" Thanks for picking me up and having me over, Diana," said Beth over a glass of lemonade.
" No problem. It's time that car gets used more."
"I'd walk, but it's August in a desert."
" I don't mind, even driving a mile reminds me I'm not helpless. Although, the meds can make it difficult, can't they?"
" For sure. I was wondering what was wrong with me when I first drove again. I don't want to drive alone yet."
" Good choice for now, Beth. How is your program at the hospital?"
" A good reminder of how to best help myself. Or try to, I've had relapses while taking medication and trying my hardest to stay well."
" Me too, so frustrating."
" I should have told you."
" What?"
" I heard voices in your office, whispers."
" Me too, Beth. Symptoms started to get worse when we moved. I first heard voices talking when I was moving things in to my office. The anxiety, paranoia and decline in functioning started a few months before with a mysterious ticking noise in the creepiest and ugliest academic building ever, at night, in grad school."
" The voices came during our first office visit, mockingly telling me to stay safe and laughing. I knew your office was safe."
" This house will always be a safe space for you. I'll help you whenever I'm able."
" My Mom says it would be good to eventually make more friends. I don't know if I want to, now."
" You should Beth. I'm glad I did. They've really helped me through so much. When I was sick, I was worried when you disappeared. I thought I had to rescue you."
" I thought I had to help you. My roommate saved me then, the kindest future nurse, I've ever met. She called my parents. You'd like her. She works at the psych unit at the university hospital, a huge advocate for mental health."
" Wonderful. I was helped by a social work student in the class you were in, Catherine, dark hair, cat eye glasses, almost never jeans. She always wore a Mary medal."
" Oh, I remember her, so nice. We sat next to each other."
" I told the class my delusion, all 30 students knew I was afraid of being killed. She told me she could help. We went to my office, she found out what was going on, got me home safely, thank God."
" Wow."
" Then my priest at the time came to campus to check on me, when I didn't show up for an appointment. He got me to come out under my hiding place under the desk and give me the Blessed Sacrament."
" How comforting. On Sunday I felt comfort when you gave me Jesus."
" Good."
" My mom says I have a few people I can talk too, not just you. I like you, she does too, but.."
" I understand. I lost a best friend as an undergraduate. My world was small, then I had trouble socializing once I moved to Vegas. Then, I found more friends when I left the hospital."
" Are we only friends because of our delusions involving each other?"
" No, Beth. I like you for who you are, not because some voices years ago told me something."
" Ok, some friends from the hospital, I wonder if we are friends, just because we are sick."
" That's not us, Beth. We have mutual interests. When I was an undergrad, I had a friendship with a professor too. She helped me through trauma, yes, but it was our personalities, love for medieval Literature and discussions that kept us friends."
" Ok, I drifted away from my other friends. They leave messages on my answering machine asking if I'm ready to hang out. I really should set something up, use my calendar, but I want to work too."
" You want to work half days, right. You don't have to do something after work every day. Sometimes, a short walk is the only getting out of the house for me."
" Dealing with mental illness is hard when you live alone. You have to calm yourself. The coping is all on you."
" Beth, call me or your parents, or your therapist if you need to ok?"
" I will. Recovery is so hard. Every bad moment, bad day,I get so afraid of relapsing."
" I have too, Beth. Some days, you have to praise yourself for getting out of bed and eating, if that's all you can do."
" I'll try to remember that, Diana."
" Spencer should be home soon. He talks a lot. He tries very hard to be aware of his rambling, but it can be overwhelming. He's extremely intelligent."
A minute later, Spencer walked in the door.
" I'm home, Mom!," Spencer declared.
" Spencer, this is my friend, Beth. Since she is an adult, I want you to call her Ms. Beth."
" When do I get to use first names alone?"
" When you are in high school."
" 2 more years, ok."
Beth's mouth dropped open.
" I told you he he was bright, didn't I? I call him my little professor." Diana got out the fixings for peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches, while Spencer talked to Beth.
" I hope you continue to feel better. When I feel anxious or depressed, I do Math problems. When my Mom is depressed, I read 15 century literature to her."
" How nice, Spencer. I like to listen to music when I'm upset."
" Spencer, everything is in reach for you to make a sandwich. I'm going to be back in a few minutes. I'm going to take Beth home."
As soon as they got in the car Beth asked," How do you do it?"
" Do what?"
" Raise a child, be a wife, have a social life, take care of yourself."
" It's hard Beth, very hard. I have busy days and lazy days. On lazy days, I nap and stay home most of the day. Then the next day I may have 2 or three events, always with time in between. If I work again, I couldn't do a full day, then do household and family things."
" You accept you aren't teaching and researching?"
" Very reluctantly, my friend. I miss it, I really do."
" Me too."
" We still have a lot to give this world. I'd love to have you join the support group at the parish. We talk like this all the time."
" What day is it?"
" Friday, at 4:30. I like ending the week like that. I'm so glad I can get to your place without going on the highway."
" They stress me out too. Have a good night. Tell William, I said hi." Diana was pulling into Beth's apartment building's parking lot.
" Do you want me to pick you up for support group?"
" Please."
Ok, I'll see you at 4:15 tomorrow?"
" Yes, thank you, Diana."
When Diana got home, she was glad there were leftovers from the night before, dinner would be easy that night. She kicked off her shoes, put on some Carole King and lay on the couch, lounging and doing deep breathing.
" I'm home," called William.
" I'm in the living room," called out Diana. She was not her mother. She was mentally exhausted and was staying put. William knew if he wanted a drink, he could make his own.
" How's it going,Diana?" Can I get you anything?"
" I've had a long day, a good one, but tiring. Can you get me glass of water?"
" Of course, then I'll go change. Spencer already done with homework?"
" I think so."
I'm not surprised. I'll go say hi."
" Ok." I'm so grateful I live with family, thought Diana. I understand why Beth enjoys her weekends at home. Thank God for support. Having mental illness is no picnic.
