When will this story be over...?

JK. I love this story! :)


44 – Where's the Sky Now?


The world around him is too black and it's painted and doused and drenched in red and pain and agony as Jeff stares outside in the world, the stained glass that's on the window that's hurting him and he's ready to break his head on the thick glass and he hears the sound of the door closing as his eyes look at Phil standing there and they just stare at each other for a moment before Jeff stands up and walks past the lip-ringed boy and he walks outside, into the gray skies and the blood smeared pain and he can almost hear his heart as it thuds so rhythmically and he doesn't know if he can feel anymore broken than he does right now.

He's wide awake, finally able to see the world around him and he can see how gray and black the world is, how the colors are slowly fading away from his touch and he feels as if he's just woken up from a deep coma and the world around him is just filled with fake smiles all around and he hates seeing this.

He just wants to be happy but he doesn't think that happiness exists anymore as he looks around the pain-filled universe around him, a dog with ragged fur, a little girl huddled up in the corner shaking and shivering from the coldness and Jeff walks towards the girl and throws his jacket over her, she gives a soft smile and a "thanks" but still, she wants and needs more and Jeff can't help everyone and that's what's dragging him down in the dirt as she runs off with his jacket and he hears the sound of his cell phone ring but he doesn't want to pick it up as he walks through the roads, watching the people who are genuinely happy and envies them and the people that are down in the dumps, he's just sympathizing with him and why is the world around him so torn?

Why is he so torn…?

In the middle of walking, he stops and hides behind the bushes near a park and he watches as lovers pass by and his heart just tears out of his chest all too violently as he presses the icy metal against his ear, and he just hopes, just hopes, that Matt will answer his phone and when he hears that too striking and beautiful and charming rich voice of Matt, his heart almost melts but the world's all still the same, all too dull and black and the hole is ready to whirl him into oblivion.

Where's the sky now?

There is no sky, there's a torn up hole in the sky that's burning him so slowly on the inside and it's burning the rest of the world around them right now and he wishes nothing more than to look at the same sky he's seen as a child, the sky that's been bubbling bits and bits of pastel blue and that hint of creamy rich marshmallow yellow streak burn somewhere between the blueness and there are sprinkles and sprinkles of clouds but it's all gone now. Nothing's telling him to move on and live with his life, everything's telling him to just die on the inside and suffer before he kills himself with that knife that's just calling for him to end his useless life.

"Jeff?"

His heart's slowly steadying and he finds himself wanting to sprint off towards Canada, just to see this person that seems planets and planets apart from him, a borderline that he can't cross, it's driving Jeff insane on the inside, just thinking that once, he had been held by those long warm arms that are leaving him to freeze and it hurts him to think that once, those soft lips used to dry away those tears that fell so freely from his eyes and now, the tears are just burning through the flesh.

"M-M-Matt," Jeff stutters, pressing too cold metal to his ear as it burns through his inactive cells, "I-I need you."

The world's too black and dull and it's making him want to die on the inside and Matt's his only hope right now, the only faith that's bubbling and burning through them and if he says no right now, he'll be completely hopeless and bleak, ready to crash onto the floor, ready to die…

No.

Matt.

He needs Matt.

"Jeff, please, you're out there and I'm here, in Canada, I can't keep rushing over every time you feel a little overwhelmed…"

Jeff lets out a laugh, a dark, bitter laugh that had made everyone around them jump from their skins and he's ready to hit his head towards the thick painful pole in front of him and if Matt's around here right now, he would've shaken him until the laughter subsides and right now, his laughter is truly subsiding, the dead silence resides and lingers still as Jeff continues to scream. "LITTLE OVERWHELMED?! I'm fucking suicidal without you, Matt! The world around me is fucking dead! I can't walk around anywhere without feeling like I'm gonna fall flat on my face! I feel like there's nothing there for me and the only thing that matters is you and the only thing that's been in my mind since you fucking left was you so don't tell me that I'm a little overwhelmed."

Jeff just snaps the phone shut before Matt could say anything else and he holds his head as he tries to compose himself from letting the tears fall all over again and now, he shoots his head up towards the world around him, people just passing by and not caring at all that he's breaking and suffering on the outside.

He walks home and when he goes towards the room he shares with Phil, he sits on the floor and tries to think of everything right now and he remembers that he has a commitment to his band but he's breaking it up and the person he loves the most, his Matt, doesn't really care about him now, does he? And his life is just torn to shreds and now, he just has no family, the only one he knows that wears the name "Hardy" with pride and he remembers the last name Campbell, Matt Campbell, that just doesn't sound right…it doesn't…Matt


This made me wanna cry. Seriously. That Matt/Jeff call. So sad. I am proud to say that this is my fic! XD.

X Sam.