Derek stared at her in shock. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she was serious. She actually thought there was a chance that Derek was going to take her along with him to Arizona. She was good with Liam, but she wasn't that good. She wasn't good enough to transfer her to Arizona with them. He would either care for Liam, or he would find someone there. He did not need her, and he was confused as to why she thought he did.
"You don't need to come with us, Alexis. You are great with Liam, but you don't need to come to Arizona. In fact, I'm wondering why you would think you need to?" Derek asked simply. He wasn't cutting corners. He wasn't mincing words.
"I just thought- Well, I love Liam. And you and I- We're friends, right? I just assumed I would be going along too." Alexis said quickly as she looked at him in his eyes.
"No. Im going there to help Meredith. I can find a nanny there. And they think that Liam could help with her treatment. I don't need you, Alexis. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate you. I really do appreciate everything you have done. You have been great with Liam. You have been a good friend. Thank you so much, but I don't need you anymore. I wish you luck." Derek said with a smile.
Alexis stood there in a stunned shock. All the work she had put into Derek, and he wasn't even noticing. It was as if she hadn't been there at all. She sat by his side. She held his hand. She listened to him whine and complain about his problems. He did all of that and it seemed to get her no where. She knew he was wrapped up in Meredith, but she thought for sure that she had an in. She was wrong.
Alexis wasn't evil. She was not crazy. Clever, yes, she was every clever. Devious? Maybe a bit devious. She was definitely way too smart for her own good. She was always thinking. She thought a lot. The more she thought about it, the more she realized her only chance was if Meredith did not get better. She was going to have to take it all on faith. She would have to let fate take over and come what may. That didn't mean she wasn't upset.
Derek prayed she didn't get the wrong idea. Yes, they were friends. They weren't close friends, just friends. The night he poured his heart out was the night he was dying inside. At that moment, he had felt like if he didn't get it out, that he would die. He needed to talk, and she just happened to be the one that was there. After that, he found it easy to pour out his daily dose of pain. Maybe he had said too much.
"Thank you, Derek." She said genuinely. She did not need to burn her bridge. She had to make a nice break with the possibility to step back in. "I wish you luck. With your ex. I mean, I hope this helps her. It's not often that people get over such tragedies. But like you always said... She is incredibly strong. If anyone can, she will." Alexis said with a smile. She was a kind woman, but she had to get her snide comment in there. Meredith killed someone. She was a killer. That made her second rate. She couldn't be trusted. In Alexis's mind, she should never be able to see her son again.
"She's my wife." Derek said smartly. That was something that he had always wanted to say to her.
"Excuse me?" Alexis asked as she looked into his eyes. Derek looked back into hers. She had been pushing it for awhile. He did not like Meredith referred to as ex. He liked her name. She had a name.
"You keep referring to Meredith as my ex. Meredith will always be my wife. In my heart, we never got divorced." Derek explained. It was how he felt. He was praying that after all this was over that he could go back to being her husband. At the very least he would love to be tolerated by her. Being loved would be best. "I love Meredith."
Well, Derek, that is really sweet. Most men don't feel that way after they go through what you went through. Having her just walk away. Having to go through such a fight. It shows how great you are." Alexis pointed out. Not there were both playing the game.
Alexis and Derek were both being painfully nice on purpose. They were each getting in digs. Alexis was so mad that her work was in vain. Nothing she did to secure Derek worked. She knew that they most amazing and intelligent man in the world lived across the hall from her, and yet she could not snag him. She thought for sure she would have been able to convince him to give her a chance. Especially having Liam in her corner.
"Well, Derek... If you need anything, you know where I am." She said with a faint smile as she grabbed her purse off the table.
"I do appreciate everything you have done. Liam needed you. And- I can't repay you for that." Derek told her with a nod and a smile. "Good luck." Derek told her with a nod.
"This sounds a lot like goodbye." She said sadly as she looked into his eyes.
"It is goodbye." Derek pointed out with a frank nod. "I am starting over. I am regaining what I lost. Mer and I- we will make it." Derek told her with a smile, making sure she got the point.
"Well, good luck with that." Alexis said as she reached for Derek's hand. He pulled his hand away and opened the door. Alexis dropped her head and walked out. Derek shook his head. He was thankful he knew what he and Alexis had. They had nothing. Nothing at all.
Derek shook his head as he shut the door. He had the feeling that Alexis was upset with him. He wasn't really sure why she was upset. She had no reason to be upset. It wasn't as if she should have expected anything more. She was just a babysitter and a decent friend. She needed to get a grip. Derek watched as she pulled away from his house. As great as she had been, it actually felt good to see her leave.
"LP..." Derek said with a smile as he looked over at Liam in the port-a-crib. "Hey! Don't do that! We don't do that!" Derek said quickly as he rushed over to the crib. Liam was halfway out with his legs thrown over. "What are you doing?"
"Lee out." Liam said frankly as he hung from the side. Derek rushed as quickly as he could to the crib, but not before it started to topple over. Derek tried to grab Liam, but it was too late. The boy crashed to the floor and began crying.
"Oh! Liam..." Derek said sadly as he knelt down. His boy's face scrunched up as he looked into his blue eyes. It didn't take long for him to realize that he needed to cry. Derek watched as he burst into tears. "Oh... It's okay, buddy." Derek said softly. He had seen the boy fall and knew that it wasn't that hard. He was fortunate enough to fall onto a blanket that had been left on the floor.
"Lee, hur... Lee hur. Da!" Liam cried as he hid his face in Derek's chest. Derek rubbed his tiny back, trying to soothe him. "Da... Mama! Mamamaaa!" Liam screamed as he looked around. Derek frowned. Every time that Liam was hurt, he would look for Meredith. Meredith was never there.
"I'm sorry, Liam. Mom wants to be here. Mom really wants to be here." Derek told him as he sat down on the sofa. Liam continued to sob, obviously in distress. "I'm so sorry, son. So sorry."
Derek sat there and held his son until he fell asleep. It broke his heart that Liam had to cry himself to sleep because he missed his mom. Derek laid his head back and let his own tears slide down his cheeks. He was just as broken as the boy, he just didn't do such a good job showing it. Just as he felt himself drift off to sleep, he heard the doorbell ring. He looked across the room and saw what looked to be Ellis standing at the door. Derek laid Liam down on the sofa and placed pillows around him before he ventured off.
"Derek..." Ellis said softly as he opened the door. Derek looked into her eyes, she was just as sad as he. He found it to be a shock to his system. She never ceased to amaze him. "I went to see her."
"She was bad, right?" Derek asked as he looked at her and then down at the floor. Ellis looked away, not wanting to risk looking him in the eyes. She knew if she did, she would break.
"She was bad." Ellis confirmed as she played with her hands. Meredith had the same nervous habit and Derek was shocked to see her doing it. "She was dazed. She made absolutely no sense whatsoever. They still have her on the Haldol and she is a zombie."
"I see it everyday." Derek pointed out. Ellis was right. They put her on the Haldol to keep her from hurting herself. Derek couldn't help but think they were hurting her by not letting her have the opportunity to think clearly. "She has been on it non-stop. It's gotten ridiculous." Derek stated firmly. He was angry about it. He was angry that she laid day in and day out in a haze.
"Not to mention she is at Seattle Grace. I think we both know what that is like." Ellis pointed out. She was referring to the never ending gossip that surrounded Meredith's recent medical distress. "I don't know what it will be like for her once she recovers..."
"We will cross that bridge when we get there." Derek pointed out with a nod. Ellis smiled in agreement. "Right now, I just want her to have the chance to heal. Without the meds."
"Drugging her up will do nothing for her state of mind." Ellis said with a nod. "She cannot heal if they don't let her think clearly and speak."
"I agree. I'm assuming Dr. Donaldson told you about Claireridge?" Derek said with raised brows as he looked at her. Ellis gave him a look that told him that she had no idea what he was talking about. "Okay... I guess not."
"Claireridge?" Ellis asked as they walked into the kitchen. Derek wanted a snort of scotch so badly. He refused. He knew he could more than handle it, but with Liam having fell, he refused and poured Ellis a glass.
"Claireridge is the premier facility for this type of problem. Meredith is not crazy. Even Dr. Donaldson has said that. She is suffering from Post-traumatic stress. She is very confused. She knows that she isn't okay, but she has no way to right herself. It's like she is in a snow globe and she is bouncing all around and cannot focus." Derek explained as he watched Ellis sip her amber liquid. "Claireridge is the best facility in the US. It's in Arizona. We both decided that she should go. We're leaving tomorrow." Derek pointed out as he looked over, making sure Liam was still asleep.
"Tomorrow..." Ellis repeated in shock. She couldn't believe he had made such a big decision so quickly. More importantly without consulting her. "You are taking my daughter and grandson to Arizona tomorrow?" She asked frankly. Derek looked into her eyes. Maybe she should have talked to her about it.
"I was going to come over later, Ellis. This has just been so much." Derek said with a sigh. He regretted not talking to her about it. He regretted not letting her in on the decision. He was so used to her not being around, he forgot to include her. "I was going to come over later and discuss it with you."
"But you already made the arrangements, Derek. You were never going to include me on the decision making." She said with a frown as she looked into his eyes.
"Claireridge is the foremost mental health institute in the US. She needs this. I'm not taking this decision lightly. It's not as if I am locking her up. They have new ways of treating her. Liam could be part of it. I would be part of it. It won't be about locking her away. I need her. I need her to come home. This is the only way." Derek said softly. He needed Ellis to agree with him. He needed her support. "I need you to agree, Ellis. I need you to be on board. I won't do it if you don't want me to."
"If this is what you think she needs, I'm on board. I hate to see- I'll miss them." Ellis said as she walked into the house and over to the sofa. She looked down at her sleeping grandson and smiled. It broke her heart. She couldn't imagine not seeing him. She knew it could be a long time before Meredith was in a better place. She knew it could be a long time before she saw him again.
"I just want him to have his mom." Derek told her as he walked over and rubbed his son's head. "He is the one suffering here. He is the one that is getting the short end of the stick. I just want him to have his mom. He deserves his mom."
"He does." Ellis agreed with a nod. "Has he had dinner? Have you had dinner?" She asked as she looked around. She knew that Derek had a new nanny but she had never met her.
"I haven't gotten there yet. Not even close. I am just trying to take it in. I need to absorb this. It's so much." Derek explained as he sat down. Ellis looked sown at him. She knew that he had more on his plate than most men cared to deal with.
"Okay.. I'll go get some take-out. I haven't eaten yet either. How does Mexican sound?" She asked as she looked around.
"That sounds great." Derek said with a nod and a smile. "And enchilada would be perfect. Extra sour cream." Derek added as he looked over at Liam. "I'll make something for him. The nanny said she did, but she usually doesn't feed him enough." Derek pointed out. That was one downfall of Alexis. She never gave him enough food.
"I'll be right back." Ellis told him with a smile as she grabbed her purse. Derek sighed in relief as the door clicked shut. He felt good that she was on board with him. He really needed to hear that.
Derek gently rubbed Liam's head. He loved the way his baby-soft hair felt under his fingers. There was so much about Liam that reminded him of Meredith. Derek felt like he had a piece of Meredith by his side although she was the one that he really needed. He missed so many of the little things about her. He missed the way she snored gently right by his ear. He missed the way she swirled her strawberry ice cream into soup. He missed the way she would brush the hair out of her face when she was nervous. There was so much he missed. He missed it all. Even the bad.
Derek knew that he had to pack for their trip. There was so much to do. There was so much that had to be done before they could go. Derek wasn't planning on packing everything but the kitchen sink. He already had a house that he would be renting. The rental car would be at the airport waiting for him. Everything was in line. He just needed to figure out how he would take care of Liam. He would do whatever he needed to do.
"Okay, buddy. You need your crib while dad does some packing." He told his son as he scooped him up. Liam stirred slightly and then laid limp in Derek's arms as he carried him up the stairs. "Someone must have played hard today." Derek pointed out as he laid him down in his crib. "Sleep well, LP... Tomorrow is going to be a big day for us." He told him as he pulled the tiny blanket over him.
Derek walked into their room. Since Meredith had been gone, he slept in their bed. He felt closer to her in their bed. He hadn't washed the throw pillows. They smelled like her. He grasped at anything that smelled like her. He even found himself smelling her Pre de Provence lavender conditioner from France. He needed her. When he would smell that, he would close his eyes and he could swear he felt her next to him.
Derek packed himself a modest bag. He didn't need much. He took a little bit of the essentials. He took enough clothes that he would be able to wear something different, but not so many that he was overpacking. He also took a bag for Meredith with her favorite clothes and her favorite bath items. He wasn't exactly sure on their policy, but he was sure she would have a private room. Just as Derek finished packing Liam's bag, he heard Ellis walk in.
"That was fast." Derek said with a smile as he trotted down the stairs. Ellis smiled as she sat the bags down on the kitchen table. Derek could already smell the distinct scent of the onions hanging in the air.
"They weren't busy." She told him as she pulled out the containers of food, pointing out his. She had them add two tacos onto his order, hoping he would eat well. Derek smiled faintly as he sat down across from her. Derek could tell she was wanting to say something. He was waiting. He knew it was coming. "I talked to Richard... He and I- I want to go. If you will allow me... I want to come with you. I need to help. I need to help my little girl. If you will let me." She told him as she looked up. Derek looked at her in shock. It only took him a second for the answer to come to his lips.
"Of course... Ellis... I'm so glad you said something. I need you to come. Liam and I- We would love for you to come with us." Derek smiled as he said it. He did need her.
