"Go, Magmortar!"

"Go, Arcanine, Extremespeed!"

Gary's hound was a magnificent beast with thick shiny fur covering big muscles. It was fast, and barrelled into Magmortar like a wrecking ball, driving it back a couple steps before the Blast pokemon braced itself and stopped Arcanine. What followed next was a beatdown started by picking up the terribly mislabeled Legendary pokemon and slamming it back down against the arena floor a couple times before it managed to break free. Then taking a Mega Punch to the snout that landed it at the edge of the platform.

"Arcanine, Outrage."

A red glow surrounded Arcanine and it went wild, launching a Hyper Beam at Magmortar, following through with a Giga Impact that bowled it over and a Crunch that was barely blocked by a flame striped arm. We raised an eyebrow. That was something else. Two large attacks in a row without having to rest? Unfortunately, Magmortar used the opportunity to flip them and straddle Arcanine, before raining down punches upon it. Arcanine was still in the throes of its Outrage, and managed to dislodge Magmortar long enough to open up some distance for a second Giga Impact. Right into Magmortar's fist.

"Arcanine is unable to battle, please send out your next pokemon."

"Go, Umbreon. Chain Feint Attacks and Dark Pulses, whittle it down."

Gary was going for a similar strategy as we had, except he didn't have a type advantage like Namelass had had. It was fascinating to watch his pokemon slip out the smallest of shadows and harrassing Magmortar. The Moonlight pokemon was slippery and attacks were missing it by quite a bit. Near misses singed it or threw it off a little, but most often it was gone before Blaine's monster could capitalize and end the fight. It was quite amazing, but fucking hells, this was going to be a very long fight. Guess we had time to mess around with our phone. Hm. Idea. We woke Porygon up and set it to optimize the video compression algorithms. A slight effort of will Teleported the phone outside the booth, and sis erected a barrier to protect our AI and prototype.

Twelve minutes later, Umbreon was exhausted enough that it took a little too long to vanish into the shadows and ate a Fire Blast to the face. Then it was Magmortar's turn to smack the Moonlight pokemon around until it fell from the platform and we had to bring it back up to be recalled. Porygon had managed to improve video compression by about ten percent without a corresponding loss in quality during the fight too!

"Umbreon is unable to battle, please send out your next pokemon."

"Go Pidgeot, harass it from afar with Hurricanes and Air Slashes!"

Gary's Pidgeot was a little smaller than Ash's, but it was faster, and the volume of attacks it was sending at Magmortar was impressive. Unlike with Umbreon, the huge bird was an available target at all times however, and the Blast pokemon could fire three attacks at the same time. Two minutes later, it had caught fire from dodging a Flamethrower into the path of a Fire Blast. Gary recalled it with a curse and withdrew it from the match.

"Pidgeot is unable to battle, please send out your next pokemon."

"Go Ariados, Sludge Bomb!"

I froze before the spider even finished materializing, and when it did the world fell away. All I could see was a fucking spider the size of a fucking really big dog. My skin crawled looking at its jerky alien movements, and I felt the sounds it made to my very bones. I couldn't breathe. My lungs hurt and I couldn't seem to remember how to get them working again. I saw Gary's face, he looked worried and he was blocking the spider, but the spider was still there and now I couldn't see if it was coming at me and I-

"Alakazam is unable to battle, please send out your next pokemon."

Oh. Fucking spiders and fucking lungs. Maybe we should get an oxygen tank for situations like that one. I'd blanked out through two fights. We needed to do something about that. It was too big a weakness.

"Go Blastoise, Hydro Pump!

Gary's Blastoise was strong, and we had a feeling that given time it was going to turn into an equal to Blaine's Charizard at its prime. It barraged Magmortar with Hydro Pump after Hydro Pump, tanking the counter Fire Blasts and Flamethrowers with little trouble, before Tackling it and smashing against the wall of the Volcano. Blastoise then sprang from the wall back onto the platform. Magmortar fell down to the lava pool from where it let out an annoyed roar. After all, for all that the lava was really quite nice for it, it couldn't jump back onto the platform.

"Magmortar is unable to battle. Winner: Pokemon Trainer Blue."

"Fuck yes!" Gary punched the air and made to hugs us, only to run into a wall of force. "Aw, come on 'Zula!"

"Congrats, Gary. We're impressed. Come on, let's... meet the old man by the entrance."

Blaine gave Gary his badge, and sent us on our way to meet with Ash. We were leaning on Gary during the walk back. After all, why make a bigger effort than necessary on walking when we could just use our trusty nephew. We were halfway to the Pokemon Center when Gary spoke up.

"You okay, 'Zula? You worried us for a little bit there."

We cared for Gary, and we trusted him to a degree, but telling him something like that… No. We couldn't do that.

"We're fine. Just... a small issue."

"It was more than small-"

"Leave it." Bad enough my lungs were so fucked up there was no way to keep the issue secret.

"Okay. Thanks for getting me to fight Blaine. It was amazing. I can't imagine what the rest of his Champion team was like. Fuck, I wonder what your team's like! You beat one of his champions three on three."

"Both, three on three."

"You've got to show me your team now." We smirked. We had an idea. Deep breaths.

"Wait for the Conference like everyone else. Although, we would be… willing to fight you… and Ash someday. One pokemon each… against one of ours."

We almost felt bad for them. Almost.

"You're on."

We switched to sending thoughts at him. Talking was too hard. We had an idea. There was no reason not to Teleport everyone home, and we knew Father and Daisy missed Gary. Same for Dehlia and Ash. Yes, we'd do that. We were nearing the Pokemon Center when we heard something that had us all perking up.

"-urrender now or prepare to fight!"

"Meowth! That's right!"

Well. Entertainment. We remembered those three.

"Holy fuck 'Zula! What the hell?!"

Our power had slipped its leash for the first time in ages, and hoarfrost started forming around us. The temperature dropping drastically in an instant. We didn't quite feel it, cold as we always were, but our power could tell. That was new. Maybe we should curb the soul eating thing a little bit.

Hahaha.

"You never learn, do you?" Ashy boy was annoyed. "Look, I just got done fighting a really tough battle, so I'm not in the mood for your usual brand of annoyance. Leave us alone or I'll let Charizard have you."

"Too late~" Our power, totally unintentionally and not at all something we practiced, warped our already slightly creepy voice into something akin to Ozai's laughter, and fucking everyone within hearing froze. "Hello, Rockets."

We dove into their minds, but we already knew what we'd find. These three were not acceptable targets. Ty Lee and Mai rose from our shadow, looming behind us and eyeing the trio hungrily. They turned completely white upon seeing our ghosts. Delicious fear.

"Run, little insects, before we eat your souls."

The resulting ear piercing screams were extremely impressive, and they probably set some sort of speed record running the fuck away. We made sure to insert the knowledge that we'd be heading to Pallet Town in their minds though. Wouldn't want them to lose track of Ash. Right then, that's handled, time to get Zeus healed up. We turned our attention back to the people around us and found them freaked the fuck out.

"What? We don't like Rockets."

"I… Nevermind 'Zula," Gary shook his head. Let's just get to the Pokemon Center."

Hm. We should text Marina. She was on her way to challenge for her fourth badge, and since we'd already been to Ecruteak City we could meet up with her afterwards. We could even invite her to the Conference!

"Yeah, that silly smile on her face means she's off in her own world now. Daisy says there this girl in- ow! What the fuck 'Zula."

The psychic dope slap. A necessary tool for the noble art of Oak Baiting.

And no, we weren't blushing, no matter what anyone said about it!