A/N: Thank you all! Kisses!
NOT SO LITTLE
Lily sat in the Common Room quite unaware of her surroundings. Other members of her house came and went while she remained. Her books were open and a blank piece of parchment ready for her but she was having trouble concentrating. With great effort she made herself look at her book.
"…the essence of a Red Snackle is commonly used…"
Her focus was tailing off again. The spindly writing faded and all she could see was James's angry face. She'd seen him angry before but this was the first time that he'd been angry at her…well maybe not the first time but that time had been a misunderstanding. Nonetheless, a twinge of nameless guilt rose but she quickly stomped it out. She had been right; he didn't have the right to govern her with regards to her friends or accuse them of anything. But a little part of her mind kept whispering; feeding the uncertainty that grew bit by bit.
But he was trying to be protective.
"Stop it." Speaking aloud curbed her unsettling thoughts and she felt marginally better. A trio of first year girls cast her wary looks as she had just spoken aloud to herself and Lily quickly looked down at her book her face warming.
The portrait swung open and the Gryffindor Quidditch Team fresh from practice began to file in. From her seat by the fireplace Lily sat up a little straighter with the book on her lap quite forgotten. Her spine stiffened as Sirius swept in laughing with the Team Captain followed by Remus, who was deep in discussion about their newest tactic with one of the Beaters.
Last through the door was James. Lily's heart thudded oddly at the sight of him. He entered the common room bringing in some of the January cold air from outside. His cheeks were red from the harsh wind on a broom, his complexion pale from the cold making his features stand out more clearly. His hair was more of a wild wind swept mess than his usual tousled bed hair, but aside from her usual desire to mould it with a bucket of putty, Lily desperately wanted him to look at her and not be angry.
She watched as he returned hellos from other students and moved across the room towards the stairs. Her heart skipped a beat as he came close enough to notice her and for a split second he looked at her and Lily's chest filled, but the split second passed and his eyes moved on; his mouth pressed in a thin line. Lily felt stung; he'd barely cast a flicker of an eye on her.
The tension that had overtaken her body buzzed out leaving her to slump back into the comfy chair. Biting her lip she realised that her eyes were wet and she desperately blinked it away. His last comments were still fresh in her mind and their stinging effects had not lessened in the hours that had passed. What could he have implied with that? How could he think that she would run to Severus and be sweet to him? James was the only guy she'd ever consciously tried to be sweet to and now he'd cheapened it all.
This wasn't right. It couldn't be right. With a sudden rush of conviction Lily pushed her book aside and stood up. Things couldn't stay like this; she would go up and speak to him. If they could talk it out then good, if they couldn't…well it would be an answer in the least.
Squaring her shoulders she picked her way to the stairs and forced herself to climb them before she could change her mind. She reached the door to their room, this time the doubt was stronger than her will and she hesitated, her hand on the handle. She could hear them talking on the other side while she summoned her courage but that unfortunately didn't turn her ears off from the voices within.
"It ended as a big blow up I take it. You didn't even look at her on the way in." Remus said, his voice sympathetic.
"Yeah, you could say that." She heard James reply, his voice growing distant and then closer as if he were pacing. "I don't know what else to say to her. I've told her what I think and everything! What else can I do?"
"Shit happens, mate." Sirius said flippantly as if not quite in tune with the mood of the conversation.
"Have you tried talking it out?" Remus asked.
"I tried."
Lily's stomach gave a twist and she listened harder.
"And?"
"Obviously it didn't work! Honestly Moony! As if Prongs would be so moody if it had!"
"Padfoot." Remus chided.
"What?" But then his voice grew sombre. "Seriously Prongs, if she's making you miserable I think you should just end it. Really if she can't even choose between Snivellus and you mate, you're probably not worth much in her eyes."
"Sirius!" Remus said with alarm. Peter gasped in the background and Lily's heart began to beat faster and she leaned in.
"It's for his own good! I'm trying to think for him not against him." Sirius protested before speaking to James again. "Since you've been going out you've had good times, but everyone can see you've also had some pretty rough times." A moment of silence passed before James replied in a quiet voice.
"Suppose."
"For every sweet thing I rekon you've had at least two sour things. That can't be good, mate. I know you like her but you gotta start thinking about yourself too. You should be having fun! It's our last year and there's already shit on our doorstep, it's not as if you need more inside the house as well." His tone softened and his last comment made Lily grow cold. "Sometimes, things don't work out. It doesn't matter how much we try to make it to work, sometimes it just doesn't. Be honest to yourself. If you had to describe your time with her in one word what would you say?"
Lily couldn't breathe as she waited for the answer.
"I guess…it's been…hard…." His voice came at last after an eternity.
A shard of glass plunged deep into Lily's heart and she turned away not able to listen to any more. With one word from him, any deep connection she believed that they had made between them shattered like a broken spell.
" 'Hard'? Try difficult, time consuming, rough, frustrating, painful, damaging." Sirius rolled off.
Lily did not want to hear the answer to that. Stumbling away she blindly descended back into the warm hubbub of the common room and fell back onto her chair wrapped in a deadened chill. She had her answer but every part of her told her that it was not the answer she wanted. Unable to move she sat like that for a long while until Cerise came down the stairs.
"Hi!" she said cheerfully and sprawled down onto the sofa beside her. "I've completely given up on work!" she declared seeing Lily's books.
"Me too." Lily answered tonelessly. Not quite noticing anything amiss Cerise leant forward like she usually did when she had gossip to share. "So! I heard that you and James had this huge fight." She waited expectantly, unconsciously scratching her wrist under the sleeve of her robes.
Lily swallowed hard and forced on a carefree tone. "Yeah. We…broke up." She hadn't intended to say that but somehow the words had found their way out. Now that she'd heard them said aloud it rang true. How could anyone stay with someone that offered nothing but 'hard' times?
Cerise's jaw dropped. "You have got to be joking!"
Lily shook her head sadly but quickly forced a smile back on. "Didn't work out."
"Wow!" Cerise sat back appearing stunned. "You guys are like the ultimate couple as well…So I guess that means you're both single now." She continued to talk almost to herself not quite noticing that Lily was no longer paying attention to her although she still heard every word. "That means he can date other people and you can date other people." She said lost in thought before coming to. "Uh…I mean, it was just that there are loads of girls out there that like James…so I was uh…preparing you for…for-"
"That's okay, Cerise. It's okay, I understand. There won't be any hard feelings." Lily said her voice-sounding alien even to herself but Cerise was right. Now that they weren't together, he could date other girls. The thought hadn't occurred to her yet but she did remember the jealousy that she had felt when Joey had been around. With a shock she realised that she'd gotten too used to his attention and that was something she needed to rectify straight away.
"You can go console him if you want, although he probably won't need that but I'm sure he'll appreciate the company." The last part was said with utmost control. Without saying anymore Lily stood up and left the Common room not hearing Cerise call out to her.
"Did you really mean that?"
Outside the portrait Lily found Nutmeg.
"Ah, just the right person I was looking for." The cat said. "Couldn't quite remember the password. Now I know what you going to say: 'that it's not safe for me to talk about the castle because animals don't talk' blah blah blah, but sometimes a cat gets bored!"
Lily scooped Nutmeg into her arms as she passed. "Please be quiet and just act like a normal cat for a while." She pleaded and ran off trying very hard not to sob into Nutmeg's soft fur.
---
James took the stairs down two at a time into the Common room. Sirius had been right to an extent.
"I guess…it's been…hard…" He'd replied.
" 'Hard'? Try difficult, time consuming, rough, frustrating, painful, damaging." Sirius rolled off.
James shook his head firmly disagreeing. "…But everything that has happened. I'd go through it again, because she's Lily and she was there all the way. Nothing will ever change that."
"Man, you are seriously going cuckoo in the head." Sirius said with a grin. "But whatever makes your clock tick." He added with a shrug.
James returned the grin feeling like he had worked something out and it all made sense. "I can't go running every time we have a little argument. People argue all the time."
Remus nodded proudly, it seemed like his friend had reached a conclusion. "And the fact that she does have at least one valid point."
Sirius looked betrayed. "Moony, why are you siding with her? You think I'm a death eater too?"
"Well from what Prongs has told us, she was just trying to show you what it's like from her perspective."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Uh huh, sure."
Remus ignored him and continued to speak to James. "And what you said to her about going to Snape was incredibly harsh, imagine if she'd said that to you."
Peter who'd been listening all the time crumpled his face. "You mean as if her telling him to run to a girl who looks like Snape?" All three simultaneously turned to glower at him with varying degrees of nausea.
Sirius looked disgusted. "Go!" He pointed to the bathroom. "Wash your mouth out immediately! And don't you ever try to put me off women again!"
Unsurprisingly Peter did jump of his bed and go to the bathroom. Once the door had closed the sound of running water could be heard.
"You're being cruel." Remus reprimanded.
"Yeah, so was he." Sirius retorted.
James shook his head, trying to wash the nasty mental images of a female Snape away. "So I was out of order. I know that and I'm gonna apologise but as I was saying, couples argue all the time. I mean you, you argue on your first date all the time." He said to Sirius.
"And that's not normal." Remus corrected.
"Talk to me again when you've been on yours with Yoanna." Sirius replied.
Remus blushed a little. "I will." He said good-naturedly.
"At last! The boy admits it!" Sirius cried with mock relief and ducked as a book was thrown in his direction. "Our little wolfie is finally growing up!"
James stood up and began to back out before more objects became airborne. "Okay children, I'll see you later. I've got some grown up business to attend to."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "What grown up business?" he asked slyly. James gave him a withering look before he left.
"I'll tell you once you've gotten rid of your fleas." He closed the door just in time as something collided with the door on the other side.
Now he was downstairs looking around for the familiar red hair. Approaching the fireplace he spotted a pile of books and a parchment with a sentence in her handwriting where she had been sitting. He sat down on the cushioned chair and noted that it was still warm. She'd probably gone to the loo or something and would be back soon. He reached out and flicked through a book before his hand fell on something that looked suspiciously like a diary. He knew he shouldn't but his hands refused to listen and began to open it before a voice caught him off guard.
"Hi!"
"Hello!" he replied quickly dropping the slim book back onto the pile. Cerise was sitting up from the sofa he'd thought was unoccupied. "How're you?" he asked politely, hoping she hadn't seen him do that. Lily would kill him if she knew he was about to read her diary.
"Fine thanks." She said. "I heard about what happened. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." He could have sworn that there hadn't been anyone around when he and Lily had argued yet everyone seemed to know what had happened. Lots of people must have been hidden witnesses he thought with regret and he felt like he'd made a prat out of himself for being unreasonable.
"How are you dealing? You okay?" she asked with concern.
"Yeah, of course!" James waved it off. His ego might be a bit bruised but that was about it? Lily seemed to enjoy beating it down to size anyway. "Stuff like that happens all the time. I'm used to it." he said referring to arguments and tiffs that generally arose between couples, with him especially.
"To you?" Cerise looked incredulous.
"Of course!"
"You?" She repeated apparently bewildered by his answer.
"Uh yeah." He said a little taken aback at the reaction
" James Potter getting dumped?"
James felt lucky that he hadn't been holding a drink at the time as he would surely choked on it or at least spilt it over himself. Instead, he gracelessly choked and spluttered on air. "Dumped?"
"Oh, you mean you dumped her!" Cerise gaped, misreading his reaction.
"WHAT! What are you on about?"
She began to look confused. "But she said that you two broke up."
James was stunned. "I see." He said quietly and stood up. "I'll see you later." And walked away. It seemed that the 'little argument' he'd come to terms with wasn't so 'little' after all.
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A/N: I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter is called 'TIS HOT STUFF.
