Chapter three part fourteen
If you're going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchill
The day of the Senate hearing Catherine watched Spencer button his shirt and put on a tan sweater vest.
"Shouldn't you wear a suit?" asked Catherine. Spencer raised an eyebrow. "I mean to look more professional...I just...I'm rambling." He couldn't help but give her a small smile.
"It's going to be ok." Even if he didn't get reinstated he knew what he had done was the right thing. It had saved a young boy's life and Doyle was dead. I wouldn't have need a silencer, taunted Doyle. He had threaten his wife and daughter and the fact that he was dead didn't phase Spencer and it made him wonder if he was heartless. Considering he threatened a pregnant Deaf woman I know who the real heartless one is. Catherine was sitting on the edge to the bed watching him get dressed and he could tell she was slightly on edge. He bent down and kissed her.
"It's going to work out one way or another. I either get reinstated and get my job back or I take the job offer at MIT." He had put some feelers out for a new job just in case this went badly, he had gotten several offers and so far MIT had been the best offer and there was a school of Deaf a few towns over that Catherine could get a job if she wanted to. If anything what this job was paying him it would allow Catherine to be a stay at home mother if she wanted to.
"You still haven't told anyone have you?" asked Catherine.
"Everyone is already on edge about how this hearing is going to go and I don't want to make it worse by making it seem like I have an exit strategy...It's a back up plan to make sure we're ok," signed Spencer. Catherine kissed him.
"They're going to reinstate you and it's going to be ok. I just want you to know that no matter what happens today that I think you did the right thing. You saved that boy and our friend is home. It's going to be ok." Spencer finished getting ready and he and Catherine caught the train. He got Catherine on her train and than he caught the train to Capitol Hill. He walked into the Senate building and headed up to the fourth floor. Rossi, Morgan, Garcia and Strauss were already there.
"JJ was called in first," said Morgan.
"Jack Cramer is conducting that hearing along with the Justice Department committee," said Struass and she walked away when her phone rang.
"Why aren't we in there?" asked Spencer.
"They're just trying to intimidate us," said Rossi.
"Well that's not going to work," said Morgan.
"I am not ok with us," said Garcia looked worried.
"You made not even be a wittness," said Rossi trying to comfort her.
"I'm not worried about me...don't they have anything better to do than this?"
"Baby girl this is just what they do," said Morgan. Strauss hung up her phone and came back to them.
"Anything?" asked Rossi.
"It doesn't look good and they want to question you all," she said.
"How long is she going to be in there?" asked Spencer.
"They want to wrap this up today and it's only eight am," said Strauss.
"Well that is positive," said Rossi barely hiding his contempt for all this.
"I need some air," muttered Garcia and she left the group, Morgan sighed and followed her. Strauss walked away leaving Rossi and Spencer alone. Spencer sat down and stared off into space and Rossi sat down next to him.
"So I really don't care how this go, Morgan is worried, Garcia is freaking out...how are you holding up?" asked Rossi. Spencer twisted his ring and sighed. "Let me rephrase that how is Catherine dealing with all this."
"I'm staying calm so she doesn't stress out. I don't want her going into labor early from all the stress. She due in five weeks...I didn't ask to be reinstated." Rossi nodded.
"Hotch told me what you told Strauss and you're right."
"You asked to be reinstated."
"I did it to piss Erin off and well at this point in my life I need the amusement where ever I can get it. You on the other hand could have groveled and begged for your job back and you didn't. And I think that pisses people off even more," said Rossi. Spencer shook his head and twisted his ring. Garcia and Morgan came back a few minutes later and waited with them. JJ came out of the room an hour later along with a man in a suit.
"Derek Morgan," said the man. Morgan stood up and went into the room. The man in the suit took JJ into another room.
"We can't talk to her?" asked Garica.
"They don't want us comparing notes," said Rossi. Garica started pacing again and Hotch came up to them frowning.
"They want to talk to you next Garica." She looked panic stricken and started pacing faster. Another hour went by and Morgan came out looking murderous and was taken to the same room as JJ and they took Garica back and they only had her for thirty minutes before taking her to the other room and calling Rossi in. He and Hotch sat together looking off into space each thinking about the people they had left at home who they promised to take care of. Each wondering if they were doing the right thing by them.
"Good luck," said Rossi and they called Hotch in next leaving Spencer alone. He sat there and started playing with his wedding ring. Strauss came out of the ladies room and Spencer could swear he smelled a hint of something alcoholic on her, either vodka or gin. She sat down next to him and offered him a mint that he declined. He didn't blame her for drinking...in the past two weeks he had gone to an NA meeting four times. Almost four years clean and he still had to repress the urge, they told him it would be a lifelong struggle. Doesn't mean I have to like it. He heard her heels before he saw her. Emily approached a guard to go through another round of clearance. Spencer looked over and that wave of confusion and sadness was there with a small dose of happiness of seeing her again. She followed the guard away and looked over at Spencer and gave a small tight smile.
"At least you got her back," said Strauss.
"Did we?" asked Spencer. It had been two weeks and no one had really spoken to each other. It was all still stressful and confusing to deal with for everyone. It was like when Emily died and they all went into their own place to lick their wounds and figure out what to do next.
He and Catherine had talked about what this move would mean for them professional and personally. It was sort of a step up professional for him, he would get paid more, work less hours and it would give him the chance to get another degree if he wanted. Personally it would be hard on both of them, they had made friends and family here in DC. Spencer knew that Catherine would miss the friends and the students she had here and he was wondering how his own family and team would take this.
He was torn he loved them, but right now he was upset with JJ, Hotch and Emily. A wedge was there and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about their actions. He was especially hurt by JJ who had watched him suffer and said nothing. He had spilled everything to her and yet she knew the truth. She had watched his marriage almost fall apart and still she said nothing, he wondered what it would have taken for her to tell the truth.
"You still don't feel like you did anything wrong?" asked Struass.
"That man threatened to kill my wife and almost killed my best friend. We saved the life of a young boy and four international criminals are gone. Where was I wrong?" asked Spencer looking her in the eye.
"Dr. Reid." Spencer stood up and walked into the room as Hotch was being lead away.
…...
"Please state your name for the record," said Cramer.
"It's Dr. Spencer Reid." The room was empty except for him and the members of the committee. It was a closed hearing and maybe it was meant to scare him in some way. I've been held hostage by some of the most dangerous Un-subs in the country. If you think this is scary than you need to try harder.
"Dr. Reid...you had barely been back in the unit for three weeks when this happened. You were on sabbatical for several weeks, why was that?" asked Cramer.
"Why is that important?" asked Spencer.
"Just answer the question please."
" When Unit Chief Hotchner said the team could downsize I decided to take some time to spend with my spouse and family to consider if I wanted to stay with the unit or not."
"It took you almost three months to make a decsion."
"No I had already made my descsion, but decided to spend time with my family. Other than my mandatory leave and a few holidays I don't get the time to spend much time with my family. I'm failing to see what this has to do with my actions considering Ian Doyle." Cramer made a face and flipped through a folder.
"You were the one who suggested Ian Doyle be released."
"I am."
"And you're the only agent who hasn't asked to be reinstated to the unit."
"That's correct."
"Considering it took you three months to decide to stay with the unit why aren't you fighting for your reinstatement?"
"Because as I told Chief Strauss I don't feel like my actions went against my job." Cramer made another face like he was biting a sour lemon.
"Was the decision to release Ian Doyle a personal one?"
"A young boy's life was at stake and I ran the probability of his survival and it wasn't good. If you want to punish me for taking a risk I encourge you to do so. But, do not put the rest of my team on trial for something I suggested," said Spencer. If they still had Doyle Spencer had feeling that none of them would be here right now. It didn't matter that a trial for Doyle would be a waste of time and money and that he would kill again.
"Calm down Agent," said Cramer holding up a finger at him like he was child.
"This is calm and it's Doctor," said Spencer barely holding his contempt in check for this man who had no idea how much he and the others had gone through for almost a year.
"The United States government is not in the business of trading captives," said Cramer.
"New York City, July 2010. Referred to as 'The Spy Swap..."
"That's enough."
"You can't just change the rules sir." What you meant to say is that we only do it when it's the our benefit.
"And you can't just break them. Because of your 'suggestion' four people are dead."
"Four people that murdered civilians and Federal agents. Four people that according to the charges that would have been filed against them would have been put on death row."
"So you feel that you have done nothing wrong."
"I already stated that I didn't feel that way." Cramer was getting more furious by the second and Spencer found he didn't care.
"Dr. Reid you are a very smart man and I'm puzzled by how you think you did nothing wrong considering one the supects is dead by your hand?"
"Chole Donheny had a gun and was willing to kill her own son. I defended myself, my team and the young boy she was trying to kill. I was under the impression that when a supect pulls a weapon on you and opens fire that the use of deadly force is allowed."
"But had you not offered to swap Doyle for the boy would she have opened fire."
"She and her partner murdered two Federal Agents, beat a women to death and kidnapped a twelve year old boy. I don't think she needed a reason to fire on us." Cramer closed the folder and glared down at Spencer.
"Dr. Reid in your own words tell me why you think that you or any members of your team should be allowed to reinstated."
"I've been with this team for six years, five months and three days. In that time we have stopped countless serial killers, rapist, and kidnappers from hurting any more families. We have saved more lives than even I can keep track of. Declan Doyle was just one of many that we have saved and while not everything was done by the so called book I would repeat my actions on the day in question if it meant that his life would be saved. I do not regret my actions in any way." Spencer watched Cramer and several committee members take notes and whisper to each other.
"I believe we're finished here."
…...
They were all called back into the room an hour later right after Emily gave her statement. They all took their seats and Spencer wished this day would come to an end. He had no regrets about his actions on that day, Declan had been saved. Everyone else looked panic stricken, even Hotch looked a little on edge.
"This team took many unprecedented risks," started Cramer. Nothing about the last few months had precedent in Spencer's mind. If you had told him three weeks ago that someone he buried would be coming back in his life and her 'killer' was dead he would have thought it a horrible prank, now she sat between Hotch and Morgan worried about them too.
"None were approved. We have rules and you chose to ignore all of them. Every last one of you. You have shown blatant disrespect for the Bureau and for the authory of law in general." Unlike the people we stopped, thought Spencer. He was half tempted to walk out of this room and call MIT to say he would start teaching in the spring. To text Catherine and tell her to start packing again. He had a feeling that this lecture was a big fancy show and that they would not be getting their jobs back. I bet if we had done the same thing and it was your kid we wouldn't be here right now.
"What I find interesting is that you are the experts in behavior and find nothing wrong with yours." Can we finish this while I'm still twenty nine? Cramer went to say something else and Emily spoke up.
"May I?" she asked and she went on anyway. "The journey was not traditional, but this team neutralized four international criminals and saved a young boy's life in the process." Emily had more to say, but Cramer cut her off.
"You started a war with Ian Doyle years ago that this team and the US government had to finish." Spencer hated this man, but he was right. Emily had brought Doyle home with her and than didn't trust them to help her. If you had just trusted us...we might not be here right now. Emily ducked her head in shame and said nothing else.
"The rest of you are dismissed...Agent Preteniss, we're not done." Spencer and the others stood up and left the room. Spencer looked back to look at his team and noticed that Hotch was standing in the doorway looking at Emily with an expression he couldn't read.
…...
I did bring a war home with me, I hurt the people I care about more than anything and they are still paying for it, thought Emily as she sat in the room alone. Than again being alone was something she had gotten bitterly used to over the past few months. She got check in calls from Clyde and she and JJ played online games together on the sly, but it didn't change how much she wanted to be with her family. To mess with Morgan, to hug Garica, to go shopping with JJ, to have a drink with Rossi, to see Spencer and Catherine deal with becoming parents, to kiss Hotch behind a closed door. She couldn't count the nights she had cried or drank herself to sleep in Paris. She used to love Paris now it was like a prison cell to her.
"I will admit that my actions in the past concerning Ian Doyle were a mistake and one that I am still coming to terms with. I accept any punishment given to me, but the team doesn't deserved to be punished for my past mistakes. The only people I know who could have accomplished this mission just walked out of the room. They do and have done their jobs with integrity and most importantly they have honored their oath-I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States of America against all Enemies both Foreign and Domestic. I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same. That I take this obligation freely without any mental reversation or purpose of evasion. That I will well and faithfuly discharge the office on which I am about to enter. So help me god. Ian Doyle not only threatened my life, he threatened theirs and their families. Yet despite these risk they still want to serve this office and the people it protects. You will not find a better group of people willing to serve this country. They feel that they did nothing wrong because they protected what was theirs. If you were in their shoes you would do the same."
Cramer and the committee just looked at her. Without another word she left and saw that Hotch was waiting for her. He didn't say anything and they walked out together.
…...
It was one of those surreal moments to be looking at her picture on the wall with the other agents that had been killed in the line of duty. She really hated it, it was just a bad picture. Rossi came up to her and grinned.
"Never thought we would be taking one of these down." He went to take it down and Emily grinned.
"I already tried that and it's screwed in."
"You're kidding." Rossi found it wouldn't budge. Garcia came up to them with a screwdriver.
"This should do the trick." Rossi took the screwdriver from her and started taking the picture down. "I also have Serigo."
"Oh I knew you would!" She knew if anyone would take care of the cat it would be Garcia.
"I need visitation rights."
"He's the love isn't he?" asked Emily.
"Well he takes after his mom," said Garcia grinning.
"Now I just have to find somewhere to live again. JJ has a lovely home, but it's not cat friendly." Garcia half shrugged.
"Well...when we cleaned out your apartment we did put some stuff in storage and I will admit some of your shoes went to me and some of your jewelery went to JJ and Catherine. But we'll give it back."
"No. You guys keep it. It's the least I can do."
"Can I keep the cat?" Emily mocked glared and Garcia hugged her. Rossi got the photo off the wall and handed it to her.
"For your new place." Spencer, JJ, Hotch and Morgan came forward. Morgan shook his head and started to walk away. Hotch came up to him and said something quietly so they couldn't hear. Morgan nodded, but before anyone else could say anything Strauss was coming towards them.
"We need talk," she went up the meeting room.
"And mommy is still very upset with us," said Rossi.
"You think if we kill we could plea insanity?" asked JJ.
"Actually the insanity defense works in very few cases. Statistical in works 1 in ever 5000 cases," said Spencer.
"Why do you have to bring us down?" asked Garcia.
"Let's just get this over with," said Hotch and they went of the round table room.
"The committee made it clear they will not support a rouge team. Agent Prentiss conceived them that you were not that." It was like a wave of relief filled the room. Spencer couldn't believe it, they had been cleared.
"So we're ok?" asked Garica.
"Supension is lifted for everyone and everyone is reinstated."
"Thank you," said JJ and she fell into a chair. Struass looked at Emily and sighed.
"There will be some more paper work considering your situation, but the team is lucky to have you if your interested," said Strauss.
"Can I think about it?" asked Emily.
"Of course." A few seconds later Emily shook her head and smiled.
"I'm in." JJ looked like she wanted to smack her and Hotch gave the small smile.
"Well I have a stack of cases on my desk that I'm more than happy to pass on to you."
"I'll get them in the morning," said Hotch and Struass left the room.
"And than the Wicked Witch flew back to her castle," said Rossi.
"Emily, what did you say to them?" asked Morgan.
"I told them the truth and that trying to get a new team in here would be a nightmare, no one wants this job other than us...due to what I feel is a lack of sanity," teased Emily.
"Thank you," said Morgan and he walked over and hugged her.
"Ok kiddies it's time to get our party on! We're employeed and together again!" said Garcia.
"Amen to that," said JJ.
"Dinner," suggested Hotch.
"New burger joint down the street is really good," said Rossi.
"Waitresses are cute," said Morgan and Garcia shoved him.
"You in?" asked Emily looking at Spencer.
"Come on," pleaded Garcia. "Soon you're going to stuck home all the time with diapers and baby spit up and we'll never see you outside of work. Oh call Kitty and tell her to come because soon we'll never see her at all."
"Why do you make having children sound like a death sentence?" asked Spencer.
"It killed my social life," said Hotch.
"You had a social life?" asked Morgan.
"I really miss you guys," said Emily tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and looking at Spencer. He sighed, this was his family and he had missed them.
"You want to come with me to get her from school...she's probably still there rehearsing with the kids?"
"I would love to," said Emily.
…...
"She sounds amazing," signed Kyle. They were watching Natalie preform and she was singing and signing to Adele's-Someone like you.
"Her signing is...it needs a little work," signed Catherine. "I don't think she's feeling it right." Natalie finished and everyone clapped or waved.
"Natalie that sounded amazing, but you're also signing it. They can't hear what you're feeling," said/signed Kyle and the young girl looked confused.
"Did I mess it up?"
"No, but how you sign it is how I hear it," explained Catherine and Kyle translated it for Natalie. Catherine got up and went up to the stage and Kyle to translate for her.
"This song...it's about loss and trying to move on?" asked Catherine and Natalie nodded. "You signed it right, but I can't hear the emotion your singing about. I need to see it." Natalie was new to the program and this was the only choir going on right now and she looked annoyed.
"I don't understand how you can see the emotion," signed Kyle.
"You sing the song again and I want you to watch me sign it," said Catherine. Natalie looked even more annoyed, but she took her place again. Kyle motioned for the music to start again and once Natalie started singing again Catherine started signing with her.
I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light
I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
"Do you understand now?" asked Kyle. "You feel how sad the song really is." Catherine looked at Natalie and it was clear the girl was understanding it now.
"I can't hear you, but I can feel it," said Catherine. Natalie nodded and Catherine got off the stage. Has she went back to her seat she noticed that Spencer and Emily had been there.
"That was amazing," said/signed Emily.
"You think you can handle the kids for the last twenty minutes of rehearsal?" asked Catherine.
"I think we might wrap up early today. I think the show is going to look great," said/signed Kyle. Catherine waved good bye to group on stage and than went in the back to say good bye to them. Catherine looked back and forth between Spencer and Emily.
"Do you mind if we have a minute?" asked Catherine. Emily nodded and walked away. Catherine took Spencer by the hand and into one of the class rooms.
"How did it go?" she asked.
"I got reinstated and I can go back to work on Monday," signed Spencer. Catherine looked visible relieved and she hugged him.
"This is good right. You wanted your job back."
"Yeah...yeah I did,"
"I sense a but in there." He just hugged her again.
"I'm still just working through how I feel about some of things that have happened over the past few months." He was happy to have his job back, but how was he supposed to trust Hotch and JJ after this.
"We're ok though. If you still want to move and take the other job...I'll be ok with it..."
"I sense a but in there," signed Spencer.
"We started our life together here and I'm happy here. But if you need to this, I'm with you. You told me once that I was your home and the same is true for me." Spencer kissed her slowly.
"Thank you so much. I'm going to stay with the BAU...it's not going to be easy, but I don't know what it is that keeps me there." Catherine nodded. "We got invited to dinner with the team. They want to see you before you disappear for what they assume is forever after you have the baby." Catherine laughed.
"I am starving. Do you want to go?" Spencer took her hand and squeezed.
"We do have something to celebrate." Catherine kissed him on the cheek and they walked out of the classroom together. Emily watched as Catherine and Spencer walk down the hall and she couldn't help but smile at how they looked together. She was happy for them and she could only imagine how much this meant to them. Catherine locked eyes with Emily and there was a hint of sadness in her smile.
"I missed you," signed Emily.
"I missed you too," signed Catherine and she hugged Emily. It felt so odd to hug her friend again after missing her for so long and Emily felt the same way.
"You are...wow... congratulations again," signed Emily trying to not cry.
"Come on...we have a lot to catch up on." Spencer walked a little behind Catherine and Emily as they signed back and forth. It was in Catherine's nature to be forgiving, it was the reason she able to stay with him despite all his faults. Spencer on the other hand was trying to find the keys that would let him forgive what had happened.
Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends. Shirley Maclaine
Notes-How I heard the line. "This is calm and it's doctor...bitch!" It was unspoken but, it would have just competed the sentence.
