Chapter 54
Sorry I haven't posted earlier. My kitchen is currently invaded with tons of cookies, streusel bars, blondies, brownies, French butter cookies... You name it! for a charity event I'm catering to. Hopefully things will get a little bit less crazy on Sunday and you'll get another update with spoilers for Vegas!
Have any of you read the prequel to this story? I got no reviews so I don't know if you liked it... Sigh... I live on feedback, remember? (and snickerdoodle mug cakes!)
Spoilers for Remnants
"Hey, there you are!" she exclaims, finally finding them on the balcony near the mess hall. She's just seen Rodney frown and John smirk at him and then Mr Woolsey pat his shoulder sympathetically. "What's going on?" she asks, her eyes sweeping the gang sitting around the table. She's glad to see Mr Woolsey has joined them all, which is a first. She lifts her eyebrows expectantly.
John smirks once more. "Let's say McKay had a run in with one of his fantasies!"
"Hey," Rodney protests. "I was not the only one as I recall..." He gives John a knowing look.
She sees him pout. Mr Woolsey looks embarrassed too. "So? What's going on?" she insists. "Anything interesting while I was away?"
John stands and offers her his seat then grabs another one to sit next to her. "Had a nice trip?" he asks conversationally.
"John, don't deflect my questions!" she points out. He bites his bottom lip, making everyone laugh. "Busted, buddy," Ronon smirks.
"Can we talk about it later?" he insists. "I really want to know how it went on MPX-407." He's finally allowed her to go with a team she's assembled to put the final touch to the trade treaty she's been working on for months. He's agreed she has always done a good job uniting their allies around trade negociations and deserved to be at the negociation table. Now, the work is almost complete.
"The preliminary text's been drafted and approved by all delegates present. Signing it will only be a formality," she adds for Woolsey's sake who nods at her approvingly.
"You did an excellent job, Ms Léger," he compliments her, making her blush.
"Thank you, Sir." John notices she doesn't try to elude the compliment as she used to not long ago. She's changed, become more confident, and if he's honest with himself, granting her his trust must have something to do with it. Woolsey has advised him to let find her pace and it's actually done wonders, though they're still uncomfortable around each other.
"How did it go with the team?" John can't help asking. She glances at him and bites her bottom lip. "It's not a tricky question, Louise. I really want to know and before you say anything, I didn't ask Major Teldy how you fared..." he elaborates.
She sighs and smiles at him. Earning his trust is something she's thought unantainable until now. "It went really well, John. I enjoyed my time with them, felt secure, and I'm sure they'll tell you I did my best not to get in their way."
"No straying, not rebelling against Teldy's orders?" he teases her.
She chuckles and shakes her head. "No, Sir, I was as good as gold."
He rubs her arm affectionately. "That's my girl!" He sees Woolsey pout and glances towards Louise but she gives no sign of exasperation. Quite the contrary, actually.
Woolsey relaxes in his chair. "We had a rough day, Ms Léger, so if that can wait, we'll debrief tomorrow," he says before standing. "If you'll all excuse me, I think I'll retire for the night." He nods at them all and heads back inside.
John turns to Louise. "Hey, have you had dinner?" he worries.
She lifts her eyebrows. "Being gentlemanly here," he amends hurriedly, "not pushy or anything, OK?"
She chuckles. "OK. No, I haven't had dinner but it can wait."
The others look at each other briefly and stand, all finding excuses to go their own way. She looks bemused. "What did I say?" she worries.
John chuckles. "Nothing. I think they all need to rest after the day we've had and you, lady, need to eat. Get your meds. I'll get you a tray. I mean, if you don't mind..." he adds cautiously.
She smiles. "I don't mind. Oh, and by the way," she adds casually, before leaving for the kitchen, "I like the new John."
They end up discussing her mission while she eats her dinner. He's gotten himself a second helping of cake and a cup of coffee and keeps her company as most people have already headed back inside. "So, you had fun, I gather?" he prods when she's finished filling him in on the events. She spent two whole days there and though he'd been tempted to accompany her, he'd opted out, not wanting to smother her.
She nods enthusiastically. He sighs with content, seeing how happiness fits her like a glove. "You?" she asks and he flinches.
"I thought you were going to the mainland with that cute little scientist," she prods, tickling him. When she's happy, it seems easier for her to fall back into their routine and not care about what people might think of how close they sometimes get. He hates the fact it's taken him so long to see that. He would have acted very different, had he not been so blind. Seeing other people too is part of his strategy. He knows he's crowded her. She needs to see him as his old self too.
He tickles her back. "Well, didn't turn out how I expected." He leans towards her conspiratorially. "She's a bore..."
She giggles. "Oh, God, John, you'll never cease to amaze me!"
He pouts and leans back in his chair. "How could I know?"
"She's a scientist and you were taking her there for work, not pleasure! What did you expect?" she teases him.
"Well, at least, I thought we'd get to know each other..." he says sheepishly.
Louise snorts so he rolls his eyes. "You've got your mind in the gutter, sweetie," he growls. "Not like that! I thought we could talk about what we had in common... All she does is talk about her work. Hence, boring!"
"You take her there for work, she talks about work," she insists, chuckling. "I don't see what's so wrong!"
"You don't talk about work when we spend time together," he replies pointedly.
She chuckles. "That's because I got the hang of it pretty fast," she counters cockily, waggling her eyebrows.
"That's a pretty arrogant statement," he remarks, smirking. "Think you know me?"
She blushes. "I think I do, yes. You're handsome but act like a schoolboy around girls. You're a badass on the field but you're truly one of the sweetest men I know. You act stupid with McKay but I know better. It's just a way of making him keep to the Cliff Notes so he won't ramble... Shall I go on?" she asks, lifting her eyebrows.
He looks her in the eye and remains silent. She gulps. "I got it wrong?" she insists, looking worried now.
He shakes his head and folds his hand gently around hers. "No, sweetie. You know me alright and I'm so grateful you're my friend."
She looks away but doesn't remove her hand yet. "I'm grateful you're my friend too, John."
The moment is too intense for them both so she leans back in her chair, finally disentangling their hands.
"I'm handsome?" he teases her.
She turns to him and shakes her head at his antics. "And impossible too!"
They fall silent again, just enjoying the moment. The sun has set and the lights have come on everywhere in the City. "We've been here almost five years," she remarks softly, "and not once have I ceased to be utterly awed by this sight."
He nods. "I know. I also know you come here almost every single night to admire the view."
She looks at him, amazed. "How?"
"Chuck told me once, a long time ago. I kind of like it here too. I see you sometimes..." he answers sheepishly. He doesn't want her to think he's stalking her.
"How come you never join me then?" she asks and is rewarded with a smile.
"Is that an invitation?" he asks hopefully. It's not easy for them these days. He'd not expected that kind of answer.
"Yes, it is. We're friends. It would be nice to reconnect somehow," she says with a sigh.
She fall silent again and closes her eyes. "Don't you sometimes feel as if it were humming to us?" she whispers.
"The City, you mean?"
She opens her eyes and looks into his own. "Yes. She makes me feel like I belong, you know."
He nods. He feels the same.
"I... It's one of my greatest fears, John. That one day, all this would cease to exist for me."
He watches her worriedly. "What do you mean?"
She shrugs. "I have these nightmares where the City is destroyed or taken from us or I'm still there but no one else is around. I wish all this could last forever." He sees tears in her eyes.
"Hey," he says, leaning towards her, "those last five years have not been easy but we survived and we're still here, on Atlantis. I won't make promises I can't keep and I certainly don't know what the future has in store for us but we'll do everything to remain here, on this City." He sighs seeing how forlorn she is and thinks of his own fears. "I didn't know you had those nightmares, Louise. Why didn't you tell me?"
She shrugs. "You're busy. Got tons of responsibilities. I didn't want to bother you. They're just stupid nightmares anyway."
"I can always make time for you," he counters, berating himself for not making it clear to her he's there for her no matter what. "I'll always be there for you, Louise. It's no empty promise."
She nods and sighs then she looks up at him, eyes boring into his. "You're so strong and confident and I feel so weak and useless. Teldy told me how you handled those monsters on that planet with her team. She said even she got scared but you never did – you never do," she sighs.
He chuckles humorlessly. "Yeah, sure. That's what I thought too..."
She lifts her eyebrows expectantly so he elaborates, explaining to her what had happened earlier, not lingering on his own experience though. She sees his discomfort. "What really happened to you, John?" she prods gently.
He huffs. "Look, I don't really want to relive it."
She pouts. "OK, but you know, sometimes all it takes to make a nightmare disappear is talk about it."
He looks away so she stands. "Should you ever want to talk about it, John, I'll be there for you," she says, rounding the table and kissing his cheek. She's not done that in eons and he feels touched. "Stay," he says on the spur of the moment.
"You sure?"
He gives her a tense smile and pushes a chair towards her for her to sit. "I was attacked by a vision of Koyla, then beaten up, maimed and almost killed in a fall from a cliff." She gasps. He pats her hands she's folded on the table. "It was just a vision, Louise. It was never real. Thing is, it was me doing that to myself. So you see, among my greatest fears is not death but my inability to protect the City, protect you all and having all this taken away from me. We're not really different, you and I. How many times have you hurt yourself thinking you were doing it for the good of others?" She pouts and stands and he looks up in alarm. "I didn't mean to push your buttons, Louise, please, listen..." She smiles at him and holds out her hand. "It's OK. And you're right. And I'm sorry you had to go through this, John, to face your fears. What we do with our fears is a different matter."
He takes her hand and stands. "You mentioned your nightmares. Have you managed to tame yours?" he asks as they make their way to the kitchen, side by side.
She shrugs. "I'm learning to cope with them. The oldest ones are easier now. The most recent ones... I don't know. I just think I need more time and a reprieve. We've had so many bad things coming our way these last few years, it would be nice to have good news for a change."
He bites his bottom lip. "This is something I cannot promise you, sweetie."
She pats his shoulder. "That's OK. I understand. It was just wishful thinking. Today was a good day for me and that's a start. You've trusted me, nothing's disrupted the mission, we've had a nice evening and you're all safe. I'm counting my blessings."
He gives her a fond smile. "Can I count mine too?"
She motions for him to do just so. "Nothing I saw was real, the City is still here, everyone is safe and sound and I have a great friend by my side," he adds, kissing her cheek tentatively.
She blushes and sighs. He sees her retreat in her shell and curses himself. It was a bald move – one of many she's allowed in the past when they were just friends. Things have changed in the meantime, though, and the meaning of those gestures of affection has too. He winces. "Sorry," he apologizes, lifting his hands in mock surrender. "I shouldn't have."
She looks guarded but shakes her head. "It's alright, John, as long as neither of us sees more in it than comfort between friends."
"Course," he nods. "Louise, truth is, I do miss my friend."
She smiles at him and rubs his arm affectionately. "We're good then. I'll see you tomorrow for our Friday night?" she offers.
He nods. An evening with the gang is a good place to start if they want to reconnect. After all, beggars can't be choosers.
They're standing in front of the kitchen. He knows it'd be unwise to push it further. "I'll see you then. Good night, Louise."
TBC
