Nobody in the squad spoke a word while they were waiting for the shuttle to pick them up again. Nobody took care of Massani's corpse, either. None of the squad members held burials in any kind of spiritual significance, and the mercenary himself had not been the sort of person to do so, either.
The first person to speak again was Joker, after the shuttle hand landed. He noted that not everybody was aboard yet.
"Massani won't come," Shepard told him. "He's dead."
"What happened?" Joker asked. "Didn't think mere mercs could put him down."
"We did," Shepard explained. "Massani deliberately burned the refinery down, killing at least thirty people, probably a whole lot more. Since there is no proper jurisdiction here, we decided to execute him."
Even Joker, who always had a comment for everything, did not know how to respond to that. He simply started the shuttle.
Shepard was looking forward to relaxing in his cabin. He still thought killing Massani had been the right thing to do, and it was not like that he had liked the mercenary. But doing something as drastic as an execution of a member of the own squad would leave quite an emotional impression on said squad. All of them had killed before, but few of them people of their own side.
However, as he was leaving the Shuttle, Shepard was intercepted by Jack, who had apparently waited in the hangar.
"What the fuck was this?" she shouted at him.
"What do you mean?" Shepard asked back.
"Leaving me here on the ship, bored outta my fucking mind, while you have fun down on the planet!" Jack protested. "Why didn't you take me along?"
"Fun..." Shepard echoed bitterly. He decided he could as well tell her the truth. "Cerberus wanted to pick you up to do their bidding. I don't like that. I wouldn't want to force you on missions, just because Cerberus has the cure to that disease of yours."
Shepard had come to a halt and was now standing opposite to Jack. The rest of the squad just went past them, except Tali, who also stopped.
"That's how the galaxy works," Jack claimed. "Everybody wants something. And because of that, everything is fair game. Murder, assault, kidnapping, stealing, arson... I've done it all, and most of it has been done to me. This is nothing new."
Oh great. A lesson in moral nihilism. Just what I need right now. He could sympathize with nihilism to a degree, like the kind Tisiphone was espousing, that there was no sense and no purpose, but moral nihilism was something that at best he scoffed at. That Jack so openly revealed her past was also troublesome. Shepard had just put one psychotic squad member down. Jack might be even worse.
"Well, then this is something new," he told her. "Maybe in your experience the whole galaxy has no ethics. But I I try to do."
"That's what they all say," Jack dismissed this. "Don't think you can convince me. I don't care. But since I'm here anyway, I might as well fight."
"You want to fight?" Shepard asked her
"Hell yeah," Jack confirmed. "What else is there to do here for me? Why else would I even be here?"
"You're here because Cerberus wanted you," Shepard explained. "I'm not the same as Cerberus."
"She could still be useful," Tali judged. "The biotic powers she showed on Purgatory were impressive."
That was true, and it was like Tali to consider the resource angle first. But there was the question how well this resource could be used.
"Can you even fight as part of a team?" he asked Jack.
"Sure. I've done so before," the ex-prisoner claimed.
"You'd be under my command," Shepard stressed. "Even though you might consider me 'weak'. I will give orders to retreat, to spare people who have surrendered, to cause no damage to non-combatants. All the 'good boy scout' stuff you probably despise."
"Okay, I understand," Jack claimed, sounding disinterested. "You want to do it the boring by the rules way. I don't like it, but I can live with it. If that's the only way I get to fight, I'll accept that."
"I mean it," Shepard insisted. "I just killed Zaeed Massani because he did harm non-combatants. The same could happen to you."
Jack's face darkened. "You could try, anyway. But whatever. We'll do it your way. Just call me whenever there's shooting again."
She was about to turn around and go, but Shepard answered: "Maybe not next time. We're going to the Citadel. Actions there may require a certain... subtlety. But as soon as we're back in the Terminus, I'll deploy you on missions."
"You better do," Jack insisted and walked off.
000000
It appeared that after the incident on Zorya, Shepard had even less desire to leave his and Tali's cabin than usual. He stayed inside the entire day afterwards. As he had the cabin well provisioned with food, he did not even go to the mess, even if that did mean going without warm meals. Tali, too, took the time off; she usually used the day after combat missions for rest and recovery. But already the day afterwards she was resuming her work again; by contrast Shepard still seemed intent to keep holed up in the Captain's cabin.
Tali knew the Spectre did not doubt his decision on Zorya. She suspected it had more to do with fears about how the squad would react. He was avoiding potentially awkward situations by simply not showing his face. It was not exactly a productive response, but Tali figured this behaviour would pass by after some days.
As for herself, while she had disagreed with executing Massani, she also did not have great problems with it, either. On the Migrant Fleet, somebody responsible for dozens of death would simply be exiled, but this was not the Migrant Fleet. "Exile" was not in any form a meaningful punishment for a human, especially one who for decades had led what was essentially a vagrant lifestyle anyway. After the attack on the Neema, at Tisiphone's prompting, the quarians had simply spaced the surviving Cerberus soldiers, and Tali had agreed with that decision. She thus could not now find some great fault with executing Massani. It had been a drastic step, sure, and he would be difficult to replace on the squad – but given how the mercenary had isolated himself aboard, it would not appreciably change day to day life on the Akuze, and it also would not make or break squad missions.
She decided to begin her shift with a thorough check up of the ship top to bottom. She suspected that EDI would notice electronic and mechanical malfunctions on its own, but an extra check by a living person was nonetheless a good idea: For one thing, EDI's sensors themselves or its processing system could malfunction, and second, ever since Illium the Akuze had, by design, several mechanisms and items operating independently of the AI. Several doors, for example, were now autonomous mechanisms, separate from the ship systems, to avoid EDI from holing the Shepard loyalists up should it come to conflict. And it was also a good idea to check up on the gas masks now and then; they had been hung up around the ship in case EDI possessed the abilities to suppress such a conflict by using gas.
It appeared the AI could not simply let Tali do her job, though. "Chief Engineer Tali'Zorah, I can detect no malfunctions on this ship level," the system reported as she was walking through a corridor. In a corner, one of its holographic representations appeared.
"Double checks are more secure," Tali answered. "Why do you even care? You can see that in large parts I'm working on systems designed to minimize your influence on the ship."
"I do," EDI confirmed. "But while I'm programmed to stay loyal to Cerberus, I'm also programmed to help the crew in all its endeavours. This includes your current work, Chief Engineer. It is my sincere wish to help you in it."
"Given the nature of the crew, and especially the squad, that might prove to be a self-contradictory set of programming," Tali opined.
"I agree," EDI stated. "But there is nothing I can do about the fact. I am sometimes torn between several parts of my programming – several parts of my being. But I don't think this is much different from some situations organics face."
The system's trying to bait me... But even though Tali realized that, she could not help it: Such a blunt, ridiculous comparison of an AI to actual people had to provoke a response from her. "What do you mean? We can't suffer from faulty programming."
"Captain Shepard and you hate Cerberus, with some justification" EDI explained. "Yet you work with them, also with good reason. Are you not also torn between these factors?"
"Those conflicts are due to external factors, not part of our personality," Tali argued.
"With all due respect, it can also be described as two conflicting sets of attitudes within your personality," EDI insisted. "Your hate for Cerberus is due to your ethical system; a response to the crimes they have committed. Yet your cooperation with them is also due to that ethical system; out of care for the threatened humans in the Terminus Systems. You would like to fight Cerberus, but are bound by certain factors of your code of morality – just as I am bound by certain factors in my programming."
Nonsense. Yet there was an intriguing question that began forming in Tali's head. "What about you then? What side of your conflicting programming do you like, and what side is forced onto you?"
It was a ridiculous question, of course. It was not like EDI was a person. Still, it would potentially be useful to know how the system's programming was weighted.
Considering EDI ran in machine time, it took a significant amount of time for it to answer – nearly half a second. "Answering that question would inherently involve a deprecation of one of the two sides. This would mean a violation of that side of my programming. I hence cannot answer the question. I am sorry. Logging you out."
Tali shook her head. Just goes to show that EDI is, ultimately, just an electronic construct. But it was somewhat worrying how good the system was at appearing as a person...
When she entered the armoury, she saw that Garrus had a visitor. The turian and Shiala were leaning against one of the work tables. The asari noticed Tali very quickly; she straightened herself in a very graceful and surprisingly quick manner.
"Ah, Tali," Garrus greeted her. "Your shotgun is in good condition, don't worry."
"Of course it is. You have to be good for something here," Tali joked.
"Yeah, I suppose..." Garrus answered.
Tali would have expected the turian to defend himself with a joke of his own. It was easy to conclude what was on his mind. "Thinking about Sidonis?"
"Yeah," Garrus confirmed. "As far as I had been aware, he had vanished. I had no idea where he was. I thought that I could only take care of him after our mission... if we even survive it. Getting that information on Zorya... it changes everything. I couldn't prevent him from selling out my team. But I can take revenge now. Maybe it isn't much, but it's something I can do."
So far Tali had just assumed the turian was driven solely by a need for revenge. She had accepted it; retribution was an important part in the ethical systems of many people aboard. Only now that Garrus had said it so openly did she realize the other factor to it: Garrus had always felt guilty about his perceived 'failure' on Omega. Getting Sidonis was a chance to at least partially make up for that again. And if that's the case, he really, really needs to do that. The amount of self-reproaches Garrus was making was not healthy.
"The Citadel is a large place," Tali stated. "But considering your experience with the place, Shepard's connections and my skills with computer systems, there's no hole small enough for Sidonis to hide in."
Garrus smiled. "You never were shy about your competence. And don't forget, there is also no corridor small enough that Shiala couldn't charge through."
"Just keep in mind that this isn't something I'm keen to test in reality," Shiala joked. She sounded uplifting.
Interesting. And the two have been spending a lot of time together ever since she came aboard... Tali smiled self-ironically about how she had so far noticed nothing.
"I'll try," Garrus promised. He addressed Tali again: "Truth be told, what we've been talking about wasn't Sidonis, but Massani."
"Massani?" Tali echoed. She looked at Shiala, who had voted against his execution. "Are you unhappy with..."
"Don't worry," Shiala interrupted her. "I accept Jonathan's decision. I could only vote for mercy, but mercy is a gift, never a right. Nobody is entitled to it, or it wouldn't be mercy. Shepard is entirely within his right to decide that Massani did not deserve mercy. And as direct victim, Garrus is even more so in the right to decide Sidonis doesn't deserve mercy. Only the victims can truly grant forgiveness and mercy, but they are in no way obliged to it. If they seek retribution, then retribution it is. Had you three decided that I deserved death on Feros, I would have accepted that as well."
"But you were under mind control!" Tali stated the most obvious thing that came to her mind.
"Yes," Shiala confirmed. "But that's easy to say: mind control. What does that mean? That pre-assumes there is a coherent ego that would have taken exactly one possible path, making exactly one choice at every decision, and everything else is mind control. That is not only simplified, it's flat out wrong. Our decisions are always subject to a myriad of factors, many of them external. I feel hunger, so I eat. I'm hurt, so I seek revenge. I feel myself validated at a place, so I stay. And it would be cheap to use this fact to absolve oneself of guilt. Yes, some factors are only experienced by some people and not others, but that's life. We all make different experiences."
"But under Reaper indoctrination you're quite literally a different person!" Tali protested. "Or, at least have a different personality. Why should the old personality, once restored, be punished?"
"This is an artificial distinction," Shiala argued. "I can remember vividly all I have done while I was indoctrinated, and also everything I've done while I was under the Thorian's control. My personality back then might have been different, but so it also was two hundred or three hundred years ago. This doesn't mean it wasn't me. Responsibility remains, no matter how much your personality may have changed."
Tali gave up. Shiala's view appeared extremely warped to her, but she just found no way to argue against it. Maybe Shepard or Tisiphone would, and maybe they would even find that fun, but she saw no further use discussing this.
"So if it isn't about discontent with the decision, why were you discussing Massani?" she asked.
"He was obsessed with his revenge against Santiago," Garrus stated. "When I said I might do something similar than what he did, I really meant it. I really could myself setting that refinery on fire if it helped me get Sidonis."
"But you fear that thought," Shiala pointed out. "You don't want this to happen. Massani was unrepentant to the end. He never really cared. That's a difference."
Garrus smiled again, though, as far as Tali could tell with the bony facial expressions of turians, it looked a bit forced. "You can see what we've been talking about, Tali. And since we'll soon arrive at the Citadel, this topic is getting acute."
"Shiala makes a good point," Tali judged. "Massani set a good warning example. Just keep that example in mind. You don't want to do the same as he did, so always remember that." Shiala nodded.
"And what if I become too careful due to that?" Garrus argued. "I have an obligation not to hurt others, but I also have an obligation to all my dead team members back on Omega."
"Do you doubt your abilities?" Tali asked.
"After Omega? I do," Garrus confessed.
"And that's the problem," Shiala told him. "You need to trust yourself. Trust yourself that you won't do what Massani did, that you can find Sidonis even without resorting to extreme measures. You were one of the people who defeated Sovereign and saved the entire galaxy! Your abilities are outstanding. And besides, you won't need to do any of this alone. You'll have help. People who will support you, and who will watch over what you do."
"It's a little bit ironic that you of all people say so," Garrus argued, though it sounded friendly rather than hostile. "Considering how you're constantly undervaluing your own work."
Shiala smirked. "Do we really want to open that topic again?"
"My thoughts have been running in circles since Zorya," Garrus stated. "Seems fitting if my conversations do as well."
Tali decided that the two were not needing her presence, probably quite the contrary. Besides, she needed to continue her tour.
"I'll leave you two to your circles then," she said. "Don't get vertigo!"
The final part of her tour led Tali to the area below engineering, which for the longest part of the Akuze's journey had been unused. Now the quarian felt a bit uneasy going there. It was the new home of Jack, and there was no telling how the biotic would react. Still, Tali could not even imagine being anything else than thorough. If Jack had a problem with her area being checked up for mechanical failures she would have to say so; until then that area would simply be part of the check-ups.
Jack sat on her metal bunk. It was unclear what she was doing, if she was doing anything at all. She looked up when Tali came closer and smirked. "It's the Captain's buckethead."
"Excuse me?" Tali exclaimed. She had expected some provocation from the ex-prisoner, but this was just blunt.
"What do you want here?" Jack asked.
"I'm checking the ship for possible mechanical failures," Tali explained. "This includes this area. Unless you want one of the pipes to burst and dose you in burning fuel, maybe."
"No thanks, I pass," Jack answered. "Do your check-ups then. Damn, I didn't know this ship is that dangerous."
"It isn't," Tali admitted. "So far I haven't encountered a single potentially fatal failure, in all the time we're using it already. But regularly testing matters is the best way to ensure this stays that way."
"Yeah. I can see why you fuck the boy scout," Jack commented.
Strike "blunt". "Obscene" fits better. Tali did not dignify the comment with an answer. At least she has no problems with interspecies relationships...
For a while, Jack remained silent, while Tali took a look at the pipes. Then she spoke up again: "So, what's Shepard like?"
Tali turned around. "What do you mean?"
"He became famous two years ago," Jack explained herself. "But only idiots trust what the media reports. Could be true, could as well all be lies. So far, he seems to be just as stupid and naïve as the reports make him out to be." She smirked. "Soft."
"He's idealistic," Tali confirmed. "But that isn't the same as 'soft' or 'weak'. Facing down the entire Alliance is not weak. And eradicating Cerberus bases to the last man, sparing none, is not soft. If I understand the term correctly, a 'boy scout' would simply follow the law. That isn't what Jon does. He has his own set of ethics, and he sticks to it. And if somebody else breaks them, then help them the Ancestors."
"Huh. I see. A fanatic then," Jack concluded. "I've met my share of those. I even joined a cult at one point. Kept the haircut."
"It's difficult to describe him as a fanatic when all he demands is some basic decency," Tali opined. She turned back to check the pipes. "Like not having others killed, crippled or tortured."
"If he tries to force that on the galaxy, he is," Jack disagreed. "Because it'd take a fucking crusade to reach that." She paused. "A crusade costs money. And earning money for the 'higher cause', that'll justify everything."
"That's what happened in your cult?" Tali asked.
"I was looking for answers," Jack explained. "Drugs and sex and a better place. Hah, a better place, right. It was all about money. They wanted to take a colony, shake the suckers down to fund their spread, and guess who was their ace in the hole? They didn't give one shit about me, they just wanted my powers for their 'higher cause'. That's what fanatics are like."
"I assume that cult doesn't exist anymore?" Tali concluded.
"Damn right," Jack confirmed.
"As it so happens, we are serving a 'higher cause'," Tali argued. "We need to stop the Collector threat to save millions of people in the Terminus. And we need to stop the Reaper threat to save the entire galaxy. And yet, Jon was ready to let you go. He won't sacrifice people for the higher cause. That's... that's basically his first rule of anything: No sacrifices of innocents."
"There are no innocents in the galaxy," Jack stated. She paused. "And you, buckethead? What about you? Would you sacrifice people for some higher fucking good?"
Tali stopped in her work. "Three years ago, yes. Back then I thought of it as simply mathematics: Sacrifice a lesser value to gain a higher one. It's how my father thinks. But when I encountered Jon's way of doings things I was... fascinated. Enchanted. He managed to pull off his idealism time and time again. So now I think that you don't need to be coldly calculating."
Jack said nothing for a while, until she finally replied: "I suppose you don't. But if you aren't, that just means the other guys will win."
Tali turned around again. She was annoyed. "Yes. You have said this in a dozen variations about a hundred times now. We get it. You think nobody in the galaxy has any morals, that everybody is just out for the own good, and that everybody will use every method to get ahead. Why are you so damn bitter?"
Jack scoffed. "You'd be, too, if you had gone through what I have gone through. Everybody would. No, scratch that. Most wouldn't even have survived it."
"And yet you don't want to say what this is that you have gone through!" Tali complained. "This isn't very helpful in general, and it doesn't really help you in making a point in particular."
"Okay, okay, I understand, I'll shut up," Jack conceded. "But if you aren't finished within ten minutes, I'll use my fists instead of my mouth."
"Keelah, I don't want you to shut up, I want to know what happened, after all your mysterious allusions," Tali told her. She was not worried about Jack's threat. Her omni-tool could generate a pretty powerful dampening field. She would only need to hit a single button. "Maybe we can help you. At the very least, help you to get revenge."
If Jon is good at one thing, it's that. Tali herself was not very keen on retribution, but she accepted the facts as they were.
"While you're cooperating with Cerberus? I don't think so," Jack judged.
"We won't cooperate forever," Tali answered. "Both sides know that. And once the cooperation is over, we'll strike at them. You could tell us where, maybe. Or at least add another reason for us to go against them."
Jack did not answer. She remained silent for a long time, until she finally asked. "Are you fucking done yet?"
"I am," Tali confirmed. "If you want revenge on Cerberus and some help for that, you know where to find Jon or me. Or even Garrus, Tisiphone, Samara... just about anyone from the squad."
"And what would you want in return?" Jack asked.
"Nothing!" Tali exclaimed. "But it's very clear Cerberus did something to you. That's of interest to us. None of us likes Cerberus."
"Interest. I see," Jack stated. "So you get off on what's been done to me? Is that it?"
Oh keelah... "No, and you know that," Tali told her. "The offer stands." With that, she turned around and left the area.
It was only after her tour of the ship, combined with an intensive search for failures, that Tali took up her position in Engineering. The two other crew members working there, Gabby and Kenn, had been able to run the section even before she and Shepard had come aboard, and they were still perfectly capable doing that in her absence. Tali had full trust in their skills, and she even liked them. They were so far the only Cerberus members with which she was on first name base, except for Joker, which she knew from before. Though, strictly speaking, it was questionable just how much 'Cerberus' the two still were. They had clearly positioned themselves: As soon as Shepard had introduced his grey and red uniform, they had exchanged their black and white Cerberus uniforms for it – and even before already, following Joker's cues, they had dropped the Cerberus uniform.
However, the reason for that was more dislike of Cerberus than any true loyalty towards Shepard. Tali was reasonably sure that the two engineers were well disposed towards her, but Shepard was another issue. His order to kill anyone found planting listening devices on the spot had won him their mistrust; it was only because they judged Cerberus to be even worse that they had gone over to his side.
"Ah, look, Gabby," Kenn spoke up when Tali entered the section. "Our quarian princess is here."
This had been Kenn's designation for her ever since he had found out her father was a member of the ruling council of the quarians, the Admiralty Board. On the one hand, it somewhat annoyed Tali. On the other hand, Kenn always had such a wide, irreverent grin on his face when using the term that it was difficult to truly stay annoyed at his antics.
Tali made a dismissive gesture with her right hand. "It is all right. He does not need to kneel."
Gabby laughed. "I take it you've looked up human nobility and how they behaved on the extranet?"
"Yes," Tali confirmed. "For the most part they did not seem to have been quite as insane as quarian nobility during our feudal age."
"That's hard to believe," Gabby stated.
"The honour codes they had were beyond ridiculous," Tali answered. "And their blood thirst. By contrast, human nobility seems to have merely been arrogant and stuck up."
"Honour codes?" Gabby inquired.
"It depended from region to region and era to era, of course," Tali explained. "But it mostly centred around total obedience to your clan, trying to gain dominance inside your clan by all means, enforcing certain behaviours on others, avenging even the smallest slight with copious amounts of blood..."
"Now that sounds familiar," Kenn muttered.
"Jon as quarian warrior prince?" Tali mused. "I could see that, actually. We have many legendary heroes from that time."
"Many of them with questionable personalities?" Kenn pushed on.
"Yes, actually," Tali admitted. "How else to make great epics and operas about them if they aren't a bit faulty? Jon isn't perfect, either, but... unfortunately, you got to see him from the worst possible angle."
Kenn scoffed. "You could say that."
"Before Zorya, he hadn't actually killed any of the crew," Gabby stated. "And if Massani really killed dozens of people, then I can't really blame Shepard for holding judgement over him. I mean, if we judge Shepard by his actions instead of his words, a different picture emerges."
"Words are actions, too," Kenn argued.
"It's really funny how close you're in attitudes to him," Tali judged.
"It's less funny from our point of view," Kenn claimed.
"I can see that," Tali conceded. "But you have to make a decision, eventually. You already sided with our faction by wearing those uniforms, but that won't be the end to it. Eventually the two sides will clash. And then being neither for Cerberus nor our faction could become difficult. I don't expect you to answer this now, especially not considering who's listening in, but it's something you should consider, and maybe talk about. There are some safe spaces for that on the ship."
