Chapter 54
"That whole conversation was…"
"Relieving" Lexa completed for her. She nodded.
"I hope Aden will be as okay with the idea of us…being an 'us'" Clarke said.
"When the time's right, he'll know too"
They were silent then, and a tiny bit awkward standing before each other now.
"Are you seriously okay with me being here? Tonight?"
Clarke looked amused. "Are you seriously asking me that question?" she said with laughter in her tone.
Lexa laughed too.
"I'll make sure not to pass out in your bed this time." Lexa said, remembering how she woke up in her old bed the last time she was here only to find she had given Clarke no option but to use the guest bedroom.
A statement about how that bed was theirs and not just hers was at the tip of Clarke's tongue, but she saved it. Lexa knows anyway.
"You can sleep there tonight too, I'm fine with the guestroom"
"No Clarke…"
"I insist."
Lexa shrugged, but smiled and said "okay"
"I want to talk to you about something" Lexa continued.
"Yea sure. I'm up for a while anyway"
"Great, do you have wine?"
Clarke laughed. "I'll get the wine out"
"I'll go tuck Madi in and be right with you."
Lexa tucked Madi in and kissed her forehead
"Thank you, for being so smart, and so mature, and so caring. I'm so proud to call you mine, baby" Lexa spoke softly to her little one.
Madi giggled.
"Mommy, does this mean Clarke could become my mommy in the future."
Lexa sighed. "It doesn't mean anything, okay honey?"
Lexa didn't want to confirm the affirmative or the negative to her yet. They had such a long way to go. No one could say when things could go horribly wrong and the last thing she wanted was for Madi and Aden to be hurt in this whole arrangement.
Madi didn't look satisfied with the answer.
"I promise you, I won't make any decisions regarding this relationship with Clarke, without first checking with you. I know how much it hurt you when I had to stay away from Costia for a while. And I never want you to feel that way ever again. Aden too. You two are so important to us right now."
Madi nodded in understanding. Lexa kissed her once more and walked towards the door.
"I like Clarke, mommy."
"I know you do"
"No, I mean for you, she makes you happy."
Lexa was shocked.
"In the begging it was different. You didn't seem to always like her around, but these days you're happier when she's around"
"Is it?" Lexa asked, still astounded that her daughter had been observing so much.
Madi giggled. "Goodnight Mommy. Don't exchange too many cooties." She teased
"I'll make sure I don't" Lexa said with laughter in her tone as she looked towards Aden to check he was sound asleep, switched the room lights off and blew Madi a kiss before closing her door.
Lexa returned to the living room to find Clarke seated on the couch, with two glasses of wine poured out and placed on the table before them.
They took their glasses, clinked them softly and took a sip.
"Is everything okay? What did you want to talk about?" Clarke asked.
"Does it worry you that I'm not ready to move back in here yet?" The question was so ready on her tongue, Clarke wondered if Lexa had been rehearsing it.
"What do you mean?" Clarke asked, wanting to be sure where she was getting with this.
"I don't want you to give up on the idea that I will come back home one day"
"I could never think that. I was never thinking that"
"Okay. Yea. No. I was just making sure."
"I know why this space is important for us… I know why we said we'll take things slow" Clarke reassured.
"Yea…" Lexa said, then laughed, thinking about their little moment they shared in the kitchen today.
"What?"
"I can't stop thinking about that moment we were having and how Madi walked in on that."
Clarke laughed too. "Yea when you think of it now, it is more funny than terrifying."
"Were you going to kiss me?" Clarke asked then, carefully.
Lexa took a sip and looked into Clarke eyes and said "I don't know…"
"Your lips were moving closer towards my lips…" Clarke said, not ready to make eye contact while recalling how Lexa's lips were kissing across her cheek.
"Maybe I was… I don't know…"
Clarke sighed and took another sip of her wine.
"Would you have been okay? With that?"
Now Clarke looked up at her. "With you kissing me on my lips? Yea, why not. You've done it a few times now since we've seen each other again"
Lexa laughed. "I have, I guess. But this was more… not rushed"
"Yea" Clarke agreed. To be honest she really wanted Lexa to kiss her then. To be honest she could do with Lexa's lips right now.
"So what exactly is 'slow'?" Clarke asked all of a sudden and Lexa laughed out loud. It was too funny to resist.
"I guess slow would mean making sure we move at a pace we're both comfortable with."
"Okay" Clarke thought for a moment, then reached her free hand out and said "are you comfortable holding my hand?"
Lexa stared down at her hand and smiled. She placed her hand in Clarke's and said "I am"
Clarke traced lightly on the skin above her knuckles as she held Lexa's hands.
"This is ridiculous" Lexa laughed and scooted closer to Clarke, to bury her head in the crook of Clarke's neck. It took her by surprise.
"I'm comfortable with this. Are you?" she said softly.
There was silence. And Lexa realized, Clarke's arm was tensed around her shoulder. Lexa quickly looked at her, worried if she'd done something wrong. "Are you?"
"I am" said Clarke, now letting her body ease into this position, letting her arm rest around Lexa.
Just to reassure Lexa, she placed a tiny kiss on her head, breathing in that perfect scent of her shampoo.
"You smell just the same" Clarke said softly.
"Only you can make a weird statement like that sound romantic." Lexa teased.
Clarke laughed.
Suddenly Lexa's phone began to ring, it was Anya, she picked up and put it on speaker
"Hey An"
"Lexa, where are you? I came home well, no one's here"
"I'm at Clarke's. Madi's asleep. We'll come home tomorrow morning"
"Are you fucking Clarke again?" The happiness in her voice was not lost to them.
"Clarke laughed and Lexa sat up straight quickly putting the phone off speaker
"Anya!"
Clarke could hear Anya say something like "What? It's a yes or no question"
"Lexa got up then and took the call to the kitchen.
Clarke watched her walk away. She wondered to herself if Lexa keeps Anya updated about every single move they make. She suddenly remembered she hadn't spoken to Raven in a while and they probably should catch up soon. Clarke looked towards the kitchen and wondered if when Lexa returned, would she assume the same position they were just in, Clarke secretly wanted her too, it seemed normal again, for that small moment.
