Chapter 54
Padmé looked at her mother-in-law, wondering if she would take the initiative and begin the narrative. They each had their part in the story, a story which Anakin had to be told. Padmé had hoped that Anakin's own memories would have revealed this dark chapter in his life to him, but it seemed that was not to be. He needed answers, and he needed them now.
"You and I were slaves, Anakin," Shmi began. "You were born into slavery, I'm afraid. I was the property of Gardula the Hutt when you were born, and shortly after your fourth birthday we were sold to Watto. You had always shown an aptitude for building and fixing mechanical contrivances; it was uncanny, really. It was when you were four that you went missing," she continued, the memories of that terrible day still making her blood run cold. "You used to work in Watto's repair shop, and one day you just didn't come home. I only found out recently that you'd been kidnapped."
"Kidnapped by whom?" Anakin asked. "Why would anyone kidnap me? I was just a slave boy."
"There was always a great deal about you that was remarkable, Anakin," Shmi explained. "You demonstrated …abilities, unusual and powerful abilities that I didn't understand. I think it stemmed from the fact that you were conceived without a father. Even from then you were remarkable."
Anakin frowned. "I had no father?" he asked. "How is that possible?"
Shmi smiled. "I've wondered that for almost twenty years now," she said. "But I promise you, that's the truth. But these abilities were also the reason that you were taken from me. Somehow the men responsible knew that you were special, and they took you away, telling you that you had been sold, and that I'd allowed it to happen."
Anakin felt the anxiety starting to swell up within him as his mother continued her narrative. There was something else he was beginning to feel, something even more disturbing. He was starting to remember….
"Where is my mommy? Why can't I see her?"
"Your mother doesn't want you anymore, boy. I offered her money and she sold you to me like the slave you are."
"My mommy would never do that! She loves me!"
"There's no such thing as love. Lesson number one: no one loves you, no one cares. You must learn to rely only on yourself, for you're the only person who cares about you."
"If you don't care about me, why do you want me to come with you?"
Dooku patted the boy's head stiffly. "You are special, young Anakin Skywalker. One day you will be the most powerful man in the galaxy. I've come to take you to a great man, a man who will teach you everything you need to know."
"Will I ever see my mother again?"
"No. Forget you ever had a mother, boy. As far as she's concerned, you're dead. She has washed her hands of you, do you understand?"
"No," Anakin admitted, shaking his head woefully. But the white haired man offered no further explanation and simply left Anakin alone in the small cabin. He was cold, for it was cold in space. He was afraid, and missed his mother terribly. In his innocence he did not see that he was being lied to, that he was simply a pawn in the evil machinations of a master villain. All he knew was that he was cold, alone, and scared. "I miss you Mom," he said quietly to no one, trying his best to be brave. But it was hard to be brave when you were sadder than you'd ever been. Even the worst beating at the hands of Gardulla the Hutt hadn't hurt as much as this did…
"I remember that day," Anakin said slowly as the memories coalesced in his mind. "Count Dooku was the name of the man who kidnapped me, wasn't it?" he asked, looking at his mother.
"Yes," Shmi replied. "You remember him?"
Anakin nodded. "Yes," he replied quietly. "I remember how scared I was, how sad I was thinking that you'd given me away." He frowned. "Why did he do that? Who is he that he did that to me?"
"Dooku was the servant of the master villain in this story," Padmé put in. "Palpatine was the one who had you abducted, Anakin."
Anakin looked at her. "Isn't that the name of the man I killed?" he asked.
Padmé nodded. "Yes, that's right," she told him. "Palpatine was a monster, Anakin; he deserved to die for everything he put you through."
Anakin felt torn between wanting to know what Palpatine had done, and the comfort of not knowing anything. There was peace in ignorance, he was soon discovering. The more he learned about his past, the more uneasy he became. He looked at his wife, not knowing how to put into words what he was feeling; but he needn't have been concerned. She knew even without the need for words.
"I don't think it's a good idea for us to continue along this vein," she said, looking at Anakin with concern. "Too much information at once will be too much for you to deal with, Ani."
Anakin couldn't help but agree. "I think you're right," he said quietly, looking down at her hand in his. "I…I had no idea that any of this had happened, and I sense that there is so much more that I have yet to remember."
"Perhaps it ought to be left up to you to remember," Shmi suggested. "Rather than us telling you. Perhaps that would make things easier to assimilate."
Anakin nodded. "Yes, I…I think so," he agreed. At the back of his mind, however, he was alarmed that this would even need to be suggested. What had happened to him that was so horrendous that it needed to be handled so delicately? He looked at his wife, so steadfast and strong in her support and her love; surely things could not be so bad if he had her in his life.
"Perhaps we ought to think about getting back to Coruscant," Padmé suggested. "I think the sooner we get you back into the routine of your former life, the sooner your memory will come back to you."
Anakin nodded, although he himself was unsure if he even wanted to regain his memory now. If the little he'd learned was any indication, his past had been a difficult one. And yet, there was no escaping it either.
"You only just got here," Cliegg protested. "Your mother has waited a long time to spend time with you."
Shmi was disappointed that they were planning on leaving so soon, but understood why they felt compelled to do so. She looked at Cliegg, sensing that he felt badly about his blunder, but annoyed with him nonetheless. She had only just been reunited with her only son, and now he was leaving, and it was because of Cliegg's careless remark.
"I wish you didn't have to leave so soon," Shmi said at last. "But I can understand why you feel the way you do. Besides, this heat is no good for a woman in Padmé's condition."
"Why don't you come with us?" Padmé suggested. "I know Anakin would love to spend more time with you," she said. "And so would I."
Shmi looked at her son, sensing that there was a great deal going on in his mind and in his heart. Anakin had been denied his mother's support and comfort for fifteen years; if there was ever a time he needed her, it was now.
"Thank you, Padmé," Shmi replied at last. "I'd love to come with you."
That afternoon, Anakin and Padmé returned to Mos Espa to say goodbye to their friends, while Shmi made preparations for her trip to Coruscant. Beru helped her pack a small bag as Cliegg watched from the doorway of their bedroom. He'd said very little since Anakin and Padmé had left, but Shmi could tell that he was upset about her leaving.
"You know, if someone had just told me that Anakin had lost his memory, none of this would have happened," Cliegg grumbled.
Shmi looked up at him. "No one is blaming you, Cliegg," she said. "Besides, Anakin needs to know about his past. We can't hide if from him forever."
"I suppose," Cliegg replied. "Still…I feel just awful the way I told him. Poor kid. Did you see the look on his face??"
Shmi nodded with a sigh. "Yes, he was devastated. But he's bound to learn of his past either from his own memories or from someone else. The fact that he reacted the way he did actually gives me hope."
"What do you mean?" Beru ask
"Well, maybe, just maybe, that knock on the head has changed him," Shmi said. "He has seemingly none of the darkness in him that fifteen years spend in servitude to that monster Palpatine created."
"But he'll remember all that," Cliegg pointed out. "You said so yourself."
"Yes, he will," Shmi agreed. "But how will he react to knowing he did those things? With horror? Or with acceptance of what and who he is?"
"I suppose time will tell," Beru put in. "He certainly does seem different than the last time he was here, doesn't he?"
Shmi nodded. "Yes, very different," she agreed. "He's more like the Anakin I would have expected him to be a twenty, how he might have been had he not been stolen from me."
"So maybe this accident was a good thing, then," Cliegg remarked. "Is that what you're getting at?"
"I'm not sure what I'm getting at," Shmi told him with a smile. "I suppose I'm just hoping that the little boy I lost all those years ago is still alive inside of the man he has become. Maybe, at last, he's come back to me, Cliegg."
Cliegg exchanged a look with Beru and then looked back at his wife. "I hope so, hon," he said with a smile. "I really do."
By nightfall, Anakin, Padmé and Shmi were on their way to Coruscant. It was a long trip, and Padmé, who had been feeling poorly all day, had fallen asleep in the cabin. Shmi and Anakin were alone in the cockpit as the ship hurtled through hyperspace on its way to the capital.
"Padmé told me that you gave money to some slaves back in Mos Espa," Shmi said. "That you enabled them to buy their freedom."
Anakin nodded. "The boy was being abused by this creature at least four times his size. I had to do something."
"You know when you were a small boy you used to tell me that one day, after you'd left and become a famous pilot, you'd return to Tatooine and free all the slaves," Shmi told him with a smile.
Anakin smiled. "Well, I freed some of them," he replied. He was thoughtful for a moment. "It was the right thing to do," he continued. "I just felt compelled to do it, I don't know why. I think on some level I knew that I'd been like him once, a slave to a cruel master." He frowned. "I was right as it turned out."
Shmi sighed. "Ani, whatever you learn, remember that it is in the past," she told him. "And that you have moved past that, you are no longer the person that killed Watto. You've changed a great deal since then."
Anakin glanced at her. "You make it sound as though I was some sort of monster," he said. He said nothing for a moment, hoping that she would refute his statement. But she didn't. "Was I, Mom? Was I a monster?"
Shmi frowned. "You were a victim, Anakin," she told him. "Anyone in your position would have been the same as you given the circumstances."
His mother's words didn't do much to alleviate his sense of anxiety. "That doesn't erase what I did," he said quietly.
Shmi looked at him. He had a long road ahead of him both in recovering his memory and coming to terms with them. But you won't go through this alone, Anakin, she thought resolutely. You have me to help you, you have Padmé to help you, and together we will see you through this crisis.
Anakin had heard his mother's silent vow, as clearly as though she had spoken the words, and was moved by them. He reached over and took her hand. "I'm glad you came with us, Mom," he said, giving her a smile.
Shmi returned his smile. "There's no where else I belong right now, Ani," she told him, "except with you. And I'm not going anywhere until I've seen you through this."
Anakin nodded, and gave his mother's hand a squeeze, comforted by her strong, reassuring presence.
