida."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"Well."
The RadioMan who had opened up her world looking mildly surprised.
Annabel, feeling sick and miserable and like her life was already ending at the ripe old age of twenty-two.
Dave, nodding.
"I won't lie, Ana. Waves around here won't be the same without you."
Clenching her jaw, refusing to cry.
"But wherever you go, wherever you are, you take that Light in you and shine it out, okay?"
She nodded, trying to be brave.
What the light, seriously, what light do I have?
Then he had smiled.
"And I mean it about the reference. You just give them my number and I'll tell them all about Ana Darling."
And she had to go before she cried.
"Okay. Thanks, Dave. For everything."
He nodded.
"Sure thing."
And that . . .
"Well, goodbye."
"Bye, Ana. See you tonight for your shift."
Oh. Yeah. Right. My life's not entirely over. Yet.
. . . was that.
Patrick had spoken with his boss at Hammond's weeks before as well.
". . . good reference."
"Cool."
So that was all in place.
For them to leave.
And then she had basically floated through the last few days of her Colorado . . .
Can't believe I'm doing this. If it weren't for this baby, I wouldn't have to do this.
. . . existence.
And now the time had come.
"Did you get the water bowl?"
"Yeah, it's in the floorboard."
For Ana Darling, for the last time in Colorado . . .
". . . Shift. What can I spin you for?"
. . . to spin the tunes she loved so . . .
"Can you play 'You're so Vain'?"
"Will you play 'Everything I Own'?"
"I wanna hear 'Ohio' by The Doobie Brothers!"
"You got it, man. Comin' in ten."
. . . much.
And in between sending out tunes to make the soul sing for others, she had decided to do a little for herself that night too.
She had tried to think of the perfect final selection for her final shanty.
Aria.
Strain.
Song.
It was really important.
It was the only way she could really, truthfully say goodbye the way she wanted to.
She had mulled over it for days.
Something real.
". . . Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry . . ."
A little sad.
". . . and Mondays always get me down . . ."
Probably some resentful.
". . . can't always get what you want . . ."
But with a little hope at the end too.
". . . life on Mars?"
The Light in the darkness.
". . . pretty face, welcome to the human race . . ."
Like Patrick had said.
". . . follow you, will you follow me . . ."
So she had to make sure.
". . . horses couldn't drag me away . . ."
It was right.
". . . gone with the wind, my baby's gone with the wind . . ."
Because it wasn't just about her.
". . . -right now, baby, it's alright now . . ."
It was about any of them, all of them.
". . words of wisdom, let it be . . ."
Any one out there on the waves.
". . . know why you say goodbye, I say hello . . ."
And she had to make it count.
". . . on to yourself . . ."
Patrick had taught her that.
"-render, surrender, but don't give yourself away . . ."
But she couldn't find just the right one.
". . . sound of your own wheels make you crazy . . ."
Because there were, in her heart, so many that fit all the different things she had inside her.
". . . without a bone, an actor out on loan, riders on the storm . . ."
So she would choose them all.
Her entire shift, every bit, would be pouring herself out, emptying herself into the music.
Trying to let it clean her out.
And when it was done, when her shift was over, she would say . . .
"This is my last transmission out here on the waves. I'm moving out and moving on, for better or for worse. But I will always love and remember the time I was Ana Darling and spinnin' tunes out there with you. Groove on, Night Shifters. And peace out."
. . . goodbye.
". . . seasons crying no despair . . . alligator lizards in the air . . ."
So she had said goodbye the best way she could.
And then, with the key in the mailbox and Dave's gift of vinyl . . .
"Oh cool. Ziggy Stardust."
"Yeah, I know you probably already have one. Turn it over."
"Oh. My. God. Is that-"
"Yup. That's his signature. I know a guy."
"Awww, thank you, Dave."
. . . under her arm, she had walked away from KGNU 88.5.
And her entire life as she knew it.
"I listened to your show tonight."
"Yeah.
"A lot of feelings in there."
"Yeah."
Patrick Pause.
"I was going to call in and request a song for old times' sakes."
Pause.
"But you seemed like you were working through something."
Pause.
"And since it's because of me that we're moving, I thought you might want me to leave you alone."
Pause. Annabel silence, no correction of statement.
"Feel better?"
Annabel Shrug.
"I guess."
Pause.
"Okay."
Pause.
"I love you, Annabel."
Annabel pause, no radio silence, not anymore anyway.
"I love you too, Patrick."
And then he held her all night as she cried.
And then early the next morning, they . . .
"Are you ready to go?"
No.
"Yeah. I guess."
"Stop at nine?"
"Okay."
. . . began their journey.
It wasn't easy.
The leaving.
Patrick and his stupid Rabbit in the lead, tiny moving thingie hauling behind.
Annabel and her Pinto, packed tight and resentful.
She cried when they left the apartment parking lot.
She cried when they left Westminster.
And she definitely cried when they left Colorado, the mountains distancing in the rear view mirror.
And she only stopped . . .
"Are you okay?"
Don't touch me, you bastard.
"Yeah."
. . . when they stopped for a restroom break and food somewhere in the flat, Florida-bound vastness of stupid Kansas.
And more Kansas.
And stupid Miss-
"Long day."
"Yeah."
-ouri.
"Want to get a bite to eat?"
No, but I'll watch you choke on it.
"Sure."
She hardly said word during their brief moments together, not even to . . .
"Do you want to take him for oa walk with me?"
Not unless we can walk back to Colorado.
"Sure."
. . . Scruffy Sam . . .
I bet he wants to go back home, don't you, Sam?
. . . the Sublime.
And at night . . .
"Did you sleep well last night?"
No, you dumbass.
. . . she dreamed . . .
"Yeah, I guess."
. . . of her mountains.
"I thought I heard you crying sometimes."
God, can't I escape anything? Even in my sleep?
And woke up . . .
"Nope. Slept like a log."
. . . crying.
"Okay."
So not exactly a smooth trip.
But at least no car wreck, right, midnightrebellion86?
Anyway, thanks to brigid1318 and midnightrebellion86 for reviewing!
And thanks to the silent readers as well.
