A/N: Song lyrics in italics don't belong to me, I'm not quite sure who they belong to but they're not mine. And they're out of order...

Recap: House gets drunk enough to go into the wrong apartment even though he's not supposed to be drinking at all, Wilson was not pleased about having to interrupt sex with Sam to learn this. House finds out Wilson's bribing his team to go out with House. Wilson tries to say he does it for House but House gets him to admit he's doing it for himself. Cuddy asks him out on her own as friends, he turns her down and drinks alone in his office.

The Choice

I've lost him. It's...beyond help, now. They'll break up on their own, I don't know when, but it's not going to be because of me.

Least Wilson admitted being selfish for once. Had to drag it out of him. Pretends. My best interests. Liar. Just him. Him 'n Sam. He was mad when he opened the door. He was fucking her. He didn't even know I wasn't there. He would have done it with me in the next room. Didn't even care.

He doesn't know. He doesn't know what I would have thought, listening to them. What I'd've had to go through.

What's up with Cuddy? Now all of a sudden she cares. Now that Wilson doesn't anymore. Now you've got my back? Why? She didn't care when I got so high off Vicodin I needed to go to Mayfield. She just went to Chase and Cameron's wedding. I told her I needed help, she dropped me off with Wilson.

Why's she care now? She found out how drunk I got, she was concerned for me. She asked about me. Lucas not all he's cracked up to be? What?

She doesn't want me. She wants someone who can take care of her baby. How'm'I gonna take care of her baby if I'm drunk?

She said she wanted to be friends. Told her no. Friends the last thing I wanna be. That's what I said to her. We could have sex, or we don't. Not in between. Didn't say that part to her, just thought about it. Still... Think it hurt her feelings. Whatever. Shouldn't surprise her. I hurt her feelings before. When we kissed. The real kiss, not the hallucination. After...she doesn't know what she wants. She came to me. I felt her up. She was disappointed. Upset. Feelings were hurt.

She's gotta know what to expect from me. Gonna be me. Gonna be selfish. If something's really serious going on then I'll care. I know the difference. When it's something really big, really important, life or death, I'm there and I care and you'll know I care. It's just the little stuff. I'm not gonna change. I'm an...ass. It's what everyone says. People that don't know me and people that do. Ass. Even tried to break up Sam 'n Wilson. Even...

I stopped doing that. Said I did it for him. Think that's why I did it. Let him bribe my employees, go out with me, he can have the night alone with her. He said it was for him. I said okay. For him. He didn't even notice. Not really. I mean, what do I do for him? Little stuff? I'm annoying. I don't do little stuff for him. I do big stuff for him. Usually it's my fault he needs the big stuff done anyway, but I do it. Not little stuff. I do little stuff for me.

Was this for me? It wasn't fun. When I get drunk it's whatever, but they're not the same as Wilson. It's not even that I'm not in love with them. Wilson's my friend. They're not. There's reasons for that. I like him and I can stand him. It's not the same with them. They're colleagues, not friends. And they work for me, so there's a line there. Not friends. They can be friends with each other, not me. So what did I get out of this? Anything? Not having to hear Wilson making love to the...thing. Oh, they paid for the drinks. Cause I'm not a doctor and buying my own beers really puts a dent in my checking account.

Cuddy wanted to buy me dinner. What did she really want? She could have lied to me about Wilson. Maybe he did pay her off too. She really want me? Maybe she does. She said it was just friends. Maybe she wants it to lead to more.

But she can't. She's my boss. She's involved. She wants me, she should tell me.

But she doesn't know what she wants. Maybe she wants to spend time with me, figure it out.

Cuddy, you've had years to figure it out. We've kissed. I've hallucinated sex. You confessed twenty-five year old love to me and I confessed ongoing love to you. And we're still nothing. Want me or don't want me.

Do I want her? She's looking good right about now. Anything, so I don't have to think about it.

That's what I got out of our little nights out. A little while not having to think about it.

World, it's his, his and hers alone...
I'd rather live in his world
Than without him in mine
I know he's leaving...

Yeah, it didn't really work. With Cuddy it might work for awhile. Not thinking about it. The booze doesn't work. Cause what am I doing? Yeah, I'm thinking about it. I'm a fucking mess. It's pathetic. Gotta not do this. Thirteen...she was talking to me about self pity. Yeah.

It's for Wilson. Gotta remember it's for Wilson. He gets to be happy. Yeah, he gets to be happy. It's good for him, right? And if he's happy, I'm...