Psychic Chick
Part Two: The Rising Threat
Chapter Fifty Five: Casualties Of Bar
Main POV
I laughed as I watched Kadeki eat dirt on the way out of the bar. I reached down, offered him a hand. He was drunk off his ass, laughing as he lay there waiting to be helped up. Almost everyone in the squad was like that, it was probably time we started heading back. I pulled him up off the ground and looked back at the Captain, he nodded, thinking the same thing.
"We should head back," I said to Kadeki. "We've got work in the morning, and no one wants to work with a hangover. Gotta go and sleep this off."
"Right," Kadeki nodded. "Everyone! Let's go home. Bed sounds fantastic right about now."
And just like that all the drunks stumbled towards the seireitei and would be tucked up and in bed within the hour. I walked a few paces behind with the Captain, chatting. The alcohol, I couldn't tell if it was the beer or the social setting, but either way, Hitsugaya was a much looser person tonight. He was relaxed, open, and I liked it. He was my friend tonight, completely. Usually he was my Captain or the Captain who was my friend, tonight, he was just my friend.
"I had a good time tonight," I told him.
"Yeah," he agreed. "It was nice to get out for a change, without Rangiku trying to kill me with sake."
"I'm glad you convinced me it was okay to go, if you hadn't I probably would have just stayed home and sulked. Too mad at Renji to be with him and too scared to come out," I told him. "So thank you. I needed this and I had a lot of fun just hanging out with you outside of work. It kind of reminded me of the world of the living when I thought you were just an ordinary guy. Although that probably felt like work for you."
"No, that wasn't much of a vacation for me, I had to keep you from killing yourself while trying to find this disappearing spiritual energy and try to keep Renji, Rangiku, Yumichika and Ikkaku from killing either each other or someone else," he laughed. "But I'm glad to hear you enjoyed yourself, I was under the impression back then you didn't like me."
"I thought you were hiding something from me," I told him. "And you were. But you had my back when I needed you, so I respected you, even if I didn't understand you. It wasn't until much later that I started seeing you as a friend though."
"Well whatever changed," he told me. "I'm glad."
"Me too," I grinned.
It wasn't long before we were back at the barracks, due to head our separate ways. Everyone else headed immediately inside, needing bed and needing it now. Hitsugaya stood by the deck, hands in his pockets, as I climbed the stairs. He looked up at me when I reached the top and cleared his throat.
"If you ever want to do something like that again, Kiseki, I had a good time tonight," he said. "So I'd do it again."
"I'm glad," I smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."
I headed inside then, smiling softly to myself as I wandered through the corridors to my room. It was my first night back here since the renovations. I'd moved all my stuff in today, by myself mostly. The squad had offered to help, but they had their own stuff to move. I didn't dare ask Renji or his friends because I was too mad at him still. I tried to understand how he felt, I know he loves me, he just wants to protect me, but he was too much sometimes.
I sighed as I unlocked my door and flicked on the light, closing the window. This nights were getting warmer as spring approached but they were still too cool keep it open all night. I thought about what I should do about Renji as I dressed for bed. Maybe it was something I could talk to Byakuya about, if he still wanted to talk to me after I told him I wasn't a virgin. I remembered Rangiku had warned me about it one day at the office over a year ago, but I never thought he'd go this far with it. I sighed, the world was different here, he probably expected better of a child of nobility.
I sat on my issues for a couple of days, less worried about them since I'd been on that night out and was able to relax but they were still there. I wished I hadn't sent Rangiku and Byakuya on a romantic weekend away to a hot spring somewhere several districts away. They were due to come back today and after travelling, today might not be the day to corner them, but I didn't want to shoulder this alone anymore. And, although I sometimes still feared the soul society, I trusted Byakuya. So often there had been times where he should have reported me or turned me in or done something to Renji but instead he chose to hold back, to trust me, to side with me. That had to mean something.
"Kiseki," Byakuya said sounding surprised.
I stood outside his home office door, not bothering to mask my spiritual pressure. I knelt on the ground by the sliding, rice paper door and waited to be granted entrance inside. I took a deep breath. He loved me, everyone told me that, this shouldn't change his opinion of me. Those that matter don't mind and the one that mind don't matter. If he does care, then that's that, he's not my father. He's not my real dad anyway.
"You can come inside," he told me and I slid the door open. "I'm surprised to see you, your visits are few and far between yet I have seen you more than three times this week. Is something the matter?"
"Welcome home?" I tried, he smiled.
"I know it's because you are busy, there's no need to feel guilty," he told me.
"I have a couple of issues I wanted to talk to you about," I said, shuffling further into the room and sliding the door closed again.
"Oh?" He asked.
"The Kuchikamizake, for starters," I started. "Listen, I'm honoured, of course I'd do it.."
"But the requirements of those making it have startled you?" He asked knowingly. I looked up at him in shock.
"H-how?" I stuttered.
"You are a modern, human girl," he explained. "I'm aware your life in the world of the living would have been very different than the life you live here. If it is something that has happened there that's bothering you, then you shouldn't worry. We can simply agree that it doesn't count. So long as when you made that choice it was yours to make and you were happy, that's all I care about."
"Well.. I know that but I just feel like.." I sighed. "I don't want to lie to you. Or anyone else for that matter, it feels wrong to say.. to make it. It's for the clan, it's meant to be an offering to the Spirit King. How can I do that, knowing what I know and make an offering under a lie. No, I couldn't do that, not when it's meant to bring prosperity and longevity to the clan."
"You feel that strongly about it?" He asked. I nodded. "Given your reaction to when I asked you the other day, I had thought about this. There is a similar kind of mouth chewed sake that could be offered, to the Spirit King. It only requires a beautiful woman, rather than a virginal one. Perhaps while we commemorate the forming of the clan we can also celebrate the growing of our own family. Many new additions to this household have been made within the last 50 years and I'm glad for all of them. So I've spoken to both Rukia and Rangiku, they have agreed to dance with you. Each Kuchiki woman will make their own offering to the Spirit King."
"Oh," I said dumbly. "Yeah, that's good. It's a good idea."
"I thought so," he smiled at me. "And your other issues?"
"Just one other issue," I frowned.
"Just one?" He asked.
"I had a big fight with Renji a few days ago, I haven't spoken to him since," I explained. "I can understand how he feels but, that doesn't make it right either. And so, I don't know what to do or say, and well, you know him, you know what you'd do, please help me."
"Of course I'll help you child," he responded. "What was the argument about?"
"Listen, I, I don't know if I should tell you," I explained. "Something happened, a year ago, and lots of people helped cover it up and though I trust you, I don't want to get them in trouble."
"Is this about why Renji went missing for several days on a mystery ailment?" He asked. "Your friends didn't do a spectacular job at covering it up. I won't report it to the other Captains and I won't change my opinion on your friends either."
"I was back at the office doing some paperwork, I was just trying to find my feet. Everyone had finished lunch for the day, and people often gather to share drinks at Division 10's barracks in the office kitchen. I was invited. I was just 17 then, I didn't really want to drink. Renji, who had already had more than a few, said they're only small cups. Appease the masses by having a drink and then go back to doing whatever it was I was doing. It seemed like a good plan, except one was never enough. You give someone an inch.."
"And they take a mile," he agreed.
"So I tried to say no, but they were forcing the cup up to my mouth, refilling the cup as often as their own," I explained. "I ended up having to get my Captain to help me, I couldn't look after myself. I got alcohol poisoning and was on a drip for days, hidden away at Lieutenant Hinamori's house. Renji eventually found me and he felt so guilty about leaving me to my own devices, not being there to say no for me or back me up. I told him I wasn't angry, it wasn't his fault."
"And this is where he was, he was nursing you back to health instead of leaving to fend for yourself?" He asked and I nodded. "This also explains why Rangiku was so upset during that time. They were both acting so suspicious that I was concerned for a moment that they shared a secret."
"I got invited out for a drink on Saturday by the rest of the officers in my squad, being an adult now, or at least in my country, I agreed. I shouldn't fear alcohol. Well actually I declined originally, but when the rest of them assured me I didn't have to drink and they were inviting me out to spend time with me, to thank me I agreed. I was excited. I had never been invited to go out and do something with friends before. I'd been to birthday parties and such before, but I never really had a lot of friends. This was different. I was so excited."
"But after what happened last time Renji was apprehensive about you going?" Byakuya asked.
"How did you know?" I replied.
"It's like you said, I have known him for a long time," he smiled. "I would have been apprehensive too."
"He didn't outright forbid it. He told me it was my choice but implied I shouldn't and he wouldn't approve," I explained. "I told him I wasn't asking for his permission. It was my choice and I came to tell him as a courtesy. I told him if he was that worried, he should have actually been there the first time."
"I see," Byakuya replied thoughtfully.
"He gave me the guilt treatment years ago about not letting him be there for me, for not sharing my problems with him, for going off by myself. I actually need him and where is he? He left me alone like that and then he wants to make it my fault, to stop me from doing something I want because he doesn't trust me to be able to look after myself?"
"I don't think it's lack of trust for you," Byakuya said. "It's guilt over what happened. Hurt because of what happened to you. He should not be controlling your actions but I do understand his words. You should speak to him, tell him how you feel and what you want from him, he'll do the same. It may be easily solved, it may take work. If things come to odds, I will back you. I shall even speak to him on your behalf if you wish."
"Thanks, I just needed to hear I wasn't being to harsh," I replied. "I've been feeling pretty guilty about it for days."
"Everyone has said something in the heat of the moment they regret," he told me. "But just because something you've said is harsh, doesn't make it any less true, or unnecessary to say."
I knocked hard on Renji's front door. I could wait for him to come to me, but I was the one who stormed out on him. I decided to do the adult thing and go to him, talk about how I was feeling, listen to how he was feeling, work this out. He didn't answer at first. I hammered harder on the wood. Still nothing. I flaired my spiritual pressure angrily. I was losing my ability to be the better person.
"You have a nice night?" Renji asked, pulling the front door open, beer in hand. The irony.
"It was really good actually," I smiled. "The Captain came. At least he trusts me."
"Well I'm so glad mister perfect and you had a nice night out," he replied.
"Mister perfect?" I raised a brow.
"Yeah, mister perfect," Renji confirmed. "Mister lies for you, mister helps you hide while you're a fugitive, mister can offer you the whole goddamn world."
"Renji, what the hell are you talking about?" I asked. "That's you. You were with me in that cave, we share secrets with each other, I go to you with my problems you're the one giving me the whole goddamn world because you gave me this one. Do you not get it, without you, I wouldn't have come here. I would have run."
"Yeah, but he's the one who was there when I failed. I had to go back and pretend to have not been with you the whole time and he stayed with you after I was gone. He was the one with the power to protect you, he got them to offer you a better deal, he promoted you, he helped you prove yourself. And he's the one who can give you a better world. He's stronger, smarter and more powerful than I will ever be. He can give you more."
"I don't want more, I want you," I yelled.
"Oh yeah? Then how come he was the one by your side the other night?" He fumed.
"Because you were too busy hiding from me," I replied.
"Hiding from you? I was ashamed because of what I did to you!" He threw his beer bottle out into the street beside him and stormed out the front door. He grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him. "I failed you. I keep failing you. Didn't you see the scars the healing wounds? The missing limbs, your chest blown open? When you were held and being tortured for hours? I should have been protecting you but I failed. I couldn't even stop Rangiku from pressuring you into binge drinking."
"None of that was your fault Renji," I shook my head. "Those were casualties of war. That's the world we live in, we're at war. Bad things happen to good people, that's life. But the difference is we get back up again. Every time I fall down it's your job to pull me back up, okay? That's it. You're not obliged to protect me when you can't, it's when you can and don't that's the problem. No, the problem is that you take on all the responsibility yourself and don't trust me to be able to look after myself. I'm not made of glass Renji. Let me spread my wings, I'm not going to fly away from you."
"I keep almost losing you," his voice broke.
"You will never lose me, I can't be lost. I'm always with you," I told him.
"I love you," he whispered.
"I know," I nodded.
