A/n: With the coming of Chapter 50, today, June 24, 2009, I am putting this story on a Summer Hiatus. It is most definitely temporary: I very much enjoy writing this; however, I found it to be time-consuming, and I wanted to start some new projects, with the coming of summer break. Although I'm not sure just when this will be restarted, I can say that it will probably be either on the one-year anniversary of the publication, or early September. As always, reviews are appreciated, and I will seriously consider any chapter ideas submitted.


A Brief Note on the Creation of this Chapter

This was originally written for Inbox, a collaboration-turned-round-robin story created by Mathematica and Frodogenic, and published under Mathematica's account. Inbox ended before this was posted, for reasons that I'm pretty weren't, "Oh, no! We have to publish another one of Mac's chapters! Quick, end the story!". Anyway, I highly recommend it as a story; it's one of the funniest out there. Also, I got permission from both authors for me to repost the chapter, after edits, here. (Funny thing, it started out as Captain Cody's Inbox, and now it's Rex's.)


Greetings, you- who- has -a-higher–rank –in –the –galaxy –than –me -unless –you –are –a –Separatist –in -which -case –you –are -the- galaxy's-lowest-beings. Except for bounty hunters, excluding Jango, the Father of us All. You've reached the inbox of the man commonly known as Clone Captain Joe "Rex" Baldhead, although I also go by C #1234565456432434323. For you that didn't catch that, it's C#1234565456432434323, not to be confused with C #1234565456432434324, or anything silly like that. Please leave a message after the beep, which, for you hearing impaired beings, and my wonderful girlfriend from the planet Kaerbtraeh, comes three standard seconds after the end of this message. Did you catch that? Okay, good. No offense, Jessica, but you haven't been calling me, so I assumed that my com-link is malfunctioning. No worries; it does that sometimes!

Clone Captains: "Live to serve, and um… Live to serve!"

-beep-

This is Anakin Skywalker, your loyal General, calling to congratulate you on a job well done! Keep on defending your wonderful Republic! Sheesh, Obi-Wan, I don't see why I have to do this. You know that most of these troopers will be dead within one standard week. What do you mean they can hear me?

-beep-

Hello! This is Chancellor Palatine's Friendly Clone Trooper Poll of the Week: Do you prefer the name Peacetroopers or Stormtroopers? Thank you! Your individual opinion counts!

-beep-

This is your brother, Cody, C #1234565456432434324. Look, could I, um, borrow your name for the standard weekend? Please don't ask any questions.

-beep-

Yousa friend Jar-Jar here! Mesa wants to train today. Mesa sorry for last time! Glad your new kidney is working.

-beep-

This is the Kaminoian Public Library. Your copy of "Putting the You in Unique" by Sir I.M Nota Clone is one year, nine months, two weeks and three standard days overdue. You have amassed a fine of five hundred Kaminoian credits. For the sake of our other patrons, you may not take out anymore items until it has been paid. And despite previous comments, we do have other partisans. In fact, we have ten whole supporters! Most only like the Holo-CDs, but still.

-beep-

Like, hi! This is like, Jessica, the woman from Kaerbtraeh. Just checking to see how you are! Like, gee, it sure isn't easy keeping an interstellar relationship.

-beep-

Hello! This is Ahsoka Tano. Um… I really admire you. Do you think that we could go out for a latte sometime? Kthnxbai!

-beep-

This is battle droid # 9784659829. You killed my best friend, BD #98765767575756. This may result in deadly consequences. Roger, roger.

-beep-

Like, hi! My name is Tango! I was, like, given up at birth, but I recently searched for my parents, and, like guess what! I totally have a brother! And like, my BFF Jessica went out with you, and like, got a sample of your hair for me! We, like, totally have the same parents! OMG! Like, call me back!

-beep-

Greetings, brave soldier! This is the Society that is not for the Immoral Treatment of Humans (SITH). We believe that clones are people too! Come with us and be liberated! Live a real life! Get away from that pathetic organization that claims to rule fairly! Ahem. I mean, please consider joining our cause today!

-beep-

Oh, Anakin! You know who it is! Why don't you come over later tonight, and we'll "talk" about "the republic"… Hey! Wait a (standard) minute! This isn't your number. *cough* I'm sorry for bothering you, sir. Senator Amidala out.

-beep-

This is Sir I.M. Nota Clone. I'm sorry that my bestselling novel didn't help you, but for what it's worth, it wasn't intended for actual clones. Some interesting reading for you might be "You are You and Nobody Else!" by Eyeam Not Sir I.M Nota Clone. It spent three weeks at the top of the Coruscant's Best Selling First Novels list!

-beep-

Hello, this is the Make Your Own Pair of Contacts Company. Your contacts, in the shade that you named "Captain Oddball's Blood Color" are ready for delivery. They will be fifty republican credits. Thank you for choosing the Make Your Own Pair of Contacts Company! "Uniqueness is our specialty."

-beep-

It's Jessica again! I can't believe that you and Tango are siblings! Like, we've been best friends for practically forever, or at least almost a standard year! If we got married, then I would be her sister! That would be, like, so cool!

-beep-

Cody, it's C #12345678909. I gave up half of my fracking kidney for you. You could at least thank me.

-beep-

This is the Coruscanti Public Library. Your copy of "You are You and Nobody Else!" by Eyeam Not Sir I.M Nota Clone is two weeks overdue. This wouldn't matter if you were someone with a soul, but we at the Library don't think that clones are people too. You have amassed a fine of fifty republican credits. Please come back when you have paid the fine and gotten a soul.

-beep-

'Soka again! Last night was really fun! We should totally do it again. Oh, and could you please not mention this to master? After the last, erm, "incident" he said that I wasn't allowed to be around people except for business reasons. Kthnxbai.

-beep-

Hello, Clone #1234565456432434323! We at Coruscant Credit Union greatly value the way you've won us the freedom to call all numbers, even the private and unlisted ones, just to advertise! Even though you're technically only three standard years old, we'd like to honor you with the Coruscant Credit Union Quadranium Club Card! It works on any planet (Excluding all planets not in the republic). Experience the benefits fit for a Chancellor. Sign up today! Stars Above, I hate this job. Ya know, Barbara, no one has bought this card in forty-five years, that's what I heard. Do you think that all of the sentient beings in the galaxy have started suspecting that it's a sham? Oh, wait, he can still hear me-

-beep-

Anakin, where are you? You know that Rex isn't that good a captain; he can't lead all of the clones by himself! He needs someone to keep him in line- Oh! Hello, Clone Captain Rex! You know, your com-number is but a single digit away from Anakin's.

-beep-

If BD #9784659829 calls again, tell him that he's a good-for-nothing republic lover. And tell him that I'm not dead! Roger, roger.

-beep-

Hello! This is Chancellor Palatine's Friendly Clone Trooper Poll of the Week: Do you think that your overlord should wear black or white? Thank you for voting; your opinion as an individual matters!

-beep-

This is the SITH again! Please reconsider your decision! You'll find that we can be very persuasive!

-beep-

This is the Galaxy Wide Bookstore (Disclaimer: We are not actually galaxy-wide, nor do we claim to be.). You ordered a copy of "Why no Book That Explains The Secret of Individualism is Real, Except for This One", by Uniquer Thanu. That will be twenty-five republican credits. We deliver on Coruscant only.

-beep-

Hi! Are you the author of "A Clone's Life: The Depressing Truth, Now With Detailed Maps!"? Because it was your com-number that was given on the back. I have to say, it was one of the worst books I've read in a long time. I mean, your conclusion was that there was no hope for you in life. What kind of a message is that to put in a picture book intended for younglings under eight standard cycles? Also, I thought that the sort of maps that you put in the back (especially the one that shows a floor-by-floor model of who lives where in 500 Republica, which was completely irrelevant to the entire plot) are considered classified material. Rest assured, I will be investigating further. Just warning you; A. Reader.

-beep-

C #12345678909 here. No, I'm not giving you half my soul, you good-for-nothing-Separatist-lover-who-has-half-of-my-kidney!

-beep-

The SITH here! We would be more than happy to press charges against the Coruscanti Public Library. We don't like them. They're always reading, or something, there! That's a sign that they're a Jolly Elf who Defends Insane folk (JEDI). No one likes a JEDI!

-beep-

Cody here. Look you said that I could borrow your name for a weekend, and I really wanted to get that book published without a lawsuit being filed against me. Anyway, essentially we have the same soul. When one brother suffers, we all suffer. Right?

-beep-

Hello, this is Senator Amidala's Bribing Company (Disclaimer: According to Senator Amidala, we are not associated with her in any way.)! We received word from "a little Tatooine Sand Dove" that you had unintentionally intercepted a call meant for a certain Senator Amidala. We're willing to pay to make sure that this stays a secret. Why don't you call back, and we'll negotiate.

-beep-

This is the Coruscant Credit Union! We recently received word that you got a call revealing that this is all a scam. This, of course, isn't true! Who ever heard of a credit-chip scam? You can sleep well knowing that the employee who was such an idle gossiper was fired. Because of this unfortunate happening, we would like to offer you a discount! Purchase your own solid-gold credit chip for half of the original price because of our kind hearts (Disclaimer: The solid-gold credit-chip is meant for decoration only)! Buy yours for two-thousand, fifty credits today!

-beep-

This is the Galactic Privacy Association (GPA). You are currently being sued for twenty billion credits total because of the maps printed that exposed all of the senator's secrets in your youngling's book, "A Clone's Life: The Depressing Truth, Now With Detailed Maps!". Senator Amidala leads the race, suing you for nineteen billion for claiming that she is having a love affair with a Jedi Knight, while various others make up the rest. The specifics will be sent to you at a later time, Right now, I would get a good lawyer.

-beep-

Like, this is Jessica. I'm not, like, going out with a guy who gets himself sued. I've found someone else. Get lost, loser! Oh, Cody! Wait a minute; like, how do you turn off these Republican com-links? *Faint sounds that indicate movement are heard in the background* Cody, that Rex must have been a bad seed. *A voice is heard saying something to the effects of "I'm not like him, babe"* Oh, I know, C-

-beep-

This is 'Soka. Sorry, but I do have a reputation. So, you know, I think we should take a break from each other. A long break.

-beep-

Hello! This is Chancellor Papaltine! I've come up with some spiffy new rules! Here they are, in order:

Order 60: If any maps of 500 Republica are published, the Clone responsible must personally clean up the outhouses whenever they're in a primitive camp.

Order 61: All Clones shall be called Joe.

Order 62: All of the Joes shall have a title before their name so that the SITH can't accuse me of taking away all of your individuality.

Order 63: Any Clones caught fraternizing with Padawans can and probably will face charges, regardless of who initiated the first move. This may change Master to Master.

Order 64: You must know that the SITH are good, and the JEDI hate you all, and would love to see your white-clad bodies lying before them.

Order 66: When I give the word, all Jedi (unabbreviated) have turned against you, and you are to kill them all.

Order 67: Anyone who reveals Order 66 to the Jedi will be killed.

Order 68: Bet you didn't notice that there's no Order 65!

Order 69: Now I'm just babbling.

Order 70: It's lonely to be the most important man in the galaxy.

Order 71: So, anyone here have the Coruscant Credit Union Quadranium Club Card?

-beep-

General Skywalker here. Will you please change your thrice-cursed com-number?! No scratch that: You have to change your com-number, and that's an order.

-beep-

Like, this is Tango. Like, I don't want to be associated with anyone who's in galactic trouble. Like, my only brother is Captain Cody! He's, like, awesome!

-beep-

Mesa again! Mesa not gonna associate with you anymore. Mesa sorry, but yousa ruin my reputation!

-beep-

Jango Fett's Force-ghost here! So, how're you doing, son #1234565456432434323?

-beep-

This is Spare Parts Joe; that's C #12345678909 to you! I want my fracking kidney back.

-beep-

Welcome home, Unique Clone Captain #5. You have 275 unread messages in your GalacticTech inbox.