This is the corniest chapter of the fic. I've tried to make it less but it's so hard... Anyway, you are the judge after all so please tell me what you think of this.
Chapter 50
Unfrozen Flame
The girl dangled her legs over the train rails. She was listening to her MP3 pegged on her school tie while taking a drag from her cigarette. In front of her, from the other side of the platform, the sun was bending to the tall sky-scarpers. The numerous windows received the image of the burning sun in them, cutting up the Goddess in million of square pieces.
A soul lost an' astray sits all alone
While rivers running wild
Kimi rocked her head to the melody, oblivious to the people walking on the other platform. She let her gaze wander towards the rails that went out of the platform into the setting horizon.
She is only an empty shell
Who gazes the sky
Wishing for someone to hold and take care
God, I'm so cold. Even though the summer is nearing, I feel that I'm falling ill. She looked down at her over-short navy skirt rolling like waves in the sun. Oh, my God, I can't believe this is happening to me. She took a drag to calm herself while drumming the concrete floor with her other hand's fingers. My life is already over. I can't say that I'm not happy about it. No, the problem is that I'm scared to lose my freedom.
Neither has found this thing called love
Nor tasted the frail lips' touch
Neither knew what heartbreak is
Nor breathed the air of a beloved one
She thought back of his crimson eyes boring into hers with such melancholy and passion that she felt intrigued by his nature. She was playing with him all the time but now she'd realized that she had fallen in her own nets. How can I be so stupid? The world is so large and yet I still find the one who'll be my bane. And that for a couple of ice creams. But even so, Kimi knew that it was of her own accord that she took in continuing the game.
But the Moon has foreseen
And together they are united
In one endless night of love
Now I'm the one who lose, she pampered. A train passed by, unfolding her school skirt on its passage. The people on the other platform got on and all was left to tranquility. Kimi knocked the cigarette on the platform's edge calmly though her heart was trembling. I shouldn't be. Mariah said that it was something good, something that brings happiness. But even Kimi couldn't kid herself by trusting what Mariah had said. After all, she had seen what it did to her.
Want you to know how good it feels
When you run your fingers in my hair
To listen to your voice calling me
Even when you're not there
This song sucks. Kimi lifted her MP3 and looked up the name of the song. "Crimson Flame" Ming Ming, 4:45. This is great. I can't believe Hilary listens to such corny stuff.
Want you to know how deep is the wound
That you've inflected in my heart
So pure yet so true
To you I belong forever
But I'm living in corny now. I just can't believe it. He meant to be the one to lose, not me. Kimi had learnt that Kai wasn't perfect. He had his own weaknesses. Maybe that was why she felt a pity mingled with admiration towards him. But not this. Or maybe but not this kind of it. I'd rather not fuck at all then fuck only a single one. But who is it that's stopping you? her conscience asked her.
We both take a vow stronger than death
Together we stand still
As a frozen rose, it sleeps
But our ardor love
Will reborn and last to the end
She felt a presence behind her. Kimi lifted slowly her head to meet with the newcomer's crimson gaze. So soon… she thought. He settled down next to her, letting his legs hang down the void between the platform and the rails. His tie was loosened and the two first buttons of his uniform was undone. He had his motorcycle gloves on and his eyes were weary as his slated hair was messy. Kimi could see small beads of sweat adorning his temples. He wasn't looking at her but at the image of the setting sun. The buildings were on fire, rising against the pale sky. How did he find her, she didn't know. But what Kimi was feeling inside remained unperceived by the young man. She turned off the music and removed her earphones. Rummaging inside her schoolbag, Kimi took out a packet of cigarettes. After taking one for herself, she offered one to Kai who refused. Kimi shrugged and lighted it with a culturist-shaped lighter. She lifted one leg up to the platform so that she could rest an arm there. Nonetheless she felt that she shouldn't have done it, knowing that her underpants would be in view. Kai was more used to see her naked than dressed of course, but it didn't help Kimi to feel suddenly modest. He let her find a more convenient position before turning his gaze on her.
"Why didn't you take the motorcycle?"
Kimi looked behind her and saw that Kai had arrived on his jewel. Its front light seemed to be beckoning her, urging her to tell him her secret.
"I don't know how to drive," she quietly answered.
"I can teach you."
Kimi stared with disbelief the young man. He was serious. Her heart weakened like the first time a man proposed to fuck her. But of course, this time was different. They fucked before letting anything else happen. She felt herself in a weak position. She couldn't look at him without feeling that whatever move she made she was heading towards defeat.
"It's okay. I'd rather ride behind you."
"But what if I wouldn't be there?"
"Where will you be?"
Kai fell silent. Kimi took the opportunity to hide behind the smoke. She was afraid that her voice might tremble. Curiosity was creeping in her heart. Will he talk to me about what happened? Have I just committed another mistake? I've walked from the school to this place and he came on motorcycle. The song lasted 4:45 and I've been listening only to the first part. Meaning that he came out after I've reached here because it's only 5 or 6 minutes on bike while I've taken 15 minutes to get here. I was sitting here for a minute or two when he arrived, so he couldn't have fucked with them... But eating pussies doesn't take long.
"You're not thinking that I'll stay at the Palace forever?" Kai said.
The Palace… Kimi was no longer in a school uniform. She was sitting on her hooded-jumper on the grass surrounding the ruins of the pagoda. Kai next to her in his montsuki was looking at the mountains beyond. She must stop dreaming. That was true. She had totally forgotten. The Palace was the whole world to her and it was hard to think of anyone leaving it. But the good side was that she didn't need to fear for he wouldn't be around long. Yet, two weeks had passed since he was here and Kimi was afraid that that was long enough to make him a part of her.
"But if you go, the motorcycle will go as well," she heard herself say.
Sometimes Kimi surprised herself by her capacity of keeping all her senses even when she was experiencing the wildest of muddles. There were so many questions pressed behind her lips but she could only talk about motorcycles.
"But you can always ride on another," Kai said after a while of silence.
"What if I don't want to?"
Actually, what Kimi wanted to say was that his motorcycle had captured her heart ever since she set her eyes on it. Riding it was more precious to her than any orgasms. But she just couldn't push herself to say that. It's not fair, Kimi pouted inside. I used to be true to my feelings but now I'm turning into a conservative bitch.
"I didn't know that you smoke," Kai said, eyeing the cigarette in her hand.
"I don't," Kimi quickly said. "It's only when I'm out of myself that I do."
Kai cocked his eyebrow in a way Kimi couldn't help laughing though she wasn't quite over with her uneasiness.
"Are you out of yourself now?" he asked.
"Maybe," Kimi shrugged, trying to keep it cool.
He sniggered. Kimi straightened herself, suddenly alert. Was he making fun of her? But Kai looked towards the sky-scrapers, pulling one leg on the platform to rest his arm like Kimi did earlier and said.
"You've always been the one starting senseless conversations but now it seems that it's my turn."
Kimi relaxed and laughed with him. She threw her head back, taking a long drag and blew the smoke up the train station's ceiling. The train can arrive at any moment. Does Kai know that as well? She turned her head towards him and saw that he was no longer laughing. Instead, the young man's eyes resumed its emptiness with a hint of sorrow painted in them.
"What's up?" Kimi asked, her heart missing a beat.
Kai took time before answering.
"I owe you an apology," he finally said with much difficulty.
Kimi sat up and stared into his eyes.
"What for?" she asked.
"For tainting you."
Kimi didn't understand what kind of apology this was because part of her job was to be tainted. She disliked that idea that Kai thought that she was a martyr and that he had hurt her in someway. She might be a girl but she was far from weak. Is he a macho or just a loser? Kimi wondered with annoyance.
"I'm not a damsel, you know," she simple said.
She hoped that Kai would notice the bitterness in her tone. She couldn't believe that someone could misunderstand her so. She loved her job. There was nothing to it. She wasn't those who are scared of losing their virginity or taking no risks in life. If only she could tell him that she was a ninja then he'd know not to put her in the category of 'normal girl'.
"You've misunderstood me," Kai replied. "There is something about me that you don't know. That no one knows. I do not pity you but I'm asking your apology because I should have told you before and I shouldn't have used you the way I did. It was dishonest of me."
Kimi couldn't help laughing. Not because of what Kai had said about him carrying a dark secret but by the way he finished his soliloquy. The word 'dishonest' seemed so vulgar to her. Only people who didn't lick kintama for money talked like that. However, Kai mistook her laughter for mockery.
"I guess it's useless," he murmured.
"No, stay."
Kimi caught his wrist and urged him to sit back down. He didn't resist and Kimi couldn't help noticing the annoyance in his eyes. She found that he looked cute when he was annoyed.
"What I'm trying to say is," Kai began, looking down at the rails where a rat was scurrying, "I've been tainted as well."
A sudden fear caught Kimi's heart unexplainably. She caught Kai's arm with her free hand.
"You don't have AIDS, do you?" she inquired.
Kai stared at her in bewilderment.
"No, I was virgin when you… when I met you," he answered.
Kimi felt like a pile of rocks being lifted off her chest. When she came back to her senses, she noticed her hand around Kai's arm. She immediately let it go and turned back into smoking. Kai seeing that she had calmed down, went on.
"What I'm going to tell you now, I've never dreamt of telling anyone before. But since you're involved in my… sexual life, you have the right to know. No, you must know because it won't be fair on you to have sex without knowing why." Kimi wanted to argue but thought better of it. She wasn't looking at Kai but at the train that should come. "I've been living with my grandfather from since I was young because both of my parents have deceased. I loathed the man. I used to be ashamed of it but now it makes more sense to me to hate him." His voice was smooth like wood. Kimi was more attracted by it than what it was saying. Her heart murmured comments but her ears were open only to his voice. She didn't even dare think. "He made me man before I was even a kid. My bedroom was one of the most spacious rooms of the castle but I mostly slept in the cell where prisoners were used to be kept. That was because each time I acted like a child, he would punish me by locking me up without food or drink. I was forced to find a way out myself because he would never come down and open the cage for me. I got better at it the more I was locked up and soon he needed to change cells so that I would be faced with more difficulties. It was a game for him. But all I dreamt of, the nights in those cells, was to murder him. A kid of three was planning for an assassination. He knew it. He knew of my hatred and pushed into the wound until I no longer felt anything.
When I came into age, he subscribed me to every martial arts possible and gave an extra ¥100 000 for my masters who whipped me. At the same time, he made me learn Japanese, Chinese, both Mandarin and Cantonese, English, Latin, Greek, Hebrew, French, German, Russian. Because of him, I studied texts of old Greek politicians and Japanese philosophers before learning about the name of a yellow-hearted white flower people call daisy. But it wasn't enough for him. I was forced to train night and day. It was the worst moment of my existence: my grandfather coached me personally. He didn't allow any mistakes. I was compelled to be perfect. His orders finished by haunting me and become my proper conscience. It had been two years since he was dead but his voice still thunders uncontrollably in my head."
He paused, still keeping his gaze low.
"The story could have stopped there. All the tough trainings he forced me to do were more than enough to turn me into an android. But despite all this physical endurance, he did something much worst. Maybe it was the reason why I've never wanted to enter in contact with anyone. I was afraid to rememorize this past event. I was only four when he came into my bedroom. I knew it was something bad because he never came to see me unless to reprehend me. He said that he had something to give me. I already suspected something since there was nothing in his hands. He approached me, his shadow looming over my small body. His eyes were glistening with maleficent. I sensed an approaching danger. But five years old as I was I couldn't think of what it could be. He caught hold of my waist. Maybe it I hadn't done what I did he wouldn't have gone further. But I was foolish and I struggled. My grandfather smacked me twice on the cheeks. I had learnt not to cry but for a while the pain paralyzed me. He grabbed under my yukata. I felt so disgusted and scared at the same time that I can't believe why I hadn't killed him right then. The thing he did right after was unforgivable. It tainted my future forever. I knew halfly what was to come but in my uncertainty, I didn't stop him. I couldn't have anyway. His hand went inside the folds of my yukata and he touched me. He rejoiced at hurting me and when I tried to struggle again, he hit me harder on the side. I was compelled to watch with horror the wrinkled hand of an old man caressing gruesomely my immature sex. I could never be more disgusted or ashamed. All I wanted then was to die, to disappear from this world. Even though he left me eventually, I could still feel his slime on my tainted sex. I was never able to touch it from that day on and it was always the part that I left out while I take a bath. I never looked at it either, because for me, all I would see was the old hand pulling it.
That can be an explanation why I've rejected every sexual activity. I can never bear to see or to feel someone touching me ever again. It was not only because of this memory resurfacing but also because I am ashamed of owning a tainted sex. Now you may understand why I asked for your apology. I have tainted you with what I have, with my shameful history. But what is done is done and can never be undone."
Kimi knew by the tone of his voice that it was something that had deeply inflected him though she was listening just half through it. What did he do with the girls was all Kimi could think about during the time when Kai spoke. Nonetheless she didn't want him to know that she wasn't listening so she reached out for his face, turning it so that he would look at her. But Kai kept his eyes on the ground. Was he going to cry? She remembered faintly him saying that he didn't know how to cry or something along the line. Kimi duck her finger in a corner of Kai's mouth and forced it open. He resisted mildly and she succeeded in parting his jaws so that his tongue came into view.
"You must be grateful to your grandfather," she said quietly. "For if he didn't do what he did, you won't be the man you've become. And there's no shame in that."
She took her cigarette and knocked it against his front teeth so that the ashes lied on the surface of his tongue. Then with that same hand, Kimi shut it.
"There, I've tainted you too," she said proudly.
Kai kept his mouth in the same position that Kimi had put it but now his eyes were able to meet hers. The prostitute gave him a wide smile which she hoped was encouraging. The sun had gone from the sky.
The high school couple got up from the platform and walked hand in hand towards the motorcycle. Kimi wrapped her arms around Kai's torso and laid her head against his shoulder as he sped across the streets of Tokyo, the wind tailing behind them.
kintama: golden balls
I kinda give my hypothesis about why Kai became the teenager he is. Okay I seriously don't think Voltaire is a pedophile but Kai seems to be a very strange and mysterious character so he must be hiding a horrible past. Since this story is rather porn, I decided to make him a victim of his grandfather's desire, but if we follow the series I guess that the training Boris gave him was enough to traumatize him for the rest of his life. That is why I find it hard to imagine Kai as an ordinary guy. I think he's more of a conservative, philosophical kiknd of guy, much more mature than others. That's why he's not so into sex and everything. Well, that's my point of view of things...
I hope you saw through the metaphor of the motorcycle. It seems pretty obvious to me... I'm so bad at concealment XD
