46 – A True Sage
Life goes on, right? It took a while until I realized that that was true for me as well. I felt so vulnerable and weak after what Ascada had done to me. It was obvious that I wouldn't live this down in a matter of weeks but I would have never thought it to be so hard. Everyone around me was ready to do anything for me and get me anything I needed but that just made me feel more like the emotional cripple that I was.
My mood would swing from depression to fury at why this had happened to me and all through it Oliver was by my side, enduring whatever feelings I was going through. He and Hobblestone were real sweethearts to me even though I didn't deserve it because I was acting like a bitter victim of the oh-so cruel world. The scars on my arms were a constant reminder of the cruelty I had had to tolerate as Ascada's prisoner. But whenever Oliver kissed my scars carefully he showed me that I could pull through all the nightmares and the constant paranoia I felt.
His love made me feel stronger and more like the person I used to be than the scared, defenseless girl I acted like now and that I tried so very much to suppress. After a month of living in safety I also felt protected enough to act more like myself. I felt horrible for how I had acted around my friends but once again I was the only one blaming myself.
I invited everyone over for dinner. Dana, Leila, Alec, Penny, Bill, Fleur and even Charlie made it over to celebrate my first month in freedom again. Oliver, Alice and Hobblestone assisted me in the kitchen and enjoyed my good mood. "You look so much better." Alice told me, hugging me from behind and kissing my cheek.
I chuckled. "Are you implying that I did not look good at some point in my life? How could you?" I asked of her in a mock offended manner.
"Mistress Katrina did look quite thin." Hobblestone offered timidly. I was always utterly shocked when he talked in a way that made him look like he thought I would beat him when he said the wrong things. I wanted him to feel comfortable at home with us and not like the servant he supposedly was. It was despicable how some people treated elves.
"I know, Hobblestone." I told him, softly patting his back, which was clad in new clothes so that I had technically freed him but he decided to stay anyway.
Oliver kissed my cheek endearingly and said. "Alice is right, you look much more lively than I've seen you look this entire week." One of the hardest things was to open up to Oliver's touch once more, not because I feared his caress but because my body looked absolutely wretched after weeks of abuse. Even I was disgusted with how thin I had gotten but Oliver's eyes still filled with adoration whenever he saw me, which made it easier to get over my condition.
Gaining weight had made me feel more animate and I was sure that I could turn back to a version of myself that was closer to how I had been before, with my body looking more like it used to. "I just feel like I can finally breathe again." I told my strange little family and they all nodded in encouragement.
Our guests started arriving and I honestly enjoyed the buzz going on inside our apartment. I might not take pleasure in crowds but having all my friends around me was a real pleasure and it was nice to feel that there were enough people out there, who cared about me and would help me through anything. With each friend that hugged me and asked how I was doing, I felt my grin broaden on my face.
Charlie pulled me up in a bear hug and twirled me around. "You finally don't look like a ghost anymore." He cheered, straightforwardly.
"And you have a new burn mark." I accused, tracing a scar on his forearm. "You promised me to let me heal you in such a case." I said and punched his arm. He squirmed uncomfortably and the worried expression slid off my face. "I wasn't available, right. Sorry."
"Next time." He told me affectionately and jabbed my side playfully.
Oliver tried very much to not look overly protective from his seat at the kitchen table. He rarely let me out of his sight lately and I noticed his subtle dislike of the elder Weasley. I walked over to him and kissed him softly, startling him. "No need to be jealous, Oliver." I whispered into his ear and a soft blush colored his cheeks as he was caught in the act.
He pulled me down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist possessively and I just laughed at his green-eyed behavior. A soft kiss on my neck made me look at his beaming face and as I took in the content smiles around me I realized that I hadn't honestly laughed in quite a while.
Hobblestone served dinner and everyone eagerly told me what had happened in their lives while I was gone. I was glad to hear that Alec had been offered a job as the assistant coach of a minor league quidditch team and he was very satisfied because they still enjoyed the game for the sake of the game and not competition.
All my other friends were very pleased with their jobs and Charlie entertained us with some more stories about his adventures with the dragons on his reserve. It was after dessert when the attention was turned to someone completely different.
Bill coughed nervously and everyone piped up to turn to the tense young man who pulled Fleur up from her seat and a wild grin spread on my face because I knew what had to happen next. He got down on one knee and looked up in the face of the woman he loved most in the world and she looked at him, blinking in utter surprise. It was quite amusing to watch as realization hit her as Bill asked her. "Fleur, will you marry me?"
"Of course, yes, yes, yes!" She exclaimed flippantly in her soft French accent and applause broke out as she kissed Bill fervently, only pulling back so he could slip the engagement ring on her finger, a silver circlet with a small deep blue stone that matched her eyes perfectly. They looked flawless together, glowing with happiness as they stood before us and let us congratulate them.
I kissed both of Fleur's cheeks when it was my turn and beamed up at her before turning to Bill who pulled me into an endearing hug. "I'm so sorry for delaying the proposal." I told them both. Fleur blinked in surprise and Bill chuckled while he shook his head at me.
"I just couldn't do it without you." He told me, a sad smile on his face as he thought about my captivity without a doubt.
"I'm glad you waited until I could witness this wonderful event." I told him and kissed his cheek as well. He just hugged me again and thanked me for the wonderful meal we had prepared and the perfect opportunity to propose.
Everyone left soon after because I was exhausted and Alice left for her shift at the hospital. I was glad that I had already finished mine today as Hobblestone, Oliver and I cleaned up the table and washed up the dirty dishes. When we were finished Hobblestone excused himself, politely giving us some space.
Oliver pulled me into a soft embrace and I just enjoyed his closeness for several moments, something that I had believed was forever lost to me when Ascada interrogated me. Oliver rested his chin on my head and I could imagine the playful smirk on his face as he said. "Does this mean I will have to buy a ring for you soon enough as well?"
I pulled back in confusion to look up at his face, his arms still wrapped around my hips. "Why would you have to do that?" I asked, a small smile of amusement on my face.
He blinked at me in confusion. "I thought every woman in her right mind would want her man to get down on one knee for her as soon as possible. Your face lit up when you watched Bill propose and you looked so radiantly happy that I just assumed." He explained, nervously.
I just shook my head at him and rested my head on his chest again. "No, I don't think we're ready for that yet. I haven't even thought about marrying with everything that has been going on." I looked up at him in horror. "You're not offended, are you?"
His chuckle told me I could relax and he hugged me closer again. "Of course not. The thought just came to me when Bill made his move on Fleur. Do you think it will last?"
"I hope so." I muttered. Marrying at a young age did seem more than a bit naïve to me but I simply hoped for the best because Bill deserved it. A speck of happiness would give us all some more optimism in the face of war and renewed strength to fight for those we loved.
When I entered Dumbledore's office I was still puzzled about why he had requested my presence. I brought along my medical case in my purple bag just in case because Severus' words still echoed in my mind, telling me that Albus Dumbledore didn't have much time left.
"Professor?" I asked politely, my eyes fixed on Fawkes, the beautiful phoenix that was Dumbledore's constant companion.
"Ah, Katrina. Early as usual." He greeted me with and amused chuckle, gesturing for me to take a seat before his desk while he sat down behind it once again.
"Is there something you need?" I asked him and my scrutinizing gaze fell on his blackened and shriveled hand. I had of course seen worse at the hospital but knowing that this wound would be the death of such a great wizard made it seem more grotesque in my mind.
He blinked in surprise and then burst out laughing, making me stare in amazement. It was impressive how a man on the verge of death could be so cheerful. "I should have known that Severus would trust you with this piece of information." He told me, still chuckling.
I got out my medical case and rounded the table to take care of his hand, applying several salves and giving him the potion that Severus had brewed to contain the poisoning. "Well, it makes sense since I am the only actual healer in the Order." I told him softly, shocked by how serious his condition was.
"I actually ordered you here to talk about how you were doing and not about my disease." He said, compassionately. "So how have you been feeling lately?"
I was still occupied with studying his hand so I answered truthfully without thinking much about what I was saying. "From miserable to irate, I think I've lived through every single emotion there is in the last month but I'm getting better now."
He nodded in sympathetically and uttered. "That's good. I think I couldn't live with myself anymore if another young life was ruined due to my beliefs."
I studied the exhausted man before me curiously before saying. "Without your beliefs there would still be a lot of young people suffering because cruel human beings will always oppress the weak until someone has the guts to say it's enough."
Albus Dumbledore just shook his head, miserable in defeat. "Some sacrifices just seem too spiteful for the supposed good side in this war."
My thoughts immediately jumped to Harry and grief took over my mind as I mumbled. "I'll miss him, too, but he's a good boy and he would want to do what you ask of him no matter the cost."
"Ah, yes." He uttered and to my greatest astonishment tears collected in his sharp blue eyes. "That doesn't make it right to sacrifice his life for the greater good." Even the wisest man crumpled in surrender when he didn't know how else to save the world than to let a boy close to him die. I suddenly felt like I was intruding on a moment I should not be witnessing because I could not imagine Albus Dumbledore in a weak moment.
But I guess sometimes the burden on his shoulders got too heavy even for him to carry on without a spark of sentiment concerning what he had lost in the past. "Professor, I think you're doing what has to be done." I told him, setting my hand on his shoulder reassuringly as I finished up the work on his hand. "Even though I know too much for my own good, I still don't disregard you as a the greatest wizard of our time. I respect your foresight, sir." I told him and walked out of his office with an acknowledging nod in his direction.
I hoped that I might have given him a spark of strength to do what had to be done.
