Chapter 51: Carrot-pocalypse
Written by BeecroftA
"Seriously Carrots, why did you have to buy so many carrots? If you manage to eat all of those before they go bad, I think you'll turn into one!"
The pair had just come from the Zootopia Farmer's Market, a monthly event on the outskirts of the city where various farmers from the nearby countryside would gather together to sell their wares. The produce wasn't quite Bunnyburrow quality, but it was still the best one could get in Zootopia, and Judy had gone wild in trying to buy up as much food as she could for the coming month. Her final total had been fourteen ears of corn, three stalks of cauliflower, twelve eggplants, a pint of blueberries and about five bunches of carrots. The bags alone took up about half the spare floor space in Judy's apartment.
"I grew on a farm, Nick! Good produce is hard to find around here, and I couldn't just turn down a bargain!"
"You know they sell these local fruits and veggies at certain grocery stores, right?"
"Yes, but the prices at the farmer's market are SO much better!"
"Not if half of your purchases expire before you can eat them," Nick quipped back. "Carrots, you don't even have a fridge of your own! All you've got is the communal fridge in this building, and that only gives you one square foot of space!"
"Well, I can also use the staff fridge at headquarters, and I'm sure I can store some stuff in your fridge too, since I'm at your place often enough. Right?" Judy stared up at Nick, pursing her lips while giving him the biggest, pleading eyes she could muster. "Would you do that for your best friend and girlfriend?"
"Uh-uh, nothing doing. You're not putting any of those carrots in my fridge. And I'm not falling for those eyes again, Fluff," Nick replied, closing his eyes trying to not see the sad-bunny-eyes Judy was giving him.
Curse her rabbity cuteness!
"It was worth a shot..." Judy muttered to herself, though her eyes widened as she looked at Nick again. "Wait, so no carrots at your place, but you'll allow the cauliflower, the corn, the eggplants and the blueberries in your fridge?"
"The berries most certainly, though I can't guarantee they'll be there on your next visit," Nick replied with a wink. "The cauliflower, corn and eggplants we can negotiate. But the carrots? Nothing doing."
Judy's eyes went wide, and she glared at Nick with her paws on her hips: "Do you mean to say that you, my boyfriend, do not like carrots?"
"Carrots the rabbit? Yes. In a cake with icing? Sure. In their natural vile root state, one hundred percent no."
"But you buy me carrot smoothies and things like that all the time…"
"Yes, but you've never actually seen me drink or eat any of those, have you?"
Judy was stunned. That was true. In all the time she had known Nick she had never once seen him eat a carrot, nor had it ever occurred to her that he might not like them. It was even his nickname for her. Her favorite food, a staple of her species… This would have been a major game-changer had it been anyone but Nick.
Suddenly Judy's violet eyes flashed, and a sly grin spread over her face. She had an idea. Either she would get him to like carrots, or she would have a little fun at his expense and edge closer to winning the bet at the same time. She grabbed one of the carrot bunches from the bag, put it on a plate and held it out to Nick:
"Alright Fox, kiss or dare! I bet you three kisses that you cannot eat this whole bunch of carrots in one sitting!"
Nick blinked once, and then his eyes bulged as the words of her proposal sank in. "Carrots, you're not serious…"
"As you said, I bought too many carrots to eat by myself, so you," she drew her paw around his cheek, letting it rest on under his chin, "my handsome boyfriend, are going to have to help me." She twirled away from him, his jaw hanging a bit looser than before as she bounded over to a bag of nearby carrots. "Now as much as I'd love to eat these…" She dramatically counted with her fingers, "…eight delicious-looking carrots myself, I think I might enjoy watching you eat them more."
"Carrots, no, please, NO…"
"You know the rules of Kiss or Dare, Nick! Either you eat this whole bunch of carrots and get to kiss me, or I get to kiss you," she held up three fingers on her paw, "trice."
Nick said nothing, but continued to stare at her.
"What? Kiss or Dare was your idea in the first place, sweetheart."
Nick's face went blank. She only used that word when there was a hustle going on, and now his little conbunny had struck again. His mind scrambled looking for a loophole, but there wasn't one. Either he had to grin and bear it, or she would gain an even bigger lead in the bet. He looked up at her, his face set in a grimace. "Fine… I'll take the dare."
Nick sat on the bed, and reluctantly accepted the plate of carrots from Judy. He picked one up, contemplated it for a second, and took a bite. He hadn't eaten a carrot since he was eight, and it was just as bad as he remembered. The half-bitter, half-sickly sweet flavor, the hard bits in his throat threatening gag reflex, the smell and grit of lingering dirt… He swallowed the pieces with difficulty, and slowly took another bite.
On the sidelines, Judy was enjoying herself immensely. Nick was trying to put on a casual face as usual, but his ears were down, a telltale sign of fear or disgust, and with the slow and delicate way his jaws moved he might as well have been chewing on glass. But he persevered, one slow bite at a time, six in total, until he reached the leafy top at the end, which he threw to the floor in triumph.
"Woo! I did it! That was a breeze! One down, seven to go!" He reached for a second carrot, a slight but noticeable tremble in his fingers. Judy smiled, not buying the act at all. "Oh, I should get my camera for this..." she laughed, bringing out her phone as Nick glared at her, but held onto his grip of the orange vegetable.
Nick went through the second carrot just as fast, and then a third much more slowly, a sour look on his face becoming more and more pronounced all the time. As he was about to start his fourth carrot Judy decided that was enough. As much as she enjoyed having the upper hand on Nick, it wouldn't be very girl-friendly of her to keep torturing him like this. Time to use her ace in the hole.
She slowly reached down and picked up one of the used carrot tops from the floor. "Sorry Nick, but perhaps I should have been a little more clear about the rules. You see, when I said you have to eat the whole bunch of carrots…" She waved the long green leafy stalk in front of his face, "…that includes eating the tops as well."
The insides of Nick's ears turned green to match the carrot stem. That was too much. He couldn't eat that. He could barely hold down the carrots he had just eaten… Suddenly he leapt up, dashed out of the room and ran to the male's bathroom down the hall of Judy's apartment complex, clutching his muzzle. A retching sound reached Judy's ears, and she swung her fist in victory. But then a second retching sound rang out, then a third, and suddenly Judy wasn't so pleased. She hadn't meant to make him sick… What if he was actually allergic? She raced down the hall and knocked on the bathroom door. "Nick? Nick, are you alright?" She opened the door and checked the open stalls, but to her surprise Nick wasn't in any of them.
Suddenly a pair of brown paws grabbed Judy's shoulders, spun her around, and before she knew it Nick had planted a carrot-scented kiss right on her nose. He had been hiding behind the bathroom door the whole time.
Judy giggled in spite of herself. "Fake retching noises, sweetheart?"
"The best, Carrots. Finnick and I used to get free meals out of restaurants by pretending they made us sick. Now if you'll excuse me…"
He turned on the tap in the sink next to them, used it to rinse the remaining carrot bits out of his mouth and then turned back to Judy, all the while clutching his stomach. "If it's all the same to you, I'll take those three kisses now. At least it only averages out to two this round anyway."
Judy nodded and began to proceed, but then suddenly blushed as she remembered where they were. "Maybe not here, Nick. We are in the men's room…"
"Oh we don't mind!" came a voice from the stall at the end.
"Well, I kinda do…" said a voice from the adjoining stall.
"OH SHUT UP!"
"NO YOU SHUT UP!"
Nick and Judy were out of the bathroom like greased lightning. Clearly there was nowhere in the whole building where they could be safe from eavesdropping crazy neighbors. They slammed the door to Judy's room, grateful for the tiny bit of privacy it gave them. They looked at each other, then Judy began to giggle as a thought occurred to her.
She thoughtfully looked over Nick's face, taking in the distinct orange of his fur and the forest green of his eyes and the leaves on his green Hawaiian shirt, and something occurred to her that she had never noticed before.
"You know Nick, for not liking carrots as much as you do, you sure do look like one."
Nick's eyes widened, then his ears fell and he groaned, sliding down against the door.
"Guess I'm not the only carrot in the room then, eh, Carrots?" He smiled weakly before beginning to laugh.
Judy beamed a smile at him, then leaned down and kissed him, once on each of his ears, then, smiling deviously, she leaned in once more and gave the top of his head a tiny nibble.
Nick yelped as Judy darted back, smiling mischievously.
"What did you just do?" Nick panted, feeling the crown of his head where Judy had nibbled him. She just stood in front of him, innocent eyes narrowed slightly.
"Well, you look like a carrot, but you sure don't taste like one." She reached behind her on the bed and grabbed a carrot from the plate. She placed it between her teeth and snapped it with ease, all while staring at him.
Nick gulped.
Kiss Count
Nick: 52
Judy: 56
AN: Hi there, BeecroftA here! I haven't formally published anything before, but you may have still seen my name pop up here and there (my main strength is giving feedback and suggestions). This has been nice practice though, so I may write more in the future. We shall see.
