Chapter Fifty-Five

Satan didn't buck. He reared, and then sideswiped the fence. Still, Adam hung on. After another rear, Satan bucked, twisted and charged the other horses, sending them scattering. The horse moved every way a horse could to dislodge the rider on his back, including charging the fences. Finally, Satan threw himself to the ground. Holding her breath, Shiloh watched as Adam feverishly worked his hand out from under the rope, and just before Satan hit the ground, Adam pushed away, landing on his stomach. In an instant, the horse was up, and two pick-up men were at his side, but again, he reared, kicking out at the horses and scattering them. Adam had crawled on his hands and knees away from the flailing hooves, and just as he gained his footing, he tripped and twisted to see Satan charging him with three of the pick-up men pushing against him and the fourth trying to get around the melee to Adam. Two of the pick-up horses went down, blocking the fourth's path to Adam. The men around the corral were all scrambling to their horses for their guns.

Just as Satan reached him, Adam put his arm up, knowing full well it would give him no protection; knowing that he was about to be the second man this horse had killed.

The deep discharge of a rifle sounded.

Satan suddenly fell at Adam's feet.

Every living thing was still. The men looked around at each other to see who fired the shot. Several in the crowd of men and clouds of dust pointed, and everyone slowly turned to see Adam's wife, sitting on her horse still aiming her rifle into the corral. She had waited for a clear shot. She didn't want to hit any of the men, and she had almost waited too long. As they watched her, she dismounted, trotted to the fence and climbed over, then slowly approached Adam. She watched him dust his shirt, then look him up and down. He watched her eyes move, filled with fear.

Slowly backing away, Shiloh stepped around to Satan's back and knelt, laying her rifle on the ground beside her. She pulled back the mane that had fallen forward over the blood gushing out just above his eye. She laid a hand on his side and put her other hand over his snout. There was no breath. The bullet had done its work instantly. Sitting back on her heels, she dropped her hands in front of her.

Adam knelt at Satan's belly, looking across the dead animal at Shiloh. She wore a deep frown, and her eyes were red and tormented. A tear rolled down her cheek. Without looking at Adam, she wiped the tear away with the cuff of her sleeve, then picked up her rifle and rose. The men stood in silence, watching her walk away, climbing over the fence, and then mounting her horse. She shoved the rifle into the scabbard, looked one more time at Adam, then turned her horse and rode away.

Hoss stood at Adam's side. "Adam, you alright?"

He continued to look across the field in the direction she had ridden and nodded. "She's not. Can you run this by yourself?"

"Sure," said Hoss, patting his shoulder. "Go see to her."

Adam rode away in the direction Shiloh had gone, glad that she seemed to be riding toward home. It wasn't long before he discovered she didn't make it very far. He found her horse grazing, and when he looked around he spotted her in the shade of a tree on her hands and knees. He could hear her retch from where he stopped. Dismounting, he grabbed his canteen, and while he walked toward her, he dug his bandana out of his pocket. He sat down on a rock beside her, pouring water on the bandana, wringing it out and handing it to her. She continued to vomit, and by the time she eased back, sitting on her legs, he knew she had lost everything she had eaten for breakfast. After wiping her face with the bandana, she took a drink from the canteen Adam offered her, and spat. She saw the concern on his face, and the anticipation in his eyes for her to talk to him.

"I don't want to talk about it," she answered hoarsely.

"Alright. We'll talk this evening."

"I don't want to talk about it this evening or any other time. It's done. There's nothing I can do about it."

Adam raised his hand to his mouth and considered her. "What are you doing?"

She looked away. "I don't know what you mean." Standing, she turned toward her horse. "I'll put your bandana in with the laundry."

He stood quickly and went after her, taking her arm and turning her back around. "Why are you hiding you're feelings from me? It's as if we're right back where we started when you came home from college."

"Adam, I've come to realize that I haven't been acting like the woman you married. You don't need someone who's crying all the time about…"

"About the things or the people that mean the most to you?" He moved his hands to her cheeks and turned her face up. "I don't want you to hide your feelings from me. Besides your anger, it took a while to get you to show them to me." She jerked her face out of his hands, and began to turn away, but he held her arms. "Where is this coming from?"

"From Will Stewart…and you."

"Me?"

"Will Stewart shattered my confidence in my ability to take care of myself. And you…you… I don't want to be a person who cries every time something doesn't go my way. You have enough to take care of with both ranches, the timber, your work with Slater, and now the mine. You don't need to be holding me up."

With a finger under her chin, he turned her face back to his. "Isn't that what a husband and wife are supposed to do for each other? Sweetheart, I'm supposed to be the one person you can share everything with, and that includes your feelings."

She turned her back to him. "I don't want you to think of me as weak."

He smiled. "Shiloh, I don't think there's a soul who knows you who would ever consider that you're weak. I certainly don't. When you find something you want or even when you see an injustice, you're tenacious in the way you go after it. I actually feel a little sorry for the people who cross you." He pulled her into him and rested his chin on the top of her head. "I want you to share everything with me, including the pain." He looked down at her and brushed his hand over her hair. "I know this has you torn up inside. Let me help."

She didn't cry at first, but Adam knew she was fighting it. Her nostrils were moving in and out at the same time she pressed her lips together. Casting her eyes down, she opened her mouth, but it took several tries for words to form. "I shouldn't have let you try to break him. I knew he was dangerous, but he was no good to me gelded, so I let you, hoping that you could do it." She began to wring her hands. "I took my rifle because I knew how bad it might be. I knew none of you would be near your guns. Besides that, if he had to be put down, it was my responsibility." Tears began to fall. "I held my breath until I knew you were alright, then when I saw him lying there, a creature that had been so alive one minute, and then lifeless the next. He was beautiful. He was perfect." Now she was weeping so hard, she couldn't keep her eyes open. Adam barely understood her last words as she sunk down to her knees. "He almost killed you."

As she buried her face in her hands, he knelt in front of her, surrounding her with his arms. "Shiloh, listen to me. You told me you thought breaking him was a bad idea. But I was determined to try. I already knew how bad he was."

"I don't understand. You wanted me to geld him."

"I did…at first. But I also knew how much he meant to you…to your horse business."

She pushed away, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "He never meant as much to me as you. I don't want you to risk your life like that."

Lifting her to her feet as he stood, he put his arm around her shoulders and walked her to the horses. "Hoss is taking care of everything at the corral. Let's go home."

"Adam," she said, sounding like she had a cold. She took the bandana out of her pocket and blew her nose. "I need to check on Flower's foal. She's down at the big barn."

"Alright, we'll go check on her together."

When they arrived at the big barn where Shiloh kept the mares that needed help foaling or those with weak foals, Adam shoved the big door to the side, and they both stepped in. Flower was in the foaling stall standing over her colt lying in the hay. The colt usually raised its head when the door slid open, but this time he was still. Shiloh stopped in the middle aisle and let Adam pass her. When he leaned against the corral wall and dropped his head, she knew the colt was dead. He looked back at her, and she took a step back, and then moved deeper into the barn. Returning with a piece of cloth, she entered the corral and covered the foal, rubbing the cloth over his body, rump and tail. She haltered Flower and took her and the cloth into the aisle. Adam stepped back out of the way and watched her as she led Flower into another large stall containing an orphaned foal ready to be fed. Placing the cloth on the foal, she pulled Flower closer and let her sniff. Shiloh slowly backed out of the stall and waited.

Walking up next to her, Adam leaned against the corral door and put his arm around her, watching with her. "It's a little late for this," he whispered. "You think it will work?"

"The foals are the same age, but you're right. It's already been a few days," answered Shiloh without taking her eyes off the colt and mare. "She has milk, and this little fella needs milk, so it's worth the try. I don't think she'll hurt him, even if she doesn't accept him. She's always been a good mother."

The foal warily approached the mare, and when he went up under her, Flower sniffed him again, but she didn't move away when the colt began to suckle. Shiloh sighed loudly and smiled tentatively, glancing from the horses to Adam and back to the horses. "Well, I have to tell you," she said with a shaky voice. "I needed this to work."

As they walked back to the front of the barn, Adam said, "I'll get Tom and Johnny to come up and take care of the foal."

She stopped, laying her forehead in her hand. "Tom has been sleeping down here, taking care of Flower's foal…and the rest of them. It's not going to be easy for him. He's gotten attached to them."

"He's going to have to get used to it. I know you think that's heartless of me, but if he doesn't learn to deal with it, he won't last in this business."

"I know. But I want to tell him. I think he'll want to take care of him alone."

Adam thought for a moment, remembering her holding Tom's hand that morning. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, but he thought she might be sending Tom the wrong signals. "Alright," he said, nodding. "Why don't you go get him? I'll wait here and watch Flower…just in case there are any problems with her new foal. Then if he needs help moving the body, I'll be here."

"I'll be back in a few minutes." She tiptoed to kiss him, and he moved his head back and arched an eyebrow. "Oh," she said and covered her mouth. "I forgot."

By the time Shiloh was back with Tom, she had already told him about the foal, and what she had done with Flower and one of the orphaned foals. They walked up behind Adam and peered around him. "How are they doing," asked Shiloh.

"It's already hard to tell he's not hers. Tom, if you need help…"

"That's alright, Mr. Cartwright. I'll take care of Flower's foal. He never really gained much weight, so he's not that heavy." Tom never made eye contact with Adam. He wiped his hands on his jeans and pointed toward the front door. "I…I'll go find a shovel."

Shiloh stepped toward him. "Tom…"

"It's alright, Mrs. Cartwright," he said, backing away. "I'm fine." Turning, he walked quickly out of the barn.

"Adam, do you ever have days that you wish never…occurred?" she asked as she watched Tom leave.

He snorted. "Oh, yeah. Today is one of them. Let's go home," he said, taking her hand and walking her out of the barn.