Meredith sighed in relief as she backed slowly out of Katie's room a week later. Derek was at the hospital and she had the day off, and the little girl had finally agreed to go down for a nap. Dan had gone down about an hour before, which meant that Meredith had at least an hour before either of her kids woke up. And she knew just what she would do to occupy her time.
With a smile, Meredith slipped into the guest room at the end of the hall, opening the closet and slipping a white garment bag out of the back. She slowly unzipped it and pulled the soft white cotton dress out, fingering the material for a moment before she slowly stepped out of her clothes and slid the dress over her head, stepping in front of the mirror with a wide smile.
She never thought she would be this girl, standing in front of the mirror and smiling widely as the knee length wedding dress swirled around her. But since Lexie had taken her shopping a week after Christmas to find the perfect dress for her and Derek's wedding in June, she had found herself sneaking into the guest room to try on the dress. Derek didn't even know the dress existed, and she wanted to keep it that way, but she couldn't help picturing how he would react when she walked towards him on their wedding day.
She knew it was kind of stupid to be this excited about a wedding to a man that she had been married to for three years, but she and Derek had never had a ceremony, and there was a part of her that apparently was a girly girl who dreamed of the perfect wedding to the love of her life.
Their wedding ceremony was scheduled for June, and hopefully no one would get hit by a bus or be in a coma so that the wedding could actually happen and they would have a real anniversary. They had never celebrated an anniversary because Meredith was always haunted by the memories of it being the same day that two of her good friends had been taken away, and she wanted that. She wanted to have one night a year when she could go out to dinner with her husband and celebrate being together for another year and then go home to have a night of wild sex.
The front door opened and closed, and she quickly pulled the dress over her head, shoving it back into the garment bag and into the closet, tugging her sweater over her head just as her husband's footsteps met the top of the stairs. "Mer?" his voice called. "Where are you?"
"Hey," she smiled as she stepped out of the guest room, making a mental note to move the dress. He was going to know that something was up, and snoop in there next time he was alone in the house.
"Hey," he greeted her, leaning in to kiss her. "What are you doing in there? I can't even remember the last time we were in there."
"Oh you know, just checking things out," Meredith shrugged. "Seeing which room would be best for Dan to move into when he's ready to move out of the nursery. Rough ideas or whatever."
"Huh," Derek nodded.
"How was your surgery?" Meredith asked.
"Long," Derek sighed. "We're going to have to go back in tomorrow morning if the patient survives the night."
"I'm sorry," Meredith frowned, her hand moving through his hair. "I knew it didn't look good."
"It's okay," Derek sighed. "But I could use some cheering up. Care for some cocooning, Dr. Shepherd?"
"I just got them down for a nap," Meredith sighed as she followed him into the bedroom. "So no screaming."
"Fine," Derek nodded. "I guess that means no bendy thing. And I know how much you love the bendy thing."
"I like sex even when you don't do the bendy thing," Meredith nodded, pulling her sweater over her head.
"I know," Derek laughed, shrugging out of his jacket. "And I like sex even when you don't do the tongue thing."
"Hmmm," Meredith breathed, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kissed him deeply. "Did you talk to Mark?"
"Okay, are you trying to turn me off?" Derek frowned as he pulled back to look at her. "Talking about Mark when we're about to have sex? You should know that won't get me up."
"Sorry," Meredith giggled. "I was just thinking that we were promised a weekend free of kids so we can ravish each other for forty eight hours. But if you're not interested…" she trailed off as she rubbed herself against him.
"I seem to recall that," Derek laughed. "And I did talk to him. He said that he and Lex can pick them up on day care on Thursday if we pick them up from their house on Sunday morning."
"That sounds perfect," Meredith smiled. "Maybe on my way home from work on Wednesday I'll stop at the mall and pick up some…things. For our sexy weekend together."
"Things?" Derek asked, and she giggled as she felt his erection pressing against her stomach.
"Sexy things," Meredith promised before she leaned up to press her lips against his in a slow, sexy kiss.
"Hmmm," Derek moaned, turning into a groan as his cell phone rang loudly from his pocket.
"Don't answer it," Meredith ordered, her hips moving against his as she pressed her lips against his.
"Definitely not," Derek shook his head, reaching to turn his phone off before tossing it onto the night stand. "Where were we?"
"Here," Meredith giggled, pushing him onto the bed and standing at the foot, shimmying her hips as she slowly unbuttoned her jeans. She slowly started to unzip them when her own phone rang loudly from the night table. "What the hell?" she groaned. "We're trying to have sex here."
"It's just Liz," Derek shrugged as he pressed ignore. "Keep going. I like getting live shows from you."
Before Meredith could continue, their house phone rang and she sighed as she reached for the cordless that sat on his side of the bed. "Hello?" she asked, trying to ignore Derek's hand that snaked between her legs.
"Meredith," Liz's voice came choked from the other end of the line. "Is Derek there? I need to talk to Derek."
"Yeah, he's right here," Meredith frowned as she sat down on the bed, pushing Derek's wandering hands out of the way. "Are you okay?"
"No," Liz whispered. "Mom…she just had a heart attack."
"What?" Meredith breathed, reaching for Derek's hand. "Is she okay?"
"I don't know," Liz sighed. "We're all here, in the waiting room. Nance works here, she's trying to find something out, but we can't find anything, and we just…Derek should know."
"I'll tell him," Meredith nodded, tears filling her eyes. She had only known Carolyn Shepherd for three years, but in that time she had been more of a mother to Meredith than Ellis ever had been. "Call us whenever you hear anything, okay?"
"Okay," Liz sniffled. "Tell him we love him."
"I will," Meredith whispered, pushing the off button on the phone and slowly hanging it up again, staring at the wall for a moment before she turned to her husband with tear filled eyes.
"Mer," Derek frowned, reaching for her hand. "What is it?"
"It's…Mom," Meredith whispered.
Derek's eyes filled with fear, and he sat up quickly. "Is she okay?" he asked.
"She had a heart attack," Meredith whispered, squeezing his hand tightly. "They're working on her right now, but Derek…they don't know what's going to happen."
"Oh," Derek whispered, staring down at his hands for a moment before he looked up at her, tears filling his eyes. "Meredith…"
"It's okay," Meredith whispered, pulling him into her arms and gently stroking his hair. "You can cry, Derek."
"I can't," Derek whispered, pulling himself out of his arms. "I have to be there."
"Derek, she's in New York," Meredith frowned as she watched him move towards the door, following him down the stairs and into his office where his lap top was plugged in.
"I know, I have to be there," Derek said, typing quickly to bring up the airline page. "We have to be there. She'll want the kids there."
"Derek," Meredith whispered.
"Mer, you should go pack," Derek nodded without pulling his eyes off of the screen. "There's a flight at five tonight."
"It's two thirty, Derek."
"We can take the red eye," Derek said.
"We can go tomorrow morning," Meredith whispered, gently closing his lap top and sliding onto his lap. "Cry."
"How are we going to tell Dan and Katie?" Derek asked. "Or…Dan doesn't really understand, but we have to tell Katie something. She's way too little to understand death."
"No one's dying, Derek Christopher," Meredith said firmly. "Please, we can go first thing tomorrow morning. I want to be there too. But we can't just drag the kids out of bed and fly them all the way across the country."
"You're right," Derek whispered, tears filling his eyes. "Meredith, what am I going to do if she dies?"
Meredith swallowed hard. She needed to be strong right now, her husband needed her to be strong and so would her children when they woke up from their naps. But she was just as scared as he was. "It will be awful," Meredith whispered. "She's an amazing mother, and it will be terrible. But she's had a wonderful life, Derek."
"But when my dad…" Derek shook his head slightly. "It destroyed us, Mer. For years, no one was the same as they are now."
"I know," Meredith sighed. "But that…your dad was only thirty five. He was young, and he was taken in an awful, horrible way. Your mom has lived to see all of her children grow up and be happy, to have their own families and spoil her grandchildren. And God forbid if this is her time to go, then at least she'll be back with your dad again, right?"
"But she won't be here," Derek whispered. "God Mer. I hurt her so badly when I moved out here. And I don't regret a minute of it, I love living here, I love our life. But I hate that I have to go so long without seeing my family."
"I know," Meredith sighed, leaning in to press a kiss to his temple. "I'm sure she'll be fine, Derek. She's completely healthy, and she probably just needed to slow down. You know Mom."
Derek smiled slightly. "I do know Mom," he said. "She goes a mile a minute."
"I know," Meredith giggled. "She probably just needs to slow down, but she won't do it until anyone is forcing her."
"And now everyone is going to force her," Derek nodded.
Before Meredith could respond the phone rang loudly, and Derek tightened his arms around her waist. "Derek," she whispered after the third ring, reaching for the phone.
"No," he said, grabbing the phone out of her hand. "I have to do this."
He took a deep breath as he answered the phone, holding it up to his ear. "Hello…Hi Kath…what? No, I know…yeah…okay…of course we're going to come out. We're leaving first thing in the morning…because we have two babies in the house. Yeah, I'll call you when we land. I love you too…bye."
"What happened?" Meredith whispered as Derek slowly lowered the phone to rest on the desk.
"She's in recovery," Derek whispered. "She still hasn't woken up, but they're expecting her to be conscious in the next couple hours."
"Oh," Meredith breathed, her body relaxing into his. "Oh."
"She'll be okay, Mer," Derek whispered, burying his face in her hair. "She'll be okay."
"We're still going, right?" Meredith asked. "We have to be there with her."
"Definitely," Derek nodded. "I have to be there for her. She was here for me every time I was sick, it's my turn to return the favor."
"And she was amazing when you were in your coma," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes. "We have to be there for her."
"We will," Derek nodded.
"We should go pack," Meredith said, moving to get off of his lap. "The kids will be up soon and they're going to have questions."
"No," Derek whispered, pulling her back into his arms and burying his face in her hair. "I need you. Just for a minute…I need this."
"I need this too," Meredith whispered softly, leaning into him. They were silent for several moments, holding each other tightly before she broke the silence and whispered, "I love you."
"I love you too," Derek whispered, pressing his lips to the soft spot where her neck met her shoulder. "So much."
Meredith was quiet for a moment before she whispered, "Derek?"
"Hmmm?"
"If anything…if I ever get hit by a bus or have a heart thing or something," Meredith whispered. "You need to do everything you can. Because I know how scary it is to be the person who has to decide, and I want them to do everything they can't. Like the ferry boat accident, because if they had given up…"
"You'd be dead," Derek choked slightly on the words.
"I'll be dead," Meredith whispered. "And we wouldn't have this. Dan and Katie wouldn't exist, and we would never have even made it into a functional relationship. So if it ever happens again."
"I'll make sure no one gives up," Derek said. "I don't want to live without you, Meredith Shepherd."
"Good," Meredith sighed, letting him hold her tightly to him for one last moment before she stood and walked towards the door. "We should pack. And stop by to get some fresh Starbucks for Mom to keep in her house, you know how much she loves it."
"Yeah," Derek sighed as he followed her. "She hasn't seen Dan since he was born."
"She'll be very surprised at how big he is," Meredith nodded. "He's sitting up all by himself."
"And talking," Derek said as he pulled a suitcase down from the top shelf of their closet.
"He's not talking," Meredith rolled her eyes.
"He said Daddy the other day," Derek nodded firmly.
"When he says dada, he's not saying Daddy," Meredith giggled. "He's babbling."
"Babbling my name," Derek nodded.
"Idiot," Meredith rolled her eyes, but she was glad to see that he was laughing and being as much as himself as possible right now. His mother was lying unconscious all the way across the country, recovering after a heart attack, and he was still able to joke around. Three years ago she knew he would already be at the airport, but now he was more rational, he understood that he couldn't hide from her anymore, even if he wanted to hide from the rest of the world. And somehow that was okay.
"When was the last time you talked to her?"
"What?" Meredith asked, looking up from her dresser drawer to see her husband leaning against the door to their walk in closet, arms crossed over his chest as he looked down at her with incredibly vulnerable eyes.
"I haven't talked to her in over a week," Derek whispered. "I was trying to balance everything, and Katie wasn't sleeping, so I just…kept saying I'd do it tomorrow. But now there still might not be a tomorrow."
"She's alive, Derek," Meredith said softly.
"I know," Derek said. "But what if…what if she doesn't wake up from the coma? Or if something happens to her while we're in the air?"
"Kathleen said everything was okay, right?" Meredith asked.
"Yeah, but…things happen, Mer," Derek whispered. "You know that."
"I know that your mother is one of the most stubborn women I've ever met," Meredith said, straightening to wrap her arms around him. "And I know that she's going to fight like hell to make sure that she's around to watch our kids grow up."
"She's not even that old," Derek whispered, a hand moving to stroke her long hair.
"And completely healthy," Meredith nodded. "I bet by the time we get to the hospital she'll be demanding to leave the hospital and trying to take the IV out herself."
"That sounds like Mom," Derek laughed slightly. "She thinks she knows so much about medicine because she gave birth to five doctors."
"And raised Mark," Meredith nodded.
"You really think she'll be okay?" Derek asked softly.
"Derek, if there's one thing I've learned from your mother, it's that she has strong faith," Meredith said. "And sometimes…sometimes you have to rely on faith instead of medicine."
"That doesn't sound like you," Derek frowned.
"I know I'm not religious or anything," Meredith whispered. "But remember what I told you about when I was dead?"
"Denny," Derek whispered.
"He convinced me to go home to you," Meredith said. "And your mom has a lot stronger faith than I do, so I honestly think she'll make it."
"If she sees Dad…I don't think she'll want to come back," Derek whispered. "I wouldn't, if I saw you."
"We don't know how the brain works in a coma," Meredith whispered. "All we can do is hope."
"It feels so useless," Derek sighed, freezing when the phone rang from his bedside table. They paused for a moment before Derek reached for it slowly. "Hello?" he asked, his eyes widening before he turned to Meredith. "It's Mom," he said simply.
