Crimson Stained
Chapter 50
Stages of Grief
Tamashi held Nikushimi's looted battle fans between dainty fingers with her nails digging into the rough fabric of the actual fan. Tamashi rubbed the fabric with her nails and hummed in approval. Nikushimi watched from her wheelchair as Tamashi dragged her painted, sharpened nails down the fan. It made a quiet but hideous noise and Tamashi smiled.
"This is a pretty good quality battle fan. This fabric is threaded with dulled iron wire so it won't rip." Tamashi observed before she took her palm and ran it along the bladed edges of one of the fans.
Tamashi criticized the fan, "This is pretty dull but you haven't been taking care of it so that's acceptable. I'll show you how to sharpen it but for now it's better that it's dull so that you don't slice off a finger."
Nikushimi wiggled her fingers in agreement. Tamashi tossed the fans into the air and moved them around sharply. In the silence of the hospital courtyard all that could be heard was the material of the fan being opened and closed quickly. Nikushimi thought Tamashi looked like she was juggling but Tamashi's face was tensed in concentration and she didn't toss the fan too often, rather she was using them similarly to kunai. Finally, Tamashi's performance came to a close and she closed both fans and dropped them in her pouch.
"Typically, battle fans are versatile weapons. Fans, regular fans, are used in dance and they are light and feathery. Battle fans are unique in that they can go either way in regards to harsh or soft. You will be learning a mixture of both." Tamashi looked up at the sky and estimated the time based off the suns position and her internal clock, "I'm going to take these and have them evaluated at Tentsu's Weaponry to make sure they're not sealed or in worse condition than they seem."
"Sounds good, how long will that take?" Nikushimi inquired curiously.
Tamashi shrugged, "Well, if it takes too long you're stuck out here so..."
Nikushimi gaped at her shishou as the green haired woman saluted her student cheerfully and leapt over the hospital courtyard's wall. Nikushimi looked at her wheelchair and took the wheels and tried to roll herself. There was a click and Nikushimi really wanted to hit her shishou. Her goddamn wheelchair was locked. So that was why Tamashi told her she was stuck out here.
Nikushimi debated if crawling back to the building was worth it but she found that the nurses probably wouldn't appreciate her crawling to them while dragging her leg stump behind her. Speaking of which, Nikushimi's chakra was nearly full enough for her to attempt recreating her missing kidney. Nikushimi meditated for awhile and followed the chakra she could sense through her body. Her chakra was slow and heavy unlike the free watery movements of a normal chakra system. Finally when Nikushimi caught a flash of a light color in the corner of her eye she called to the nurse.
"Do I look like a nurse to you?" drawled the silver haired teenager Nikushimi hadn't seen since their failed recovery.
"Kakashi!" Nikushimi gasped before she narrowed her eyes at him, "It's only been like a month."
Kakashi didn't seem affected by Nikushimi's dry, sardonic tone. Rather he took the bench beside Nikushimi's wheelchair and he looked at Nikushimi's stump without bothering to conceal his staring. Nikushimi wiggled her stump at him and Kakashi looked away. Nikushimi sighed, "You know, generally it's rude to stare at someone's scar."
"It's not really a scar yet."
"Fuck you, Bakashi." Nikushimi retorted.
Kakashi reeled backwards at the name, "Don't call me that!"
"What're you gonna do about it?" Nikushimi challenged, "Fight a cripple?"
"Maybe I will!" threatened Kakashi but his words were dull and both knew the threat was empty.
"Baka-ashi."
But how tempting it was, Kakashi found. But he found he had to look away from Nikushimi as the small spitfire tried to goad him into losing his temper. It hurt him to look at her.
"Baaaaakaaaa-kaaaaakaaaashi."
Kakashi finally sighed, "Please don't call me that."
"And why not?" Nikushimi immediately retorted. But at least she had stopped the chant of that ridiculous name.
"It reminds me of... Obito." Kakashi looked away and Nikushimi fell silent as she looked over the silver haired teenager. He looked tired, she realized. More tired than even Moyasu or Tamashi who had many restless nights because of her.
Kakashi let out a defeated moan and sunk into the bench. He slouched over and Nikushimi tried to reach him to put a comforting hand on his shoulder but her small arms couldn't reach from her spot in her wheelchair. She resorted to trying to pep talk him, "Don't look so down... I mean, if either of us should be down it should be me."
"It's all my fault." Kakashi snorted, "Obito's dead because of me. I killed Rin with my own hand. And now you're handicapped. I shouldn't have brought you along. You're just a Genin!"
Kakashi ran a hand through his hair and his wide eye looked at Nikushimi's stump, "It's all my fault you'll never walk again!"
"Kakashi-"
"You're missing a leg because of me! How can you stand to sit here and talk to me?!"
"Kaka-"
Kakashi pulled at his hair, "I can't be forgiven. I killed Rin, Obito, and now I've destroyed you-"
Nikushimi had enough. She vaulted herself out of her wheelchair and before she cracked her head into the bench she grabbed a handful of Kakashi's vest and pulled herself up. Kakashi stopped to choke as she grabbed the collar of his vest and she pulled herself up so they were nose to nose. Nikushimi leaned heavily on her good leg on the bench while she set her stump on Kakashi's knee for leverage.
"Shut up!" Nikushimi snarled, "Listen to me, Bakashi!"
Nikushimi shook his head back and forth for a moment to make sure he was awake and paying attention to her. Nikushimi let go of his collar and jabbed a finger into his chest harshly, "You are not at fault for anything. You didn't kill Obito, the war did. And Rin chose her own fate. She chose to sacrifice herself. I don't know what was real or what was me hallucinating but I know for a fact that Rin chose her own fate and you don't get to sit here and blame yourself when there's no reason to blame you."
Kakashi sat up straight and nearly knocked Nikushimi off. He caught her and with tears brimming in his eye he said, "Obito died because I made a bad decision and I should have been able to stop before Rin and I should have made you stay with Moyasu-"
"No!" Nikushimi shouted and her eyes met his, "You don't get to make my decisions for me. I chose to go and lose my leg and if I had the chance to redo that, I still would because who knows what would have happened to you if I hadn't been there."
"But I'm fine and would have been fine and now you're missing a goddamn leg!" Kakashi retorted.
Nikushimi laughed and nearly fell off Kakashi again but she steadied herself by grabbing his hair, "Idiot, who do you think I am?"
"You can't possibly regrow a leg-"
"Not regrow."
Nikushimi smiled.
"Reattach."
And Kakashi tossed the cripple onto the ground and didn't feel any remorse when she grunted and rolled to protect her side. Ok, maybe he felt a bit of remorse when the flashbacks came with the crimson liquid spilling from her side and a sword ripping through her so small body. Kakashi watched Nikushimi push herself in a sitting position and complain that he was so cruel to a cripple such as herself.
"You'll live." Kakashi snorted and looked away, "I can't believe I was worried about you."
"You worried about me?" Nikushimi inquired, blinking at the odd silver haired teenager.
"Tch, Obito isn't around for him to do it." was Kakashi's explanation.
"Gosh, what are you, bipolar today?" Nikushimi complained, "Are you in the stages of grief or something?"
"Maybe I am, but shouldn't you be too?" Kakashi countered.
Nikushimi sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "Certainly I've been mourning but only in my free time."
"You're stuck in a wheelchair, all you have is free time." Kakashi demurred.
"Lies!" Nikushimi cried, "Shishou's already back to training and Tatakau is a nightmare when he visits and I have to train my chakra and I have to duplicate a kidney-"
"Duplicate a kidney?" a mystified Kakashi questioned with a bit more than a hint of disbelief in his tone.
"One of mine kind of got left on the battlefield."
Kakashi put a hand to his face and let out probably the deepest sigh Nikushimi had ever heard. Kakashi didn't even bother to ask how she was going to duplicate a kidney, nor did he want to know what else was wrong with her. Deciding it was time to leave Kakashi replaced himself with a conveniently placed broken branch in one of the trees just outside the walls of the hospital courtyard. Nikushimi was just inside his hearing range and he heard her squawk at his sudden disappearance.
"Bakashi get back here!" she screamed and Kakashi found leaving her stranded was a much better idea. Especially with that new nickname she was using. But he was relieved that she didn't hate him.
"See?" Minato smirked as he perched next to his student on a roof.
Kakashi frowned and looked away from his sensei. Minato didn't gloat, rather he simply cheerfully and pridefully said, "I told you that she wouldn't resent you. Isn't it nice that Nikushimi's such a good friend?"
"Shouldn't you also be grieving?" Kakashi retorted hotly.
Minato ruffled his students hair as he tried to get around him. Minato looked up at the sky with hardened eyes and murmured, "I have a flee on sight order on me now. To get that, I've had to witness more than I care to share. Eventually you'll learn to grieve and get over it because that's how it is for a Jounin."
Kakashi didn't respond to that and he disappeared with another well placed replacement. Minato put his hands in his pockets and looked over the hospital wall to find Nikushimi struggling to get back in her wheelchair.
"How sad." Minato hummed, "That this generation is growing up so fast."
Nikushimi was eventually found by a nurse and wheeled back to her room. After the nurse settled Nikushimi back into her bed Nikushimi turned off the lights and allowed the sunset to paint her room from the cracked blinds. She stared up at the ceiling and tried to lull herself into meditation but she just couldn't get herself into such a peaceful mind state.
"Maybe I am, but shouldn't you be too?"
Was she cruel for not immediately mourning Rin? Sure she was sad, devastated even. But compared to losing Obito, Rin had merely been a knock to the head. Losing Obito had been losing everything and feeling like she had been killed alongside him. Rin hadn't been anything close to what Obito had been. She hadn't been a precious teammate to her like she had been to Kakashi. Rin had been a friend, but as Tamashi had once said. The general time of mourning is a day, maybe two for an acquaintance for a ninja. A friend or squad mate is a week with a lifetime of remembering them. A lover, she had said, was quite different.
"I don't know what was real or what was me hallucinating but I know for a fact that Rin chose her own fate and you don't get to sit here and blame yourself when there's no reason to blame you."
Nikushimi chuckled to herself, "Mm, I wonder if a Genin can commission personal missions?"
She certainly wouldn't mind going to check for herself where Obito had died and where she had almost died. Perhaps Nikushimi simply wasn't done grieving and she was truly hallucinating but on the chance she wasn't... Nikushimi was willing to bet everything on that chance.
Sure, losing a friend hurt. But losing someone so special as Obito was beyond the pain that a friend could ever be.
AN
I'm enjoying myself. I'm debating my course of action. There's a plot point I want to add but I can also skip it. Not sure what I want to do.
Also I might go back and start redoing some older chapters. Because WE'RE ON CHAPTER FIFTY. CHAPTER FIFTY OMG. I started this story in eighth grade and I'm in eleventh now. Time flies.
Fun Fact- Losing someone is awful and I wish I could be as conditioned to death as my version of a ninja would be.
Thanks to the following for reviewing:
ZabuzasGirl Nandeenah
Kragh50
Harlie-LOTR-4ever
